Rampant: A Divergent FanFiction (Book Two)
by gatubellina
Summary: A year has passed, but in seventeen-year old Sage Stronghold's world, there exists only emptiness and grief. After a tragic loss, he has taken a turn for the worst and changed into that which he never wanted to be; a cold and senseless fighter. With his family and friend's lives on the line, he has no other choice than to follow the orders he's given without hesitation.
1. Blurb

_"Candor… Be bold enough to follow the truth wherever it may lead you. Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty, truth, and compassion against injustice, lying, and cruelty. If people all over the world could do this, it would change the earth."_

" _Dishonesty is rampant…"_

A year has passed, but in seventeen-year old Sage Stronghold's world, there exists only emptiness and grief. After a tragic loss, he has taken a turn for the worst and changed into that which he never wanted to be; a cold and senseless fighter. With his family and friend's lives on the line, he has no other choice than to follow the orders he's given without hesitation.

Under the supervision and strict mandate of Banks, he has been sent on various expeditions to gather information and samples from the factionless; for what purpose, he doesn't know. He doesn't care. To avoid further blood-shed, he has let himself become but a pawn in this new game of life; existing only to facilitate whatever plans Banks may have in store.

He knows something bad is coming.

Something that could affect everyone's way of life.

But will he act?

Fighting a tumultuous inner-battle, he's torn between making the decision between right or wrong. As things begin to worsen, he stands balanced on a precipice, about to fall one way or the other; will he continue to live in compliant servitude, or will he dare to risk it all to find out the truth? Everything seems bleak and hopeless, that is, until he meets _her_. Kind and gentle, but with an edge of mystery, this new transfer-initiate is about to turn his world upside-down.

The truth sets you free.

Or is that a lie of its own?

COMPLETED.

A SEQUEL TO TRANSPARENT: A DIVERGENT FANFICTION (BOOK ONE)

PREQUEL: SET BEFORE DIVERGENT / INSURGENT / ALLEGIANT EVENTS


	2. Prologue

Prologue: Danny "Dan" Gallows P.O.V.

 _It's surprising just how fast a person can transform. Even as I watch Sage day in and day out, I still can't wrap my head around it. It's been almost a year, but that time seems to have done nothing to lessen my best friend's grief, not even slightly. He's not the same, and though I try to understand him, I feel like there is more behind the way he's been acting than what meets the eye._

 _The change was quick and without warning. One moment he was the boy I'd grown up with my entire life, my brother, and now he is this; practically a stranger with secrets I can't even begin to guess. I watch him closely now, as his listless eyes stare out into the distance. No, not the distance, they stare in the direction of the chasm; he's thinking about Randi again._

" _Sage, did you hear me?" I repeat when he doesn't respond._

" _Hmm?"_

" _I asked if you're going to come with me and the guys tonight. Finn found some old fireworks in one of the abandoned buildings they were scouting and they're going to see if they work."_

" _Oh," he says distractedly._

 _He furrows his brow in thought, but as the seconds pass, I realize he's not here with me, not mentally anyway. I wish I could be angry at him for acting this way, for not trusting me enough to tell me what's going on with him, but I can't; all I feel is worry and a deep concern for him._

 _I want to help him, but I can't if he won't talk to me. I know he's keeping things from me, big things, but whenever I try to approach the subject he shuts down. I can practically see the invisible wall shoot up; his face goes slack, free of emotion, and his voice becomes bored and monotone. It makes it impossible for me to read him._

 _I miss the days when I never had to try. I knew what Sage was thinking without even having to be in the same room as him. Now, with him but a foot away, I don't have the slightest clue as to his state of emotions. Is he angry, sad, bored, pensive? Damn it, I don't even know if he's hungry or just eating because I dragged him in here._

 _"Yeah fireworks, and then tomorrow we were going to head over to the abnegation sector of the city and streak across the streets in broad daylight. You know, stark naked, as god intended us to be." I test him._

 _"That's cool," he says, lowering his head as he takes a bite of his toast. I snatch it away and he snaps his head up in surprise._

 _"Yes, yes it would be cool to run around in the nude, but that's not what you heard was it?" I demand, poking a finger in his direction. "What's wrong with you, have you heard anything I've said?"_

 _"Nothing is wrong with me," he says; again in that completely nonchalant tone._

 _I immediately note that he hasn't answered the second part of my question. I want to throttle him, to shake him and make him tell me what he's hiding, but I resist. I sit back down and cross my arms, frowning at him. It's quiet for a few seconds, and then I watch as Sage's shoulders slump and he gives me an apologetic grin._

 _"I'm sorry, I've just been distracted," he explains, running a hand absently through his hair._

 _"Really? I couldn't tell," I say sarcastically, though I can't help but smirk. "What's on your mind Sage? Tell me now, or your toast will meet its doom," I threaten as I wave the piece of bread closer to my mouth._

 _He smiles wanly, shaking his head at my joke, and in my mind I give a little cheer. A weak grin is about all anyone can get out of him these days. Come to think of it, I haven't heard him laugh since–_

 _"Oh crap," I mutter when my brain connects two and two. "Sage, I'm sorry, I didn't realize how close it was to…" I trail off, unwilling to finish my sentence._

 _In a matter of days it'll be close to this year's Choosing Ceremony, which means we'll be closer to the date when Randi decided to take her own life. That's what they say anyway; that she was depressed, that she couldn't handle the pressure, that it all became too much for her and she decided to end it. I don't believe it, and from the looks of Sage, I don't think he does either._

 _His face contorts for an instant, filled with anger and regret, but just as it appears, it is gone the next second. I know better though; I know he's going to be thinking more of her each and every day, up until the date of her actual death. He sighs and stares back down at his still-full tray of food, then he shoves it towards me._

 _"I'm not very hungry," he says as he gets up. He begins to leave, but at the last moment he turns and tries to smile again. "Though that streaking plan sounds good, I'm going to have to pass on scarring the minds of all those young abnegation kids. I have a busy night ahead of me."_

 _I don't have a chance to respond, because the next second he's out of view and gone from the cafeteria. I can see the path he left behind; people always make way for him now, too afraid to get on his bad side, though I don't understand why. Even though he has been hiding a lot from me, and he's distant and changed, I know that deep down he's still the same guy that would never hurt an innocent person._

 _Okay, so I guess I can sort of understand; his reputation precedes him. Maybe if I didn't know him as well as I do, I might also fall into the belief that he was a dangerous person to affiliate with. First jumper, number one in all of our stages of initiation, his unmatched time in the simulations, and the never-ending series of wins as a fighter have definitely helped make him seem unapproachable. After he made a name for himself as an undefeated brawler down at The Cage, risked his life in a series of stunts purely out of boredom, and became Banks' right hand man, Sage's name had become quite well known around the dauntless community._

 _But that's all it is; nothing but a name, they don't know him like I do._

 _I finish my breakfast and then head towards the Pit. From there, I walk to the tattoo shop where I work. Tori smiles at me, and I gratefully try to concentrate only on my work. I lose myself in my drawings, and when it's time to tattoo someone, I make sure to give them the best I have to offer._

 _Even this can't keep me distracted enough though; my brain continues to flit back to Sage, Randi, Banks, and the chasm. Somehow, I can't help but feel that they're all connected. As the last client leaves, I head over to the desk where I keep my drawings and rummage around the top drawer until I find what I'm looking for._

 _I sit, analyzing the first drawing I ever made that was turned into a tattoo, and not just for anyone, but for Sage. I look at the tree, the shading, and how it's made up of different elements: I remember how he described it to me, how excited he'd seemed, so full of hope. Nothing like how he is now. Somehow, as I continue to stare at the drawing, I can't help but have a feeling of deja-vu; not simply because I was the one to draw it, but because it reminds me of something. Something I can't quite put my finger on._

" _What's wrong Dan?" I hear Tori ask from across the room. She's cleaning her equipment, and I can see she's curious. "You seem sort of sidetracked today."_

" _Just thinking," I say. Then, because all the gloom and worries are getting to me and I simply can't function that way, I quickly shift my mood. "Why? Have I been doing an awful job?" I ask in mock horror. "Has a client been unsatisfied with my work?"_

" _Yes, awful indeed," Tori smirks; playing along. "Why I might just have to fire you."_

" _No!" I wail; throwing an arm over my face in an attempt to appear shamed. "You wouldn't!"_

" _You goof," Tori snickers and rolls her eyes in my direction. "No, I'm only kidding. I don't think anyone would be dissatisfied with the work you put out."_

" _Hah, that's true," I agree with a laugh. "I am quite amazing if I do say so myself. Why, if you fired me, you'd have a revolt on your hands. Yes ma'am there'd be anarchy."_

" _Have I ever mentioned how incredibly modest you are?" she says sarcastically._

" _No, but I'm glad you've mentioned it now. Better late than never," I say, turning back to my drawing. "I'm also going pretend I heard you say I'm incredibly smart and dashing," I add, watching Tori struggle to not laugh._

 _My good mood slowly wicks out of me though, because though I just can't imagine it, I have to admit I'm afraid. It seems to me that Sage has been growing more daring each time he tries a new stunt, and it's not in a good sense; it's as if he's not just taunting death, but searching for it._

 _I shudder. No, Sage would never do what Randi supposedly did. He might be acting different and detached from life, but that doesn't mean he'd be quick to toss it out the window, right? He couldn't do that to his mom and Mara, not to me._

 _My heart beats faster as I cast a look at the calendar on my wall. The Choosing Ceremony, the three stages of initiation, and then that last day of the rankings; the day his life changed and he lost Randi. I feel a steely resolve fill my mind and heart; I won't let it happen, I won't lose my friend._

 _Sage can't die._

 _He has to find something that'll give him hope._

 _He has to find a reason to live again._


	3. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Her eyes, they were icy, hollow, and completely vacant; as if they'd never held an ounce of life within their depths. At the same time, however, they were full of many unspoken words that were thick with meaning. I could feel rather than hear them, asking why? Why didn't I leave her alone? Why did I have to sentence her to a certain death? She'd been so young, with such a bright future and great things ahead of her. Why, why, _why_?

If I'd only been stronger. If _only_ …

But it was too late now.

"I'm _sorry_ Randi, I'm so sorry. _Please_ , forgive me," I tried to say, but as soon as the words came out the wind carried them away.

My apologies dissipated until all that was left was a ragged and broken moan coming from my lips; as if _I_ were the corpse trying to speak, and not the other way around. The ghost of her memory raised a hand towards me, and without hesitation I reached forward in an attempt to grasp her fingers. I blinked, and suddenly she was much farther than I'd realized.

I strode forward, but somehow, the faster I moved the more her body seemed to float away from me. Subconsciously, a little voice in my head reminded me that this wasn't real, that it was a nightmare; the same one I'd been having for practically a year.

I didn't care. I wanted to see her, _needed_ to remember, even if it was only possible through a dream.

 _Sage_ ; her blue-tinted lips breathed softly, willing me to keep going. I sprinted; stumbling to a stop when my foot seemed to be caught on some unseen obstacle.

I looked down, but there was nothing but dead grass and crushed leaves.

 _Sage_ ; she crooned again, and it was always at this point that the nightmare would take a turn for the worst. I knew what was coming, but even with that knowledge, I couldn't bear to look away from her remains.

The moonlight shone eerily down onto her gray-green bones, casting obscure shadows in the depths of her black, empty eye sockets. Her skeletal grin, frozen in place, was more like a grimace. I was frozen; not daring to move lest she disappear completely. Her teeth chattered at me, and though it was an impossibility, I could somehow hear the accusations behind the gesture.

 _You did this to me._

Against my will, my body moved, reached towards her; and just as my fingers seemed like they would graze her, the scene shattered.

I awoke with a gasp, my body drenched in sweat and my limbs numb from the lack of use. Awake, I was awake, it hadn't been real.

A deep ache throbbed in my lower back, and as I blinked, I realized I again hadn't made it to my room the previous night. I shifted and then winced when my head began to pound. Around me, there was a series of empty beer bottles, some shattered, and others cracked. They were strewn about close to my feet, but also farther down the dark tunnel.

I frowned, somewhat disoriented, but upon further inspection I knew I was at least in the right hallway. For some reason, I always seemed to lose consciousness around this area. I supposed it had to do with the fact that the space was usually deserted.

Upon wrapping up the celebration of our initiation and the _supposed_ funeral the dauntless had given Randi, we'd all been taken to a series of tunnels that were just north of the Pit. There, we'd been shown and offered housing in the vacant apartments. I'd opted to go last, and had eventually picked a room in the southern wing of the dauntless compound. Why? Simply because the southern region was the least populated area.

I didn't want neighbors; I wanted to be completely and absolutely _alone_. My grief was cold, nothing to share, nothing to speak about.

It had worked out perfectly in the end. I was rarely ever interrupted when in the privacy of my home. I also never had any unexpected visits, because people weren't likely to just stumble into the ruins of where I lived. Due to its unpolished appearance, roughly-walled tunnels and precarious steps, there wasn't exactly a demand for housing in this part of the compound.

I stood, having to wait a bit as the circulation began to pump through my numb legs. I couldn't be sure what time it was, but I knew it had to me somewhere along the lines of early morning. My body had long-ago grown accustomed to the rigorous schedule I'd chosen. My heart throbbed painfully in my chest, and as I stared at my hands, I could see they continued to tremble.

 _Randi, Randi, Randi_ ; a grieving voice chanted in my head.

Her memory was sharp, like a knife to the ribs, and for an instant I was overcome. I stooped over, my hands on my knees, and struggled to pull in a full breath of air. She'd been so close.

Even though the pain stabbed and ravaged the inner-most parts of my soul, I grit my teeth and forced myself to get it together. Even that day, which was so long ago but still somehow felt like yesterday, I hadn't allowed myself to cry. Somehow, childishly, I figured that allowing those tears to show would've been an admission that she was really gone, and I just wasn't ready for that.

Once I felt like I could move without falling flat on my face, I turned and made my way down the rest of the corridor and to my room. As I approached, I could see that the door was open a crack, and so I paused to listen. It was quiet, and after a half-second debate, I allowed myself to waltz in; if there was really someone in there, I'd deal with them swiftly.

There were no signs that anyone was inside, and after I spared a second to glance around the place, I assumed that everything must still be there. Not that it mattered, I didn't have anything of value that could be taken; the place had a sparse amount of furniture, and my drawers were filled with the average and completely replaceable black attire of the dauntless. The only things I treasured in this godforsaken place were the ring my mother had given me, which hung on a chain around my neck, and the leather jacket I wore that had belonged to my father.

More likely than not, I'd probably forgotten to shut the door entirely on my way out yesterday. Kicking off my boots, I began to make my way to the small adjoined kitchen when I froze. I could hear the sound of rummaging, and as I craned my head to get a better look, I saw that the door to the refrigerator was open. Someone, distinctly male, was hunched forward and muttering to himself.

 _Banks_ ; my mind cried out in alarm, and it was all I could do not to turn around and sneak back where I'd come from.

" _Hmm_ , nasty, gross, expired, moldy–" I heard the voice mumble, "–smelly, squishy, oh hello there Mr. Juice-box." All at once I could feel myself relax.

"Dan, what are you doing?" I sighed as I padded over to the counter near the fridge and then hopped up onto one of the bar stools.

"Trying to raid your fridge," he said as he poked his head above the door. He wrinkled his nose. " _Trying_ being the key word, seriously man, some of this furry-stuff looks like it could literally get up and walk out of here. Why don't you have any real food?"

"Maybe that's my plan," I replied. "Thwarting food thieves one moldy piece of bread at a time."

"Mission accomplished then," he said as he continued to delve farther back into the shelves.

"You won't find anything," I warned, but I could see he was determined.

"We'll see about that." After a few more minutes, I heard him chuckle, and then saw as he righted himself. He shut the door to the refrigerator. "Jackpot," he crowed as he took a seat next to me. "Yum, yum, nothing like little boxes of fruit punch and yogurt to start the day," he said sarcastically.

"Maybe I was saving that stuff for a special occasion."

"There is a living, _breathing_ , human in your mess of an apartment, this is a special occasion," Dan joked as he poked the small straw into his juice.

"Wait, when you passed by the hallway, didn't you see me?"

"That I did good sir," he responded as he slurped on his straw noisily. "That I did."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"Wake you?" he scoffed, and then held up his fingers. "A, you haven't slept in days and I thought it'd be a good idea to let you finally rest, B, asleep you finally stop frowning and seem peaceful, C, I've seen how you wake up and I'd rather not start my day off with a bottle of beer to the face, D, I didn't actually think you would wake up if I tried, _dude_ , you seemed comatose–"

"Dan," I tried to interrupt, but he only spoke louder.

"–E, if the before mentioned D was true, I don't think I would've been able to carry you since you weigh a ton, F, I think I pulled a muscle jazz-ercizing last week, so if I did try to lift you I'm pretty sure that would've been damaging to my health–"

"Do you plan on going through the whole alphabet?"

"–G, I figured once you woke up you'd know your way back to your _own_ home, H, I know you always leave your door open, and I, well, _I_ was just feeling rather lazy."

I smirked and reached over to tousle his shaggy hair, and then I snatched one of the cups of yogurt he'd salvaged. Actually, other than Grace, Dan was the only other person who was here just as often as me. Though he didn't say it aloud, and he was rarely ever completely serious, I could see he worried about me.

After Randi's death, I hadn't been oblivious to the looks I'd gotten. Everyone had known we were more than close friends, and thus, they all had their own opinion on what had happened. They ranged from pity, shame, suspicion, and even resentment.

Ava, along with a few others, hadn't needed explanations to quickly suspect that I'd had something to do with Randi's demise. I was the criminal they blamed for her apparent suicide. They were right of course, but not in the way they guessed.

Though few people still talked or even remembered the incident, the original story that had been said was this; that Randi hadn't been able to deal with all the pressure of initiation and that she'd decided to end her own life my jumping off of the chasm.

That's what _had_ been said, but as people stopped to consider the information and gossip, the reason had quickly changed. It was completely and undoubtedly illogical for her to end it for that reason; she'd made it in, she was an official member, the hard part was over.

Eventually, the new story that had circulated was that, _me_ ; first-jumper, number-one ranked, dare-devil, heart-breaking Sage, had played with Randi's feelings and when she'd found out, she'd been so furious and overcome with emotion that she'd pitched herself over the chasm out of shame. In other versions, it was me who'd pushed her over because I didn't want others to find out about my alleged _cheating_ ways.

Either way, I had been under the eye and scrutiny of my peers for a long time; both out of worry for what I'd do to myself, and because of suspicions that I'd cajole another innocent-hearted girl into my web of lies. I hadn't minded it at all; I wanted people to stay away. I couldn't afford to make friends, not when it meant their lives would end up in danger.

"So, what do you think?" Dan prompted.

I blinked; I hadn't realized he'd stopped chattering. I scrounged around inside of my head for something to say that wouldn't make me seem like the jerk I was acting like. I ended up settling with the oh-so-original line of; "Not sure, what do _you_ think?"

Dan either didn't notice my previous lack of attention, or he was deciding to ignore it.

"With my _unmatched_ problem-solving skills and talent for accurate deduction, I suspect there won't be many transfers from dauntless," he answered in his joking, overly-dramatic scientific tone.

I felt another pang, square in the region of my heart, and I had to resist the urge to double over in agony. The _date_ , it was the date that was killing me. Tomorrow, it would be exactly a year ago that I'd rescued Randi from that metal structure that stood in front of the school. It was the day I'd first stumbled into her life and permanently ruined it.

My pained expression must've given me away, even though I'd tried to hide it, because when Dan continued to talk, I immediately noticed the change in his voice. The tone was much more cheerful and enthusiastic than it needed to be, and I could see he was using his hands a lot to explain things; he did that when he was nervous.

"I know, without a doubt, that Iris and Felix won't transfer," he continued to babble. "And Jude's little brother Wayne, he has dauntless written all over him."

I nodded, and forced a wan smile onto my features. "Yeah, that's for sure. I don't know about some of the others though, there's a few that don't seem cut to stay here."

Dan nodded, and I could see relief wash through him. It was so easy to read his expressions; it was through him that I was able to tell if I was acting my part correctly, or if I was letting my dark thoughts get the better of me. From the looks of it, currently I wasn't doing a very good job fooling him.

"So how did those fireworks turn out yesterday?" I asked to change the subject.

"Duds," Dan sighed dejectedly. "Tried everything, but we got zilch, nothing, nada, negativo senor."

I grinned and shook my head as I finished off the rest of my food. "And the streaking?"

"Well, we decided it would be downright messed up if we did that without you," he snorted. "But if you manage to free up your schedule, I assure you we're all game for it."

I nodded and then peered at my watch absently. "Speaking of schedule," I remarked when I realized I was late. "I have to get going, The Cage opens in fifteen minutes and I don't want to be late."

"Yeah, who in their _right_ _mind_ would want to miss out on having their face beaten to a pulp," I heard Dan mutter sarcastically under his breath; he wasn't exactly a fan of my chosen profession.

Since I'd been ranked first in all of the stages of initiation, and I'd gotten unmatched times in the fear simulations, I'd had the honor of choosing whatever career it was that I wanted. I'd even been offered a position as an entrepreneur to Max, so that when a space opened up I'd be able to be one of the new dauntless leaders.

I didn't hesitate to turn him down. Then per Banks' orders to lay low, and my own desires to suffer through the pain I felt I deserved, I'd chosen to be a fighter. Every day of the week, though it wasn't required, I battled it out with some of the most hardened dauntless members this place had to offer. Though it was a rare occurrence that I'd ever leave the ring unscathed, I still never felt like I'd received a worthy enough punishment for my sins.

I began to stand and reach for my jacket when I felt Dan's hand whack me on the shoulder.

"Dude, where are you going?"

"The Cage," I repeated; somewhat confused.

"Looking like that?" Dan asked; raising a brow dubiously. "Man, don't take this the wrong way, but you smell like a hobo that decided to take a dip in a pool filled with beer."

I peered down at myself and was about to argue when Dan raised a hand.

"Seriously, you don't just smell bad, you look like hell too. When was the last time you shaved or had a haircut?"

This wasn't an argument I was going to win, and grudgingly, I had to admit he had a point. I sighed loudly, but then marched my way over to the bathroom, slamming the door loudly like an obstinate child. I could scarcely see my reflection on the splintered mess that was once my mirror, I'd shattered it in a fit of rage long ago and never had it replaced, but from what did see I knew I had to try harder to seem normal.

I tried to keep my dark thoughts at bay as I turned on the water, but as the seconds ticked by, they slowly began to rear their heads back into my mind. The steaming water cascaded over my battered body; washing away dirt and blood, some of it my own, much of it from others. I watched as it all spiraled down the drain and into the pipes below me; if only sins could be washed away this easily.

My true skin emerged then; tanned, marred with old and fresh cuts, bruises the size of large plates, and scrapes that were still healing. I was quite the sight, but at least I was clean. On my shoulders, I could just barely make out the tips of the dauntless flames that adorned my back; cleverly disguised as the branches of a tree.

Dauntless, abnegation, candor; what a grand lie it all was. I didn't deserve the title of those or any other faction for that matter.

I used to believe that life was a gift; to think that whatever I wanted I'd someday be able to have, whether it was a happy life, a job, or even the attentions of someone I liked. Had those idealistic thoughts been a product of greed, or my inexperienced youth? Maybe it had been hope, or more likely, blind stupidity.

Either way, I wasn't sure just how much more I'd be able to take.

Wasn't sure how much longer I'd be able to hold on.

Or if there was even anything left worth fighting for…


	4. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I frowned as the man in front of me crawled onto his knees, took a ragged breath, and then somehow managed to get back on his feet. He tried to take a step but ended up back on the floor before I'd even had time to blink. He didn't seem ready to quit though.

 _Stay down damn it!_

Through the openings in the ceiling-high chain link fence that surrounded us, I could see that the crowd was growing impatient. However, though they demanded I finish him off, all I could do was stay rooted in my spot. His face was a medley of purple and green bruises, and I could see that his arms were shaking.

 _Please, just go unconscious._

The man shuddered, but then stood. I could see him clench his jaw, and knew immediately that my prayers would remain unanswered. With a lurch, he charged at me.

I gave an internal groan, I didn't want to keep hurting him, but then reacted as I always did; on instinct, I attacked.

As soon as he was within arm's reach, I leapt, hooked an elbow around his neck, and then proceeded to punch him repeatedly in the gut. He groaned but kept trying to land a blow as he flailed his arms around wildly. I wasn't worried; my hold was unbreakable. Why wouldn't he just tap out?

Then, as if reading my thoughts, I felt it; the man stopped thrashing his fists and instead tapped his open palm against the forearm I was using to keep him in the choke-hold. _Finally_. A loud horn blared, and I let go of the man. He slumped to the ground and stayed there as he tried to catch his breath.

From the outside, a pair of dauntless ran up and flipped the hinge that kept the door to the ring shut. They rushed in and then positioned themselves at either side of the fallen man; helping him hobble his way out. I followed behind them, but while they continued to make their way out -probably to the infirmary- I turned and instead headed over to one of the benches that surrounded the arena.

"And that is it ladies and gentlemen! What a show we've had today!" The ringmaster, Jax, bellowed into the microphone in his hand. "Let's have a big round of applause for today's winners! From the female lightweight category; Alice, the Assassin, Jones! And from the male; Mac Andrews–"

Alice, one of the few female fighters to earn a nickname, jumped up from the bench and pumped her fists in the air. I could hear people in the audience cheer and a couple even tried to swarm closer so they could ask for an autograph; she was always a favorite. Mac, the newcomer who'd been steadily working his way up, seemed almost embarrassed as he waved at the crowd.

"–from the female middleweight category; Becky Owens! And from the male we have Kayne, the South-Paw, Hoffman!–"

Kayne, who I'd actually fought during my first week in The Cage, clenched his hands into fists and began to beat his chest in a gorilla-like fashion. I rolled my eyes; he always seemed to have a flair for the dramatic arts. The crowd let out a series of whoops, and began to stomp their feet.

"–female heavy-weight is Janice Graham!–"

The girl tried to smile, but her face was so swollen and bruised I actually found that I couldn't bear to look at her.

"–and last, but _certainly_ not least, from the heavyweight male category; Sage, the Monster, Stronghold!"

I could hear thunderous applause, and even more shouts of fervent approval. I didn't care though; I hadn't chosen this career for the praise, rather as a sort of punishment. Instead of working the crowd as the other winners had done, I took a sip from my water and then continued to wipe the sweat and blood off my face with the towel I'd brought.

From somewhere deep in the crowd, someone began to chant the nickname I'd earned. First one voice, then five, then twenty, then _more_. It took only a matter of seconds, but by the time I'd screwed the cap back onto my bottle, everyone had joined in; their voices a roar.

"Monster, Monster, _Monster_!"

 _How right they are_ ; my subconscious added bitterly.

Though they might've meant it as praise; a show of how much they admired me, I could only wallow in the fact that it was true. How ironic it was that the label I'd fought to stay away from for so long was now what defined me. I sighed, crossed my arms, and then glared down at my feet until the noise had died down enough for Jax to continue his usual speech.

"What a show, what a show! Am I right folks?" He said, pointing the mic in their direction.

The crowd thundered in agreement; their combined voices sounding louder as they reverberated across the high-vaulted ceilings of the cave-like room. Everything always sounded louder in here; not just the cheering, but the howls and shrieks of pain.

"To bad all good things must come to an end," Jax added, pasting on a look of mock-horror onto his features.

The crowd booed and heckled; just as they always did when he said those words. From where I sat, I could see the hint of a smile as he took in their reaction. Blood-lust; that was what this crowd was fueled by. As they'd chanted my name, but moments ago, the energy-charged crowd again began to build up another demand.

"Lockdown!" They stomped their feet. "Lockdown!" They beat their fists in the air. " _Lockdown_!"

While a part of me couldn't help but feel disgust and revulsion at their eagerness for more violence, another and much stronger part of me was relieved; fighting in The Cage was one thing, but fighting in a Lockdown was another.

I searched for physical pain because it took my mind off of the mental one I was always going through; I needed the release to stay sane. While it was possible to survive a Cage fight unscathed, or at least with only a couple of bruises, it would take more than a miracle for _anyone_ to get out of a Lockdown without shedding a drop of blood.

To be a fighter in The Cage was both a relatively easy and immensely difficult career to have. On the one hand, anyone could decide to be a fighter; whether you'd been ranked first, or had barely scraped by, if you were young and had just finished your initiation, or if you were older and almost ready to leave the compound, it didn't matter. The hard part came because there was rarely a shortage of fighters. In order to make anything of yourself, you had to fight until you'd earned a title.

To earn a title was easy _only_ in theory. As a new fighter, you'd first be classified by your own gender's weight ideals; for males, lightweights had to be at least one-hundred and forty-five pounds, middleweights had to reach one-hundred and fifty-five, and to count as a heavyweight you had to be one-hundred and seventy.

Afterwards, you'd be paired with someone and fight until the loser either tapped out, or was knocked out. The winners of each fight would then be paired up again, so-on and so-forth, until from the last pairing a true victor would emerge. Because there was an abundance of fighters, it was possible to actually go a day without having to battle anyone, but that's not what I ever did.

It usually took about five days to get to the final winners; like today. Then if the people demanded it, which they always did, there was the option of advancing further. That's where things got complicated.

I'd learned what a Lockdown was during my first week as a fighter.

"What's this I hear?" Jax continued, his smile widening as the crowd got rowdier. "Are you asking for what I _think_ you're asking?" The multitude continued their incessant chanting and Jax eventually gave in with a loud laugh. "Lockdown it is!" He shouted.

A Lockdown, in a sense, was a walking contradiction. To actually get a chance to fight in it, there were a series of procedures you had to go through, however once you were actually in the ring, all the rules were out the window and it became a total bloodbath.

"From the victor's pool, whom would you like to see participate?" Jax asked the crowd.

This was it, the only reason I still went through these senselessly _tame_ battles. After all these months of non-stop fighting, the Cage had become a sort of appetizer to me. Now, what I really wanted was the main course.

I tossed my towel aside and then walked over to stand by the other five victors.

Jax hopped down from his podium, and then began the ritual; he pointed to Alice, and the crowd went nuts, meaning she would be allowed to fight in the upcoming Lockdown. He pointed at Mac, but the people shook their heads and noticeably quieted down; he hadn't made it in.

Continuing down the line, the multitude ended up cheering for both Becky and Kayne, but stayed quiet when Jax pointed to Janice. Even if they'd applauded for her, I doubted she'd have accepted the nomination; she was looking worse every minute.

Then Jax pointed to me, and as usual, the mass of people stomped their feet and erupted into loud shouts and cheers. Me, _the Monster_ , I was what they wanted to see. I'd rightfully earned the nickname the very first time I'd fought in a Lockdown. I hadn't chosen it; the people had just started chanting, and from their ominous words the title had emerged and stuck.

A _massacre_ , that's what it was. A fight in The Cage, while certainly hard and taxing to the body, was nothing compared to a round in the much-feared Lockdown.

In a Cage fight, if you felt weak you could tap out, if someone cheated they were removed from the ring, and you were never allowed to fight anyone that wasn't in your same gender or weight class. There were rules, there were limitations, and there was still a diminutive sense of safety; all of which completely disappeared if you chose to accept a nomination.

The Lockdown fights had gotten their name for obvious reasons. It still took place in the Cage, which was really just the name of the large wired enclosure where we battled, but rather than have the door open, a large chain and lock were placed so that you could only leave once you'd won.

To win, the other person _had_ to be completely unconscious.

There were no rules, no time limits, _no_ exceptions; the crowd was the one that decided what happened. During my first Lockdown, I and nine other people had been sealed in the arena, given thick wooden bats, and then let loose on each other. I still can't really recall everything that happened that day.

They tell me I couldn't be knocked down. That I was a fearsome sight. They say I was hit repeatedly but that I kept tossing people aside like rag dolls. That though I bled, I didn't seem to register the pain. They say the clubs that landed across my back splintered apart and still, I moved forward. Rumor upon rumor; most of which I felt were greatly exaggerated.

The only information I believed was what the nurses who'd cared for my wounds gave me; that the amount of splinters they'd spent hours digging out of my flesh indicated that I'd indeed been repeatedly beaten. That the series of small concussions that appeared in a scan meant I'd taken more than a single blow to the head. After they'd cleaned a wound on my arm and given me medications, they informed me that in a rush of adrenaline, I must not have felt when someone _actually_ bit me. And since I'd walked myself into their waiting room, they were almost certain I'd never lost consciousness.

As I'd said before, the title of Monster had been rightly earned.

It had been hard, it had been torturous, it had been hell on earth; but while I hated it, I also knew I needed the chaos to survive. After that night, I'd never missed a chance to jump into a Lockdown fight. It was different every time; sometimes they gave you weapons, sometimes it was as a team, other times it was just one on one; the people decided what challenge to give you.

Since we'd been chosen by the audience, we wouldn't have to pay a cent to participate in the battles; that's how things worked. For anyone else that did want to fight, they'd have to either pay the hefty price of admission, or they'd need to be sponsored. If you ended up winning your Lockdown fight, then you walked away with a profit of what the other fighters had paid, if not, you left not only beaten and broken but also empty handed.

Somehow I suspected that if the crowd, at one point or another didn't cheer for me, there'd certainly be more than a few people willing to sponsor me. I'd gathered from the talk around the Pit and the local bar that I made for quite a grisly and blood-filled show.

"Alright, alright! You've made your picks," Jax bellowed. "Tomorrow night, at the stroke of twelve, prepare yourself for a heart pounding, action filled, adrenalin charged Lockdown!"

The mass of bodies around us seemed to radiate with barely restrained enthusiasm. They weren't just a group of people; they were a single organism, demanding more, more, more.

"Remember, the seating will be limited, so come early or buy your tickets ahead of time. Because once the doors close, no one else will be allowed in," he recited. "And don't forget, standard rates _do not_ apply. Tickets for tomorrow night's Lockdown will be double the regular wage."

The crowd groaned; but only out of habit. It was common knowledge, and readily expected that they'd have to pay more for the added gore. Really, they'd have paid anything Jax asked in order to attend the event.

"Let's get another round of applause for our victors!" He shouted.

Absently I wondered if he ever tired of ending all of his sentences with an exclamation point at the end.

"I'd personally like to thank _you_ wonderful members of the audience! We've come to the end of this week's Cage battles!" He turned towards the other fighters who'd lost but had hung around for the end of the spectacle. "And fighters, if you didn't make it into tomorrow's Lockdown, or failed to reach the title of the week, worry not! Because starting back up on Monday, same time, same place, we'll once again begin the quest to find the very best fighters!"

He pointed back at the crowd.

"To the youngsters out there, are you feeling bold? Want to earn some money? Think you have what it takes? Then don't hesitate to sign up!" He held up a clipboard. "The only restriction; you must be a member of dauntless. Now that's all for tonight! Thank you!"

Loud, angry, throbbing music blared from the old sound system, and slowly but surely the place began to empty out. I wiped the remaining sweat off my chest and then yanked my shirt back on. The other victors and I waited until the end, and then marched up to Jax who'd already poked an unlit cigarette into his mouth. He handed each of us a wad of cash; this was one of the few careers that still dealt in actual currency, rather than the usual point system.

"Monster man, great stuff out there as usual," he said as he handed me my own bundle of money. "I'll see you next week?"

I nodded. He already knew I'd show up, but I figured it was a force of habit for him to ask.

He grinned, revealing the spot where he was missing a tooth, and then shambled away. I was about to follow behind him when I felt a firm hand land on my shoulder.

"Where do you think you're going?"


	5. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"I was actually going to find you," I answered, not needing to turn around to recognize the person. "How much did I make today Marko?"

"Approximately ten percent more than yesterday," he answered. "Why anyone would bet against you is still a mystery to me," he added in a tone of amusement.

I turned, and Marko already had his arm extended; a thick stack of bills in his hand. I took it, not bothering to count, and shoved it into the gym bag I used to carry my spare clothes.

As per usual, he frowned at me. "Aren't you going to count it?"

"No," I stated, shrugging the bag onto my shoulder. "Should I?" I asked; though I already knew his exact reaction and answer.

"Of course not," he stated firmly. "You know me. I always shoot straight with _these_ matters."

Surprisingly Marko, who was cunning and weasel-y in just about every other aspect of life, was one of the most honest bookies known around these parts. He was fair, went by the books, and never cheated anyone out of a single penny they'd earned. His commission was also reasonable; all in all, he was never without business.

"I know you do," I agreed.

He smiled and then turned to the other victors who'd also had bets placed on them. Before he even took a step though, he paused and peered at me. There was an odd look on his face.

"You know, you sort of look like shit."

"Thanks," I answered dryly. "Anything else you'd like to add?"

"Don't get your panties in a knot Stronghold," he said, rolling his eyes. "I guess what I mean is that you should really consider taking a break."

"Yeah, I don't think I'll be doing that." I answered without any trace of humor.

"Look, I'm not saying you should retire or anything. All I'm getting at is that everyone, even the strongest, has a breaking point. That includes you," he said; his words uncharacteristically kind.

I frowned; Marko wasn't one to ever go around expressing his concerns for another's well-being. His motto was everyone for themselves; and he stood by it through and through. A part of me tried to attribute his unease to the fact that, even now, he still thought he owed me. Perhaps this was his way of making up for it.

Another part, the candor portion of my mind, knew this was a lie. Though it was an odd pairing, and neither he nor I would ever admit it aloud; after all this time we'd sort of become friends. It was funny; if I'd been asked when I first picked dauntless who would've been the last person I'd have as a friend, I wouldn't have hesitated to add Marko's name to the list. Now, _well_ , he'd sort of grown on me, and apparently he felt the same about me.

As if realizing just how out-of-character his words were, Marko relaxed his face and gave me a nonchalant shrug. " _Ahem_. Also, it would be bad for business. I mean, I make most of my profits from you."

And then the Marko I knew was back. I smirked and lightly punched his arm. He shook his head slowly at me and then sauntered away to pay the others. Though he was far, I could still hear bits of his muttering; something about me taking one too many hits to the head. I sighed; Marko, my odd-ball of a friend.

 _Friend_. I shuddered ever so slightly at the word. It wasn't the thought of having _Marko_ specifically as a friend that filled me with unease; it was the repercussions that it could bring. It wasn't safe for him, Dan, the others, or anyone else that might try to get close to me.

After Randi's death, and the rumors that had accompanied it, I'd assumed I wouldn't have had problems with anyone wanting to be associated to me. I'd been wrong.

Something happened over the course of my year here; whether it was due to my notorious fighting abilities or the fact that I'd been ranked first, I couldn't be sure and honestly didn't really care, but it seemed that everywhere I went people were trying to befriend me or have me join their circle of acquaintances.

I wasn't having it. On the one hand, I could tell when the people who feigned interest did so for the benefits they thought they'd reap. They assumed I had a lot of money, and maybe that's what fueled them to ask for loans, or for me to buy them a round of drinks, or to chip in so they could throw an all-night rager. A couple of people even asked if I'd sponsor them so they'd have a chance to participate in the Lockdown.

These people, I immediately shut down. Parasites is what they were, and without cause really. After setting aside a little money for my own necessities, alcohol included, I took my earnings and promptly gave them to my mom and Mara. I was always careful to sneak over in the dead of night when I wouldn't be seen; I didn't want to have to explain my appearance or exactly how I'd earned it the cash. I'd simply sneak into the building, unlock the door, and leave the bag there with a note.

It wasn't all freeloaders though; there were plenty of decent people that genuinely wanted to get to know me or that liked the way I was. I could hear it in their words and read it in their expressions; they were good. It was these that I found harder to escape from.

After coming to the realization that anyone who became my friend or was somehow affiliated to me would be put in danger, I knew the only right thing to do would be to remain aloof and distant. I didn't want more weight on my shoulders; didn't want _more_ lives in danger.

For a month or two I even tried to rid myself of the ones I'd made. However, Finn, Biff and Jude weren't so easily thwarted, and Grace - _well_ \- I don't think there was anything I could've done short of shooting her that would've stopped her well-meant intentions.

Though she wasn't the exact same girl that had gone through initiation with me, she was still amity at heart. It was she, even with my never-ending protests, that forced me to eat when I didn't want to, and who treated my wounds when I refused to go to the clinic.

I didn't even try with Dan; that would've been both impossible and unbearable.

I made my way out the Cage and then began to head towards the Pit. My body was accustomed to a certain schedule; wake up, fight the day away, head to the bar, drink, see if Banks wanted anything –and if he did, rush to do that task immediately. If not, I either returned to the bar, or bought myself a six-pack and found a secluded corner in the compound where I could be left alone. Then at night, well, at night I avoided sleep, avoided dreaming, avoided the ghost of the girl that had died because of me.

I never allowed myself to have a spare moment of time. Spare time meant dwelling on all the mistakes I'd made, and if that happened, I don't know if I could've continued to hold it together; to act normal. I needed distractions.

Of course, everything didn't always work out the way I intended. There were a handful of times when I'd genuinely had nothing to do and would instead find myself roaming the hallways, feeling as if I'd go mad at any second. These were the times I was _especially_ thankful for Finn.

Base-jumping had been only the tip of the iceberg when it came to the stunts he and his boys liked to pull. Though they never spoke or bragged about what they did, people around the compound definitely knew the stories of the _mysterious_ dare-devils who like to push the boundaries.

In the beginning, when Dan and I had first joined their group, I'd taken the opportunity as a way to see just how much I could tempt death. I'd been reckless. I'd been wild. I'd been completely and irrefutably unconcerned with what could've happened to me. The guys had seen it and worried, but though they expressed their concerns, I ignored them.

Whether it was fate, or some horribly twisted work of the universe, my increasing bravado during our escapades was halted when Finn and the guys became much more engrossed in the careers they'd chosen. It was during this time, when all of our outings had been put on pause, that I had the chance to get a grip and control my raging emotions.

That was when my drinking habits worsened; I'd discovered how to make my complicated feelings disappear, replaced by nothing more than numbness. I'd realized the power alcohol had to take the sharp edges of reality and coat them in a blanket of apathetic fog. No one realized until it was too late. The way they gave all their best efforts to their jobs, I equally lost myself to the violence and brutality of the Cage.

Finn worked for a section of the dauntless armory that specialized in improving the weapons we used in combat. Biff was a highly sought after mechanic and one of the few who were allowed to work on the heavy duty tanks the dauntless had salvaged after the Great War. In addition, Jude worked in a different branch where he was assigned to draft plans, strategies, and tactics if there were ever the possibility of a riot or warfare.

Grace, keeping to her amity roots, had opted to become one of the dauntless nurses that cared for the injured. In doing so, it was often that she was a witness to the backlash of what I went through at the Cage night after night. Her face never failed to show me just how much she hated what I did.

However, after we'd had a lengthy argument that had ended up with us not talking for three days, she'd never again brought up the subject with actual words. She couldn't shake her old faction's ways completely; it was in my favor that she kept her thoughts to herself in order to avoid conflict. Now all I got were her long disapproving stares that were always followed by a shake of her head.

Because of his incredible artistic talent and comical, easy-going personality, Dan was perpetually busy at the tattoo shop where he worked alongside Tori. While I kept to myself and rarely dabbled or even cared to learn the names of the other people in the compound, Dan was the stark opposite.

He knew just about everyone, and even if only by name, everyone knew him. Where I was considered harsh, mysterious, rude, ominous, and inapproachable; Dan was seen as hilariously entertaining, an open book for all to know, friendly, outgoing, and always the social butterfly.

Even though he was still just as frank as if he'd been when he was in candor, his bluntness was easily forgiven if not overlooked; anyone could see that he never meant to be rude intentionally. None of it, the sudden recognition, or flocks of people that wanted to be his friend, were enough to change him in the slightest though.

It was also he who had the biggest problem with my drinking.

This wasn't to say Dan had become some sort of healthy nut, my-body-is-a-temple, ban-alcohol-forever kind of person. He drank on occasion, sometimes partied for more than a day when Biff threw his famous bashes, and even did the craziest things when dared to. _No_ , it wasn't something he was against. What he did mind was the way _I_ used it.

Contrary to popular belief, I was never actually drunk - _well_ \- not in the full sense of the word. It was a hard balance, but I'd figured out just how to walk the line between being dazedly-buzzed and uninhibitedly-smashed.

I'd been drunk once, and _only_ once, and it had happened purely by mistake; one I'd never forgotten. Back when I'd still been in candor, Dan and I had been invited to a party, something small that was supposed to be easy and benign.

It had been one of the few times the different factions had mixed outside of school. I can't remember what we'd been celebrating exactly, and I suppose it doesn't matter now. To cut to the chase, there'd been punch, and I'd been completely oblivious to the fact that it had been spiked. After countless cups, and much too late to do any good, I'd realized my misstep and had tried as best as I could to sober up. It had been impossible.

"Oh wow, you're completely wasted!" Some unknown girl in a short red dress had told me.

She'd giggled, tugged at her skin-tight dress, and then proceeded to hand me another drink.

"That dress is _sooooo_ short," I'd slurred with a dopy laugh. "And red, red like candy, or an apple, or strawberries, or… I'm hungry, I'm really, _really_ hungry. Where's the food?"

I remember thinking to myself, even in that mind-set, that I hadn't meant to mention the part about me being hungry. Being candor meant being honest, not saying every single passing thought that popped up in into your head.

"Someone has the munchies," she'd laughed noisily. "What's your name cutie?"

I'd felt dizzy, so dizzy, and the music and her shouting had been too loud for me. Without realizing it, I'd sloppily raised my hand and placed it over her mouth.

"Too loud," I'd complained.

She must've either been really drunk too, or not have cared that I'd essentially told her to shut up, because she just moved my hand away and kept laughing.

"Name?" She'd asked again.

"Game? No, I don't want to play," I'd responded, internally wondering why the lights around us seemed to be spinning. "I want to eat." I pointed at my mouth.

She'd grinned, rolled her eyes, but then taken me to the table where a series of chips and snacks had been laid out. While I'd proceeded to shove the food in my mouth, she'd continued her barrage of questions.

"So, do you have a girlfriend?"

"No," I shoved another cookie in my mouth.

"Why not?"

I'd shrugged, reaching for more punch. "This juice tastes funny," I remember mentioning.

"Have you ever _had_ a girlfriend?" She'd pressed.

I'd shaken my head, and then held the cup under my nose. "And it smells kinda' funny too."

"Why?"

"How should I know, _I_ didn't bring it," I'd answered; assuming she meant the drink in my hand. "The floor is tilting, why is the floor tilting? Make it stop!"

She'd laughed and then led me to some of the couches that were scattered around the room.

"I meant, why have you never had a girlfriend?" She'd eventually asked again; after repeatedly assuring me that the floor was going to stay put.

"Dunno'… Why is your hand on my leg?" I'd asked; immediately noticing her uncomfortably close proximity. She was draping herself all over me, and why was she playing with my ear?

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"I don't like that," I'd said instead as I shifted away. That was when things had gone from somewhat to incredibly bad. "Is there alcohol in this?"

She'd ignored my question, but as soon as I'd said it aloud, I knew the answer; _yes_ , yes there was. Crap.

" _Oh_?" she'd said; and even inebriated I could tell this news had upset her. "Why not." She asked; each word tight and clipped.

This was when I'd realized why, though I'd never been drunk before, the feeling had been somewhat familiar. Every candor citizen had, at one point or another, been subjected to the truth serum; I wasn't the exception. With the serum; it was impossible to lie, omit, or to not say anything and _everything_ on your mind.

"What, do you think you're too good for me or something?" She'd snapped at me.

"No," I'd said, and then against my will the rest of my thought spilled out. "I just don't like you."

If I'd been in my right mind I would've at least added, like that; ' _I just don't like you, like that.'_

"What do you mean you don't like me, you don't even know me!" She'd shrieked at me.

"I know enough." The words kept coming.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

I don't remember exactly what I said, but it must've been bad; because after I'd answered her, she'd slapped me.

"That's not very amity of you," I'd complained. Then without pause, she'd dumped the contents of her drink in my face.

No, I was never drunk, I couldn't afford to go around spilling my guts; especially now that I had so many secrets to hide. I only had enough so that never-ending stabs of guilt became nothing more than a dull ache.

I only had enough to forget…


	6. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The bar wasn't full when I walked in, and so it was easy for me to head over to the spot I usually occupied. I took the seat farthest from everyone, and then threw my jacket over the chair beside me to discourage anyone who might think I needed company.

"Hey, what can I get you?" A voice I didn't recognize asked.

I looked up and raised a brow; the bartender must've been new, because I was in here constantly and I'd never seen him before. I was about to tell him I just wanted a beer when his eyes suddenly widened and his mouth dropped open with a small gasp.

"Dude, you're the Monster!" He exclaimed. "I've been to all of your Lockdown fights. I'm a huge fan!"

My subconscious groaned loudly, annoyed, but outwardly I just nodded.

"That's me," I admitted.

"Your battle last month, the one where everyone had to fight with those spiked brass knuckles, was sick!" He continued; oblivious to my bored expression. "When that guy had you on the floor and kept punching you, I thought your winning streak might be over. I seriously don't know how you kept going. God, and your shoulder, it looked like hamburger meat afterwards."

"Yeah, about my drink–" I tried to interrupt.

"Oh, but my favorite has to be the one where you fought with Dane the Devil Rogers. Do you remember?

"Well, I _was_ there," I reminded him flatly, but again he seemed completely unaware of my tone.

"That was _killer_! All my friends said you were going to lose, but I knew better. _Wow_. And after he hit you with that thick chain, the one with the metal ball at the end, you had _thee_ most gnarly bruises on your back for weeks! That must've hurt like hell."

" _No_. It was _super_ pleasant and enjoyable–" I answered wryly; at this rate I was going to have to leave empty handed.

As if in answer to my prayers; Tanner, the manager of the bar, walked over and saved me. Giving the new kid a single cautionary look, he nudged him out of the way. Then without having to ask, he opened and handed me a chilled bottle of beer.

"Thanks," I said gratefully.

He nodded, wiped the counter a little, and then left. I liked him. He was a discreet man of few words, with thick serious eyebrows, a squared-off chin, and a no-nonsense attitude. I never had to worry about idle chit-chat with him around. I drank slowly, first one bottle, then two, then _more_ , and as the familiar haze of apathy softened the edges of reality, I felt my tense muscles slowly uncoil.

I both hated and loved the sensation.

Everything was obscure; as if seen through a wall of thick mist. I could feel the unnatural warmness in my stomach. The quiet hum, it grew louder in my head; first annoying like an insect, then softer and softer. All the noises around me felt far away, distant, as if I were underwater and could only hear the echoes.

I was detached from my body, like a ghost, and for an instant I wondered if there had been a breeze, would I have just disappeared like a wisp of smoke? I was a husk, a body without thoughts or emotions, and that was all I could see in my distant future. But what kind of life would that be? Was this as good as it was ever going to get? And if so, what was the _point_?

 _If this is the future… I don't know that I want to be in it._

The thought had come out of nowhere. The haze inside my head cleared slightly, and I could feel the stirrings of some repressed emotion in my chest; shock perhaps? Or had it been fear?

Anxiety made my heart thud slightly harder, and I knew why; I couldn't lie to myself. I felt fear, and not just because of the direction the thought hinted at, but because I knew without a doubt, that it wasn't such an impossibility.

No. No, I could never do that, not to my family, not to my friends. I could never take my own life.

I swallowed hard and then pushed my beer away, wrinkling my nose as I did so. I'd had enough, too much maybe, for it to be considered safe. If truthful thoughts were starting to pop up in my head without any kind of forewarning, then it wouldn't be long before they began to spill out of my mouth.

"Hey Tanner, could you put this on my tab?"

He nodded, collected my half-finished bottle, tossed it, and then gave the counter another quick wipe-down. I usually paid my bill off near the end of the month, but even so, I still always left a tip. I reached into one of my pockets and pulled out a couple of bills to leave in his jar, then upon remembering how he'd saved me from newbie-talks-a-lot, I decided to double the amount I usually left. It seemed fair.

I was just about to leave when he made an odd half-cough sound in his throat. Translated, that was Tanner-talk for; _Hold on._

"What's up?" I asked as I raised an eyebrow.

He nodded his chin in the direction behind me, and just as I was about to turn, I heard her voice.

"Leaving so soon? That's a shocker."

"Well, I'm full of surprises," I answered as I turned to face Iris. "As are you apparently. I mean, are you lost? This is a _bar_. What are you doing in here?"

Even through the haze, I couldn't seem to shut out _all_ of my candor instincts. Before a second had even passed, I'd already read her state of emotions. Her bright blues eyes were tight and anxious, and her usually confident smile had been replaced by a stiff grimace.

"No, not lost. I know where I am," she answered; her voice sounding uncomfortable. "I was looking for you actually. _Umm_ , do you mind if we don't talk in here though? You know, because…" she trailed off.

I nodded quickly, gave Tanner a parting gesture, and then followed behind Iris. Practically running; she was already out the door before I'd even made it half-way there. I didn't blame her though; with her history I was amazed she'd managed to put a foot inside the bar, much less walk all the way in and to the back where I'd been sitting. She couldn't stand to be around alcohol, so whatever she wanted to talk about must've been serious.

Once outside, I could already see she was looking more relieved. Not entirely fine, but at least more like herself; cool, collected, and self-assured.

In retrospect, I suppose my friendship with Iris had been completely unavoidable. It's just how nature worked. Two broken people who suffered from similar damage understood each other better than those who'd only been witnesses to a spectacle. Like me, she'd lost someone close to her at the hands of the chasm. And equally, she carried the guilt of it in her mind.

I still remember the day we first officially met.

I'd been at the chasm, tossing pebbles into its depths and wondering what Randi's last thoughts might've been, when I heard someone else walk in. I'd turned, beer in hand, and seen the young girl with auburn hair hesitate as her eyes landed on me. Her gazed flicked from my face, to the bottle, then back. It was quiet, but I could definitely see she was struggling with something on her mind as she continued to appraise me.

I'd raised a brow at her, hoping she'd speak, but when she didn't I began to lift my hand in an attempt to take a sip of my beer. It was then that she finally seemed to come to a decision.

"Not trying to tell you what to do or anything, but from personal experience, I want to point out that drunkenness and the chasm don't mix well," she'd said as she walked in further, leaning on the railing that overlooked the water.

"I'm not drunk."

"Right, that smell on your breath must be apple juice," she'd quipped.

"Drunk and buzzed are two very different things," I'd explained as I reached out and offered her an unopened bottle. "Want some?"

"No thanks," she'd said too quickly; eyeing the drink in my hand as if it were some sort of poisonous animal that was about to strike.

"Suit yourself," I answered; continuing to sip my drink.

Then we'd both stood there; physically sharing a space, but mentally far away from our actual location. I remember thinking it was odd, since normally I liked to spend my time in the chasm alone. However, even with her only but a few feet away, I couldn't bring myself to feel even slightly annoyed.

"I've heard what they say about you," she'd said quietly; the first sound after, I don't know how long. "The stories about you and Randi."

"Have you now," I answered; my voice immediately cold and flippant. "So what are you doing here? Did you come to see if the rumors were true?" I turned and sneered. "You must be really brave to come here alone. Aren't you afraid I'll toss you off as well?"

"I never said I believed them. Just that I'd heard," she'd answered calmly; apparently unfazed by my tone. "I don't think it was your fault."

"Oh," was all I could say for an instant. "Sorry, I just, I mean–"

"It's fine. Seriously, I know what it feels like."

In my defense; back then, it'd been common for people to just walk up to me and openly prod for more information about the death of Randi. My suspicions were immediately put at ease when I heard the truth Iris's voice though; she really didn't believe I'd done it.

I'd studied her closer then; posture, features, the way a little line had appeared in between her eyebrows. She seemed pained. Then, my brained seemed to piece it together; her words, her actions.

"Who did you lose?" I asked softly.

She hadn't answered right away, and for an instant I thought she might just ignore me and leave, but then her voice broke the stillness.

"Her name was Emily," she'd whispered; her eyes getting a far off look to them. "She was a friend of mine."

"What happened?"

"A group of friends and I were celebrating. I can't remember why, or for what, just that we were. Perhaps it was a birthday, though I guess it doesn't matter." I saw her squeeze her eyes shut for a moment before continuing. "I wanted to make it fun, unforgettable, so I brought beer. I wasn't even much of a drinker, but that didn't stop me. Everything was going great, that is, until I suggested we wander around the compound."

Suddenly I'd remembered. I had heard the rumors surrounding her as well; that she'd purposely gotten her friend drunk, that she'd had the chance to pull her back from the railing but had instead decided to let her fall, all sorts of crap.

"So _stupid_. I just kept thinking that it would be better than being all crammed up in the small room we were in. So where did we go? The chasm, safest place for people without balance, am I right?" She'd scoffed angrily.

Her comment about my beer had made complete sense then; she'd feared I would fall.

"I was right next to her, but I didn't even notice when she fell. I was so busy talking to someone, I only knew what had happened when I heard her body land. It was _my_ fault. I was the one who brought the drinks. I was the one who suggested we go out. I was right _freaking_ next to her, and even though she was clearly wasted, I didn't keep an eye on her. I didn't tell her to stop."

The silence had felt incredibly heavy for the next couple of seconds, but I knew how she must've felt. To let the truth be heard, to get everything off of your chest, it was therapeutic. It's what I missed about candor. I could see the effects already showing on her face; she seemed lighter, less weighed down by the grief.

"I don't think it's your fault at all. People have to be held responsible for their _own_ actions. You didn't hold a gun up to her head and force her to drink, she did that on her own," I'd held my hands up when I saw she was about to protest. "That's just my _own_ personal opinion. However, I can see it won't matter what I or anyone else says, you'll only forgive yourself when you're ready to accept the truth. Until you do though, I'd just like to say thank you for your honesty, and I'm glad you chose to confide in me."

She'd smiled then, and it had all sort of kept going afterwards. Even when I tried to stop, or avoid her, it was impossible. She was friends with Dan, and also with Jude's little brother Wayne. Still, just as I'd done the day we first spoke, I made sure to never reveal too much of myself to her.

Now as she stood before me, frowning and looking agitated, I couldn't help but worry.

"What's wrong Iris?" I demanded.

"It's Felix, he's in trouble. I need your help."


	7. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Jude was practically foaming at the mouth when we found him; hands clenched and a vein in his forehead pulsing noticeably. Behind him his younger brother Wayne was tugging on his coat, trying to stop him from attacking the blonde boy who'd been shoved into a corner.

"Do you hear me? I will not have you corrupting my little brother!" Jude growled, jabbing a finger into the boy's chest.

"Jude, chill, this wasn't even Felix's idea," Wayne defended. "I was the one who–"

"Shut up Wayne," Jude snapped, yanking his shoulder from his grip. "If something happened to you, do you know what that would've done to mom?"

"Nothing was going to happen, trust me."

"Yeah, what Wayne said, it was all carefully planned out. Perfectly safe," Felix interjected from his corner.

I swear, Jude seemed like he could've spontaneously combusted at any moment.

"Sage, Iris, thank god, can you please talk some sense into him," Wayne said in relief when he noticed us approaching. "He's totally overreacting."

Iris and I ran forward; her target, Felix, childhood best-friend and rumored sweet-heart, and mine Jude, the guy who looked ready to start shooting at anything that moved. Though I didn't have quite the same ability to calm him down the way Finn did, I knew him well enough to know how to diffuse the situation. I shouldered past him and planted myself so that I'd be in the way if he tried to strike.

"What's going on?" I asked. "What did Felix do this time?"

Jude tried to sidestep me, but I shifted and repeated my question.

"Nothing!" I head Felix protest behind me, then quietly he added, "… not this time anyway."

I looked over my shoulder and gave him a withering look, to which he mouthed back; _sorry_.

Felix was essentially mischievousness personified into the form of a living boy. He was always either pulling a prank, wagering a series of bets, or accomplishing some random dare his friends had challenged him with. I'd met him a few days after Iris and I had talked in the chasm. Though we'd never been especially close, I couldn't help but find the kid's antics endearing.

"What did he do?" Jude repeated irately. He pulled something out of his pocket and showed it to me; a bag labeled flash powder, and another that said sodium silicate. "They were going to make bombs!"

"Cherry bombs!" Felix pointed out _not-so_ helpfully. Jude took a dangerous step forward, but I again blocked his advance. Felix really wasn't helping his own case.

"Well, that doesn't seem so bad," I said, almost retreating when Jude's glare flashed to me.

"I wasn't finished," he snapped. "They were going to make bombs and then set them off in the dauntless armory."

"Just to see how well those gas masks and bullet-proof vests work," Wayne interjected matter-of-factly; as if his admission would make the whole thing totally reasonable. "It was for scientific purposes. If anything, you should be thanking me."

Jude groaned loudly and rolled his eyes, but I could see he already seemed calmer.

"Jude, come one, they're just kids," I said. "Let it go. You caught them, nothing dangerous happened, they're safe. Breathe."

The space was quiet, and I could see Felix eyeing the nearest exit; probably planning ahead in case Jude decided not to take my advice. He didn't have anything to worry about though; I could see that most of the anger Jude had felt was gone. His scowl was just the usual one he normally carried.

"Yeah, yeah I guess so," he huffed. He turned to Wayne then and raised an eyebrow. "I expect better from you."

For a split second I saw Wayne's face fall, but then almost immediately he was smiling again; unworried. Though they shared many physical similarities, Wayne and Jude were polar opposites; where Jude was serious and seemed permanently on the verge of snapping at someone, Wayne was always silly and perpetually optimistic.

It was in their differences that they balanced each other out. Jude grounded Wayne, and Wayne lighted up Jude. As I watched the two brothers make up, I couldn't help but understand Jude's heightened protectiveness. In a matter of days, the Choosing Ceremony could either keep them together, or rip them apart.

"Let's go home, mom wants to spend more time with you," Jude said as he gave Wayne a playful punch on the arm.

"But I'm staying here, in dauntless," Wayne retorted.

Jude sighed, and for a moment his eyes seemed to sadden. "Wayne, don't be a pain. Just come home."

Wayne must've heard the same unhappy tone I had, because he didn't argue further. Together, the two brothers nodded a goodbye and then made their way down the opposite hallway.

"That wasn't really Wayne's idea, was it?" I heard Iris ask Felix in a tone that wasn't really a question but more of an accusation. "He just took the blame for you, didn't he?"

" _Maybe_ , maybe not," Felix grinned, leaping out of the way when Iris attempted to punch him.

Though he and some of the other younger dauntless kids were normally rambunctious, I had a feeling that their sudden increase in recklessness these past few days had something to do with the Choosing Ceremony, which was just around the corner.

"So why exactly were you guys going to bomb the armory?" I asked; really only just so that I could get some sort of conformation on my earlier hypothesis.

"Celebrating, duh," Felix stated. "Though I'm almost absolutely sure I'm going to stay here, I still want to make sure I get to do everything I want to before it's too late. I mean, what if I get some horribly boring faction? Then what'll I blow up?" He didn't have time to move away this time as Iris slugged him.

"You don't seem worried. Neither of you actually," I noted, looking from Iris's face to Felix, and then back.

"I kind of just have a gut feeling," Felix grinned widely and shrugged. "I mean, didn't you sort of have an idea?"

I didn't answer. Suddenly, I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be interrogated. I didn't want to lie. Avoidance, that would be better than spinning some tale.

"Stay out of trouble, okay? Because I'm not always going to be around to bail you out. If you piss off Jude or anyone else, you're going to have to deal with it yourself."

Felix didn't seem worried. "I have Iris, she'll protect me."

I rolled my eyes and then turned to leave. I'd just turned a corner when I realized someone was following. I turned, expecting Felix, and was instead surprised to see Iris.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Fine, perfect, splendid," I said dryly. "Why?"

"I don't know. You've just seemed tense the whole day."

Before I could come up with a good lie to explain my mood swings, my mouth opened and my real thoughts spilled out.

"I haven't been sleeping well," I admitted.

I didn't have to say anything further. Iris, like myself, had suffered from repeated nightmares about her friend falling off of the chasm. However, unlike me, her dreams came infrequently. I was eternally plagued by mine; the moment my eyes closed, all I could see was Randi's ghostly face.

Iris smiled empathetically at me, and then patted my arm in a consoling manner.

"They'll pass," she said; though I could hear the edge of uncertainty in her voice.

"Sure," I lied back. "Of course they will."

Without further pause, I pulled away and continued to walk. It was dark, and I was beginning to get upset at the fact that my earlier buzz was already fading. I could feel the stab of guilt already slicing into my heart.

I thought about returning to the bar, but as I paused to peer at my watch I knew that wouldn't be possible.

 _Banks_ ; my subconscious reminded sternly. _He hates when you're late._

Already I could feel my stomach twist and knot in dread. Hopefully, tonight wouldn't be one of those times when he decided to try out different serums on me. Though it wasn't much better, I much preferred when he sent me out into the factionless part of the city to bring him back samples.

 _Tick, tick, tick._

I sighed, knowing I was wasting time for no reason, and then forced myself to follow the overly-familiar trail down to Banks's office.

Would it be a chore today? Or an experiment.


	8. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"You're late," Banks stated after I'd knocked on his door and made my way in.

"Lost track of time," I said quickly. "It won't happen again."

He let out an unamused laugh, and then pointed to the chair in front of his desk.

"Sage, Sage, you would think by now you'd be a better liar," he said as he clicked his tongue at me.

I didn't respond. Instead I sat down, then when I saw him pull out the key he hung around his neck, I pushed up the sleeve of my right arm; I knew the routine. After he opened the top drawer of his desk, he immediately went to work gathering the supplies he needed; a needle, syringe, a series of differently colored blood tubes, and then a small shiny machine I didn't know the name to.

Without having to ask me, I lifted my arm so that the crook of my elbow was visible, and then turned away. More than the actual act, I hated seeing him continually poke me with needles; taking my blood, studying my DNA, reading my genetic map. It felt intrusive and never ceased to disturb me.

When he was done, he gently shook the tubes back and forth, and then proceeded to place a series of drops out of each one onto the surface of the little machine. It blipped, and as I usually did when this procedure happened, I speculated what exactly it was that he was looking for.

Once the machine was done flashing, he pressed a button and the printer in the corner of the room began to spit out a series of typed pages. I didn't bother trying to peek or read anymore, not like I had in the beginning. It wasn't that my curiosity had been extinguished, simply that I had actually once read what was on the page, and it had seemed like load of gibberish.

As the last sheet of paper slid out of the machine, he picked up the thin stack and began to leaf through it, his expression completely unreadable. I rolled my sleeve back down, and then waited for further instruction, making sure to stay silent.

Out of the corner of my eye, I studied him. His face, just as it'd been during initiation, was blank. He was a master of the poker face. However, through these long and hard months, I'd come to figure out some hints that could give away his state of emotion.

Now, though his face remained slack, I could see from the way he was flicking though his report that something was bothering him. He turned another page, his eyes scanning, and I saw the corner of his mouth lower imperceptibly. A slip in his facial expression? He must've been really upset. As he read the last sentence of his sheet, a pang of edginess twisted my insides.

"Well," he cleared his throat gruffly, finally dropping his charade entirely as he scowled at me. "These results are completely useless."

"What?" I said dumbly. I'd heard him, but I wasn't sure how it could be my fault; I had no control over what my genes did or didn't do.

His eyes were cold, like ice daggers. If looks could kill, I would've already been on the ground convulsing from the sudden onset of a heart attack. He jabbed at the paper as he spoke.

"You're blood alcohol level is much too high. It's throwing off all of my calculations," he rubbed his fingers across his temples. "I warned you. I said I had no objections to you injuring yourself, so long as it didn't interfere with what I was doing. Now look at this, it's useless."

How I wish he'd been yelling, because yelling would've given me a clue as to just how mad he really was. Quiet chastising from a man like him was more dangerous. I wasn't afraid of him beating me, my body had long become accustomed to physical pain, what I was afraid of was what he'd do with his drugs and chemicals.

"I can cut down," I offered quickly, hoping to appease his rage.

"Cut down? No Sage, you're going to cut off, as in _completely_."

My gut wrenched further, and for a horrible instant I thought I might just vomit then and there. He couldn't do that to me. He couldn't take away the only crutch I had to keep me sane.

"No, _please_ ," I begged, trying to keep my voice from shaking. "I-I need it. I can't just–"

"You stupid drunk, this isn't a negotiation," he cut me off icily. "You will not taste even the smallest drop of liquor until I start to see the results I need. Do you understand?"

" _No_ ," I growled. Then the words started flowing. "You can't do this to me. You have no right. You poke and prod me, you make me do shit I don't want to do, I have to live with the memories of what happened to Randi, you're constantly threatening my family, how do you expect me to keep up this charade if I don't have something to help me? Banks, I can't go on if I don't have some kind of buffer!"

He laughed cruelly; seemingly un-upset by my outburst.

"What makes you think I care about how you feel? You're emotions are less than garbage to me. What matters is _this_ ," he waved his papers at me, "the only thing you're good for is research, and if you fail to cooperate, then you'll have outlived your usefulness. You, you're family, there'll be no need for me to keep you all alive."

I clenched my fists, wiling myself to stay calm and not do anything stupid. My family, I had to think about my family. My thudding heart slowed, my pulse evening, and I forced myself to stop breathing so erratically.

"How long?"

"What?" Banks asked; raising a brow.

"How long do I have to be off the stuff?"

His face, once twisted in annoyance, was now alight with dark humor.

"As long as I say so, of course," he chuckled. "I don't have to tell you anything. I give the orders, and you simply follow. That's how it works."

I tried to hide the shudder that ran through my spine. I wasn't sure if it was because of Banks's wicked smile, his threats, or the fact that I was dreading the moment when my remaining buzz would fade off and I'd have to deal with the repressed emotions. I swallowed, and then nodded stiffly.

"Good dog," he said, chuckling when he saw me snap my mouth shut to keep quiet. "Now, unlike these past few days, you won't be going out to the factionless sector to collect samples."

Nausea again threated to overtake me. I knew what was coming. I watched him with wide and wary eyes as he unlocked a second drawer in his desk. He pulled out a syringe with dark brown liquid, and without meaning to, I flinched and found myself leaning back in my chair, trying to put as much distance between as I could.

"I thought we'd already tried that one," I said; knowing fully well that my voice sounded like that of a small child. "Remember? Last week, it didn't work."

"I've made some alterations," he said, his voice detached and clinical again.

He stood and then walked past me to the door. It was closed, but he turned the various notches along it until it was completely locked. Panic, I felt only panic. He hadn't been experimenting on me as much lately, and stupidly, I'd sort of hoped he'd take longer to do it again.

He cleared off his desk, and though every fiber of my being screamed for me to run, I ignored it. I swallowed, and then hopped up and lay on his once-desk, now turned examination-table. I could feel the coldness of the metal seep through my shirt, and I worked hard to concentrate on that and only that as he began to tie my hands and feet to the legs of the table; one at each corner.

I could still remember my first time here, in his lab. He'd injected me then with some odd pink serum that had made me feel like my whole body was about to burst from the high blood pressure it had caused. He'd been smart to soundproof the place; because the first few times I'd been here I'd screamed bloody murder.

All the fear, terror and anxiety had a choke hold on me, and for a moment I feared I wouldn't be able to breath.

But then it happened.

Like all those times before, and probably the rest to come, a mental switch seemed to flip inside my brain on its own. An odd sense of calm filled me, wiping my previous emotions clear, and I suddenly wasn't afraid anymore. Even though I tried to reason with myself, that I should struggle or fear for my life, I couldn't seem to dredge up anything.

The pain that was coming was unavoidable, and I wanted to face it with dignity. I clenched my jaw and squeezed my eyes shut; I wouldn't scream. I didn't want Banks to have that pleasure as well. I could feel him wiping my arm with a cotton ball, and then the prick of his needle as he injected the improved serum into my veins. I lay completely still. This pain, it was only fair that I should suffer it; I deserved this and more for what I'd done. Maybe this was the universe's way of evening the score.

I waited to slip away like I normally did; into a world of darkness and pain, or hallucinations and tests. Nothing happened though, not for a full minute. I was just about to mention it when my whole body spasmed.

I felt my entire back lift off from the table, and my limbs instinctively pulled at the rope that held me in place. The muscles around my spine twitched and tightened on their own, and then I was convulsing. The pain, it was everywhere, and the more I moved the worse it stabbed. But try as I might, I couldn't seem to stay still. I felt like I was about to split in two, and it wouldn't have surprised me if at any moment the sound of my spine snapping echoed throughout the room.

I wanted to scream, to cry out for help, but I fought the urge and instead clamped my mouth shut. I tasted blood, had I bitten my tongue? From somewhere to the right of my head, I could hear Banks furiously typing something on his keyboard.

Acid, it felt like there was acid in my veins. Subconsciously, I couldn't help but remember my fear landscape; being lowered into the vat, my flesh falling away in large chunks, my legs nothing more than mangled stumps. I groaned softly; not sure what it was that I was fighting, only that I didn't want to lose.

My body, why did it feel so out of sorts?

Then, just like that, all of my muscles relaxed and I slumped back onto the table in a wilted heap. I was breathing hard, the blood in my mouth was choking me, and I was drenched in sweat. I hadn't screamed though, and as small as it was, that was a victory to me. I figured it had to be over, that whatever Banks had meant to happen had failed, but then as if by an act of magic, my left arm lifted all by itself.

I stared at it, and I was horrified. I hadn't wanted to lift it, and even as I thought to myself that I should lower it, I couldn't seem to find the right muscles to do so. I mentally searched for the connection in my brain that was in charge of movement, but I couldn't find it, I couldn't even _feel_ the memory of it. It was as if it wasn't even my arm anymore, but a prosthetic.

My fingers flexed open and closed, and even though I knew I should be looking at Banks to see his reaction, I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from the sight. I didn't want to do that, my hand shouldn't be moving as if it had a mind of its own. With my right arm I struggled to pull free, to do something, anything. But then, just as it had happened before, my right arm wasn't mine to control anymore.

Both of my arms were moving then, stretched out, hands flexing. Finally, I willed myself to look at Banks. His expression was enough to make my blood turn to ice. His face, I'd never seen him smile so widely, never seen him look so ridiculously happy.

With a quick tap-tap of his keyboard, I felt my arms stop moving, but I knew it wasn't over. He stooped over, typing furiously.

 _Click_ ; and then both of my legs were numb.

 _Tap_ ; my torso, I couldn't feel it.

 _Click_ : my face, it wasn't mine to control anymore.

I was truly a phantom looking down at my body now. I felt as if I were watching the whole thing from above; a different perspective. Banks stood, released my arms and legs, and I didn't move even though in my mind I was ordering my body to run. He returned to his computer and entered a new sequence.

I sat up on the table unblinking. It like I was locked away inside my own mind; pushed to the farthest corners by some unseen force. I told my mouth to scream, but my lips remained shut. I'd always felt like his puppet, but now it had become literal. He let out an elated laugh, and he swished his mouse and clicked on some burry icon I couldn't make out.

I stood.

 _No_ , this was my body. He'd taken everything already; my freewill, my peace, my life. He'd taken Randi. There had to be limits. Anger, indignation, and rebellion sounded in my heart; like a cry for war. I wouldn't let this continued. I couldn't give in.

As I heard him type another series of codes, I felt my muscles begin to tighten in response. Something cold and entirely wrong made my body want to walk, though I tried to refuse. _Mine_ ; I mentally snarled.

I imagined my actual consciousness as a bright ball of energy; momentarily small and condensed from being shoved back into my mind, but growing stronger every second. Then, summoning up all the power and authority I had left, I let it flow throughout my body. I imagined it going from my head, to my torso, through my arms, and down to my legs.

I stood there, trembling and shuddering as I remained planted where I was. I would not move, not if I didn't want to. Banks frowned as he watched me, expecting results that weren't happening, and then turned to type a new order into the computer. I heard him swear quietly under his breath.

Again it felt as if invisible strings were tied to me, trying to yank me to and fro in an attempt to get some sort of reaction. I steeled myself, and as I came across something that felt like a barrier, I imagined myself not as ball of energy anymore, rather the blast of a nuclear bomb. I was explosive, unstoppable, relentless, and uncontrollable. I was me, a human, not some toy to be played with.

The foreign walls in my mind disintegrated, and with a final spasm, I lurched and collapsed onto my knees. It was only me now. Pulling in ragged gasps, I didn't look up to see Banks's reaction until I was sure the handle on my own body was permanent. For a several long and heavy minutes, the only sound that was heard in the room was my breathing and the quiet blip-blip of the computer. Bracing myself for the worst, I stood and then looked at Banks.

I don't know what it was that I'd expected exactly, but incredulous fascination had certainly not been on my list. His face was, for once, entirely without its usual mask boredom. He blinked, turned and typed something on his keyboard, and then shifted to collect the sheets of information that were spewing from the printer.

As he leafed through the printouts, I could hear vague bits and pieces of what he was saying.

"Fascinating– _extraordinary_ – unseen results–"

When it seemed as if he'd forgotten that I was even in the room, I cleared my throat loudly and then nervously ran a hand through my hair.

"So, since it didn't work, does that mean you're going to inject me again?" I asked; usually if there was time, he liked to run his experiments twice.

"Oh, but it did work," Banks corrected with an eerie smile. "True, not for very long, but that's not the point. All along I've been trying to get some sort of reaction. Each time I gave you an injection though, you fought it so that it never seemed like the serums were doing anything. This time, while you did eventually break out of its hold, it was enough for me to see what tweaks I might need to make."

I felt sick. Was it possible that he'd eventually make a serum I'd be unable to manipulate or break free from? The thought was disturbing.

"So, does this mean I'm okay to go?" I asked hesitantly.

He continued to excitedly type and then reread his notes as he answered.

"That is all for now Sage. You are free to leave," he waved me away.

I nodded and turned, but just as I'd unlocked the final bolt on his door, I heard him clear his throat.

"Do not forget what I said," he ordered in a controlled voice. "No alcohol. Not a single drop."


	9. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Lockdown! Now, let's get ready to rumble!" Jax bellowed, drawing out the last word until he was out of breath.

I wish he hadn't. His amplified voice combined with the loud music that was playing over the sound system were only adding more pain to the ache in my mind. I winced; feeling like my head might shatter at any moment. If it hadn't been for the crowd of people, I would've literally curled into a ball and squeezed my hands over my ears to drown out the painful uproar.

A _day_ , a single measly day without alcohol, and already I felt like I was going to go insane. All the bluster I'd made saying that I wasn't totally dependent on the stuff had been just that; a bluff. I'd never thought the time would come when someone, much less Banks, would force me to give up the only lifeline I had to staying mentally stable.

"After counting up all the votes, it has been decided that the first fight of the night will be between John the Boulder Andrews, and Sage the Monster Stronghold!"

My nerves felt like they were exposed electrical wires; buzzing with a dangerous amount of energy that needed to be released. Upon hearing my name I immediately stood and went to stand to the right of Jax, while John took the left.

"And now for the _fun_ part!" Jax continued after the crowd had quieted down enough for him to be heard. "Weapons!"

He pulled out a battered-looking wood box, and then gave it a vigorous shake. The crowd was going mad; this was the other part that made Lockdown fights so famous. _The customer is always right_ , was the motto around here. If they asked that we fight with metal pipes, then we asked how thick they wanted them, if they wanted us to use stones, then we asked what size they'd like; essentially, we were at their mercy.

There were only two weapons that weren't allowed; knives, and guns. That would've been boring. The point of the wooden box was that the people were allowed to get creative and invent exactly what they wanted us to use. Then, like animals, we'd be tossed into the Cage to see just who was stronger than the other; no holding back.

Technically, because Lockdown fights weren't _legal_ , the unspoken rules we had to keep in mind as fighters were that if we were injured and then asked what had happened, we always had to say, _it was an accident_ ; the Cage workers and audience would be in no way implicated in what had occurred. And though it hadn't happened in all the years it had been going on, before we accepted a nomination for a Lockdown, we had to be well aware that death was a possibility.

However, _possibility_ was the key word. The Lockdown was supposed to be fun for the crowd and an easy way to make money; not a way to decrease the dauntless population.

Jax gave the wooden box a final shake, and then he lifted the lid and fished out a folded piece of paper. The crowd went momentarily quiet in anticipation, and comically enough, I was relieved; the break from the thunderous racket was almost soothing.

"And the weapon for tonight will be–" he unfolded the sheet "– knuckle-gloves, what a classic!"

The multitude cheered, and from a different edge of the podium I saw one of Jax's assistants jog over. He handed John his gloves first, and then me. I took them, and then gave a small sigh of disappointment. With all the anger and frustrations that had been building up inside of me, I'd sort of hoped I'd have a better chance at venting with tonight's battle.

Knuckle-gloves were essentially what their name implied; leather gloves that had thick metal pieces attached to the knuckles, fingers, and palms of you hand. It was what we in the industry liked to call a blunt-force weapon. While still painful, it wasn't nearly as dangerous when compared to the sharp-force weapons that had the potential to cause puncture wounds or lacerations.

After securing the gloves on, I quickly made my way to the open door of the Cage. John followed, taking his place opposite where I stood. The crowd was getting riled up again, and as Jax's assistant fastened the chains and locked on the door, I could practically smell them; their effervescent life energy demanded blood and gore.

Jax hit the metal bell next to him, and as the sound reverberated across the arena, I could already begin to feel the remnants of my humanity slip away. As it happened during every fight; I lost myself to the horrible animal that was desperate to claw its way out of me, the one that wanted to unleash its fury and wrath upon anyone who got in its way.

Before John could even shift, I was on him. Suddenly he wasn't just John anymore, he was the person who'd completely ruined my life; he was _Banks_. He was the man who'd taken Randi's life and made me into his puppet.

I drove my fist into his face, and my pounding headache was gone as adrenaline surged through my body. He tried to hit me back, but I swiveled and then dropped down to sweep his feet out from under him. He fell backwards, but I didn't give him a chance to recover. Flinging my body onto his, with my right elbow jutting out to inflict more damage, I heard as the air was forcibly expelled from his lungs.

 _Banks_. He was the man who was constantly threatening my family and friends.

Still on the ground, I shifted so that he was pinned under me. I raised a fist to hit him but he managed to free one of his arms and land several blows along the side of my ribs. I winced, but I didn't budge. With an open palm, I clouted the side of his face; the metal plate leaving angry red marks each time. He stifled a groan, and then began to lurch around until he finally managed to knock me off of him.

Worse than Banks though, I saw the person I absolutely loathed more than anything in the world. I saw the person that could barely be deemed a human; I saw _myself_. As that thought sunk in, black spots began to cloud my vision, and even though I tried to blink them away they didn't fade.

I took a single step back, and it was then that John had the advantage. He threw a right hook that landed squarely on my jaw. Pain lanced from that point, and then traveled all along my neck. Stumbling, I held my hands up in front of my face to protect myself, but he merely grabbed a handful of my hair and used it to anchor himself as he began to repeatedly drive his knee into my ribs and abdomen.

The deafening sound of my pulse was the only thing I could hear. A voice in my head kept telling me just to give up and collapse, that I was nothing more than a dumb piece of meat that was just rotting every day from the inside out, that I deserved this and much more. However, my body refused to do so.

The next time John brought his knee up, I was ready. I dropped my arms and hooked them around his leg, and again I'd knocked him down onto his back. As I began to punch him, I no longer saw Banks, I saw me. I saw the me that had once appeared in my simulation, the evil Sage that wore the face of a hellion. The Sage whose body was entirely composed of writhing snakes, and whose blood had been replaced with venom.

I hit him over and over, as if I could somehow wipe him from the face of the Earth. I didn't just want him beaten, I wanted him dead. I wanted the _me_ underneath his skin to have never existed. I didn't have other thoughts. That Sage, no, _me_ \- I was a plague. I wanted my own demonic face, which had haunted my days and nights, to disappear like a wisp of smoke and perish like an unwatched ember.

The body beneath me was no longer moving, and though my crazed mind told me to keep attacking, my eyes finally cleared and showed me the truth. I wasn't hurting myself, I was hurting John. The crowd roared, like a living thing, urging me to go on.

"Monster!" Stomp, stomp. "Finish _him_!"

I shakily got to my feet and stared in horror at my blood drenched hands. When had I taken the gloves off? Below me John wasn't moving, he merely lay crumpled in a heap. I felt my mouth run dry, but as a pair of Jax's assistants unlocked the door, I saw his foot twitch; he was alive; but only barely.

Without warning, my breathing began to come in ragged gasps. What had I done? I backed away from the scene, and even though the night was still young and there was the possibility for me to get drawn for another fight, I didn't hesitate to turn away and run out of the arena.

My brain told me to stop, but my body continued to flee as if I were being chased by wild animals. I didn't know where I was going until I was literally at the edge of the chasm. I wrapped my hands tightly around the railing and then poised my legs as I began to climb over it. My vision was clouded, but I didn't care.

Once I'd lifted myself over the barrier, my feet barely situated on the lip of the rocks that overlooked the running water, I opened my left hand so that my body was leaning forward. I stared at the depths of the river, and I imagined myself being pulled under. I wasn't the same boy who'd arrived here; there was now darkness where before there'd been light.

The only thing that kept me from pitching forward was the fact that I was still holding onto one of the metal rungs, and that my mind had unintentionally strayed to my mother. I felt the fingers of my right hand begin to slowly ache from holding my weight for so long. I didn't let go though, instead I closed my eyes and tried to think of everyone that still needed me.

A long time passed, and as I stood there, I knew that I'd never be able to completely forgive myself for what had happened to Randi. I could feel it the way you could feel the wind blowing across your face; invisible, but certain. I also knew, as sure as the blood that ran through my veins, that if I didn't find something to distract myself with, I wouldn't be able to live with the grief much longer. I just wasn't that strong.

All the white pages that I'd planned to write my future on had been burned to ashes, and now all that was left was uncertainty. With a shaking breath, I gripped the railing tighter and then pulled myself back onto the steady ground. I couldn't do it. I was the one who was still alive, and though all I wanted was darkness and peace from my unending guilt, I knew this wasn't the right time. Not yet.

Before I could regret my decision, I turned and began to make my way to my room. I wouldn't sleep, but I figured it was a safer place for me to be, especially in the condition that my mind was in.

I was just turning a corner when I heard the skittering of stones across the ground in front of me. I froze, half expecting Banks to pop up with another syringe, but then relaxed when I realized the shape of the person was all wrong.

"Grace?" I asked as I continued towards where she stood by my door.

"Sage, hey, I was just dropping by to leave you some–" she immediately broke off when she saw my face. "What happened?"

I didn't answer. I was too tired and drained to bother coming up with a lie. She must've sensed my aversion, because rather than continue to prod, she held out a little container in her hands.

"Dan came by the clinic and said that you didn't have anything good in your fridge," she explained. "So I figured I'd bring you something."

"Thanks," I answered, trying to work up a smile.

As I approached and unlocked the door, I gestured for Grace to come in. She did, and then immediately made her way to the kitchen.

"You know you don't have to take care of me," I said as I watched her scurrying around the place, opening cupboards and pulling out bowls.

"I know, but I want to," she said easily. "I don't mind."

"But I do," I said quietly. "Grace, I'm not worth saving."

She had her back turned to me, and in her posture I could see that she was tense and a little anxious.

"Sage, it's almost been a year," I heard her say quietly. She turned to hand me a bowl. "You have to move on. It's not good for you to dwell on–"

"Grace stop, you don't know what you're talking about," I immediately cut in. My nerves were frayed, I wasn't in complete control of my actions, and this talk was only worsening the matter.

"Then explain it to me. Maybe if you vented even the tiniest bit of what's going on in your mind you'd feel better."

 _Then you'd be dead too_ ; my mind thought bitterly.

Grace stared at me, quietly demanding answers that I'd never give. I stared back, and as the seconds passed by I could see that she was beginning to resign herself. To break the tension, I reached forward and pulled my bowl of soup towards me. I wasn't hungry, but I needed something to do.

"You look tired," Grace said, walking around to sit next to me on the counter.

"Can't sleep," I explained. Then, because I knew I'd been rude, I elaborated. "Nightmares, every night I get them. I'd rather not sleep than have to see…"

Grace nodded, and as she sighed, I saw her shake her head in quiet disapproval.

"It wasn't your fault Sage," she said.

I didn't feel like continuing the argument, but just as I was about to change the subject words began to tumble out of my mouth.

"I just feel so guilty Grace, all the time. Everywhere I go, everything I see and hear reminds me of what happened. Then when I sleep, when I dream, she appears. I see her, and it's as if nothing had ever changed. She's alive and smiling," I choked out. "But then it changes, and she's just a ghost, and I can feel her slipping away from me."

Grace nodded, and after a moment of hesitation she spoke.

"I know you're keeping something from us, Dan thinks so too, and I'm not going to try and force it out of you," she said. "But what I do know is that guilt isn't always a rational thing. It can be a weight that crushes you, whether you deserve it or not. In this case, I think you're being too hard on yourself. You can't live in the past Sage, you have to look to the future."

I didn't answer; instead I dropped my eyes and stared only at the soup in front of me. Grace left shortly after, but even with her gone, I continued to look only in front of me.

The boy I'd been, the one called Sage, he was gone.


	10. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

To say I wasn't doing well would've been the understatement of the century. Without the buffer of alcohol, Randi was forever in my thoughts. And even though I fought to keep her memory at bay, she'd been slowly creeping up on me as the hours passed by.

Because it was Sunday, one of the few days when the Cage was actually closed, I had absolutely nothing to do the whole morning. Usually, I'd taken to spending all of my free time at the bar. However, due to Banks's new rule, I found myself completely at a loss. I was lucid, and I didn't like it. There was nothing to protect me from the raging accusations of my subconscious.

 _This is your fault. She died because of you._

The things that made me remember her cut like pieces of glass. The sound of laughter, the memory of her lips on mine, the net where we'd laid and stared at the stars, my dreams, it was all as painful as the deepest wound.

It was when darkness finally set over the city that I knew I had to get out. I had to do _something_. Without having any sort of plan, I fled from the compound and out into the brisk night air. I inhaled deeply and craned my head up to gaze at the sky. A few stars were out, shining and glittering, and the moon was but a silver crescent in all the blackness of the universe.

I felt so insignificant.

"Sage, where are you going?"

I turned and was surprised when I saw Dan standing behind me. He was breathing rather heavily, and I deduced that he'd chased after me. I hadn't even heard him.

"Nowhere, I just needed some air," I explained. "Were you following me?"

" _No_ , I love a good-spirited jog in the middle of the night" he said, attempting to sound like he was joking but without success. "Seriously though, what's going on? Why the rush to get out?"

I thought of a hundred lies in the few seconds that elapsed, but as I stared into Dan's worried eyes I couldn't get myself to bring any of them to fruition. I was just so sick of lying.

"I need a distraction," I admitted, "and if I have to stay in there a second longer, I _swear_ I will go out of my mind."

In the distance I heard the familiar rumble of the train, and then almost instantly an idea popped into my head. _Of course, why not?_ Dan and I had invented it during one of our excursions with Finn and the boys. It was wild, it was reckless, and it was dangerous; I wanted to go train surfing.

I grinned at Dan, who still seemed confused, and then swiftly turned and began to run towards the approaching train.

"Hey, what are you doing?" He shouted as he sprinted after me.

"Having fun, isn't that what you're always telling me to do?" I answered as I sped up.

When the train passed by, I easily grabbed onto one of the handles and pulled myself in. Dan followed a few seconds later, and then gave a genuine laugh when he saw me start to climb up the siding of the car and towards the roof.

"Dude, train-surfing? Why didn't you say so sooner!" He crowed, completely on-board with my plan.

Once we were on and the train began to pick up speed, Dan and I fought to maintain our precarious balance on top of the swaying platform. Up ahead, I could see one of the many turns the car would take, and I braced my feet against the floor to get some purchase on the slick aluminum tiling. The air whipped all around me, making the fabric on my jacket snap, and for an instant I almost felt as if I were once again falling through a hole and into the dauntless compound.

"Turn coming up!" I called out so that Dan would be prepared, and then I leaned as the car shifted to the right.

I heard Dan's carefree laughter behind me, bright and childlike, and I almost wanted to join in – _almost_. I couldn't though, I hadn't laughed in a long time, and even if I tried now, I was almost certain I'd be unable to do so. Another turn came up, and still the train continued to speed up. I leaned and shifted each time, predicting the change in momentum before it happened.

As the path in front of me became a straight line, I closed my eyes and held my arms out; like a bird about to take flight. The swaying underneath me was soothing, and as the wind tugged at my body, I couldn't help but imagine ghostly hands reaching towards me; their translucent fingers beckoning for me to join them. I was lost in thought. The sounds around me faded, and as they did, I felt an unusual sense of calm fill my bones.

In the silence there was truth.

I was Sage Stronghold, a Monster, and this would be my last night alive. It was a strange feeling to acknowledge that fact with complete certainty. All the shame and self-loathing had finally gotten to me; had finally become so undeniably strong that it was pushing me to this.

A year ago, I'd still been under the illusion that things could be better. I'd been stupid, childishly blind, head filled with fairytales that said good always triumphed over evil. Well, not anymore. After three-hundred and sixty days, I'd finally willed up the courage to take this next and final step. How cowardly that it had taken me this long to do so. It would all be okay though, after this, I wouldn't miss anyone.

Nothing could hurt me anymore.

My thoughts circled around this as the train reached its maximum speed. Up ahead there was a tunnel, and I knew that if I didn't drop down onto my stomach in a few minutes I'd probably die from the impact. Somehow, I couldn't seem to make myself care.

The only thing that saddened me was the fact that I wanted to see _her_ one last time; needed that final push at the end. As I continued to sway in the wind, I could almost make myself feel happy; I'd never again have to put up with the wretchedness of the dark and confined enclosure I had to call home. I'd never again have to do something against my will, I'd be free.

"Get down!" I heard a voice shout from somewhere beyond the haze of my mind.

What was going on?

" _Christ_! Sage, get down now!"

Dan, that was Dan. Why did he sound so alarmed?

I blinked, saw the tunnel, and hesitated a second too long. I could practically feel the hard wall colliding with my body, but as I pitched forward, I realized the motion was all wrong. I fell frontward and onto my face, something heavy pinning me to the roof of the train.

As the roaring sound of the locomotive's engine echoed throughout the tunnel, I realized that it had been Dan who'd knocked me down; with his tackle, he'd saved me from a certain death. I tried to move, but he only continued to shove me down. I stopped struggling. It was only when we were free from the underpass, and when the train had slowed down, that he released me.

As his weight shifted, I turned and glimpsed his face long enough to see that he was as pale as a ghost. I opened my mouth to speak, but the moment he saw me move, he held his hand up and shook his head once.

"Dan, just hear me out, I–"

He didn't bother listening. The moment the silhouette of the dauntless compound appeared, he swiftly jumped off of the train and disappeared into the night. I stayed on the car a second longer, and then followed behind where I thought he'd gone.

I never found him though. After running into the compound and asking around, I came up empty handed as to his whereabouts. I was worried; I'd never seen him act that way before. Objectively, I understood that my thoughtless actions had shaken him, but how could I explain anything if he was hiding from me?

I was exhausted by the time I gave up and headed to my room. Locking the door and throwing myself onto the bed, I knew that what I'd done had been selfish. I had to talk to Dan. Though I probably wouldn't tell him the complete truth, I'd have to at least reveal a little of what was going through my head. He deserved to know why I'd had the sudden lapse of judgment.

As I lay and stared at my ceiling, I fought sleep; not wanting to have Randi's memory weaken the fragile hold I had on reason. Because of this, I immediately leapt to my feet when I heard a knock on my door. I whipped the door open, hoping that it would be Dan and I'd be able to explain myself. Instead, I was surprised when I saw Marko.

"Marko? What are you doing here?" I asked. "How do you even know where I live?"

"I followed the trail of crumbs so to speak," he answered as he kicked some of the old empty beer bottles that still littered my hallway. "You know, this place is a pigsty."

"Thanks," I said flatly. "So is that all you came by to say, or is there more left to this _delightful_ visit of yours?"

"More actually," he said as he ran a hand nervously through his hair. "Umm, Banks is looking for you. He asked me to tell you to meet him in his office."

"Okay, thanks for the message," I said.

As I walked, my mind got to figuring that maybe Banks had decided to lift my ban on alcohol, or that perhaps he'd decided that he wanted to try out another serum. In any case, I wasn't worried. I figured whatever he wanted to do to me couldn't be that bad; I'd gone through it all before and was used to it.

Once I'd gotten to his office, I knocked and then waited until I heard the familiar click of the locks on his door opening.

"Sage," Banks greeted me, not bothering to look up from his stack of papers.

"Banks," I responded. "Marko said you wanted to see me?"

"Yes, that is right," he nodded, flipping a page as he continued to read. "I've been informed of some alarming behavior on your part."

I froze, feeling completely blindsided. What had he heard? Did he know about the train? _No_ , Dan wouldn't have sold me out like that, not with Banks.

"Oh?" I answered innocently; as if his news had taken me by surprise as well. "What kind of behavior?"

" _Suicidal_ behavior."

My heart lurched painfully in my chest. No, Dan couldn't have spoken to Banks. Other than myself, Dan was one of the people who hated Banks the most. Impossible, it must've been someone else. Perhaps another dauntless who'd followed us out and had just seen the whole thing from a distance. I realized I was gaping, and I struggled to regain my composure.

"Yes, I was astounded as well. I did not think you would be so stupid as to call attention to yourself in that way." His eyes continued to scan the paper, but I could hear the edge to his words. "Don't let it happen again."

"I won't," I said immediately. I figured lying now would only serve to worsen the situation. I began to turn around to leave when I heard him clear his throat.

"I wasn't finished."

"Sorry," I said, sitting back down and resisting the urge to tap my foot.

Finally tearing his eyes away from the pages in front of him, I watched as he straightened up the edges of the documents in his hand and then slipped them into a large manila folder from one of his drawers. He closed the flap, and then held out the packet towards me.

"What's that?" I blurted out. Mentally I kicked myself as soon as the words were out; no questions, he hated questions.

Banks didn't answer until I'd taken the package.

"While I trust that you won't be making the same mistake that you did last night, I can't help but think that along with the drinking, all the fighting must've finally gotten to your head," he smirked. "You have such limited reasoning abilities, it's only logical that your underdeveloped brain would be overwhelmed. Now you won't have to worry about that though, you're being reassigned."

I grit my teeth. "You already told me to stop drinking, and I guess I understand the reason for that, but the fights, I can't just quit–"

"I'm not asking Sage, I'm _ordering_ you," Banks interrupted. "I had been considering it before your little train stunt actually, but I had doubts. Now though, I'm certain this is the right thing to do. That folder contains your new assignment for these next few weeks. It's not a long-term job, so if you behave I may reconsider letting you return to your previous employment." He chuckled. "I'm sure the people down at the Cage will miss their little _Monster_."

Bile rose in my throat at the word, my title; monster. It sounded worse coming from his lips. I swallowed the bitterness and nodded again.

"Okay," I answered icily, not bothering to read the papers just yet. "I can handle it."

"I know you can," he chuckled, and then he raised a hand and waved me away. As the door was closing though, I managed to catch the last of his parting words.

"Hurting people is what you do best."


	11. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Sage!"

I paused mid-step, leaving the door to my room open as I craned my head to see who'd called to me. After having my talk with Banks, I'd gone down to the Cage and reluctantly informed them of my job reassignment. Surprisingly, most of them had been happy for me. Even Marko, who I suspected had only complained because it was what everyone expected of him, had obviously appeared relieved.

"Dan?" I asked, shocked to see him so soon; he'd hidden from me before, and I'd assumed it would've taken longer for him to cool off and come talk to me.

"Hey," he said as he jogged up and leaned against my doorframe. "So, Banks had a talk with you?"

I frowned a little; there was a different sort of tone in Dan's voice. I looked at him, and though is posture and voice seemed nonchalant, I could sense that he was wound up. Could it be that he was still upset about the train incident?

"Yeah," I said; drawing the word out slowly. I stepped back and continued into my room, throwing the manila packet onto my bed. "How did you know?"

"I heard what Marko said to you," he confessed. "Then I saw you walk out of that office Banks always uses."

"So you were following me?" I asked. " _Again?_ "

"Yeah," he admitted with an offhanded shrug. "I was curious."

"Well it was nothing important," I hedged. Something was terribly wrong, it was like the calm before the storm.

"Oh?" Dan mused, picking at his nails as he spoke. "So what did he want then?"

I sighed, and then nodded my head in the direction of my bed where the little package sat untouched.

"I've been reassigned," I frowned.

" _Uh-huh_ , where to?"

I froze; that cadence in his voice was foreign. Dan, my best-friend, he was trying to lie to me. _Why_? What could ever possess him to want to do that? He was the most honest person I knew, and not just because he'd been raised in candor, but because that's how he liked to be; it was in his nature.

"Not sure," I said slowly, waiting for any sign that would tell me I was wrong. He couldn't be lying; there was no reason to, not with me.

"Well then, I suggest you check that out _immediately_ Sage," he said in clipped words; his attempts to hide his deceit were failing, and I could see his composure breaking. His body was practically vibrating with restrained anger. "You better read it soon too, you wouldn't want to be a bad instructor to this year's initiates now would you?"

"What?" I stammered, my face going blank.

"I mean, that wouldn't be fair to them at all, and think of how it would look on your records. You wouldn't want to jeopardize theirs and your future now would you?"

I spun on my heel and ripped the flap off of the large envelope, horror making my heart beat frantically. Like a maniac, I began leafing through page after page of the manual titled; Initiate Addendum/Syllabus. My eyes flashed up, and I saw Dan's all-too-perceptive gaze resting on me.

"You knew?" I asked, my voice sounding clearly betrayed.

So he _had_ been the one to tell Banks. He'd run and told on me as if I were some irresponsible child that needed reprimanding. I was so confused. I slumped onto my bed and gaped; from the pages in my hand to Dan's hardened features. He knew this was the last job on earth I wanted.

"That's right fucker," he growled, clenching his fists. "Kind of puts a damper on your plans, huh?"

"You told Banks about last night? Why would you narc me out like that!" I exclaimed, throwing the stack of papers at the wall opposite my bed; they hit with a flurry, landing all over my floor and surrounding furniture. "You know I never wanted the responsibility of having to take care of anyone else. Why would you do this to me? I thought you were my friend."

My accusation wasn't taken well at all. Impossibly out of character; Dan was on me in a flash. His hands wrapped around the collar of my shirt and he was suddenly shaking me.

"I _am_ your friend you idiot!" he yelled, and again very much unlike him, he shoved me back and onto the ground in frustration. "No, I'm more than that, I'm your brother. But this isn't about me. Not now. So don't you even try turning this conversation around."

I lay in stunned silence as he curled his hands into fists. He didn't hit me; though I could tell he wanted nothing more than to beat some sense into me. Instead he ran a hand through his hair and then in a fit of fury, he bent down to my level and began to toss rumpled pieces of paper at me.

"I can't believe it had to come to _this_ ; me, asking Banks for help. I never could've guessed how depressed you were about Randi, but last night cleared everything up. How long were those thoughts going through your head, huh? How long? Didn't you think of how your death would affect me, your mom, Mara, your friends, _anyone_? Were you only thinking of yourself? People depend on you in ways you don't even know."

But I did know; I knew just how their lives were balanced on just what I did or didn't do. It was that pressure that had been slowly invading my every thought. I couldn't tell Dan that truth though. I stayed silent, trying to think of a way to appease him. He read me before I could even open my mouth.

"Trying to think of a lie?" He accused. "Is that what I see in that dense head of yours? Yeah, don't look so surprised, I've always known when you tried to deceive me. You might fool the others, but not me. I know you too well," his voiced cracked, and then he was up and looming over me. "We made a promise, remember? We said we'd always be honest with each other."

I sat up and held my hands out. "I'm sorry Dan, I–"

"No, you shut the hell up," He cut in, his voice terribly, terribly even. I was worried; because Dan stopped sounding angry when he was actually at his worst.

I closed my mouth and watched as his face flushed red with pent up fury.

"You're going to listen to me, and you're going to listen good. I don't know what happened with you and Randi, but I'm beginning to suspect that her death wasn't just some accident. It kills me to think that you don't trust me, and I can only hope that you'll eventually come to your senses. But hear me, so long as I'm alive, I'm not going to let you do anything stupid to yourself again," he said the last part firmly, and I could see the steely resolve in his eyes. "You know where to find me if you want to talk."

Then, just as he'd come, he was gone. I stared at the open doorway where he'd leaned and attempted to appear calm, it felt like years had passed when really our argument had probably lasted only a few minutes.

All at once, I leapt to my feet and slammed my door closed. Then, I proceeded to yell. The noise ripped out of my throat; wild and animalistic, raw and agonized. This wasn't what I wanted. I'd never meant to hurt Dan or my family that way.

I grabbed a handful of the papers and crumpled them, tossing them this way and that. No, I couldn't do it. I didn't want the lives of more innocents in my hands. Why had Dan done that to me? Didn't he realize that I'd just serve to ruin the lives of other people? Without realizing it, I was already up and sprinting down the hallway. Then when I spotted Dan, I didn't slow down.

Blind with anger, I shoved him into one of the walls. He was quick though; speed had always been what tilted the scales in his favor. He whipped around and grabbed ahold of my arm, using my own momentum to throw me against the floor. I jumped back onto my feet, ready to strike, but when I saw the look on his face I felt all the fight leech out of me.

I'd only seen that look once; on the day of my own mother's funeral. The raw and completely unguarded expression he held spoke of loss and sorrow, and it pained me worse than any injury I'd ever sustained to know that I'd put it there.

"I'm not going to fight you Sage," he said in a voice he struggled to control. "If you're angry, then good, let it out, but just know that I won't hurt you. What I did, I did because I care, not as some sort of payback."

"I know that, it's just…" I trailed off, how could I tell him? _How_?

"This is crazy Sage. Remember what Randi used to say to you?" He insisted; looking apologetic when he saw me flinch at the sound of her name. "She said; don't get yourself killed."

"I don't _want_ to remember," I said softly. "What I did on the train, I wasn't trying to really kill myself. I just wanted to feel free. I wanted to do dangerous things… I wanted to forget it all."

"What are you saying?" Dan asked, looking ridiculously more horrified than he had before.

"I'm not saying anything," I backtracked; realizing just the implications my words might give.

"Really?" He said with a note of hard irony in his voice. "Because it sounds like you are."

"No," I snapped, but as soon as the words were out I felt something shift inside of me.

I was done. The lies were eating me up inside, intoxicating my body with their darkness, and though I worried about the position I'd be putting Dan in, I knew I had to tell him. Someone had to know the truth, and I trusted him.

Dan must've seen the change in me, because his face immediately softened. He took a step towards me and then raised an eyebrow as if to say, _now what_? I nodded my head for him to follow me, and then I walked until I reached the only place I knew Banks would never go; the roof. Though he'd never admit it, and probably no one would believe me if I told them, I'd eventually figured out that heights were one of Banks' fears.

Once we'd checked and made sure that the roof was empty, I took the folding chair I kept up there and wedged it under the doorknob. What I was about to tell Dan was life threatening information, and I didn't want anyone to walk in on us. I'd learned, and I'd never again reveal anything if I wasn't sure that there weren't prying ears around.

As I sat on the ledge, my legs dangling above the ruins of our city, I began to speak. No filter, no white lies or bent truths, just the pure unadulterated story of how my life had changed the day of our aptitude tests. I told him about the simulations, about Randi's death, what Banks had done and _still_ did to me, everything up do just a few hours ago. Dan was quiet throughout the whole tale, and it was only when I'd finished that he finally spoke.

"You loved her, didn't you?" Dan asked softly, nudging my shoulder when I didn't answer right away.

"What does it even matter," I croaked, avoiding his eyes. "Who gives a shit? She's dead. That's the present, and that's what matters now. Not how I feel, or what I think, that's all garbage in the big picture."

The weight of it all was insurmountable. I felt my body literally wilt as I let everything fall onto me. Tears came, but I didn't bother to wipe them away. I felt no embarrassment, just a raw pain that burned at the edges of my heart. We didn't speak for what seemed like an eternity after my outburst.

"Well you know what Sage," Dan said; breaking the silence with his gentle tone. "Everyone and everything dies eventually. It's an indisputable truth. No matter who you are, where you came from, how much money or power you have; none of it can change the fact that our days are numbered. Nothing lasts."

He let out a sigh, staring out at the sun that was beginning to rise, and I couldn't help but feel surprised at the profoundness of his words.

"Randi was important to you, and I get that, _really_ I do. But wallowing around like this isn't what she'd want for you. You have to move past all that crap that's stuck in your head and go forward in life. Her death, it wasn't your fault. Banks would've killed her or anyone else just to prove his point. You are not in charge of his actions, only your own. You did the right thing telling her, and now you have to do the right thing and get out of this rut your in."

"How can I do that? He has you and my family threatened. And even if I _did_ want to move on, I don't think I could allow myself to do that. I don't want to forget her."

"I can take care of myself, and now that I know what's going on I could even try and help you find a way out of all of this. As for not forgetting Randi, well, that's what memories are for; so that things that are gone can still matter. That's how you keep her spirit alive," Dan said firmly. "You have to learn to build off of your past so that you can make a better present and future."

Again, I was struck by the deepness of his train of thought.

"You know, your all-seeing wisdom is pretty annoying sometimes," I said with a broken laugh. I brushed away the tears and actually turned to look at him. "Tell me then, _oh-wise-one_ , what does the future hold?"

He chuckled and shrugged as he tossed a nearby pebble over the side of the building, we watched in in silence until it was gone from view.

"Well, that's the tricky part. I suppose the future is hope," he said as he closed his eyes, grinning into the sky as the sun warmed his face.

"Or more deaths and fear," I countered.

"No," he shook his head. "Hope, definitely hope."

Again, we lapsed into silence, and all I could hear was the wind that whipped around us. This was a different wind than the one I'd experienced on the train. It was calm, and in it I could smell the promise of a new day, a new start, a new life.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I should've told you everything sooner, I should've been honest."

I'd never meant to let all these lies twist me into the person I was now. I didn't want to be the kind of man who sought to take the easy way out when things got rough. I'd never meant to hurt Dan or anyone else with my actions. I had assumed the damage, since it was self-inflicted, had been limited to just me, and only me; I'd had no idea of the backlash my friends had taken having to watch as I destroyed myself.

Dan closed his eyes for a moment, thoughtful, and then he opened them and I could see they were alight with his familiar lightness and cheer.

"I forgive you," he answered. And just like that, I could feel the invisible weight on my shoulders ease; not completely, but enough so that I could take a deep breath without wincing. I felt lighter than I had in days.

"Thank you," I smiled; completely marveled at the magic these three simple phrases had on my inner peace.

The sun continued to rise, casting pink-blue hues on the underside of the clouds, and I felt myself relax as I pulled in another deep and cleansing breath.

"So, divergent huh?" Dan chuckled to himself as he leaned back and craned his head up to get more sunlight. "Not sure why I didn't suspect it before, it makes total sense actually."

"Really?" I said, unable to hide my surprise. "How so?"

"Hah, _how so_?" he repeated with a snort. "You're a total stiff, and even though you try to lie, you still suck at it, and of course there's no doubt that you're brave," he paused and I saw his brow furrow the slightest bit. "Not gonna' lie though, I do feel slightly conflicted."

"About what?" I asked, unable to hide the worry in my tone; had he changed his mind?

"About your little buddy Banks, _ugh_ , I mean I feel so torn. On the one hand I hate his guts and wouldn't mind if he tripped and had a little accident in the chasm, but on the other I can't help but feel grateful. I mean, he singlehandedly got you to stop drinking and fighting in the Cage when none of us ever could."

"I didn't exactly do it willingly," I reminded him.

"Yeah, but still, he sort of got you on the right path," Dan insisted. "And even though I know you aren't exactly excited about training this year's initiates, I have a feeling it could really help you get over this rut you're in."

"I doubt it," I said, but then held my hands up when Dan made like he was going to punch me.

"No more pessimism, I won't have it," he said. "You have to see the bright side, like you used to, you have to have faith."

 _Faith_. Just a few hours ago that word would've never appeared in my vocabulary, now though, I couldn't help but feel like it was just the right thing to believe in. This was the day, with my best-best friend at my side and the truth out and in the open, when it would all begin. Everything would start here, _today_.

I wouldn't think of the misery, but of the hope that remained.


	12. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

A year ago today, I'd jumped off of a building, through a hole in the ground, and into the net of the dauntless compound. A year ago, I'd been the student learning the ropes, and now I'd be an instructor sharing all the knowledge I had to offer. As I stared my fractured reflection in the mirror, I couldn't help but feel my stomach twist and turn with suppressed nerves; not of fear, but rather excitement.

Since my talk with Dan, I'd really been putting in the effort into becoming a good mentor to the future dauntless initiates. When we'd finally left the roof and gone back into the compound, Dan had asked for the day off and had helped me pick up the papers I'd carelessly thrown around. Then, just like we'd done countless times when we'd been in school, we had studied the whole day.

My new job would be fairly simple, and especially since I'd be in charge of the dauntless-born instead of the transfers. I'd been feeling rather good, that is until I discovered just who'd be training the initiates with me. When I found out, I nearly had a panic attack. I felt pity and fear for the future transfers who'd dare to make a mistake, because with Banks as an instructor they'd surely regret ever having picked this faction.

Though Banks said that he'd chosen to help train this year's initiates because he simply wanted to raise the quality of the citizens we accepted into dauntless, I knew he must have other intentions. In his office, during one of his many serum-testing sessions, I brought up the topic. He'd smiled, slow and deviously, and then shaken his head in amusement.

Of course he wouldn't' tell me, but it didn't stop me from trying to find out more information. With the need to rebel against his cruelty and malice rekindled, I was once again focused and on a mission. I needed to know what it was exactly that he wanted to gain from being so close to the initiates.

It felt good to have a purpose. Though from what I could see in my splintered mirror, I didn't necessarily look that much better; my eyes still had circles under them, my hair was overgrown and disheveled, the growth on my chin made me look like a bum, and the scars and still-healing bruises on my body made me appear thug-like. For an instant, I considered taking a pair of scissors and going to town on my hair, but then I decided against it when I remembered the time Mara had left me with a bald spot.

 _Maybe a shave? Nah, it's not that bad_ ; I thought as I ran my hand across my stubble. I figured it at least made me seem more adult-like and mature. Though I already knew most of the dauntless sixteen-year olds who'd be going to the Choosing Ceremony today, I still wanted to be seen as a respectable figure.

Letting out a nervous breath, I left my apartment and headed to the dining hall. I could hear the buzzing of the people that were wide awake. The halls were crawling with excited dauntless, and I could guess the nature of their chatter by the few words I caught.

"Choosing Ceremony today–"

"–can't wait, wonder who'll stay?"

"How many transfers –this year, do you think?"

I kept moving forward. Somewhere in the distance I could hear the sound of laughing children, their gleeful squeals filling the air with even more jovial anticipation. This time, I didn't try to shut it out; to not hear. I needed the music of their carefree exaltations, I wanted laughter. I didn't just want blind pessimism anymore.

Though this world we all lived in was full of lies, ugly, overwhelming, and incredibly cruel, I had to focus on the good. I had to hold onto the scraps of beauty; they were my lifeline now.

As I continued to make my way to the lunchroom, I was surprised to see that it was still early enough that most of the dauntless-born were still there, eating and talking excitedly amongst themselves. I walked in, and when I spotted Dan, Grace, Finn and his boys, I made my way towards them.

"Hey man!" Finn called when he spotted me. "Are you going to come with us to watch the Choosing Ceremony?"

"You're going?" I asked as I took a seat in between Dan and Grace; noticing immediately that they both looked pleased and more cheerful than I'd seen them in days.

Grace pushed a bowl of oatmeal in front of me, and Dan, after a slight moment of hesitation, gave me one of his extra muffins. I almost chuckled; Dan giving away _any_ of his food was an act that could almost be considered a miracle.

"Of course," Biff said in his overly-excited voice. "We're gonna' cheer Wayne on when he picks dauntless."

" _If_ he picks dauntless," Jude corrected, looking worried. "I mean, if he picks another faction, I'll still visit him and all, but I definitely won't cheer."

"Don't worry, Wayne's definitely got an aptitude for all of this," Finn said as he gave Jude a pat on the back. "Actually, most of this year's dauntless-born really don't seem like they'd transfer. There's only like one or two who I think might switch, but other than that the rest seem solid."

I nodded, and continued to munch on my muffin.

"Yeah, I hope so," Jude nodded; sounding like he was trying to convince himself. "Anyway, so are you coming with us Sage?"

"Can't," I admitted; by now they all knew that I'd been transferred from a Cage fighter to the dauntless-born instructor, but it was still sometimes necessary to remind them. "I'm the one who's going to meet them down by the net."

"Oh, right, right," Jude nodded. He gave me a little smile and then chuckled. "Hey, so not to sound pushy or anything, but, you know, if you're not busy…" He trailed off, looking embarrassed.

"I'll keep an eye out for Wayne," I said; knowing that was what was worrying him. "Though I don't think he'll have any problems, he's a tough kid."

"I know, I just worry sometimes you know? When he and Felix hang out, that's just a recipe for disaster."

"I know," I agreed, casting a quick glance at the table behind us where Felix was tossing bits of his toast at Iris. Wayne was sitting next to him, supplying him with more ammo as he tore up his own bread.

As we continued to eat our breakfast, I was surprised to find that I was actually feeling much more enthusiastic. It was amazing how telling the truth, even if it was just to one person, had really helped to lighten my mood. I'd be almost completely normal if it wasn't for the fact that I was still plagued with nightmares.

When we were done, Jude and the guys began to leave the compound as they followed the dauntless-born who'd be deciding their future today. I watched them leave, but then before they could get too far I jogged over to Iris who was a little towards the back. I carefully put my hand on her shoulder.

"Iris?"

"Sage, hey," she smiled; looking at me curiously.

"Ahem, _umm_ , I just wanted to say that if for some reason you do choose another faction–"

"Woah, woah, haha, stop right there," she cut in as she held up her hands. "I'm not leaving."

"No?" I asked; surprised by just how confident she sounded.

"Nope, I'm staying here, this is my home," she said as she gestured around the place. "The tests don't have to change our choices."

I knew my face must've looked surprised, because that was one of the first times I'd heard that phrase said by someone who wasn't abnegation. Even though it had been a year since my own Choosing Cermony, I'd clearly heard that saying mention by some of the kids in school that wore gray. I blinked, deciding I was reading too much into it, and then offered her a smile.

"Just saying, if for some reason I don't see you again, I want you to know I'll always be your friend."

Iris raised a brow, and in this simple gesture I could see her question. _What about faction before blood?_

I felt something in my chest burn, but it was a good feeling; it was the familiar pang of my old rebelliousness. Faction over blood? _As if_. _I_ decided who I was friends with, and nothing, not even our laws of society would stop me.

"Get going, you don't want to be late," I said when I saw that she still seemed confused.

She grinned, and then in a flash she was off and merging into the sea of black-clothed bodies. This year things would change, and even if I died trying, I'd put everything back the way it should be. I wouldn't rest until my loved ones were safe and justice had been served.

With that thought in mind, I walked over to where the net was positioned and then stood patiently; waiting. I knew it was too soon for me to be here, but I was feeling anxious for some reason, as if I were waiting for something specific.

I knew the right time had finally rolled around when the dauntless members who hadn't gone to the Choosing Ceremony began to trickle in. In no time, the whole area was swarming, and the energy radiating off of their bodies was practically tangible. Strangely enough, the more rowdy the crowd got the calmer my own body seemed to feel.

Though it still made me nervous and had my heart thudding with panic, I knew I'd do everything I could to keep _all_ of the initiates safe from whatever it was that Banks was planning. I wouldn't let them down. I knew he must have something up his sleeve, and until I knew what it was, I'd have to be eternally vigilant.

As if summoned by my thoughts, Banks joined me a few minutes later. I gave him a curt nod, and he returned a cynical smile of his own; he was much too eager for my liking. I was still waiting when I heard Max say he was going to go up on the roof to meet up with the initiates that had made it this far. So this was it then, time to meet the new blood.

Seconds passed, and I swore they felt like hours. Then, as if to appease my growing impatience, my candor-ears distinctly caught the low murmur of voices. I tilted my head up, but all I could see were the blurry silhouettes of the group that was clustered around the hole.

Vaguely, I wondered who'd be the first person brave enough to jump. Last year it had been me, but I'd already been somewhat audacious before I'd transferred to dauntless. I'd never heard of an abnegation kid making it in, so that was out of the picture. If anything, I figured it might be someone from candor or even erudite. I was still mulling over various theories when I heard the voices above suddenly fall silent.

"We don't have all day–" I faintly heard Max say. Even from where I stood, I could just make out the hint of annoyance in his voice.

There was a moment of silence, and then without any warning, a body dropped from the opening and into the net. It was a girl, and from the color of her clothes, I was surprised to see she was from amity. There were no screams, not even the sound of nervous laughter, just the quiet thump of her body bouncing twice on the net.

As the momentum of her fall dissipated, she lay perfectly still and looked up above her, the smallest of smiles visible on her lips. I shook my head slightly, and couldn't help but marvel at her bravery. Then I quickly leaned over the platform and yanked down the side of the net so she'd roll towards me.

Once she was close, I stretched my arm out and offered her my hand. She took it without hesitation, and as I pulled her out and onto solid ground, I couldn't help but use the opportunity to really analyze her; I hadn't expected someone from amity to be first, much less a girl like her.

 _Porcelain doll_ ; that was the word that came to mind as I studied her.

She had wavy brown hair, a gentle face, and a friendly aura about her. She was slight of build, and admittedly very pretty, beautiful even, but that wasn't what had captivated my attention. Her eyes, they were so _alive_. She looked right at me, her gaze holding mine with such terrible honesty; as if she were trying to communicate something. I saw her in a way I'd never seen anything before.

I stepped back; embarrassed at the notion that I was essentially gawking at her like some juvenile teenager. What was I thinking? I had to keep my mind on what was important. I had to stay professional.

"What's your name?" I asked; hoping she'd be oblivious to my previous slip of composure.

"I'm Allis–" she broke off, stared back at the net, and then at me. "I'm Ally."

"Ally," her name rolled off my tongue like honey. I felt good just saying it. With a nod, I turned towards the awaiting crowd that stood behind us.

"First jumper, Ally!"


	13. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Chaos erupted from all around us just as another initiate dropped into the net, the sound of laughter following her down. The crowd roared with approval, cheering louder with each passing second and stomping their feet raucously.

"Welcome to dauntless," I told the girl –Ally, then I gave her a parting smile and turned to help the next jumper.

It was a blonde girl, dressed in the familiar black and white of my old faction. As I helped her out, I noticed that she was studying me, her eyes shrewd and perceptive. She gave me a flirtatious grin, and then told me her name was Jade.

"You probably don't remember me, but I'm best-friends with Vera. Remember? Your neighbor."

As if on cue, the next girl to jump was none other than my old neighbor Vera. I was shocked, and when I managed to get her out I was even more surprised; she'd changed drastically in just a year. I was just about to hug her and ask about Annie, when I realized just how stupid that would be. Banks was right behind me, analyzing each of the initiates with a clinical eye, it would only hurt Vera if treated her differently than the others.

"Sage," Vera greeted me, a shy smile on her features.

"It's great to see you," I said quickly. "We'll have to catch up later though."

As I turned and announced their names to the crowd, I couldn't help but notice that Jade had given Vera a very peculiar look. I ignored my curiosity, there wasn't time for that, and then continued to present each of the transfers that had jumped.

When it came time for the dauntless-born, it was a different situation. They didn't wait to go one by one; chaos was the way they lived. _Technically_ , the first dauntless-born jumper would've been Wayne, if not for the fact that as he was about to jump he turned and reached behind him, yanking two others with him.

The dauntless members laughed at this, and I couldn't help but grin. When the three bodies stopped bouncing around, I reached in and helped Wayne, Iris and Felix out. Then when they'd cleared the platform and joined the crowd, I helped the remaining jumpers.

When it seemed that there weren't any more initiates left on the roof, I strode over to where Banks stood. He'd said he'd do most of the talking, and I had no problem with that.

"Alright initiates, listen up!" Banks barked in a menacing tone. They immediately quieted down without having to be asked twice; obviously intimidated. "I'm Banks, and I will be training the transfers. This here," he jerked his head in my direction, "is Sage. He will be training the dauntless-born."

I nodded, and then remembered what Banks had told me to say the day before.

"Now, normally we have the transfers go with Banks for a tour and the dauntless-born come with me, but this year, we'll be giving the dauntless-born a tour as well," I said.

When I'd asked Banks why it was necessary for the dauntless-born to participate in the trip, he'd simply stated that he was curious about how the two groups would interact. I thought it was dumb, but I figured there had to be more to it; Banks never did anything without a purpose in mind. A part of me suspected that what he wanted was to create conflict amongst the two groups.

Apparently the dauntless-born didn't think the tour should be required for them either, because as soon as I'd finished speaking they began to protest. However, after receiving an ominous look from Banks, they instantly quieted down.

"Come along," Banks ordered as he began to lead them through a series of narrow tunnels.

Rather than walk with him near the front of the group, I chose to hang back and keep an eye on the stragglers. It was obvious that many of the transfers were uncomfortable with the lack of illumination and the eerie ambiance of the place. Since I was already accustomed to the dim lighting and uneven paths, I figured it wouldn't hurt to leave my dauntless-born pupils unattended for a couple of minutes.

As I followed a few steps behind the group, I couldn't help but catch pieces of quiet conversation.

"Where are we going?" I heard a female voice ask.

"To the Pit, probably," Iris answered.

"The Pit?"

I searched the crowd until I spotted Iris, and when I did, I realized she'd been speaking to the amity girl. _Ally_ ; my brain provided. _First-jumper, Ally._

As I watched her from afar, my mind involuntarily began to compare the sight of her to the other black-clothed initiates; the contrast was staggering. She was not like them; not even like the other transfers. However, though her appearance gave the impression that she was a sort of delicate flower that couldn't bear to be ill-treated, I knew there was reason she was here. Though not the typical stereotype of what someone might expect for dauntless, she'd made it this far, and it took bravery to pick a faction so different from your own.

As Iris had guessed, Banks stopped when he'd reached the entrance to the Pit. I expected he would say something about the place, but I was surprised when he instead began to turn and make his way to–

My heart lurched, and even though I knew he probably wouldn't do anything, I couldn't help but worry. We were heading towards the chasm. As the roar of water filled my ears, I couldn't help but feel a familiar ache spread through my chest. _Not this place_ , not now when I was doing so well with my recovery. What was he doing? What was he planning?

"The chasm is here to symbolize that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy. Though it may not be an obvious one," Banks shouted at the initiates. His gaze flicked across mine. "It is advised that you do not hang around the chasm too much though, as it is easy to fall in. Every year, we have someone wind up dead at the bottom, sometimes because of an accident, other times because of… _suicidal_ tendencies."

My blood was boiling. His mockery, his hidden threats, they felt impossible to ignore. So that had been his plan, he didn't just want to scare _them_ , he wanted to send _me_ a message; _you never know who might be next_.

I desperately wanted to charge through the group and bludgeon him to death with one of the many stones that were scattered around the place. Then, if he were somehow still alive, I wanted to pitch him over the railing.

I was so lost in my vengeful thoughts that it took me a moment to realize that a couple of people in the group had begun to mutter amongst themselves.

"Wasn't that what happened last year," a snide male voice demanded. "Right Iris?"

I frowned; I had a pretty clear idea of who the aggressor was. The same way Ava still hated me for being implicated in Randi's death, was the way this boy –David, felt towards Iris. He'd apparently been really close to Emily, and so he still felt raw about the whole incident.

I snapped my head around to look at Iris, who was standing stiffly with her hands clenched at her sides. No one spoke, but I could clearly feel the tension rising. I didn't like where this was leading to; both David and Iris were the kind of people that wouldn't hesitate to throw a punch.

"Yeah, what was her name? Emily, right?" David continued.

I discreetly began to make my way over to where Iris stood. If there was going to be a fight, I had to be ready to stop it before things got out of hand. As I assessed the situation, I was also horrified to see that Ally, who hadn't left Iris's side, was standing precariously close to the railing. One bad shove, just the slightest loss of balance _–no_ , I wouldn't let that happen.

"Didn't you just stand there while she pitched herself over? Some great friend you were," David sneered maliciously. I wanted to throttle him; the idiot had no right to judge Iris.

"Emily was _drunk_ , David, leave Iris alone," I heard Wayne protest.

"That's my point. There's no excuse. Emily was the one who was drunk, not Iris. She just stood back and watched her die," David stalked forward, jabbing a finger accusingly in her direction. "Didn't you Iris? You just watched as she fell over, and you never did _anything_."

If I'd blinked, I would've missed it. In a flash, Iris slammed her right fist into David's face.

"Shut up!" She snarled. "I didn't mean to and you know that! You were there yourself! _You_ could've done something!"

David had been caught off guard by Iris's attack, but it hadn't been enough to knock him over. He rubbed his face, and then with a look of wild anger on his features, he lurched forward and tried to hit her back. Iris was too quick for that though; she dodged, and when he stumbled and fell on the ground, she began to kick him.

I almost wanted to laugh; David deserved that and more. I was about to go over and pull Iris away from him, I figured he'd been embarrassed enough, when I saw something that made my blood run cold.

Ally, probably unaccustomed to the violence she was witnessing, couldn't keep the look of horror off her face. As she raised her hand and placed it on Iris's shoulder, I didn't hesitate to shove past the remaining bodies in front of me. That was _not_ the way to stop a fight around here. As I'd predicted, Iris didn't turn, instead she roughly shoved Ally off of her.

"Shove off, Felix," I heard her snap as she continued to kick David.

Ally tried to step back, but then she stumbled and began to flail as she lost the little balance she'd had left. The railing, the _damned_ railing, she was too close.

But I was closer.

Before even a few seconds had passed, I'd managed to swoop in and block the little space between her and the chasm. Then, before she continued to fall, I wrapped my hands around her arms and lifted her to her feet. She was fine, she was okay, she probably didn't even know what real danger she'd been in.

 _Let her go, she's fine to walk_ ; my subconscious quickly pointed out. _You're only drawing attention to her._

I could hear the logic in my thoughts, but even as I realized it, I found that I couldn't make myself leave. I mean, what if she fell again? My pathetic attempt to rationalize the whole thing sounded foolish, but still, I left my hands on her waist in case she needed the added support.

In front of us, Felix had managed to wrap his arms around Iris and pull her away long enough for David to get to his feet. For a second I feared he might try to attack Iris again, but my worries were unnecessary; Wayne, who was taller than most of the other initiates, immediately reached forward and locked his hand around the back of David's jacket.

"Let me go, Felix!" Iris continued to yell.

"No," Felix said as he tightened his grip.

"I said let me go!"

"You almost hurt your friend, Iris!" Felix snapped, and it was then that Iris stopped struggling.

So someone else _had_ noticed, and not just anyone, but Felix. Felix who wasn't necessarily distracted all the time, but oblivious enough that he normally wouldn't have seen an accident like this happen. If a kid like him had seen it, then someone as observant as Banks–

I dropped my hands, and then took a step back. Attempting to paste a look of nonchalance to my features, I shifted and made my way forward. I'd planned on simply leaving without any further interaction with Ally, but before I knew it I'd already turned to face her.

"Are you okay?" I asked, hoping she couldn't hear just how shaken I really was.

"I-I'm fine," she nodded. "Thank you, for saving me."

Part of me wanted to quickly discredit my actions, to just say; _it's my job to look out for all of you and it just so happened that you needed help, nothing big, anyone would've done it, I'm supposed to keep an eye on everyone, forget I did anything._

As I opened my mouth to speak though, only a single word came out.

"Anytime."


	14. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

After the altercation between Iris and David, nothing else too out of the ordinary happened. I heard Iris apologize to Ally, and I saw that David had exiled himself to the back of the group. That's how things worked here; people fought, one won, another lost, and then we moved on.

Banks pointed out some other areas, and everyone listened obediently. It was rather boring, and I was glad when we eventually reached the intersection where the two groups would divide.

"This is where we split up, so all dauntless-born initiates just follow me," I said as I took my group down to where they'd be sharing a dorm.

Altogether, I had seven dauntless-born initiates to look after; two girls, Iris and Shiloh, and five boys, Wayne, Felix, David, Zane, and Tyler. I didn't have a clue how many Banks had though. Once we reached the room, I waited for them to settle into their chosen beds before I continued my speech.

"Most of you know me already," I gave a quick nod to Wayne, Iris and Felix. "But for those of you who don't, my name is Sage, and most of the time I work–"

"Wait, Sage? As in, Sage the Monster Stronghold?" One of the initiates interrupted.

I frowned at the title, but I tried to stay composed.

"Yes, _the Monster_ ," I said stiffly. "As I was saying, I normally work as a fighter in the Cage, but for these next few weeks, I'm going to be your instructor."

"Dude, why?" The same kid spoke up again; he was getting on my nerves. "Did they fire you or something? _Oh!_ Or did you lose a fight?"

This last bit he said with a sneer, and it was that little action that made me forget my original plan. Suddenly, I didn't see him as a kid I needed to protect, I saw him as my prey. My face went slack, and I slowly walked towards him. Out of my peripheral vision, I spotted Wayne and Felix nudging the others; alerting them to the scene.

"What's your name," I said slowly, when I was no more than a few inches away from him.

"Zane," he answered too-quickly.

"Well, Zane, since you're so curious. Do you know just how I got that nickname, _Monster_?" I asked quietly, letting venom color my words. "Do you know how many people I fucked up to get that title? Take a guess, go on, pick a number."

He didn't answer, but as he clenched his jaw and raised his chin up at me, I could see he was trying hard to hide the fact that he was intimidated. My candor eyes, free from the haze of alcohol, easily spotted the tell-tale signs; the vein in his forehead was pulsing fast, the smallest sheen of sweat had appeared on his upper lip, and his breathing had clearly hitched.

"Don't want to play?" I asked, pretending to be hurt. "But I thought you were curious?"

Zane shook his head sharply, but as I saw the fear in his eyes, I couldn't help but feel bad. I let out a loud breath, and then walked back to the front of the room. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Felix frown, and then hand a folded up bill to Wayne. I wondered who'd bet on what?

"This isn't a joke guys, I expect you to take this _and_ me seriously. Now, if you don't think you can do that, then be prepared for a living hell these next few weeks," I paused, waiting to see if anyone else wanted to interject with some smart-assed remark. No one did. "You've all been raised with dauntless standards, _however_ , this by no means is any sort of guarantee that you'll be staying here."

Everyone in the group nodded at my words; finally realizing just how serious the whole situation was. Even Wayne and Felix, who were normally always smiling or joking around, seemed somber.

"I'm not your enemy, but I'm certainly not here to baby you or be your new best-friend. Now I can't guarantee you a spot in this faction, but what I can promise is that if you listen to what I say, and do what I ask, you'll at least have better odds. For now the only rules I expect you to follow are that there will be absolutely no fighting outside of the ring, and there will be no interruptions while I speak," I said; giving a pointed look at David and Zane.

I began to turn around to leave, but then paused just before I was beyond the threshold. "And just as a helpful tip for anyone else that thinks they're above my rules, if you piss me off, be prepared to sleep with one eye open."

That being said, I left and made my way down to the cafeteria. I wasn't hungry, but I needed to talk to Dan, and that's usually where he was if he wasn't working. Pushing past the double doors, I scanned the area and frowned a little when I saw that it still wasn't even halfway full. I was still disoriented; my body was used to my old schedule of fighting, fighting, and more fighting.

I gave a loud sigh, grabbed a muffin, and then settled myself near one of the farthest tables at the back of the room. As I sat and waited; I watched while one-by-one, dauntless members, my own dauntless-born, followed by the transfers, began to trickle in. When all the initiates had taken a seat, the dauntless that were in the room stood, applauded, and stomped their feet; the usual welcome they gave.

Without really knowing why, I found myself searching through the faces of the people around me. I spotted Iris, who sat with the other dauntless-born, excluding David and Wayne. I knew why David wasn't there, but I couldn't help but feel puzzled about Wayne's absence.

"Sage! Do my eyes beseech me?" Dan laughed as he plopped down next to me. "You're eating, _like_ , real food."

I rolled my eyes, and then pushed my untouched muffin towards him.

"It's more of a prop really," I admitted.

Dan shook his head and pushed it back. "No thanks."

"Woah, do _my_ eyes beseech _me_?" I grinned; using his own words against him. "Danny Gallows refusing food? Why I never."

"Shut up, I know your real motives," he snickered, patting his flat stomach. "I know there's a ton of new female-initiates this year. You're just trying to fatten me up so that you won't have to compete against my sexiness huh?"

"You've found me out," I pretended to confess as I threw my hands up in mock surrender.

"Knew it, I mean, I am quite the catch."

I playfully punched his arm, and then decided he was right; I should eat. I'd hatched a plan a few days ago, one that might help me find Banks's weakness, and I'd need my strength. I took a big bite, and then chewed thoughtfully.

I was about to consider stealing one of Dan's burgers when Grace joined us, followed shortly after by Finn and his boys. Marko came in last, plopping down next to Grace and jostling her on purpose; as teasing as he always was when she was around. Everyone was there, and so I decided I was feeling too lazy to get back up.

When Jude arrived he was accompanied by Wayne, and it wasn't long before he quickly gave them the rundown of what had happened in the room. Everyone had a good laugh at Zane's expense, and I was surprised to see that I wasn't the only one who he'd rubbed the wrong way.

"Everyone else really likes him, but he seems sort of two-faced to me," Wayne said through a mouthful of fries. "Anyway, I'm glad you put him in his place. That was better than any comedy I've ever seen."

As we sat, talking and eating, I was again about to get up to attempt to get more food when something caught my eye; someone new was walking into the cafeteria. I meant only to take a quick glance, but as I identified the girl, I found myself unable to look away. Even without her long and flowy amity dress, I'd recognize her anywhere; Ally.

She'd joined Iris and some of the other dauntless-born at their table, and this surprised me; normally the groups were much more segregated in the beginning. She sat close to Iris, but after a while I saw that she was laughing and making conversation with Zane. Of _all_ the people she had to befriend, why him? As I continued to watch, I felt some unknown emotion darken my mood.

"What did that muffin ever do to you?" Dan asked.

"Huh?" I replied, and as I looked down at my hands, I realized I'd torn it into little bits and pieces.

Dan raised a brow, and then quickly followed my gaze to the table I'd been watching. At first he only seemed to grow more confused, but then when his eyes finally landed on Ally, a sly sort of smile spread across his features.

"She's cute," he noted. "I haven't seen her before. Is she a transfer?"

"I suppose," I said; feigning nonchalance. "Yeah, she's from amity, her name is Ally."

"Ally," Dan repeated, nodding to himself.

"Wait, Ally like, _first_ -jumper Ally?" Biff cut in as he leaned to take peek at her too. "I've been hearing her name the whole day, in the halls and even at the bar."

"Me too," Finn agreed, "it's not often that a first-jumper is a girl, much less one from amity."

"I bet someone pushed her in," Jude commented with an eye-roll.

"Nope, she jumped all by herself," Wayne immediately defended. "I haven't really talked to her very much, but she seems cool."

"Cool for a banjo-strumming amity airhead? Or cool as in, dauntless-standards cool?" Marko mused, ignoring the look Grace threw at him.

"Not all amity play the banjo you idiot," she huffed.

"Oh? Then what _did_ you play?" He quipped back; flashing her a sardonic smile.

"… Guitar, but that's not the point," Grace admitted after a pause. "She made it this far, and she jumped first, so clearly she must belong here."

I nodded, and as the whole table began to strike up an argument as to who they thought would do best during initiation, I couldn't help but focus all of my attention on Ally. She was grinning at something Zane had said, and it burned my curiosity to know just what had put that smile on her lips. It wasn't until I felt a hand touch my shoulder that I jerked back into a proper sitting position.

"She's pretty," Grace said, leaning across from me to nod in Ally's direction.

"Dan already made a note of that," I answered; neither confirming nor denying her statement.

"She's going to have a tough time here though."

"Why do you think that?" I demanded, unintentionally sounding more alarmed than I should've been. I dropped my head again, suddenly very interested in the muffin crumbs on the table. "I mean, you said so yourself, she made it here on her own. Obviously she's tougher than she looks."

Grace nodded slowly, her eyes filled with that all-too-familiar look that said she was worried. I'd gotten that look a lot this past year, so it was easy for me to recognize it.

"I wasn't really talking about her physical strength when I said that. What I mean is," she paused and looked around the table; at our friends, at the other tables filled with citizens of our faction. "What I mean is that it's going to be tough mentally. I still remember our first weeks here, I was so shocked and upset at all the violence, there were honestly times I wasn't sure I could go on. There were nights I wouldn't sleep at all."

"I remember," I admitted; shuddering a little as I recalled her screams in the night.

"I know you do," she smiled warmly. "Really, it's you and Dan that managed to keep me strong enough to stay," she looked at Ally again. "I just worry that she won't have the same luck as me. You know? That she won't have the same kind of support group to rely on."

I snuck a glance at Ally, and though the sight of her and Zane had me bristling with that same unknown emotion, I also felt relief when I saw who else surrounded her.

"She'll be fine. See, already she's sitting with Iris, and the other dauntless-born."

Grace frowned then. "That's great _now_ , in the daytime, but Sage think about what could happen when they're not there. What she should really be doing is trying to make at least one friend among the transfers."

"That's not a problem either," I said; the words tumbling out on their own. "I know one, or I guess technically, two of the transfers," I searched and then nodded my head in the direction where Vera and her friend Jade sat. "I've known Vera since I can remember, she's a sweet girl, and Jade - _hmm_ \- well I don't really know her, but if she's friends with Vera then she can't be all bad."

Grace didn't seem convinced, but as she was about to open her mouth to say something, she was cut off by the sound of cups being banged on metal tables. I looked around, and then immediately began to bang my own cup, sloshing a little of the water out as I did so. The guys began shouting excitedly, and even Grace let out one of her famous ear-splitting whistles. This was a time for celebration.

Max appeared and ordered the initiates to stand. I watched as they did, and couldn't help but grin when Biff and Dan randomly picked up Wayne and held him high over the crowd. Finn, Jude and I began to hoot and pump our fists, and it was a wonder Max didn't come over to personally knock some sense into us. Honestly, Wayne didn't just have one brother, he had five.

Once everyone had settled down, Max continued with his usual speech.

"We believe in ordinary acts of bravery…" he began.

I didn't continue to listen though, because every word that came out of his mouth was like a slap to me. His lies, they were painful to hear. Dauntless ideals had been steadily changing, becoming more about brutality than honor, and it irritated me to hear the blasphemy that came from the man we had to consider a leader.

"… and don't disappoint us," Max finished. I snapped my head up, once again alert. Since I didn't feel like delving into any further conversation regarding Ally, I excused myself; claiming that I was tired, which wasn't actually a lie, but not the _real_ reason I wanted to leave.

As I usually did when I was bored, I began to wander the halls. A part of me still itched to go to the bar and maybe sneak a drink or two, but I didn't dare test Banks's boundaries. I had yet to find a real weakness, and so until then, I was still technically a slave to his every whim.

I was just turning another corner when I spotted a figure. I squinted a little, and when I saw that it was the earlier initiate I'd been gazing at, Ally, I couldn't stop a shy smile from spreading over my face.

 _Should I talk to her? No, better not..._

 _But Banks isn't here. And even if he is, what does it matter? I'm only being polite and introducing myself. Yes, that's what it is, common courtesy._

I was just about to take a step when I saw another figure, distinctly male, walk over and join her. I froze, and as I listened closely, my ears caught the familiar cadence of the new person; it was Zane. They spoke in an animated fashion, and when I heard him chuckle, I actually had to clench my fists and close my eyes to keep from bolting over to where they stood. Would it be too terrible for me to finish the little argument that had started in the dorm?

No, that was silly. These emotions, they were totally illogical; I didn't know her, not really, and Zane, he was just some smart-assed kid who shouldn't be capable of pissing me off the way he did. Besides, maybe I was just misreading the whole scenario, friends could laugh with each other.

I'd just about calmed myself back down to what could be considered _normal_ , when I opened my eyes. The new sight in front of me completely threw a wrench in my previously acquired peace. Zane had his arm draped over Ally's shoulders in a way that couldn't possibly be misconstrued as a simple friendship.

I watched as they began to walk away, disappearing into the darkness of the tunnels. But rather than give into my instincts, I sucked in a breath, turned, and left to my room. I had to keep my mind on the important things at hand; training the initiates, figuring out what Banks had in store, saving my family, and avenging Randi's death. Until then, nothing else mattered.

Not even the girl that reminded me of poetry, moonlight, and peace.


	15. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

It was no wonder the dauntless-born and the transfers had to be separated during the first stage of initiation. It would've been outrageously unfair to the new kids who hadn't handled weapons or had fought a single day in their life.

The first morning of training I'd had to teach the initiates how to fire a gun. However, the term _teach_ , was used very loosely. Most of them already knew how to shoot, and so most of the day was spent with them merely perfecting their aim. I spent most of the time just walking back and forth behind them, watching to make sure their posture and general stance was good.

Occasionally, more out of boredom than anything, I'd interject with a small comment or give a tip. At the end of the day though, all the tedium had me feeling like I wanted to run out and beg Banks to let me return to the Cage. I tried to stay optimistic; perhaps the following days wouldn't drag as much.

 _And perhaps Banks is actually a really sweet guy who loves ponies and rainbows_ ; my subconscious added sarcastically.

As the minutes slowly seeped away, my mind would sporadically wonder what it was that Banks was doing. I worried over the transfer initiates; remembering just how hard of a time Grace had experienced, even Dan and I hadn't exactly had it easy. Still, even if I wanted to help, that was out of my jurisdiction.

The following day wasn't any better. After spending a couple of hours throwing knives at stationary targets, I was so incredibly tired of the monotony that I knew I had to do something to change things up. It was with that intention that I created a sort of game for the dauntless-born. While we'd broken for lunch, I'd used the time to pick up a couple of items that I was sure would liven things up.

"Listen up," I called out. "Not that this target practice isn't completely _riveting_ , but I have a better idea."

"What idea boss?" Wayne asked, his voice sounding excited.

"You don't have to call me that," I said; feeling self-conscious about the title.

"How about commander?" Felix interjected, playfully giving me a salute.

" _No_ , none of that," I said flatly. "As I was saying–"

"What about chief?" Iris asked with an impish grin.

"Or sensei?" Shiloh added.

Normally I would've laughed or at least grinned at their jokes, but since I'd made such a big deal about demanding respect, I knew it would be hypocritical of me to let it slide. I scowled at the group, and almost immediately their smiles and laughter vanished. Because I'd had a whole year to practice deception, I'd gotten to be rather good at hiding my emotions. Well at least good enough that someone, not of candor decent, wouldn't be able to tell what I was really thinking.

"Unless you'd like to finish up the remainder of the day running laps around the compound, I'd suggest you shut up and listen," I said firmly, hoping I sounded authoritative.

When no one said anything I grabbed my old gym bag, unzipped it, and then pulled out a series of Frisbees I'd bought. It took them only a second to sync into my train of thought, but when they did, they were grinning from ear to ear. Hitting a sitting target was easy, but one in motion was a completely different story.

For the first half of the time I threw only one disk at a time, and then when I figured they'd gotten the hang of it I began to throw by multiples. When the day had finally come to its end, I'd learned a lot about my students; Wayne and Iris were the best shots in the group, and through Felix and Shiloh didn't have as good of an aim, I'd seen that they were quick learners. Zane, David and Tyler were also pretty good, but I could see that they were struggling with the concept of hitting airborne objects.

"Don't forget. Tomorrow are the fights, so be prepared," I reminded them before they left the room.

That part was different too, because while the transfers would get a couple of days to learn and practice their punches and choke-holds, the dauntless-born would simply have to jump in. It was expected of them to know how to fight already, and if they didn't, then they weren't going to stand a chance.

As the last of the initiates stepped out of the gym, I began to wander around picking up the now-useless Frisbees. Some of them still had knives impaled in their centers, and I slowly pulled those out and place them in an orderly pile. Deep down, I knew I was dawdling and doing everything slowly on purpose.

If I left now with all the free time that I had, I'd only be tempted to go to the bar. Would Banks notice if I just had one can of beer? One measly little shot? Surely that couldn't affect the outcome of his tests, could it?

And if not the bar, there was still time for me to run to the Cage and maybe get in a quick fight or two. If I was careful, maybe I wouldn't even get a bruise, and then Banks would never suspect I'd gone against his wishes. _No_. No, that was stupid.

I was so lost in my thoughts that it took me a second to realize I could hear footsteps walking toward the gym. I paused, still leaning over to pick up one of the Frisbees I'd spotted, and could feel my blood begin to pump faster. Was it Banks?

I heard the indistinct sound of laugher; dainty and feminine. _Not Banks_ , so then it must not be anyone dangerous. Letting out a breath, I relaxed and continued to clean up the mess and organize the knives. I was just about done when I heard the footsteps get to the doorway. I looked up.

"Sage, there you are," Vera said excitedly as she walked through the entrance and made her way towards me. "I've been looking for you."

"Vera," I grinned. Somehow the fact that I was seeing her here, a person from my old life, made me feel nostalgic. "How've you been?"

"Pretty good actually," she said; still honest as ever. "Not to brag, but I'm getting the hang of this dauntless stuff pretty easily."

"Not as easily as me though," a different voice said.

"Umm, Jade, that was your name right?" I said when I turned and saw a blonde girl swagger towards us.

"You remembered. I _like_ that," she purred, flicking her hair from her face. "I must've left a good impression then."

At the exact moment Jade finished speaking; Vera stiffened and wrinkled her brow. "I think it's more because he remembers people from his old faction," she interrupted.

For some reason unknown to me, I could feel that there was a sort of tension between the two girls. It surprised me though, since Jade had claimed that they were the best of friends. I analyzed the two, and as I did, I saw that most of the strain was actually coming from Vera. Jade, who was batting her eyes at me, seemed completely unfazed.

"So, what are you doing here all _alone_?" Jade asked as she glanced once around the room.

"Well, I'm not alone now," I pointed out. She rolled her eyes, and in response I held up one of the punctured disks. "I was cleaning. That's what a responsible person does I guess."

"I guess?" She repeated, giggling at my phrase. "Do you need any help?"

"Nope, I'm just about done here."

"Well then, do you need help with–" she paused and said in a lower tenor; almost a croon. "– _anything_ else?"

"I'm sure he's fine," Vera suddenly cut in, grabbing ahold of Jade's arm and pulling her towards the door. "I'll, _umm_ , talk to you later Sage?"

"Sure, sure," I said noncommittally; the whole exchange just then had left an odd taste in my mouth, like I was missing something that was blatantly obvious. "If you need me, you'll probably find me here."

"What about when you're not here?" Jade asked as she pulled her arm away from Vera. "Like an emergency? How would one go about finding you then?"

My scalp prickled; there was a distinct undercurrent to Jade's voice. "You could check the tattoo shop I suppose, I'd probably be with Dan," I hedged.

"What about a room, I mean you do have one right?" Jade prompted, and again Vera was trying to pull her back towards the doors.

"Jade, let's go," Vera said firmly. "Obviously Sage is busy."

Suddenly, and without warning, Jade jerked her arm out of Vera's hold. It was a complete about-face; one moment she was smiling and giggling like a schoolgirl, and the next she was practically snarling.

"Stop pulling me around. You don't get to tell me what to do," Jade snapped. "No one has that right over me."

"God Jade, relax. Why do you always have to blow things out of proportion?" Vera rebuffed; seemingly unafraid. She appeared used to it; maybe this happened often?

"I'm not! But it's pissing me off that you think that just because you've known Sage longer you have some sort of claim over him."

"I never said that!"

Ironically it was this, a fight between girls, that had me quailing. As I stood stark still, I watched the two girls jab their fingers at each other, their voices getting louder with each passing second. In the end, it was Jade who lost her patience and stomped out of the room.

" _Uhh_ , sorry about that," Vera apologized after an awkward moment.

"It's fine?" I said, though it sounded more like a question than an acknowledgement. "This is going to sound dumb, but what was _that_ about?"

Vera let out a long and somewhat exasperated sigh. "I've known Jade since forever, and because of that I know exactly what's on her mind, even before she realizes it."

"And?" I prompted.

"I don't know if you noticed, but she's kind of flirtatious," Vera said as she shook her head slightly. "And when I say _kind of_ , I actually mean she takes it very seriously. When she sees something she likes, she doesn't stop until it's hers."

"What does that have to do with me?"

Vera groaned and then let out an amused laugh. "Wow, it's been a year and you're still as oblivious as back when you were in candor," she snorted. " _You_ Sage, she has her eye on you."

"Oh," I said, unable to hide my relief. "Well that doesn't sound so bad. It's just a crush Vera, I'm sure she'll get over it." I said, waving my hand to show just how little I thought of it.

"I don't think you get just how seriously she takes the chase," Vera said. "She'll pull all the stops, I assure you."

"Well it won't matter," I stated firmly. "I'm not exactly in the right mindset at the moment to be worrying about girls."

 _That felt like a lie, why?_ I mused internally. Vera didn't seem to notice my pause.

"I just wanted to warn you," Vera said with a shrug. "I mean, _yeah_ , she's my best-friend, but I can't lie to myself. Jade is sort of a loose cannon. You saw her; she can go from zero to a hundred in the blink of an eye. She's not all bark and no bite either, she has claws and she's not afraid to use them."

"Okay, I believe you. Jade is a scary, scary minx who's after my soul," I snickered.

"I'm serious," Vera said as she smacked my arm. "Dork."

I just couldn't see what the all fuss was about. I'd had girls flirt with me back in candor and even now in dauntless; I'd never had a hard time thwarting them off. Actually, I rarely ever had problems when it came to the opposite sex.

I figured it was the candor aspect of my brain that helped with that; when it came to figuring out how I felt about someone, it was easy to be honest with myself. The only times I was actually awkward or felt overwhelmed with a girl were when I knew for certain that I liked them. Otherwise, I saw them as nothing more than a friend.

I was about to say something when my mind inadvertently recalled the first girl I'd ever really had those feelings for. _Randi_. Pain lanced through my chest, and without the buffer of alcohol, I actually had to haunch my shoulders slightly to be able to catch my breath. This time Vera did notice my sudden silence.

"Are you okay?" She asked, furrowing her brow as she reached out a tentative hand.

"Fine," I said quickly, simultaneously recoiling from her.

She narrowed her eyes at me, hearing the lie.

"You don't look fine," she retorted.

"Honestly, I'm sort of going through withdrawals right now," I said after a pause; it wasn't the reason why I looked pained, but it wasn't a complete lie. To deceive to someone from candor, you had to start with an easy truth; and to me, right now, admitting I had a drinking problem was easier than admitting I was wracked with guilt over the death of my old girlfriend.

" _Withdrawals_?" Vera repeated, her mouth making a little O of surprise. "Like drugs?" I could hear the horror in her voice.

"No, like alcohol."

"Oh that's _much_ better," Vera replied sarcastically. I could see the judgment in her eyes. "And when exactly were you going to tell me that you'd become a booze hound? I mean, don't you know that's bad for you? When I jumped through the hole and first saw you, I knew you'd changed but I didn't know just how much. And then there were all those rumors I heard about you. Really Sage, that's so disappointing to hear."

I was livid. To hear all her harsh criticisms when she didn't even know what I'd been through was like a stake to the heart. Did she think I'd started the habit out of _fun_? The very nerve of her to just waltz in and start throwing accusations around was offensive.

"Well then you'd better stay away from me then," I said curtly. "Wouldn't want me to taint your reputation now would you?"

"Don't be like that," Vera said contemptuously. "You know I'm just being honest."

"Vera, out of the friendship we used to have, I'm going to give you a tip that's going to help you if you want to make it into this faction," I said quietly; my voice free of inflection. "You are _not_ in candor anymore, and neither am I. If you don't want to get in trouble, you'd better learn to stop blurting out every thought that passes through your head."

Vera blinked, and I could see that my sudden shift in attitude had alarmed her. As I watched, she unconsciously took a step back from me.

"Used to have?" She asked after a tense moment of silence. "You don't want to be my friend anymore?"

"I assumed that's what you'd want," I said; neither confirming nor denying her question. In reality, I knew that it would be best if Vera stayed away from me. "I am a bad influence after all."

"I didn't mean it like that," she stuttered. "I just thought it was weird since you used to be so…" she trailed off, and I could see she was attempting to correct her earlier blunder.

"It's fine, forget about it," I said.

She looked relieved, and after I'd repeatedly assured her that I wasn't upset, she eventually left to catch up with Jade. It was easy for candor people to forgive each other; we were used to harsh words meant with well intentions. Really, that's all that we'd both meant; she worried about my health, and I worried about her ability to fit into dauntless.

I stood in the empty training room, trying to find my earlier sense of calm, but for some reason found myself unable to. Though momentarily everything seemed like it was going well, I had a sense that there was more in the horizon.

It felt like the calm before the storm.


	16. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

The next morning I woke up groggy and reluctant to go down to the training room. I'd actually fallen asleep for almost an hour during the night, but rather than help, it only made me realize just how tired I really was. Before, the only way I'd been able to get to sleep was when my body was thoroughly laced with alcohol, and the weariness of the day had eventually forced me to hunker down in some random hallway.

This new sleep, completely free from mind altering substances, had been horrific. In the midst of my nightmare, my subconscious had snapped me awake when I'd picked up the sound of some kind of shouting in my room. Jerking up with a gasp, I'd glanced around the apartment half expected to find someone else in the place with me. But I'd been alone.

Covered in sweat, with my muscles quivering and my throat raw, I'd realized the source of the noise; it had been me. My own cries had woken me up. I'd called to her, begging her to stay, but her phantom had left as it always did; leaving me with a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. Without officially declaring it, I made a quiet vow to only sleep if it was completely necessary. I wasn't numb to the agony of loss anymore.

As I made my way over to the training room, the sense of unease only continued to grow. Other than the nightmare, I'd also been bothered by the idea that today I'd have to be the one to assign the initiates to fight each other. With only seven dauntless-born, there'd be an odd man out during each battle.

"Where's Zane?" I asked when I noticed I was an initiate short.

I received a couple of shrugs and I-don't-know's until my eyes landed on Tyler. His posture was stiff, and the more I continued to look at him, the more I realized just how twitchy he was. The kid was a walking ball of nerves. I took a single step towards him, and that was all it took for him to cave.

"He said he'd try to make it back in time," Tyler quickly explained.

"Back from where?" I demanded.

"He wanted to be there for his girlfriend's first fight."

" _Girlfriend_ ," I repeated flatly.

"Yeah, you know that one girl from amity," Tyler explained quickly. "The first-jumper."

Outwardly, I was careful to keep my face nonchalant and bored, but on the inside I was a mess. Girlfriend? After only a few days they were already a couple? The hurt I felt didn't make sense, and I knew it; she owed me nothing, we hadn't even exchanged more than a few words, she probably didn't even remember my name.

And, _well_ , maybe it was for the best. Zane was normal, and I was not. He could keep her safe, and I'd only get her killed. Ignoring the irritation I felt at the thought of them together, I made myself concentrate on the real problem at hand. I turned towards the initiates; addressing them all at once.

"Because it appears your friend Zane is confused about what initiation entails, I'd like to remind the rest of you just how important this process really is," I said in a very business-like tone. "We're here to find the people that deserve to wear the name of dauntless. This isn't some dating game for you to find people to mingle with. If you want to stay here, then you have to prove it. Show me that you want this."

"Will Zane be in trouble?" David asked, and I could see how he was trying to hide his eagerness with a mask of concern. "Are you going to kick him out with the factionless?"

"I haven't decided yet," I replied as I began to make my way towards the board at the edge of the room.

"What's that supposed to mean?" David frowned. "I bet if _I_ had ditched you wouldn't have hesitated to throw me to the curb."

"I'm guessing all that backtalk means you'd like to take Zane's punishment then?" I said, grabbing a piece of chalk as I quickly thought over possible ways to match up the initiates.

" _No!_ " David exclaimed.

"Then shut up and worry about _only_ yourself."

I deliberated silently as I stood next to the chalkboard. I wanted the fights to be as fair as possible. In the end, I paired up Iris with Shiloh, Wayne with David, and Felix with Tyler. Zane was the only one whose name was alone.

Though it would've brought me a sick pleasure to kick Zane out of dauntless, I knew it wouldn't be fair. I was only feeling that way because of the confusing sentiments that I'd suddenly sprouted for Ally. I didn't like it. The new emotions made me feel weak and exposed, as if I were once again a silly love-sick puppy. To make myself feel better I reminded myself that, as they _usually_ did, infatuations faded with time.

As the fights progressed, I was careful to watch each of the initiates with hawk-like precision. So long as I was in charge, I'd make sure every fight was fair. There'd be no cheating or underhanded moves; not on my watch.

"How long do we fight?" Tyler asked at one point.

"It ends if one of you is unable to continue. So that could either be with a knock-out, or if you concede."

"My brother told me we weren't allowed to quit," Tyler frowned. "That a fearless man never gives up."

"Well your brother isn't the instructor is he? _I am,_ so I make the rules," I snapped. "If you are a brave and honorable person, then you'll know to acknowledge the strength of others."

With that said, the battles continued without any problems. Iris, Wayne, and Felix won their fights quickly, and since there was time left over I decided to let them go early. Afterwards I made my way to the Pit and then into the tattoo shop where Dan worked.

"Hey man," Dan greeted with a large grin on his face. "Long time no see."

"We saw each other this morning," I protested.

"I meant tattoo-wise," he corrected with an exaggerated eye-roll. "You haven't been in here for a while."

"Oh, right," I nodded. The last time I'd been in one of his chairs had been when I'd had my tattoo retouched.

"Let me see," Dan said as he moved some of his art supplies away.

I removed my shirt, but even though I was turned around I could still practically hear Dan's disapproving thoughts.

"How bad?" I asked.

"Pretty damned bad," Dan admitted. "You're back is all scarred up because of your fights, and it's made the tattoo fade around some parts."

"Is it fixable though?"

He chuckled. "But of course, with my _oh-so_ talented hands, I'll work some of my Dan magic on this. Do you have time now?"

"Yeah, how long do you think–" I was starting to say before the sound of giggling caught my attention.

"Well look who it is," Dan said excitedly as leaned to peer over my shoulder. "Do my eyes deceive me? Ms. Vera is that you?"

"Dan!" Vera exclaimed as she hurried towards us, Jade in tow.

Immediately Dan's attention was focused on Vera, and I was left feeling awkward as Jade openly gawked at me.

"That's _nice_ ," Jade said when I'd cleared my throat out of discomfort.

"Thanks. Tori, that girl over there," I quickly pointed at her, "tattooed it on me, but Dan was the one who designed it."

"Huh? Oh right, the tattoo. Yeah, that's nice too," she said as her eyes roamed across my chest and a sly smile spread over her lips.

I pulled my shirt back on. What could I even begin to say to that? _Gee_ thanks for approving of my body, I'm sure glad it's up to your standards. Please, please, by all means, take a picture. It'll last longer.

"So Vera," I said quickly, not caring that I was interrupting her conversation with Dan. Unlike her, I was not at all prepared to handle Jade. "How's Annie?"

"Yeah, Annie," Dan agreed. "I miss that kid. She was seriously like _thee_ smartest little girl I ever met. Bet she missed us when we left huh?"

As Dan and I waited eagerly for news about Annie, both leaning forward in anticipation, I suddenly felt the shift of emotions in the room. Even Jade, who'd pressed closer to me and had been running her fingers along my bicep, had frozen.

Vera's face was vacant, and as the seconds ticked by, I could see that she was wrestling with something. She seemed pained, and immediately I felt guilty; if I hadn't told her to stop being so honest all the time, then she would've felt comfortable telling us what had happened.

"Annie died," she suddenly spat.

I felt my jaw drop, and when I turned to look at Dan, I saw a similar expression on his face. Jade, surprisingly, seemed just as sad. She walked over to Vera and then slung her arm around her shoulder.

"B-But how?" I stuttered.

"What happened?" Dan added; his eyes wide and horrified.

" _She_ –" Vera broke off before she could say anything else.

Jade wrapped both of her arms around Vera, and then I could hear as she quietly soothed her. Funny, it wasn't until that very moment that I actually saw how close they were. True, they could argue as if they literally wanted to kill each other, but when it came to serious issues it was clear that they were devoted.

"She fell," Jade said once Vera had sat on Dan's chair.

"Fell?" I repeated; completely dumbfounded. "From where? _How_?"

Jade looked at Vera, and when she nodded in approval Jade continued. "You know how there are three levels to every candor building?"

Dan and I nodded in unison.

"I'm not exactly sure how, but one day Annie was playing tag with one of her little friends," Jade said somberly. "And I guess they weren't being watched right, but one thing led to another, and the next thing anyone knew; Annie was on the ground and not breathing."

My mouth felt dry, and as I looked at Vera who was trying her best to stay cool, I suddenly realized what it was that had changed in her. I'd known it since she'd arrived, that she was different, but it wasn't until this very moment that I could pinpoint it. Like me, she'd gone through loss, and with it she'd grown hard.

"She didn't die there though," Vera suddenly said, and I could see that even Jade was surprised. "We got her to the hospital, there was still a chance, but the doctors said there wasn't anything they could do," Vera said in a flat voice, and I was surprised to see that she looked more angry than sad. " _Erudite_ _idiots_ , they didn't even try."

I didn't know what to say for an instant, but then, as if struck by a bolt of lightning, something in me stirred; a feeling I'd long ago thought I'd lost. Then, without ever having discussed it with the others, Dan, Jade and I looked at Vera, held our hands up with the palms facing upward, and said in unison.

"Thank you for your honesty."

Vera looked up, surprised, and then nodded. "That's sort of why I'm here."

"Why _we're_ here," Jade corrected. "We came to get tattoos."

Without further questioning, Dan got to work on Vera. She ended up with the tiniest pink heart on the underside of her wrist, and in the center were the initials A.B; Annie Boone. Jade went next, and even though she swore she just liked the idea of something to decorate her body, I had a feeling her tattoo also symbolized something; she'd gotten a rose on her shoulder blade, but where there should've been petals, she'd asked for only more thorns. It was pretty, in a dangerous sort of way.

By the time Dan was done, I figured it would be better for me to get my own tattoo touched up some other day.

"Ow, this stings like a _bit_ –" Jade was complaining as she began to walk with Vera towards the exit.

"Maybe we should've waited," Vera interrupted in agreement, rubbing her tender skin.

Dan laughed and I nodded in agreement.

"Better hope no one decides to punch you there," Dan said as we continued down the path towards the cafeteria. "That, I guarantee, will hurt worse."

" _Pshh_ , as if. No one's going to be punching me," Jade snorted. "I'm not planning on losing _any_ fights."

"Not like that amity girl," Vera agreed, shuddering a little at the memory. "That was painful to watch."

I froze mid-step, and I heard Dan grunt when he bumped into me.

"What amity girl?" I asked, trying to hide the alarm in my voice.

"Oh you know," Jade said as she rolled her eyes, "the _oh-so_ impressive first jumper. _Hah_ , what a load of crock. She was out in like, ten seconds flat, and she wasn't even fighting a boy like me."

"It wasn't that short of a fight," Vera protested, though from her expression I could tell maybe it would've been better if it _had_ ended sooner.

"What happened?" Dan asked, but as he spoke I couldn't help but notice his eyes darting to my face.

"She got her ass handed to her, that's what happened," Jade replied with a sharp laugh.

"Why didn't she just tap out?" I added. "Or say she was done?"

"Tap out?" Jade repeated with a smirk on her face. "Banks says a true dauntless would never quit, so we aren't allowed to do so either. No one is allowed to concede."

"Yeah, the fights go on until someone goes unconscious," Vera agreed. "It was pretty bad. I'm glad I got paired with a girl, or I don't think I would've won as easily."

"Is she okay?" I demanded.

"She looked pretty bad, so her boyfriend ended up taking her to the clinic," Vera answered.

"Boyfriend?" Dan interrupted, again flashing his eyes to look at my reaction. "And who might that be?"

"Some dauntless boy," Jade said, waving her hand in dismissal. "Brown curly hair, kinda' pale, sort of lanky."

 _Zane_.

"I'm sure she will be just fine," Vera added when she caught sight of the look on my face. "Relax, she'll live."

Before I'd even made the conscious decision to go down to the clinic, my body had already decided for me. I had to see with my own eyes that she was safe.


	17. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"What's that weird looking splotch? Is that a tumor? It looks like a tumor."

"No Sage, for the hundredth time, Ally is fine. That smudge is her diaphragm."

"Oh. Well, then what's that? It looks awfully suspicious."

"That's her lung," Grace said, and then with a little smirk, she pointed to the other smudge on the x-ray film. "And in case you're curious, that's her other lung. You see, humans tend to have two of them."

" _Haha_ ," I said flatly. "Grace, I'm being serious."

"As am I," she quipped; her tone that which would normally be used to soothe a fussy child. "I'm the nurse here Sage, I think I'd know if there was anything wrong. Trust me, she's fine."

I nodded, but I could still feel myself frowning as I stared at the x-ray scan in front of me. As soon as I'd arrived at the dauntless infirmary, the very first person I'd come face to face with was Grace. She'd been alarmed, but after looking me over and noticing that I was completely unharmed, that expression had been replaced by one of confusion.

"Sage, what are you doing here?" Grace had asked after a second of hesitation.

"I heard one of Banks's initiates, Ally, was injured pretty badly during her first fight. I have to know, how is she? Do you know where her room is? Is she going to be okay?"

"Woah, slow down," she'd said, raising her hands up. "Yes, I know who that is. She's actually my patient. She came in unconscious and, from what her friends told me, she sustained many blows to the head and abdomen. I was worried she might have a fractured rib or a concussion, but we had some scans taken and she seems to be fine."

I'd listened intently, but it wasn't until Grace had actually taken me to her room that I allowed myself to believe her words.

I hadn't actually entered the room, but instead watched from one of the observation windows. Inside, Zane and Iris had been by Ally's bedside, and I'd felt somewhat comforted by the fact that she wouldn't be alone.

Her face had been a painful collage of blue and purple bruises, and the sight of them had me simmering with suppressed anger. Like Amar, I'd strived to keep as much unnecessary brutality out of the battles I'd assigned. However, it was obvious Banks had other things in mind. He wanted them to destroy each other, he wanted the savagery; he was trying to create a new kind of dauntless ideal.

After I'd decided that, _yes_ , Ally was indeed alive and well, I'd followed Grace to a different room where the doctors stored their scans and radiographs. Unable to control my paranoia, I'd pestered Grace on every suspicious-looking mark I'd seen. Thankfully, she'd always had an insufferable amount of patience, and she'd answered my questions without the slightest bit of annoyance.

Even now, she only seemed slightly amused.

"You know, if you're that worried about her, you could just go into the room and check on her yourself."

"Nah, I better not. It's crowded," I hedged. Really, I was actually reluctant to go into the room because I didn't think I'd be able to keep my calm when in such close proximity to her. "So, how long are you going to keep her here?"

"I figured just until she wakes up," Grace answered as she flicked through the papers on her clipboard.

"What?" I frowned, turning quickly and crossing my arms. "But you said she might have a concussion, shouldn't she stay here for observation? And there'll be more fights tomorrow, shouldn't she be excused from that as well?"

"The scans all look good, really there's no need for her to stay. Besides, if she misses even a single day of training, I'm sure Banks will have a cow."

"I don't care if Banks has a whole _herd_ of cows, she's not leaving here until it's certain that she'll be okay," I growled. "Banks is doing this all wrong, the point of initiation isn't to turn them into some kind of blood-thirsty killers. It's to help them deal with fear."

"I know that," Grace murmured gently. "But what can we do? What can anybody do? Max approves of what Banks is doing, and he's giving him his full support."

"It's not right. None of this is," I said, clenching my hands into fists. "If I could only just…"

I trailed off, running my hand through my hair in frustration. What? What could I do? _Nothing_. I was just as, if not more, helpless than his own initiates. Grace studied my pained expression, and after a moment of quiet, she sighed and patted my arm.

"Hey, if it'll make you feel better, I'll keep her here overnight," she said, offering me a small smile. "I'll write a note or something, you know, just so Banks won't take his anger out on her."

"I'd like that," I said gratefully.

Grace pulled out a pad of paper, and then began to write some medical jargon on it. After a few seconds, she pulled it off and handed it to me.

"There. I'm not sure if it'll even do any good, but it's worth a try."

I nodded, and then read over what she'd written;

' _Fwd: Initiate Health Report.  
Pt:Allison Perne.  
Nurse: Grace Willows.  
Dx: In regards to the aforementioned initiate, it is highly recommended that she be excused from combative activities due to her current state of health. While two days would be optimum, one would suffice as well. It is in her best interest that she have the time to recuperate from the injuries sustained as per 's prognosis.' _

"Allison?" I mused aloud after I'd gone over the note.

"Yeah, what did you think Ally was short for?" Grace chuckled. "Anyway, like I said, I'm not sure if it'll do any good. Banks might just laugh and toss that into the trash, but the only way to know will be to ask."

"That's true, I'll go take it to him right now," I agreed. "Thanks."

She chuckled, and then waved as I left. I'd just turned a corner when I was suddenly face to face with Ava. I blinked, surprised, and was about to apologize for getting in her way when she suddenly grabbed a fistful of my jacket and began to tug me after her.

"Ava? What are you doing?"

"Shut up," she snapped. "I'll do the talking."

I was so shocked that she was actually speaking to me, that I actually did as she said. I followed silently, and then when we stopped in a deserted hallway, I stayed still and awaited her next words.

After Randi's death, Ava had made it a huge point to hold me responsible for what had happened, and make sure everyone else knew about her suspicions. If she wasn't avoiding me or shooting daggers at me with her eyes, she was always trying to find ways to warn people away from me.

I didn't blame her, because in a way, she was right.

"I have a bone to pick with you," she hissed, jabbing her finger into my chest. "What exactly do you think you're doing?"

"Doing?" I repeated dumbly. "Currently, I'm waiting to see what exactly it is that you what."

"Don't play dumb Stronghold, I'm not in the mood."

I frowned; her tone, though it might have been warranted, had automatically triggered my innate stubbornness. If she wanted answers, she'd have to curb that attitude. I felt more than bad about what had happened to Randi, and I understood Ava's anger, but that didn't mean I was about to let her step all over me.

I crossed my arms and set my jaw obstinately.

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" She demanded irately, throwing her hands up as if she were trying to call for help to some higher power.

"You might have to," I retorted.

"I've been watching you Sage, I've never taken my eyes off of what you do or what you're involve in. You wanna' know why?" She didn't wait for my answer. "Because you're bad news. You're a plague. I'm not sure exactly how, but I know you were involved in Randi's death. You ruined her life, you _monster_ ," she hissed; spitting the last word out with every ounce of venom she could muster. "I thought you were a good guy, but you had me fooled. You have everyone fooled. The whole compound thinks that the worse person they have to fear is Banks, but they're wrong, because at least he doesn't try to pretend to be something he's not. He's bad, but he acts the part. You, you're a two-faced liar!"

I stepped back, her words stinging like a slap. I wanted to stop her, to tell her she was wrong, but I couldn't. I swallowed and tried to defend myself, though I could hardly come up with any kind of case.

"Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?" I said, my voice shaking slightly. "Because if that's it, I'd rather you kept doing it behind my back."

"No that's not all," she snarled. "Like I said, I've been watching your every move, and it's because of that reason that I noticed the change in you."

"What change? My drinking?" I asked, still unable to wrap my head around her words. "I didn't know you cared about my health," I added sarcastically.

"I could care less what happens to you," she snapped. "What I care about is the sudden infatuation you seem to have with that girl, the one you just visited."

I felt cold, like I'd been doused in a bucket of ice water.

"Grace?" I lied feebly; I knew it wasn't her she was talking about.

"Lie to me again, and I'll break your nose," she threatened, though I honestly didn't feel she was in an adequate position to do so. "You know who I'm talking about. Ally, the first-jumper, why are you so worried about her? You don't know her, not really, and she's not your responsibility."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I tried to lie again. Without the alcohol, it was as if I were back to square one; fresh out of candor and unable to tell a lie to save my own skin.

"Sage," Ava warned through gritted teeth. I saw her clench her fist, and I half expected her to really go through with her threat. She didn't attack though, instead it was as if all of her anger had dissipated, leaving her expression horrified and full of worry. "Please don't do that. I mean, you don't have to be candor to see through that whopping lie. Just tell me the truth, why the sudden interest in this girl?"

I mentally debated; on the one hand, I really wanted someone to talk to about the mystifying sentiments that I'd suddenly sprouted for Ally, but on the other, I was reluctant to openly admit it. I felt that by speaking it aloud, I was only further cementing the emotions; making them harder to get rid of. Also, I didn't think Ava was in any condition to empathize with what I was going through.

"I worry about everyone," I said, trying to shrug offhandedly. "Especially anyone that has to have Banks as an instructor. You, and everyone else in this compound, knows that he's a dangerous person. Without anyone to keep an eye on what he's doing, all of his initiates are in danger. I'd be just as worried if Vera or Jade had ended up here."

Ava nodded, but as she did, I could see her studying me. I watched as she measured the atmosphere, knowing well that I'd reached my limit; an impasse from where I'd refuse to release any further information.

"Okay, if that's the story you're sticking with, then fine. Just–" she bit her lip, and I could see determination in her eyes. She stared up at me, looking fierce and unwavering. "Sage, I'm telling you this as someone that lost a very close and dear friend. Randi, she was like a sister to me, and her death nearly destroyed me. I'll be honest, I can see that you're trying to change and better your ways, but it's just not enough. That girl, Ally, you can't do the same thing to her."

"Ava, what are you–"

"Let me finish. That girl, she came from amity, and those people don't know a thing about real-life situations. They live in a bubble filled with unrealistic expectations of peace. They are not people used to violence, trickery, or underhanded moves. In a way, they're probably the most naïve of factions; always expecting the best out of people even when they _don't_ deserve it," she said, putting an emphasis on the last part. "That being said, I want to ask - _no_ \- I want to demand that you keep your distance from her."

I blinked, completely perplexed.

"What?" I managed to stutter after an awkward moment. "Why? Just what exactly do you think I plan on doing to her?" I demanded, feeling indignant and offended.

"I told you Sage, I know you're trying to change your ways, but it's just a little too late for that. Ally, she deserves a shot at having a good life, and for that you have to stay away and not put her in danger. Maybe I'm being overly protective because when I see her I can't help but remember Randi, or because I don't trust you, either way, I mean what I said. Stay away. She'll toughen up on her own, without your help."

"And what if I refuse?" I asked, though really I knew she was right.

What Ava had said aloud was what I'd already been going through, over and over in my head, questions that drove me to the brink of insanity. Would I be the cause of another death? Would I have to have more blood on my hands and on my conscience?

"Then I'll tell Ally the truth about you. I'll reveal that you were the cause of Randi's death and that you're only trying to get close to her to do the same. I'll show her the real monster you are."

I nodded, but even though I absolutely loathed threats, I couldn't seem to find any of my previous gusto. Ava was right; she knew it, and I knew it. Meddling in affairs that involved Ally was practically the same as signing her death certificate. The things I was involved with, the things I touched, they all died and withered.

"Okay," I said softly. "I'll stay away."

"Good," Ava grunted in approval. "It's for the best," she turned to leave, but before she did, she double back and narrowed her eyes. "And don't think you can get by me. If I see, think, or even slightly suspect that you're trying anything, I'll talk."

I didn't answer, I just nodded. Maybe she thought I'd been intimidated by her threats, or maybe she figured I'd decided to go after someone else; whatever it was, she seemed satisfied by the look of acceptance on my features that after a pause she left.

I stood in place, stark still, for what seemed like an eternity. Ava was right. Though I wasn't exactly sure what it was that I felt for Ally, I knew that by interacting with her, I'd only be putting her in harm's way. My heart and brain were at war with each other, but as the seconds ticked by, it was my brain that won.

I was candor, and I could hear the truth in Ava's words, see it written in the future ahead of me; I was a danger to everyone. I was abnegation, and I knew it would be selfish of me to persist in trying to get close to Ally just because I was intrigued by her; I had to do the right thing. I was dauntless, brave enough to do something that would literally cause me pain; it was for the good of her future and everyone else's.

Though I hated it, in this moment, I had to embrace my divergence.


	18. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

The hallways I walked through were completely void of light, but the utter blackness didn't bother me; I knew the path well.

With Grace's note in hand, I made my way towards Banks's office. I'd made up my mind, and I knew that what I had to do was focus all of my attention on what really mattered. I was the kind of person that needed goals to work towards, and now that I had one, I felt stronger than I had in days. All my efforts and complete dedication was going to go towards taking down Banks.

I couldn't bother with trivial things like trying to win the affections of a girl I'd just met; not when there were much bigger things that needed to be solved. Though I was still curious about the strange emotions and reactions that Ally always seemed to bring out in me, I'd made it a point to push them away into the farthest recesses of my mind.

With every step I took forward, I could feel my resolve solidify; this would be the last time I'd interfere with an initiate's life. It was wrong of me to meddle in things that didn't concern me. Even now, I knew that the wiser thing to do would be to throw the note away; to let Ally figure things out on her own. I knew it, but even so, I found myself unable to turn away.

 _This is the last time, if something else happens, you will not intervene_ ; I mentally promised myself.

With that final thought cemented into my brain, I walked faster and more deliberately. Though my one-tracked mind usually proved to be a hindrance, it was now the only thing that helped give me the strength to ignore the disparaging emotions that threatened to creep up on me; it gave my life direction. I was focused, I knew what I wanted, and I'd do anything to reach my goal.

Though a part of me realized I was upset at the thought of staying away from Ally, the more the seconds ticked by, the more distance I put between myself and the clinic, the less I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. Though I didn't feel one-hundred percent okay with my own decision, and the tiniest voice in my head rebelled against the idea, I knew I couldn't ignore Ava's demands.

The halls were clear, not a person in sight, and it was probably due to this severe lack of noise that I managed to hear the strange mumblings of Banks before I was even close to his office. Some instinct kicked in immediately, and I found myself slowing from my quick stride into a stealthier gait.

I felt a prickling run from my neck down to my back, and a small surge of adrenaline seemed to make my senses sharper. I slowed when his voice became louder, but didn't stop completely; I wanted to get closer. Pressing myself against the rock wall, I crept forward as quietly as I could. Making sure to keep my breaths even and quiet, I cocked my head to the side and closed my eyes in concentration.

"… yes, yes I know that. I've just about figured out the problem," Banks muttered. "I'll need to test it out. I have various subjects in mind that I could use, but I'll need time to confirm their status."

The smallest buzz came in response, and I realized that he must be communicating though some sort of machine. I'd noticed he usually wore a small metal earpiece, and I could only guess that was what he was using now.

"There is one that I am certain of in my group, and two others that I have high suspicions about, both female. There are also two others I have my eye on in Sage's group," he continued after a pause.

My mouth went dry at the sound of my name, and I had the sudden feeling that I knew what he was talking about. I wanted to be wrong, but somehow I knew I wasn't. In a rush, I suddenly knew why Banks hadn't had any objection in teaching this year's initiates. As if in response to my thoughts, his next words confirmed my suspicions.

"No, I'm not worried. Sage is an odd case, but the others don't seem to show the same rebelliousness or defiance that he did at his age. I'm sure things will go without a hitch. Divergent or not, they'll be unable to resist this new serum."

The loud pounding of my heartbeat made it nearly impossible for me to hear the rest of what Banks was saying, but I fought to ignore it. I had to stay calm, I could not panic, not now.

"If my calculations are correct, distance won't be a problem," he paused, "of course, that was what I thought as well. I have no problem with that, I have samples to work from."

I could hear the sound of his footsteps moving away, and his voice slowly got quieter. I opened my eyes and craned my head, daring to take a look. Banks had two of his fingers pressed to his ear, and he was slowly pacing back and forth, each time moving farther away from his office. He seemed distracted; his brow furrowed with an intense look of concentration.

"I have high hopes. I'll be starting out with a small test group, I already have specific people in mind, and then if it goes as planned I will continue with the rest of the compound."

He continued to mumble something, but since his pacing had caused him to wander further down the hall, I was unable to catch any more of what he said. I stayed motionless until his footsteps were nothing more than faint echoes, but knowing that he'd be back at any moment, I decided to risk it; creeping forward, I headed to his office and punched in the code I'd seen him use various times.

Even intoxicated, it hadn't taken me long to figure out that he used the same password for his door and his computer. He'd been careful, but not overly so, and a part of me suspected he hadn't worried because he thought little of my intelligence he probably hadn't guessed I'd be able to figure it out. He hadn't counted on the fact that candor were notorious for catching the smallest of movements and picking up on the faintest of sounds.

I'd seen the familiar pattern his fingers had followed, and heard the distinct clicks of the buttons he pressed. Back then I'd been too blind with guilt to do anything with that knowledge, I'd just stored the password away in my mind, sort of like a random tidbit that would never have a purpose to me. However, what I'd lacked then had been the initiative to do anything, now there was nothing to thwart me.

"2, 1, 5, 2, 1," I mumbled to myself as I poked the keypad on the thick metal door.

I stepped back, and for an instant I feared I'd done something wrong when nothing happened. Then a quiet hiss came from the inside of the room and the door slid open. I sighed in relief. Pushing past it and to his computer, I didn't even have to use the code to get into his files. Already there were a series of documents open on the screen.

With a sense of urgency, I quickly scanned the first page, but didn't really understand much of it. From what I could tell it was a list of chemicals, each with a specific amount typed next to it, and further down the page was a series of formulas that involved numbers, letters, and other odd-looking squiggles. Perhaps it was the recipe to his new serum? I didn't know.

 _Should've paid attention in school_ ; I mentally chastised myself.

Giving up on the first page, I clicked on the second one. When I read the title, I suddenly felt my hands get clammy. The document was a list of all of Banks' and my own initiates, categorized by their last name. There were only four names highlighted;

 _Aracanea, Iris – Results: Inconclusive. Observation: possible divergent, no obvious signs of secondary faction traits, requires further studies._

 _Boone, Vera – Results: Erudite. Observation: transfer reasons unknown, adapting well to dauntless, requires further studies._

 _Perne, Allison – Results: Inconclusive. Observation: currently displays highly evident signs of amity, pending confirmation during stage two._

 _Phanter, Jade – Results: Dauntless. Observation: currently displays subtle signs of erudite, requires further studies._

 _Thorpe, J. Wayne – Results: Dauntless. Observation: displays subtle signs of candor, requires further studies._

My hands were shaking as I read and reread the words in front of me.

"No, no, no, no, no," I could hear myself muttering; my voice sounding like that of a crazed lunatic.

There were other documents on the screen that I still hadn't read, but I found myself unable to move. I sat on Banks' chair, frozen, reading the list of the initiates whose futures would surely be damned. If they were already on the radar, then it meant they already had a strike against them.

All at once, my heart gave a sharp thump, and the haze of panic disappeared. I had to be logical, I couldn't let fear leave me stricken like some spineless idiot. I blinked, returned the screen to how Banks had left it, and then exited the room. Then I waited.

By the time Banks had returned, as I'd assumed he would, I was already calm and in control of my emotions. I knew what I had to do, and this was but the first step in the long line of things I had to do.

"Sage," Banks said, raising a brow as he appraised me; I was leaning against the wall, attempting to appear bored. "I didn't expect you so soon, but I'm pleased to see you here. I have a chore for you to do."

"Okay," I said as I straightened and walked towards him. "Before you say anything else though, I have this to give you." I handed him the note I'd brought from the clinic.

"Allison," I heard Banks say quietly as he read over the paper.

I wasn't worried that he'd kick her out anymore; he wouldn't, not when he was so sure that she was divergent. No, he'd want to keep her to be able to confirm his theory and then possibly experiment on her. Her, and my other friends; then, if all went well, _everyone_. The thought made my blood boil and I could taste bile in the back of my throat, but I remained calm.

"Yeah, I think it's that amity chick," I said offhandedly. "Grace was worried, but I figured you wouldn't care." I paused, and then in my best act of duplicity, I yawned and peered at my watch as if I were genuinely bored with the whole subject. "So, you gonna' kick her out with the factionless now, or later?"

It was a good thing I was watching Banks so closely, because I almost missed the smallest twitch at the corner of his mouth; a frown.

"I don't think I will kick her out actually," he answered after a beat. He looked from the note to me, his face suddenly alight with humor as he smiled wickedly. "Where would the fun be in that?"

"What are you going to do then?" I asked, trying not to sound worried, rather just curious as he'd expect me to be; I was after all still candor at heart, it was predictable of me to search for the truth.

"I'm going to make an example of her to the other initiates," he answered, his grin widening. "I have to teach them respect, and this will be a good way to do so."

I couldn't help myself. I stiffened and clenched my hands.

"What are you going to do?" I demanded, my tone more fierce than I'd like.

"Nothing yet," he smirked, amused by my reaction. "I will wait for the most opportune time."

I struggled to bottle up the anger again, but luckily I was able to do so quick enough to not draw more attention to myself.

"So that chore?" I prompted.

"I need more samples from the factionless. The ones you brought me last time weren't any good."

"What sector?"

"Quadrant 50J, it's more towards the center of the factionless part of the city, so there'll surely be more divergent subjects in that area."

I nodded, and then pretended to pick at the skin around my knuckles as he unlocked the door and led me inside. He fished around his drawers, and in seconds he produced a small package. He tossed it to me and then waved me away.

I was just about to leave when I heard him give a pointed cough.

"By the way, there's talk that an initiate of yours didn't show up to the first day of fights, is that correct?"

"Yeah, his name is Zane," I answered without turning around. "What about it?"

"What do you intend to do?" he asked, and I could sense an undercurrent to his words. "You're not thinking of letting it slide without punishment are you?"

"Of course not," I answered, turning to let him see that I genuinely meant what I said.

"Good," he said as he tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Because you know that if you don't do something to punish him, I'll have to intervene."

"I'm sure you'd _hate_ that," I said sarcastically; forgetting momentarily that I was supposed to act like a subordinate. I swallowed and then dropped my eyes to the ground. "I'll take care of it, I promise."

He chuckled, low and dark, and the sound sent a wave of goosebumps up and down my arms.

"Oh Sage, surprisingly you aren't wrong this time. I'd much love to do that task for you, so believe me when I say I hope you find yourself unable to reprimand him," he gloated. "I hope that your faulty genetics kick in and that you're silly abnegation heart makes it impossible for you to act as you should. I hope you spare him, that you let him get his hopes up, that you make it much more enjoyable for me."

"I said I'd take care of it," I said, though deep down I knew he was right. Even though I disliked Zane, I knew I'd never be able to be as cruel as Banks expected me to be.

"Oh, I don't doubt that you'll try," Banks chuckled. "But trust me, I know how your limited brain works. You won't be able to harm that boy. Don't worry though, I'll have you covered."

I didn't answer, I just nodded sullenly and then left.

There were too many people for me to worry about; my mom, Mara, Dan, Finn, Biff and Jude, and now these new initiates. It was unending, and it seemed that the roster just kept filling up with names of innocent people that didn't deserve such cruel fates. Ally, Iris, Wayne, Jade and Vera were in danger, and now I had to add Zane to the list too? It was insane.

As I headed to my room to prepare myself to get Banks his samples, I tried to keep my mind cleared. I could handle it, I had to. Maybe Banks was even wrong. He only suspected Vera, Jade and Wayne, so maybe they weren't actually divergent. The ones who were truly at risk were Iris and…

"Ally," I sighed, rubbing my temples as my head began to pound.

I'd sworn I was going to leave her alone, but with this new information how could I?


	19. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The air was cold and stung my face as I craned my head out the side of the train's cabin. In the dark, only the moon would be a witness to the deeds I'd been sent out to do. The stars shimmered, and in a way it almost felt as if they were eyes; eyes that glared down at me accusingly. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but until I'd formed a better plan, I didn't have a choice; I had to do what Banks said.

As the train neared the factionless sector of the city, I got to my feet and prepared to jump. Gripping the handle, I leaned out and narrowed my eyes as I spotted the familiar surroundings; I was near the factionless sector of the city.

Without waiting for the train to slow, I stood and then jumped when I figured I was close to the location Banks had assigned me. My legs shuddered with the force of my landing, but I didn't stumble as I continued to run forward. In the dark, I slunk along the sides of the buildings surrounding me, making sure to stay hidden in their shadows.

I made my way further and further into the depths of the factionless sector, and as I did, I made sure to keep an eye out for any wandering people I might stumble upon. The streets were vacant though; it was cold, and the factionless made it a habit to hide out in the abandoned buildings when the weather became too harsh.

I stopped in my tracks when a flickering of light caught my eye. In the dark, it shone like a beacon that would guide me to what I needed to find. Squinting, I realized that the it was actually emanating from a small bonfire, and that around it, there were a pair of factionless citizens.

Though I felt guilty, and my stomach churned with remorse, I found myself making my way towards them. I was only a couple of paces away from them when I began to take out the necessary supplies I'd need.

Normally I tried to get the samples I needed from people that were alone, that way if they fought, I'd have an easier time dispatching them. With these two males, I'd have my work cut out for me. From what I could see, they were both middle aged, and even from where I stood I could tell they were thin and malnourished. Still, I didn't want to risk getting caught.

Reaching into my pack, I pulled out a thin metal pistol. It looked odd, and it was probably due to the fact that it didn't shoot bullets, rather tranq-darts. I loaded it with the projectiles that were laced with enough sedative that would have them on their back in seconds, and then flicked off the safety.

The two men were holding their hands out towards the fire, trying to warm themselves, and again I felt a pang of regret. Though they wouldn't necessarily be hurt, it still bothered me to do this to them. But I had to… I had to.

I held the gun up and away from my body, and when I saw the most opportune moment, I acted. I squeezed the trigger once, shifted, and then shot again, hitting both of my targets in the neck in a matter of seconds.

The men didn't groan, didn't make a single noise, as they swayed and then collapsed onto the ground. I paused, waiting to see if maybe someone nearby might've seen what happened, but when no one came, I ran out of my hiding spot. I already had my pack out by the time I'd reached them.

Kneeling by their bodies, I worked quickly and with skilled hands. First, I pinched the tiniest bit of their hair between my fingers, snipped it, and then placed the strands into separate plastic bags. Second, I took out a syringe and then drew three milliliters of blood from their arms, then proceeded to save it in three separate blood tubes. Last, I pulled out a thin metal object that sort of resembled a flashlight –it was a retinal scanner– and then lifted their eyelids so that I'd be able to lock in their identities.

Once I was done, I packed my things back up and then pulled the men over to a deserted building; I didn't want to leave their unconscious bodies outside, unprotected and exposed to the elements. With a sigh, I continued through the night until I'd found two other targets; one being an older woman, and the other being a beefy looking man.

Afterwards, with the samples safely packed away in my backpack, I hopped on the nearest train and returned to the dauntless compound. The trip was quick, and in no time I'd returned to Banks's office.

"That was quick," he noted as he took the tubes and hair clippings. "You made sure to scan them?"

"Yeah," I answered as I pulled the scanner and placed it on his desk. "Did you need anything else tonight?"

"No, you may leave," he said as he waved me away.

I nodded, feeling like the most deplorable person on earth, and then exited his office. I didn't go to my room though, I couldn't; I didn't want to dream. Instead, I did what I used to do back when I'd had alcohol to soften the edges of my guilt; I wandered.

Down one hallway, and then another, I walked without purpose. A part of my brain demanded sleep, but a much larger part feared what would come with it. Like a zombie, I made my way along the corridors without ever really taking note of my surroundings.

It was only when I found myself just outside of the fear landscape room that I realized where my subconscious had unwittingly taken me. I hadn't gone through my landscape since that last day of initiation. If I were to go in now, would my fears be the same? Or would there be more? Surely, after all I'd gone through, there had to be more.

I glanced at the area that was just beside the fear landscape room, the place where the leaders of the dauntless had once sat and watched as we went through our fears. Without ever making the conscious decision to go, I found myself walking in and opening and closing the drawers. I only stopped when I found the syringes and the vials of the orange serum used to activate the simulation.

After programming the fear landscape room to my own settings, I sucked in a breath and continued with the rest of my plan. Slowly, but with steady hands, I drew up a dose and then tilted my neck to the side. I held my finger over the syringe and closed my eyes. I had to see, I just had to know if there were more fears.

I didn't even feel the prick of the needle as I slipped it into my neck. I pressed down on the plunger, and visualized the serum flooding my body. Then I turned and walked into the room.

I could hear the hiss of the door shutting behind me, and I mentally psyched myself up for the horrors that awaited me. I didn't close my eyes as I waited.

Blinking once, I found myself in the mirrored room with the noose hanging from the center of the ceiling. I knew what would come next; shadowy figures would rush into the room at any second, they'd overpower me, and they they'd hang me. My heart thudded, but as I saw the door in front of me start to open, I suddenly felt a surge of something run throughout my body.

It wasn't adrenaline, it wasn't fear, it wasn't even curiosity; it was _power_. It was a shocking feeling to have, especially now that I was so under the influence of what Banks wanted, but it was undoubtedly what I felt. It was like every cell, every fiber of my being, was radiating with an insurmountable amount of energy. What had changed?

" _Hope_ ," I breathed out in a whisper. I had hope; things were bad now, but they would get better.

I felt omnipotent; totally in command of everything that was in the room. Though I couldn't change what I wanted to out in the real world, I knew that I was entirely in control of everything around me; in this simulation. None of it was real, and thus, it was all rendered powerless; it couldn't hurt me.

With that morsel of knowledge cemented into my psyche, I realized something that made my senses sharper; I could literally feel the way the serum was trying to manipulate my brain, but I could also feel just how easy it was for me to ignore it.

I released the breath I'd been holding, and then turned towards the door. Walking calmly, I held out my hand, and then with only my pointer finger extended, I tapped the glass. Splinters webbed out from where I'd touched the wall, and then in a flurry of movement, the room shattered into nothingness.

I dropped my hand, and as I did, four wooden walls suddenly appeared around me, then two others both above and below me. I was in complete darkness. I kicked out a foot and heard the thunk of wood; claustrophobia, that was what this fear was.

Again, I didn't even feel the slightest twinge of fear. I was in control. This time, I didn't even bother lifting my hand. I closed my eyes, and then simply walked forward. Then, when I wasn't met with a wall of vicious splinters, I opened them again.

With an odd feeling of vertigo, I almost laughed as I flew past my fears. The vat of acid, the dissection, falling off of the building, even the mirror; none of it bothered me. That is, until I realized that there was only one fear left.

I closed my eyes, and as I did, I could feel the way the simulation had changed my surroundings. I couldn't avoid it. Blinking, I looked around, knowing fully well what I'd see. My surroundings were that of the dauntless compound, and as I stared forward, I knew who the victim would be.

Chained to the floor would be, with a shackle around her foot, was Randi. As I stared, all the power I'd previously felt seemed to drain away. This wasn't the Randi that haunted my dreams, the ghoulish sight that stared accusingly at me, but the Randi I'd last known; innocent, sweet, and alive.

Though I knew it wasn't real, I found myself ignoring that information on purpose; I wanted to remain blissfully ignorant. I knew that at any moment a figure would appear from the shadows, a gun in hand, and that then Randi would die in front of me.

" _No_ ," I whispered, and as I released that word, I felt my senses clear from the haze of awe.

Mentally, I took ahold of the reins and again forced myself into a position of power. This was my simulation, my brain, my fear; I would change things.

I felt a bead of sweat run down the side of my face, but as it did, I could feel my resolve strengthen. The figure never appeared, and as I looked down at my hand, I saw why. Though I couldn't force a fear out of my mind, I did have the ability to alter how it went down. I was now the one with the gun.

The weight of it in my hand told me that it was loaded, but though I wanted to throw it away, I found that I couldn't; it was as if it had been fused with my skin. I took a shaky breath, and then slowly walked towards simulation-Randi.

Her eyes were wide, and as I approached, I saw them only broaden with fear. She thought I was going to shoot her, kill her. I almost laughed with dark humor, because in a sick way, it's what I'd done. Though I hadn't personally pushed her over the ledge of the chasm, it had been my actions that had caused Banks to act, to fulfill his threat.

I stopped when I was a foot away from her, and though all of my senses wanted me to reach out and touch her, I knew that if I did the whole image would shatter. That's what happened, my brain destroyed simulations; but this time, it wasn't what I wanted. No, I wanted it to last. I wanted to live in this moment as long as I could. I wanted to be in her presences, even if it wasn't real.

I don't know how long I stood in front of her; I only knew that that it would never feel like enough time. I know that I spoke, but not the exact words that had escaped my lips. It didn't matter I supposed, simulation-Randi, never stopped looking at me with fear in her eyes.

Finally, when some inner part of me warned that it would soon be time to begin a new day, I snapped back into reality. Though I didn't want to leave, I knew I had to end the simulation.

"I'm so sorry," I said as I held my free hand out towards her face.

Simulation-Randi only shook with horror, and it was then that I paused; realizing I didn't want to end the simulation this way. I didn't want to have the last image of Randi be this; my hand shattering her form.

I took a step back, and then looked down at my other hand, the one with the gun. I needed to get out, but I wouldn't do it at the cost of this wonderful delusion.

" _I'm sorry_ ," I repeated a final time.

I pressed the cold metal of the gun to my temple. My hands felt steady, and I knew that this was the only way I had to get out of my fear landscape without risking my sanity. I'd failed to keep the real Randi safe, and though it was silly, I knew it would crush me to see this false Randi die as well.

Eyes shut, I pulled the trigger without hesitation.


	20. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"I feel like a kid on Christmas," Biff repeated excitedly as he popped his knuckles and hopped up and down excitedly on the balls of his feet.

"You know, he could always choose option A," Finn warned. He sat comfortably on his chair, a grin playing on his features at the sight of Biff jumping around. "I wouldn't get my hopes up so high if I were you."

"Aww come on Finn, let the man dream," Jude interjected. For once, his normally serious -if not slightly irritated expression- had been replaced by an eager one. "You never know. I don't really peg the kid as a true dauntless. From what Wayne has told me, I'm almost certain he'll pick option B."

"Yeah, I don't know why, but that guy just rubs me the wrong way," Dan agreed. "Guess we'll have to wait and see though."

I turned from where I stood, chalk in hand, and gave the guys my most adult-ly _I'm-the-boss-so-be-quiet_ look. They grinned mischievously, but dutifully settled down as best as they could; Biff tapping his foot impatiently, and Dan checking his watch every so often. Turning back to the chalkboard, I continued writing the initiates names so they'd see who they'd be fighting.

After I'd gotten out of my fear simulation, I'd rushed to the training room to prepare myself for the day's fights. Whereupon arriving, I'd quickly realized that Zane was again absent. Iris mentioned that he'd stayed in the clinic overnight to look after Ally, but that he'd be back the next day.

I'd felt both happy and annoyed; I was glad that she'd had someone to watch over her, but it bothered me that it had been someone other than me. Shrugging, I had waved my hand casually, then continued with the fights. I knew that word of his continual absence would spread around the compound like wildfire, and if he came back and I didn't punish him it would only make things worse. A punishment from me would never compare to something Banks could come up with.

Like it or not, I had to make an example out of Zane.

I'd made up my mind about a lot of things since my time in the fear landscape room; one of them being that I would try my hardest not to resent the time that Zane was spending with Ally. If he cared about her, and she liked him, who was I to get in the way? In a way, it was almost hard to be irritated with him; how could I hate someone that cared for her? That, however, didn't mean I'd just let him off the hook so easily.

Enlightenment had struck during dinner, when after a long conversation about how well my initiates were doing, the guys and I had somehow strayed off the subject.

"I knew you'd be a good instructor," Finn had said; a wide grin pulling across his face. "Bet the people down at the Cage miss you though, you put on quite the show Mr. Stronghold."

"I guess," I replied with a shrug.

"Do you miss it?" Jude asked.

"Yeah, I do," I admitted.

Ever since I'd spilled my guts to Dan, I found that it was again impossible to lie as efficiently as I used to. Surprisingly, it felt good. I'd missed the candor side of my personality; the side that I'd drowned out with alcohol and guilt.

"Once you've had a taste of that life, it's hard to forget about it," Biff added. "Trust me, I'd know."

"Why would _you_ know?" Dan asked as he raised an eyebrow.

"Didn't I ever tell you?" Biff said. "I used to fight down there when I was younger and needed money."

I nodded knowingly; Biff hadn't told me, but he was still a legend down there and I'd heard his name tossed around often. Like me, he was what the young fighters strived to be like; powerful, undefeated, and feared.

"Did you have a nickname?" Dan asked curiously. "What did they call you?"

Biff didn't have a chance to respond, because as soon as the question was out of Dan's mouth, both Finn and Jude chimed in;

"The Beast!"

Biff laughed uproariously, then flexed his arms and struck a few poses. I smirked and tossed a roll at him, which he caught and then ate.

"You know what I regret sometimes?" He asked aloud, though I could tell his question had been directed at me. "That I never got to fight Sage," he turned towards me, "I mean, you're my bro, but it would've made my day to duke it out with someone at my own level."

" _Hey_ ," Jude interjected, looking insulted as he jabbed Biff in the ribs. "What are Finn and I? Chopped liver?"

"Course' not, don't get your panties in a knot," Biff chuckled without backing down. "I'm just saying, look at Sage, look at me, and now tell me that wouldn't make for an epic fight."

They did as he said, and even I couldn't help but compare ourselves. I could see what he meant; in stature, Biff was the _only_ one I knew who had a little height over me, and muscle-wise it was nearly even. If we were to fight, the scales would definitely be flush; it could go one way or the other.

Even in the beginning, when I'd first arrived at the dauntless compound, my physical stamina and strength had been above average. Now though, with the past year practically spent living in the Cage, fighting day and night; I'd lost whatever remaining childness I'd had left.

I'd drowned my grief and sorrow in every fight I had, and with it, I'd changed dramatically. Cut from iron and steel, I had been forged in a fire made of pain and never-ending agony; leaving a weapon with wicked edges that drew blood at even the slightest graze. When people looked at me now, they never guessed that I had ever been anything _but_ a dauntless member. I didn't look like I belonged in any other faction.

"I'd pay to see that," Jude finally admitted.

"The Beast versus The Monster," Finn repeated to himself. "Definitely has a certain ring to it."

Dan didn't answer, but it was clear from the look on his face that he didn't approve. I could guess why; I'd just barely started returning to the way I used to be, and fighting would definitely be a hindrance in my recovery.

"Too bad we'll never know," I said with a little shrug. Dan visibly relaxed.

"I know, I know," Biff sighed wistfully. "I was just saying."

"If you miss fighting so much, why don't you just go down to the Cage, beat a few heads together, and get it out of your system?" Finn pointed out.

"Huh, maybe I will," Biff responded brightly; looking genuinely thrilled.

That's around the time I'd had my brilliant idea. Though Biff was the most vocal about missing his time in the ring, it later became apparent that both Finn and Jude also missed fighting. With their new jobs, it was now a rarity that they were ever involved in any kind of skirmishes.

I'd calculated it all in my head; they wanted to battle, Zane had missed his own fights, I needed to think of a punishment, and it would all be resolved without a fuss. It made perfect sense. It didn't take even the slightest bit of coaxing to convince the guys after I'd told them my idea.

Now, as I watched the initiates trickle into the training room, I couldn't help but grin a little. Not because I'd enjoy Zane's pain, but because I'd actually managed to figure a way out of the problem without the need to involve Banks.

Standing with my arms crossed, I quickly noted that Zane had sauntered into the room without even the tiniest bit of shame or worry noticeable on his features. That would change soon.

The room was tense as the initiates looked from me, to the guys that were seated behind me, to Zane, and then to the board. Zane's name wasn't written anywhere, and I was pointedly refusing to acknowledge him. No one said anything, and the silence only grew thicker with the lack of words. Finally, when my impatience got the best of me, I let out a loud breath of annoyance and checked my watch pointedly.

"I don't know what you guys are waiting for. You can read can't you?" I pointed my finger at the board where the first pairing was listed. "Wayne and Shiloh, you're up first."

Wayne immediately snapped out of his quiet state; jogging into the center of the ring and raising his fists to prepare for the fight. Shiloh hesitated though as she stared at me, and then at Zane; who looked completely bewildered and finally a little panicked.

"Is there a problem initiate?" I asked in a bored tone. "Or are you just scared to fight Wayne?"

"No problem, it's just that," Shiloh paused, biting her lip uncomfortably.

"Just _what_?" I repeated coldly.

I narrowed my eyes at her, and that was all it took for her to go skittering into the ring without another word. Deliberately ignoring Zane, I watched over the fights with my usual precision. Then once the first pairing was done, I pointed at the next pair, and so forth until the only person left was Zane.

"Seems we're done for the day, I'll see you initiates bright and early tomorrow," I said as I turned and began to make my way towards Dan and the boys.

"Wait a minute," I heard Zane protest from behind me. None of the other initiates spoke up or moved.

"Tomorrow there won't be fights, I'll be taking you on a little field trip," I continued to speak without turning around.

"I said wait a minute," Zane repeated in a tone that sounded more agitated. I could hear his footsteps behind me.

"We'll be looking at the various dauntless jobs that are available, so I'd pay close attention if I were you," I said as I tensed my body; I could tell Zane was but a few steps behind me. I prepared myself.

"I said wait a _damned_ minute!" Zane grunted as he lunged forward.

He slapped his hand over my shoulder to stop me, and that was where he made his mistake; I didn't like to be touched. Silly kid, I almost felt bad for him. _Almost_. For the past year, I'd lived and breathed but one thing; fighting, fighting, and more fighting. I'd learned many things about fighting, but also about myself in that time; the biggest being that, in a fight or flight situation, I would never hesitate to strike.

I whirled around in an instant, grabbing his arm and jerking it behind his back. He cried out both in pain and surprise. Though I heard the sound of gasps coming from the initiates, I didn't release him.

"You have ten seconds to convince me not to snap your arm in two," I snarled as I tightened my grip.

"I didn't get paired with anyone. I want to fight," he said through quick and pained gasps.

"Do you now? Well you could've fooled me," I said frostily. "You missed my class twice without having a good reason to, and even today you never took the time to come up to me and offer any sort of explanation. Actions speak louder than words, and in my eyes you've already decided to be factionless."

"No, please no! I was in the clinic," Zane quickly explained as he tried to wriggle out of my grasp. I yanked his arm further and his face went bright red.

"Oh, so you were hurt then?" I asked sarcastically; I already knew the truth behind his actions, but I had to make a show of it. I needed the other initiates to know I wasn't to be disobeyed.

"No," Zane admitted. "I was at the clinic because I was making sure my girlfriend was okay."

"I didn't realize you were a nurse Zane," I said with a cruel smirk on my face. "But I mean, you must be, right? Otherwise that's the dumbest excuse you could've tried to use."

"She begged me to stay with her," he groaned, and I could see his upper lip was slick with sweat. "She was a complete mess, crying, telling me not to leave. I couldn't say no!"

I blinked slowly; his statement throwing me off. I hadn't pictured Ally as someone who'd beg for anything, much less someone's company. From what I had observed from afar, she didn't come across to me as someone that was emotionally fragile.

I release Zane, momentarily bewildered, and pulled in a breath to clear my thoughts. He rubbed his arm and seemed ready to say more before I held up my hand to silence him. For some reason the way Zane had just described Ally made me feel defensive and overprotective; like maybe I should be defending her honor.

C _oncentrate Stronghold. This isn't about Ally, it's about Zane_ ; I reminded myself. _Get it back together._

I released a loud sigh after a second. Maybe I'd been the one who was wrong; misjudging Ally and putting her on a pedestal when I didn't really know her that well. Zane had actually spent time with her, and so it was more likely that his story was right; he knew her better.

"Listen, I don't care what you and Ally do, or don't do," I said tensely.

The words felt funny on my tongue, and out of the corner if my eye I saw Dan frown slightly; he'd heard a lie. I rushed to continue.

"It's none of my business, and I don't care to hear any more details. What does matter, and actually bothers me a lot, is the fact that you think you can just waltz in here like nothing happened. It's a complete lack of respect for me, and your fellow initiates."

"They don't mind," Zane protested as he continued to gingerly rub his arm.

"Don't they though?" I said, turning to address the group behind him. "Initiates, I'll leave it in your hands, do you think it's fair? Would you all be okay with Zane just moseying in without the need to put in the same amount of work you did?"

For an instant there was a sudden shift in the atmosphere as the group mulled over my words.

"Would those days he missed count against him?" David asked. "Like, would it be as if he lost those three fights?"

" _What_?" Zane hissed beside me, but I narrowed my eyes, effectively silencing him.

"No," I said. "His rank would stay the same since he didn't actually lose anything."

"No way!" Iris and Shiloh protested in unison; their tones that of indignation.

Behind them, I heard the rest of the initiates suddenly join in with their own murmurs of disapproval. One by one, they began to shake their heads, and a couple of them even shot Zane dirty looks.

"Guys, come on, what's the problem?" Zane tried to say in his most convincing tone. "It's not a big deal."

"You're only saying that because you're rank is already high," Tyler snapped. "You'd have nothing to lose. It's not fair for the rest of us!"

The group began to shout out their agreement, and it was then that I held up my hands for silence.

"While I don't approve of Zane's choice to miss out on these past few days of combat, I also have to admit I don't like the option of throwing him out of the compound," I said. Zane seemed to brighten, but when he saw my scowl he dropped his head. "Standard procedure dictates that Zane would have to become factionless, _that is_ , unless he were to agree to the alternative I have to offer."

The initiates looked both amazed and confused as they tried to piece together what I might mean by, _alternative_. Behind me, I heard Biff and Jude snickering; they already knew what I had in mind.

"What would I have to do?" Zane asked.

Though I normally hated unnecessary violence, I couldn't help but grin this time. I heard a quiet shuffling behind me, and I didn't have to turn to know that the boys were at my back; each probably with a wide smile of their own.

"I'd like to think of myself as a fair man," I said nonchalantly. "So I figured it would only be right to give you the option to choose your own opponent… or opponents."

"You want me to fight _all_ of them?" Zane asked as his eyes bulged in horror.

I shook my head and tried to keep up my serious facade. I couldn't help but find it a little funny; on any other day I would've single-handedly fought more than three people in the Cage. I supposed our situations were vastly different though.

"No, of course not. Like, I said, I like to be fair," I repeated. "You have two choices, option A," I jerked my head and Finn, Jude, and Dan stepped forward, "you missed three fights, so logically, you'd have to fight three people. Not your fellow initiates though, because it wouldn't be right for them to have to fight again when they actually did follow the rules."

Zane didn't even bother looking twice at the guys, instead he swallowed and shook his head.

"You said there was a second option?" He asked, sounding hopeful.

"I did," I said slowly, and I knew Biff had stood from his chair and walked up when the initiates behind Zane also stiffened in fright; that is, all but Wayne, whose grin was almost an identical replica of Jude's.

"Option B," Biff said as he grinned even wider.

Comically, Zane's head began to dart from side to side repeatedly as he studied his choices; did he want to fight three, or would he dare to take on just the one. Either way, it wouldn't be easy. It was an almost even pick too; he could either fight three, one by one, or just Biff, who counted for more than himself.

"What if I don't pick either?" Zane asked warily as he continued to eye the boys.

"Then you know where the door is," I said with a shrug.

"This isn't _fair_ ," Zane complained as he turned towards the other initiates; apparently trying to get them to change their minds and let his mistakes slide.

He tried to meet their eyes, but the others simply shook their heads dismally or looked away. When he reached Wayne though, I was surprised to see him chuckle in amusement.

"Don't look at me man, we're not friends, and I don't even like you," Wayne said. "Just pick."

Someone behind me laughed, Dan or Jude I think, but I immediately sobered up at Wayne's words. Automatically, my thoughts went back to the file I'd read on Banks's computer, remembered what it had said beside Wayne's name; _displays subtle signs of candor…_

That comment hadn't been subtle.

I swallowed, and made a mental note to keep an eye on him. Him, and Iris, who Banks had also decided was a possible divergent. They were both in danger, but I'd keep them safe; unlike the other three transfer-initiates who I couldn't protect.

Clearing my throat, and shaking my head slightly to rid myself of my previous thoughts, I addressed Zane.

"So pick. Option A, option B, or join the factionless."

Zane swallowed loudly, wiped his palms on his jeans, and then released a loud breath.

"I choose…"


	21. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"So, was it all you expected?"

"Honestly, not really," Biff said with a little sigh of disappointment. "I figured the kid would've put up more of a fight. I don't think he even hit me once, did he?"

"Just that time in the beginning," I said as I furrowed my brow and tried to recall the exact events of yesterday's fight between Zane and Biff.

"That doesn't count," Biff said, rolling his eyes dramatically. "I _let_ him hit me."

I chuckled but nodded, he was right; it didn't count. Not when Biff had actually stooped over to accommodate for his and Zane's height difference, turned his head, offered his cheek as an available target, and said; _I'm gonna' give you a freebie kid, just cause' I feel bad for you._

"Man, that fight was hysterical though," Finn said as he spooned some of his oatmeal into his mouth. "When you picked him up and began to twirl him around over your head, I was laughing so hard I seriously thought I was gonna' piss my pants."

"I know right?" Dan agreed as he leaned over and stole a strip of bacon from my plate. "That, or when he tried punching you but couldn't reach because you had your hand on his head and kept pushing him back."

"That's comedy right there, from the very beginning. I was sure the kid was about to faint when you took off your shirt and he saw what he was up against. He went completely pale," Jude said. "He should've just picked us. Might've been tired after three fights, but at least it would've been more even."

That was also true; while Finn, Jude, and Dan certainly wouldn't have been easy opponents, they would've at least left him with some dignity afterwards. In a lot of ways, when I'd first met Biff I'd thought he was just like a taller and blonder version of Dan; their personalities were similar in that they were constantly goofing around and rarely ever seen with a frown on their face.

However, upon _really_ getting to know him I'd discovered just how one change in their many shared traits had made all the difference. Dan wasn't a saint, he'd fight without hesitation if he saw the need to, and he wasn't above using the other person's weaknesses to help him win, but that was just it; he fought if it was necessary.

Biff fought for fun, if he was dared to, even if he was simply bored and didn't have anything to do. There were times I'd even seen him try to get under someone's skin on purpose, on the off chance that they'd try to take a swing at him and then he'd have a good reason to start tossing bodies left and right. It rarely happened though; only a crazy person would dare to challenge the hulking beast that was Biff.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that he absolutely adored his job as a mechanic, I suspected he'd have stayed as a fighter in the Cage along with me for the past year. It was a good thing his love for tinkering with the tanks and armored cars won over anything else.

"Best part, by far, was when he actually began to run away from you," Finn said; effectively interrupting my train of thought. "It was so funny how you had to chase him around the ring. _Hah_ , like a game of tag."

Again, I found myself grinning, but not as widely as before. I couldn't help it, it was laced into my genes to worry about others; even now, I found myself wondering if I could've done something else to let Zane off the hook. I sighed though, knowing fully well that there hadn't been another option. A punishment had been necessary, and compared to something Banks might've thought of, mine had been tame; I hadn't actually let Biff rough Zane up as much as he'd wanted to.

A quiet blip from my wristwatch caught my attention, and as I peered at it, I saw that it was time to go and gather my initiates. Today I'd be taking them to see the various dauntless jobs that were available. Quickly, I stuffed the rest of my food into my mouth and then shoved my tray away.

"I've got to go," I said hurriedly. "I don't want to be late."

"Me too, Tori wanted me to come in early," Dan added as he stood beside me. "I'll walk with you."

I nodded, then after we'd waved and bumped fists with the guys, Dan and I had walked out of the lunchroom. We'd been talking about where I'd be taking the initiates when suddenly, Dan changed the subject dramatically.

"So, I bet _you_ enjoyed that fight between Zane and Biff yesterday, huh?" He said as he playfully poked me with his elbow.

"What do you mean?" I asked; only slightly confused.

Since yesterday, Dan had been hinting at the fact that he knew I sort of had a distaste for Zane and Ally's relationship. I hadn't admitted anything though, and Dan hadn't openly questioned me about it. We'd just been having this annoying back and forth dispute where he'd insinuate something, and I'd circle around his prodding without giving anything away.

"Oh _nothing_ , nothing at all," Dan said in a sing-song voice. "I'm just saying, I bet you wish you could've been in Biff's place. You know, really putting him in his place and all."

"I don't like Zane," I admitted in a huff, "but I don't want to hurt him either."

"Uh-huh, sure," Dan said; drawing the word _sure_ out slowly and with an obvious note of sarcasm. "I bet you didn't enjoy that show yesterday at all."

My lip twitched, and I could feel myself getting to the end of whatever patience I had left.

"I didn't," I said; which wasn't a lie. Truth; I disliked Zane, but not enough that I'd ever physically harm him. Well, not without provocation.

"Okay, _right_ ," Dan chuckled. "And I also bet you would've gone into a deep depression if Zane had been forced to leave the compound. I mean, he's your favorite initiate isn't he?"

"Dan, what's this about?" I snapped; halting in my tracks and whirling to face him. My patience level was at a big fat zero.

"Whatever do you mean Sage dear?" Dan asked as he widened his eyes and blinked in an overly-innocent fashion. "I'm merely making polite conversation."

I raised my brow and gave him a pointy look, to which he merely cocked his head and then mirrored me with a raised eyebrow of his own. We stood there, looking ridiculous as people passed by, but eventually he broke; an impish grin spreading over his face.

"You like Ally," he stated gleefully, and then he let out a quick laugh. "Admit it! Or maybe don't, you could try lying to me, but just remember that I'd know. So really, it would be the same as telling me the truth."

" _Dan_ ," I protested loudly; neither agreeing with nor denying his statement.

"You know it's true, every time she's around your eyes are stuck to her like glue."

"Was that on purpose?" I asked when I heard his rhyme. "Really Dan, poetry?"

"Well, I _am_ an art-eest," he said as he gave his hand a little flourish. "Don't try to distract me though. Come on, just tell me I'm right."

I didn't answer, and internally I wondered just how long I would be able to hold out. This wasn't a big secret like the one about Banks and his testing, or about his involvement in Randi's death, but it was still something I wasn't comfortable voicing; it was embarrassing, and honestly, I wasn't even really sure that what I felt was true. It seemed too fast to be genuine.

I mean, love at first sight wasn't real; that was what stupid fairytales were made of. If anything, the more I thought about it, the more I was angry with myself. I was no better than the guys I'd known back in our upper-levels school who'd go head-over-heels for a girl simply because she was pretty. Was that it? Had I simply been blinded by her beauty?

 _God, is this what I've stooped to?_ I cursed myself. _Worrying over a girl I've only ever said a few words to?_

"You're not wrong," I finally said after a pause. "I mean, she caught my eye, but it's stupid."

"Why is it stupid?"

"Because I don't even know her. I mean, really I feel like I'm just being shallow," I said as I turned and slowly continued down the hallway. "If Mara were here, she would've already called me a superficial pig for being this way, and truthfully I wouldn't be able to disagree with her."

"I agree, you're a pig," Dan said in a chipper tone. "I mean, your apartment could easily be confused for a dumpsite." He hooked his thumbs around the loops of his jeans, and continued to amble beside me.

I rolled my eyes and was about to answer with a snappy retort before he continued.

"But not for noticing a girl because she's pretty, I mean, that's natural. You've got to appreciate the simple joys in life, whether it's watching a sunrise, eating the best cake ever, admiring a girl, listening to the sound of laughter, or finally scratching that itch you couldn't reach. Don't be all down on yourself for noticing something that makes you happy."

"Oh, so I'm talking to _wise_ -Dan am I?" I said with a hint of sarcasm, though really I was happy to hear his soothing words; they were both light, yet very significant and full of meaning.

"I'm serious Sage. It's normal to be aware of and to want to be near things that are pleasing to look at. I would know; I see beauty everywhere I go, in every face I see, and more often than not, I follow it. Everything has a certain splendor to it, but not everyone is open enough to acknowledge it. Ally is a pretty girl, and you shouldn't be ashamed to admit that you like her."

"That's just it though," I said with a sigh. "I don't know if that's even the right word to describe how I feel. Mostly I'm intrigued, you know? Curious about the kind of person she is. I just want to get to know her better."

Dan paused and gave me a withering look that said; _don't even try to downplay this situation._

"Okay, let's say that in theory I did like her," I said slowly, "I don't want to like her just because of her looks. I want to like her because of what she says, what she does, and who she is. Right now, the only thing I've had a chance to judge her by is her appearance."

"Then talk to her, _duh_ ," Dan said.

"Not unless it's completely necessary," I said stubbornly. "I can't get close to her or anyone else. I'd be putting them in danger, you of all people should know that after what I told you about Banks. I was already the cause of Randi's death, I don't want any more blood on my hands."

" _Ugh_ , Sage, you're such a pessimist sometimes," Dan groaned, but he didn't get a chance to say more; we'd reached the fork in the hallway where we had to split up.

"I'll see you later," I said as I turned to leave.

"Yeah, yeah," Dan said in dismissal. "This conversation isn't over Stronghold, far from it."

"I don't need a matchmaker Dan, so don't meddle in my love life," I warned.

"Don't meddle?" Dan repeated with a smirk. "But meddle is my middle name."

"No it's not, your middle name is–" I was about to say, but then Dan cut me off.

"Hey, I almost forgot. Today I managed to make some room in my schedule. Can you come into the shop so I can retouch that bad-boy?" He asked, pointing to my back.

"Yeah, I'll be right in after we're back from the field trip," I agreed.

"Okay, and Sage?" Dan called out before he disappeared into a nearby crowd. "If you're going to keep trying to convince yourself that you don't like Ally, then maybe you should try to not stare at her like you're a blind man that just saw the sun for the first time."

I promptly gave Dan the finger, which he responded to with a loud laugh and a muffled;

"Love you too bro!"

I let out a long sigh, knowing fully well that Dan was only just getting started. Once he had a goal in mind, it was nearly impossible to sway him, and to my misfortune; I was his new project. Still, just as he was persistent in getting what he wanted, I was equally stubborn in refusing to comply with things I didn't agree with. And right now, any impractical feelings or thoughts of Ally as anything other than a student were strictly off the table.

Squaring my shoulders, I sped up my pace and made my way to the dauntless-born's dorm room. I flicked the light a couple of times, but when only Iris seemed to stir, I had to walk across their room and grab an empty cup I'd seen. Then I simply began to bang it over and over on the metal frame of a nearby bed, making as much noise ad possible.

"Up and at em'," I said.

"Ugh, what fresh hell is this?" I heard Zane complain under his breath as he got up.

"Fifteen minutes, down in the Pit," I said as I turned and left the room.

Behind me I heard them scrambling, and I thought I heard someone curse quietly. It took them less time than what I'd given them to meet me at the heart of the Pit. They stood in a huddled group, and I noticed that Zane was awkwardly refusing to meet my eyes. I studied him for only a second; he didn't even have any visible bruises. Yes, I'd definitely stopped Biff in time to spare Zane the telltale signs of his beating.

With Wayne being the exception, everyone else looked somewhat bedraggled; he was the only one bright eyed. Their expressions were tired and sleepy, but I figured if we finished the tour quickly, I'd reward them by letting them go early.

"Okay, so today I'm just going to be showing you guys some of the jobs that'll be available if you make it into dauntless. We'll start here at the Pit, then work our way down to the armory and so forth."

"Aren't we–" Felix tried to say before he broke and let out a loud yawn. "Sorry," he blinked as he rubbed his eyes, "umm, I was going to say, aren't we going to go and check out the fence?"

A few others in the group nodded, also wondering, but I shook my head.

"No, I don't feel it's really all that necessary for you guys," I said. "The transfers need to see and learn about it since they've probably never heard of, nor do they have the faintest idea what being a dauntless guard entails. You've all grown up here, so I think it's safe to assume you're all knowledgeable on that subject."

They nodded in agreement, and I didn't bother wasting any more time. I turned on my heel and showed them a few shops I'd always found interesting.

At one point we visited the tattoo parlor where Dan worked, but he had been busy with a client so he'd only said a quick hi before continuing his masterpiece. Before we left though, the initiates had to pass by a wall that had various drawings taped up. They stared admiringly at the pieces on display, and as I looked from my place at the back of the group, I noticed that I could easily tell Dan's work from the rest.

With all the fluid strokes, detailed shading, and intricate designs, it almost felt like a crime to not have his pieces framed and hung in some museum. He was that good.

"I like that one," Shiloh said as she pointed to a picture of a blooming rose with thorns for petals; Jade's tattoo.

"Seems like a metaphor," Wayne noted as he turned his attention to the flower. "Pretty cool though."

"My favorite is this one," Felix said, pointing to a drawing of a roaring lion, whose wild mane majestically transformed into long tendrils of flames, and whose eyes shone a vivid turquoise. You could almost see the knowledge behind its predatory stare, even if it was just ink on paper.

"It's so freaking realistic, you can practically hear it," Iris agreed.

"Meow , _err_ , I mean roar," Dan said from where he sat; he'd just finished with his most recent client, and he was busy cleaning his tools and work space.

"These are really good Dan," Wayne said. "Do you have a favorite?"

"That I do young Wayne, that I do," Dan nodded as he continued to wipe down his things.

"Which one?" Asked Iris, and along with the others, I found myself also leaning in; curious about his answer.

"It's not up there," Dan admitted, and after a pause he nodded his head in the direction of his desk.

The initiates went over to look, but I didn't have to move from my spot to know what I'd see. It was my tree, the only drawing of his that he'd personally gone out and bought a frame for. I'd asked him once why he'd done that, especially after I'd seen more and more of his art and realized he could make stunning works that could leave people frozen in awe, or in tears at the shrill brilliance of the image on their bodies. He'd just shrugged, then after a long moment he'd said;

"You never told me the story behind why you wanted me to draw that picture, but every time I see it, I feel like there's an undeniable truth hidden beneath that single image."

"What do you think it is?" I'd asked; at the time alarmed to think that Dan had discovered my secret.

"I'm not sure, a lot of things come to mind. Single words, or even poetic phrases, it depends on how I'm feeling at the time I look at it."

"What is it telling you now?"

He'd said only one word; _balance_.

"That's amazing," I heard Iris say as she admired the drawing. "I feel like I've seen it before though. Who did you draw this for?"

Neither Dan nor I had to speak up, because Wayne immediately interjected.

"That's Sage's tat," he said, and I saw Felix nod beside him.

They'd been to one or two of my Cage fights before Jude had found out and ordered them to stay away, so of course they'd seen it on my back. Since I didn't care for the added attention, I just nodded and then turned to point at the drawing I liked; Dan's own tattoo, the Phoenix that was currently hiding under his long-sleeved shirt.

"I like this one," I said, and then I turned and waved for them to follow me out. "Okay, I think we're done here. Dan's ego is already more than sizable."

"It is a perfectly decent size," Dan called out behind us, and I could hear the lighthearted humor in his voice.

I quickly led them down and showed them the rest of the place. Along the way we also met up with Finn and the boys. Finn excitedly showed the group some of the various weapon prototypes he was working on, Jude explained about war tactics and strategizing, and Biff showed off some of the motorcycles he'd refurbished and the engine of a large tank he was working on.

"How's that arm?" Biff asked Zane loudly just as our group was about to leave.

Odd, Biff hadn't punched Zane in the arm that much. Mostly he'd limited himself to torso shots and to throwing him around the arena. I turned and when I saw the expression on Biff's face, I frowned; he was at it again. Unsatisfied by yesterday's fight, he was clearly trying to goad Zane into a round two. This wasn't good.

I shifted and saw that Zane was stiff but trying to stay composed. Good, at least one of them was trying to be reasonable.

"Hey kid," Biff persisted. "I said how's that arm? You know, cause' that free shot I gave you must've hurt your hand."

"My hand's fine. How's your face?" Zane spat back.

" _Shit_ ," I muttered under my breath; instantly knowing just how things were about to go down.

Zane had taken the bait, and this time I doubted Biff would go easy on him. Now he had a valid excuse; in his mind, he'd been provoked. I had to stop this, but how? The only person Biff ever really paid attention to, Finn, was too far to prevent this little tiff from growing into an all-out slaughter.

"Just peachy," Biff said with an ironic smile. "I've been slapped by chicks harder than that punch I let you give me."

Zane could not have been in his right mind, because the next thing he did was pure insanity. Whirling on his heel, he reached towards Biff's work table and wrapped his hands around a large wrench that was nearly the length of his arm. He brought it up, wielding it like a baseball-bat, and jerked his head at Biff in an arrogant manner.

"How about a rematch grease monkey?" Zane dared.

Biff's eyes were alight with humor as he eyed his now-armed prey. His excuse to fight Zane was now not only valid, but entirely reasonable; any official member of the dauntless community would support him if they heard that Zane had been the first to draw a weapon.

"Took the words outta' my mouth pansycake," Biff smirked as he hopped off the hood of the tank he'd been sitting on. "I'm gonna' make you wish you'd never opened your mouth."


	22. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

As I watched Biff stalk towards Zane, step by step, it took me only a second to come up with the undeniable fact that if I didn't put a stop to this fight, it would escalate into something much more dangerous. Biff wasn't a bad guy, but sometimes he didn't know how to handle his own strength, and that's where the danger lay. If pushed, Biff would not hesitate to push back with enough power to crack more than a few bones. In the training room, he'd had _some_ restraint. But here, there was nothing to soften his edges.

If Zane thought a silly wrench would tip the scales in his favor, then Biff had obviously injured more than his ego yesterday. He must've hit Zane far too many times on the head; he couldn't be in his right mind. Though his shaggy, golden-blonde hair and dimpled, baby face gave Biff the over-all appearance of someone innocent and angelic, it was clear to anyone who laid eyes on _the_ _rest_ of him that he wasn't to be messed with.

Behind Zane, the initiates were tense and looked alarmed, especially Wayne. He'd been taking fighting lessons from Biff since he was little, and thus knew the same thing I did; Biff was like a high-grade explosive. If he went off, there was absolutely no way to escape the blast unscathed. Before anyone else could jump in and worsen the situation, I acted.

In a flash I lunged and yanked the wrench out of Zane's hands, simultaneously shoving him back into the crowd of initiates. He stumbled slightly but then righted himself, trying to look cool as he straightened his shirt. Then he began to walk forward again, seeming prepared to continue with his idiotic show of defiance. He was not making my job easier.

"Felix, Tyler," I snapped, jerking my head in Zane's direction.

Immediately the two stepped up and took ahold of Zane's arms; successfully stopping him from getting any closer.

"Sage, what gives?" Biff protested with an air of playfulness; though I noted that he was still walking forward with determination in his step.

"Biff, stop, the kid was just being stupid," I said, trying to sound bored. "Let it go. This doesn't need to escalate more than it already has."

"I'm not scared of that lumbering _sasquatch_ ," I heard Zane gripe behind me. I turned and shot him a look.

"Sasquatch, hadn't heard that one before," Biff chuckled as he paused near one of his tables that was filled with scrap metal. He picked up a thick and heavy-looking pipe, resting it on his fingers as if he were weighing it or something.

"Biff, be reasonable," I said, though I knew my words were useless; going in through one ear and out the other.

He didn't answer me, instead I watched as he leaned to the side, waved at Zane, and then proceeded to demonstrate his strength by bending the pipe in half with his bare hands. The only sign we had as an audience that Biff was exerting himself, was the fact that the ropey veins and thick bands of muscle on his arms went taught. Other than that, his cocky smile never faltered, and he didn't even grunt or break a sweat. Amidst the sounds of shallow breathing behind me, the only other noise heard in the room was that of the protesting metal.

Sneaking a glance behind me, I saw that Zane had finally come to his senses and was wearing an appropriate expression on his features; something between a silent gasp and a horrified grimace. His face was pale, as if all the blood had drained out of him, and he was no longer being restrained by Felix and Tyler. Rather, he was slowly walking backwards to stand behind them, almost as if he intended to use them as a shield.

"Come on, man," I said as I turned back to face Biff. "Are you really going to let this kid get to you like that?"

Biff let out a long sigh and gave me a knowing look.

"Bro, you know I have to do _something_ ," with his free hand he gestured around his shop, "he disrespected me on my own turf. You know I'm in the right, and you have to admit you'd be doing the same thing if you were in my place. Don't worry, I'm not gonna' kill him, just break an arm… or two."

I swallowed, and for an instant I could feel my resolve weaken fractionally; Biff was my friend, he was a great guy, and in all honesty, he was in his right to protect his reputation. True, he'd been purposely trying to get on Zane's nerves, but that's how he was with just about everyone. Zane should've been smarter and realized that the best thing to do was ignore him.

While the smallest part of me wanted to step aside and let Biff do whatever he wanted, a larger and more significant part knew that I'd never allow it. I believed in the dauntless manifesto, I did what our laws deemed right. Even when others bent the rules or ignored certain aspects of our philosophy, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

The strong protected the weak, and right now Zane was the one who needed protecting. He was grossly outmatched, and if I didn't do anything it would also be a bad example to the other initiates; it would only serve to further cement the growing belief that brutality was a perfectly acceptable way to act. Even if Zane rubbed me the wrong way, he was my student and my responsibility.

"I can't let you do that," I said firmly, planting my feet on the ground.

Biff blinked, obviously confused, and then raised a brow. "What?"

"I know you're in the right Biff, and it's true, I would've kicked his ass for less than what he just said to you," I said to placate him. "But I'm the instructor of all these initiates, and there are certain obligations that come with the job. I can't let you hurt him, even though I'd love nothing more than to witness that spectacle."

Biff frowned and with his free hand he scratched his mop of hair. His face was that of a child who'd just been told he couldn't have the toy he wanted; sort of pouty and dejected.

"Banks would let me do it," he said after a moment; his tone hopeful, as if he thought this information would sway me. He couldn't be more wrong. "He wouldn't baby his initiates like you're doing right now."

"I am _not_ Banks," I corrected him coolly. "He has his methods, and I have mine."

Biff nodded, as if he'd known I would say just that. Then, to my surprise, he lifted the metal pipe in his hand and began to tap it against his open palm.

"What if I said I wasn't going to let him out of this room without at least _one_ broken limb?" Biff mused aloud.

My ears picked up the shift in his cadence immediately. He sounded amused, playful even, but underneath it all I'd caught the hint of something else; a challenge. The warning, seemingly light and unimportant, was filled with significance. It wasn't meant for Zane, it was meant for _me_. Though not at all life-threatening, the way Banks's threats were, this small confrontation between Biff and me was something that could potentially be dangerous if it intensified.

Ever since we'd met, Biff and I had gotten along great. We'd been good friends before Randi's death, hanging out and attempting to accomplish daring stunts, and we'd remained good friends after, during my darker days when I'd wanted nothing to do with anyone. He'd been my drinking buddy on more than one occasion, and he'd always strived to make me laugh whenever he'd noticed I was in worse spirits.

However, though we never argued or fought, I'd always felt that deep down Biff had always had an itch he couldn't scratch when it came to us. It was no secret he'd always wanted to fight me, not out of malice, but simply because the thought of taking on someone his own size would've been refreshing for him; an actual challenge.

Now, without Finn around to dissuade him, he seemed determined to get a reaction out of me. Like he'd done with Zane, he was trying to push my buttons in the hopes that I'd get riled up and attack like I used to; my dangerous reputation hadn't just been earned in the Cage, but also from fights I'd randomly started in bars, hallways, and – _well_ –just about anywhere.

Alcohol and a short temper had made me deadly. I'd never hesitated to attack whoever'd dared to piss me off in the slightest. Biff knew this, and now he was trying to use it against me. It wouldn't work though.

There was no alcohol in my system; I was in complete control of myself. With a clear mind, it took me only a second to figure out just how to diffuse the situation. Biff responded to rules and regulations the same way he did anything else; he followed them if and when he felt like it, on his own terms, and only if the order came from someone he deemed respectable. To metaphorically beat Biff –I'd never _actually_ injure my own friend– I'd have to be strategic.

Delving into the darker corners of my mind, the parts that had been forged during my time in the Cage, I found myself settling into a certain kind of mannerism. To win a fight in a Lockdown, to win a fight _anywhere_ , it wasn't always about your physical strength, rather your mental state of being.

You had to be smart and _think_ like a hunter, you had to have confidence and _act_ like a victor, and you had to be fearless and _live_ like it was your last day on Earth; you had to project what you wanted to be. It never failed, whether consciously or not, people couldn't help but respond to the attitude you exuded.

 _I am a leader, and you will listen to me_ ; I thought as I straightened my shoulders. _There will be no fighting. You'll do as I say._

Uncrossing my arms, I slowly walked towards Biff until we were but a foot from each other. He seemed more than surprised, but didn't back away. I'd already known he wouldn't. Right now, depending on how things went, I could either lose all of the respect Biff had for me, or perhaps gain something more.

"Blithe, I'm not playing around," I said smoothly; using his real name to show just how serious I was.

I'd only learned his _actual_ name after an unfortunate stunt gone-wrong. We'd borrowed a couple of the motorcycles Biff had refurbished and taken them for joyrides in the middle of the night a couple of months ago. Admittedly, he and I had been somewhat hazy with alcohol, and so we'd gotten increasingly daring with our exploit.

Long-story-short, Biff had taken his hands off of the handles and tried to steer with his feet instead. The bike had immediately toppled over, and because of the speed he'd been going, it had slid onward for quite the distance before coming to a complete stop. Finn had completely freaked out; assuming the worst as we all had when Biff's body had just lay limply on the ground.

" _Blithe_! God, damn it! Answer me!" Finn had yelled when he'd reached Biff's body.

"Ughh," Biff had moaned after a few minutes. "Finn, my mom is the only person who uses my real name, and only when she's pissed."

"Well I'm more than pissed, so I feel I have the right to use it," Finn had retorted; though I could see he'd been relieved to see his friend was alive and well.

Surprisingly, after Biff had gotten up and brushed himself off, he'd only had a few scratches and a single bruise on his arm. Lucky I suppose, though he'd thought otherwise when he saw his motorcycle.

"My bike! No, no, no! Not my _baby_!"

That time had been serious, and to me, this moment also qualified as significant. I had to make Biff see that, while I was his friend, I was also an authority figure he had to listen to.

"This is not the time for games or fights. Not yet, and certainly not for something as little as name-calling. I know you feel like you need to defend your status, but it's not necessary. A little heckling from an initiate who can barely stay in the ring with you for ten seconds won't change the way people view you. If anything, it makes _him_ look bad. Only someone incredibly stupid would insult the guy who just barely beat them up in a fight. You have to be the bigger man in all of this and realize that by fighting Zane you'd just be lowering your own standards."

Biff didn't answer, but I could see the way my words were sinking in, practically hear the gears shifting inside his head. I'd heard what people occasionally said about him behind his back; that he wasn't very bright, that he didn't think things through. But they were wrong.

Biff was like Dan in the fact that, if you didn't _actually_ know them well, they both seemed like they always lived in a state of eternal enthusiasm, mischief, and playfulness. They were always the life of the party because of the energy they seemed to have around them. It seemed as if they didn't have a care in the world other than to have fun, and avoid any topic that could make things boring or uncomfortable.

But what few knew, was that deep down, they had their own worries and fears as well. They weren't some sort anomalies that never had a bad day in their lives; that would've been impossible. They had their own internal conflicts they had to consider, but unlike most people, they either hid their troubles well, or just had an easier time dealing with things.

Biff wasn't a fool; he just rarely ever felt the need to show how clever he was. I watched him intently, and slowly but surely, I could see how he came to the realization that I wasn't about to budge on the subject. I could also sense that he'd understood and accepted my unspoken request that he stop provoking my initiates for the time being.

"Hate to say this Sage, but with me being six foot-six, I'll probably always be the _bigger man_ by default," he said jokingly as he put the metal pipe in his hand back on the cluttered table.

And just like that, I knew the silent conflict was over. I visibly saw Biff's shoulders relax, and his dark blue eyes were again bright. He was still smiling mischievously, but it was innocent now, without any of the previous underlying willfulness it had once had. I grinned back and punched his arm playfully.

"Hey cheer up, I'm only going to be an instructor for this year's class, and they won't be initiates forever," I said with a lighthearted shrug. "So in the future if you were to get in a fight with a _certain_ dauntless member, then I certainly wouldn't protest, and maybe I'd even have to join you myself."

" _Hah_ , dude, that'd be awesome!" Biff said with a loud laugh. He turned towards the initiates, scanning the faces until he saw Zane. "You're lucky your instructor's a big softie, if you'd had anyone other than him vouching for you, I can basically guarantee I'd have put you in a full-body cast by now."

Zane didn't answer; instead he just dropped his eyes to the floor and didn't raise them until I'd ordered the group to wait for me outside of Biff's shop. They'd nodded and hastily made their way out of the room; perhaps afraid that he might be set off again. After saying goodbye to Biff and promising I'd go out with him on the weekend to test out his newly repaired rover, I met with the initiates and decided I'd let them go early.

"Zane, wait," I said before he was able to leave. "I need to have a word with you."

He froze mid-step, and I saw that he looked suspicious. He glanced at his friends, and then back to me. I couldn't help it, I rolled my eyes dramatically and released an exaggerated breath.

"If I wanted you hurt, I would've just let Biff walk past me without stopping him," I said.

That seemed to work, because he nodded and then turned to his friends;

"I'll meet up with you guys in a few seconds," he said, and then after they'd left he slowly made his way towards me. "Going to punish me?"

"No, I figure if you actually make it past initiation and become a member, Biff will be more than happy to continue things where they were left off," I contemplated with a wry smile. "You'd be a member, I wouldn't be your instructor, there'd be no more safety net. It all works out. But if you feel like you deserve to be disciplined, then I guess I could whip something up–"

"–no!" Zane immediately cut in; momentarily losing his cool composure. "I mean, no, that's fine. I'd rather you didn't."

"Thought so," I nodded, then I dropped any of my previous dark-humor and fixed him with a serious look. "I called you back for a reason though, and that's to say this," I leaned closer and made sure to keep my voice free of inflection, "Zane, this is the last time I'm going to help you. If you miss another day of class, if you piss off someone else, if you break my rules, then you're on your own. During my class, I expect you to do everything I say, word for word. Is that understood?"

"Yes," he nodded quickly, but then he paused and frowned. "But…"

"But what?" I said with a hint of annoyance when I figured he needed prodding.

"You said I have to follow your rules and do what you say during class, I get that. It makes sense and I understand, but what about outside of class?" he asked. "Am I supposed to be your slave then too?"

"I never said you were going to be my slave," I snapped.

"You never said it, but you implied," he answered. "I mean, no offense, but you're being sort of a dictator."

 _No offense? Right. I wonder if it's too late to toss Zane back into Biff's lair?_ I mused silently. _No, follow your own advice. Ignore this little prick._

"Jesus, I should've let Biff beat the shit out of you," I muttered under my breath. Rubbing my temples. "No, outside of class you can do whatever the hell you want. Jump off a cliff for all I care, but remember, my class, my rules."

"Okay, cool. So, is that it?" he asked. "Can I go?"

I nodded and waved him away. The whole ordeal had left me irritated, and peeved. I knew that if I went to my room now, I'd only go crazy walking back and forth waiting for the time when Banks had scheduled me to come to his office. He had some sort of test he wanted to try out, but it wouldn't be ready until later in the day.

I was about to consider going over to clinic just to bug Grace, when I remembered that Dan had scheduled me in to get my tattoo retouched. It was early, but I figured if he was busy I'd just wait until he was free.

With a destination in mind, it didn't take me long before I was just a few steps away from the tattoo parlor where Dan worked. I'd just turned and gone through the doors when I froze. What were the odds?

"And you have to let me meet that old friend of yours one day," I heard Ally say to Dan.

She was here, Ally was here. Just the person I'd been trying to avoid. Maybe if I was quiet, I could sneak back out without either of them seeing me.

"Well, I don't–" Dan began to say before his eyes landed on me. He grinned, but while other people might've taken the gesture as something normal any friend would do, I knew what hid behind the smile. "Speak of the devil. Sage! I didn't expect you until much later."

His expression was innocent; _too_ innocent. Though he didn't say anything aloud, I could still practically hear what he was thinking; _What? Me, meddle? Never, this was all a coincidence._

It was too late to run off, or at least too late to do so without looking like a completely insane person. I sucked in a breath, ignored Dan's smug smile, and then forced myself to be as cool and collected as possible.

"Were you talking about me?"


	23. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

I hesitated in the doorway for an instant as I remembered what Ava had last said to me, what she'd warned me would happen if I continued to hang around Ally. But this didn't count, did it? I mean, it had been a coincidence. How was I supposed to know she'd be in the tattoo shop? It was just an odd twist of fate.

And while it was true that I'd already made up my mind to rid myself of the strange fascination I had with Ally, it didn't mean I was going to be rude to her either. _Friends_ , we could be friends couldn't we? Not anything close like what Dan and I had, but at the very least I could be courteous. It was what any decent person would do.

 _You're bending the rules_ ; I mentally accused myself, but try as I might, I couldn't seem to stop myself from smiling and joining the pair over by Dan's table.

"Whatever he said, I promise it's not true," I told Ally jokingly when Dan didn't answer my previous question.

"It wasn't anything bad," Ally laughed, shaking her head in amusement. The sound was soft, but at the same time crystal clear; like wind chimes being caressed by an invisible breeze.

"Oh, well in that case, you should always believe what Dan says. I mean, he never lies about anything," I said quickly; suddenly feeling livelier than I had in days.

"Oh really?" Ally said with the tiniest of smirks visible on the corner of her lips.

"Yeah, it's all true. Especially the part about my incredible wit and unmatched humor," I said with mock-seriousness.

"Well, he didn't mention that," Ally said as she snuck a peek at Dan.

I quickly poked him in the ribs, hoping he'd understand to play along. While it made me incredibly nervous to be around Ally, it also had the opposite effect; making me feel as light and at peace as if I'd always been this way, as if I'd never had a dark period when alcohol had been my mistress.

"Hey, what'd you do that fo–" Dan began to protest before he caught on. " _Oh_! Yeah, yeah. Wit and humor, yep, that's this guy right here."

Ally laughed again, noticing my not-so-sneaky nudge.

For an instant, I felt like a kid my own age; without the burden of hidden secrets and death on my shoulders. I wasn't the Monster, the fighter, the booze hound, the man people avoided in dark hallways out of fear. I was Sage, just a boy, talking to a girl, trying desperately to be worthy of her friendship.

Dan noticed my idiotic grin, and when he met my eyes, he gave me a significant look that said; _I told you so, she's good for you._ I tried to shake my head subtly, but he merely rolled his eyes in my direction.

"So, are you the fan?" Ally suddenly asked.

My lighthearted mood was instantly gone, instead replaced by a cold shock of mortification. _No_ , Dan had not done that to me. He had not gone and spilled his guts to her. Couldn't he control his candor-inclinations for a few measly minutes? What had he told her?

"What?" I said, knowing fully well that my face betrayed my shock.

"Dan told me I had a fan," Ally answered; a slight frown on her face when she saw my reaction. "Is it you?" She asked again.

My heart thumped erratically, and I knew that if I didn't leave the room soon I'd be babbling and stuttering like an awkward preteen. It was fight or flight, but since I couldn't necessarily sock Dan in the gut in front of Ally, I'd have to take the second option; flight. Without answering her question, I turned to Dan and tried to gather my last bits of composure.

"Ahem, _uhh_ , Dan," I cleared my throat. "Remember that _thing_ we said we'd do?" I said, putting an emphasis on the word thing so he'd get the hint.

God, I sounded so awkward, it was ridiculous. The situation was both sad and hilarious, one moment I was feeling good, confident even, the next I was worried stiff, afraid to speak lest I say something else stupid.

"I have no idea what you could be referring to," Dan answered with an all-too-innocent shrug.

My hands were sweaty, and even though I wanted to quickly wipe them off on my pants, I resisted the urge. I didn't need to add to the humiliation. Just then, as if things couldn't get any worse, Iris walked up to our group and gave us a curious look. That was it, I had to leave; I refused to let Iris, my friend and student, see me this way.

"You. Remember." I said stiffly, phrasing each word as if it were its own sentence. "That. _Thing_."

I glared daggers at Dan, but all he did in response was give me one of his classic cheesy grins. Well, if he wasn't going to cooperate, then I'd have to make him. Latching onto the shoulder of his jacket, I yanked him after me as I quickly exited the tattoo shop.

"It was nice meeting you Ally!" Dan managed to call over his shoulder just before we'd made it past the doors.

I didn't stop outside of the shop though, instead I kept pulling him behind me until we'd made it to a more secluded portion of the compound. Once we were free of any possible eavesdroppers, I whirled around and poked my finger in his direction.

"What was that?" I demanded, my voice sounding betrayed.

"Common courtesy," Dan said easily as he adjusted his jacket. "If you meet someone then have to leave because your best friend goes crazy and yanks you out of the room, the least you can do is say goodbye."

"You know that's not what I meant," I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest. "She asked if I was her _fan_. What exactly did she mean by that? What did you tell her?"

" _Nothing_ ," Dan said, then he grinned and added, "Well, nothing that wasn't true."

"Talk Gallows, talk now."

"Seriously, I never once mentioned you by name," he laughed. "I just said that she had a secret admirer around these parts. I gave her hints, but they weren't anything huge that would give you away."

"Oh _really_? Then why would she automatically assume it was me?" I demanded.

"I don't know," he shrugged. "Because she's a smart cookie? Maybe she likes to solve mysteries. _Oh_ , or maybe she's like some sort of superhuman who has telekinesis and can read minds!"

I gave Dan a withering look, but after a second I just sighed and closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration.

"What was she doing in there anyway?" I asked.

"She came to ogle my gorgeous body and then she ordered a sandwich," he answered sarcastically, adding a little eye-roll at the end. "Dude, what else do you go to a tattoo shop for?"

"She got a tattoo?" I said, unable to hide my surprise. "Really, her?"

" _No_ , like I said, she came to feast her eyes on all this," he said, gesturing to himself.

"Funny," I snorted as I began to make my way towards the cafeteria. I kept thinking as I walked; processing the information. "A tattoo, that's interesting," I eventually said after a few seconds.

"Why so surprised?" Dan asked, speeding up his gait when he saw where we were going.

"I dunno' really, it just hadn't occurred to me that she'd get one so soon," I admitted.

Once we were inside, I grabbed a tray and began to heap food onto my plate. Dan did the same, grabbing slice upon slice of pizza until he'd made a sort of mound which he dubbed; the leaning tower of cheese-a.

"Want to know what she got?" he asked as he peered around the room to look for our usual spot.

"No," I said immediately. Once I spotted our table, I gestured and began to make my way towards it. "I've been trying to keep her and everyone else at a distance. It's the safest thing to do. I don't want to know more than what's completely necessary."

"Didn't seem that way when you were talking to her before. In fact, ignoring the part where you seemed to momentarily lose your mind, that's the chattiest I've seen you since–" he broke off, and I tried to ignore the fact that he'd almost mentioned Randi. "Anyway, you were being really nice, almost like your old self."

"I was just being polite," I said emphatically.

" _Polite_ ," Dan repeated with a smirk. "Is that code for flirty? Because if so, I'm the king of polite-ness. Seriously, I can out-polite any other dude in this compound. Politeness is the name, and it's also my game."

"I was _not_ flirting," I quickly defended myself. Dan arched an eyebrow at me, and after a moment of hesitation I caved. "I mean, not really, I just wanted to make a good impression."

"Because you like her," he immediately pounced. "Otherwise you wouldn't have cared what she thought. See, I win! You know I'm right, don't even try to deny it."

"Jesus, Danny, _no_ I don't," I snapped; feeling irritated. "I just wanted to, _I don't know_ , be her friend. Not that it matters now, she probably thinks I'm a nut, and none of your meddling will be able to change that… _I_ win." I said, adding the last part dejectedly.

It was not a victory I was actually happy to have.

"Damn," he said after a pause. "You're right, no sane woman would want to go out with a crazy dude that runs out of stores like you. Oh! But you know what? I have a plan that could fix everything."

"I don't want to hear it," I said as I chewed my food sullenly.

"Aww, come on buddy, hear me out. It's _super_ easy, I use it all the time."

I should've known better, really I should've, but rather than ignore him I couldn't help but ask; "What plan?"

"Be honest, just go up to her and say sorry for being a spaz. If that doesn't work then…" he paused for effect, "rip off your shirt and _wow_ her!"

"Are you kidding me?" I frowned.

"Why, of course not. That move means serious business when used, only professionals are advised to perform such a task," Dan said with a firm nod. "You're in luck though, I happen to be an expert on wooing the ladies."

"You, an expert? Please," I scoffed lightly. "And by the way, no one says woo anymore."

"Sure they do," he retorted. "It's classic grammar. He wooed, she wooed, they wooed, we all freaking wooed. I happen to use it all the time."

"Dan, just stop, that isn't going to happen," I insisted.

"Well, not with that defeatist attitude it isn't," he replied. "Don't worry though, you have me to help you. I'm pretty much the best love-guru around town."

"Who is telling you these lies?"

"Sage, please, I'm still candor at heart. I wouldn't lie to myself."

I was about to continue arguing, hoping I'd come up with a good statement that would change Dan's mind, when out of the corner of my eye I saw Grace and Marko making their way over to our table. Grace looked tired and slightly irritated, and I could see why; Marko, who was walking a little ways behind her, was tossing peas into her hair.

"Grace-face and Marko-polo, great to see you, and to what do we owe the pleasure of your company?" Dan said as the two took a seat at our table.

Usually both of them were still off at their own jobs, so it wasn't common for us to see them during this time of the day, especially together. While Grace and Marko had, for the most part, settled their past differences, it by no means meant that they were the kind of people that hung out by choice.

"Hey guys," Grace said; very pointedly ignoring Marko. "I asked to get out a little early, I really needed a break. I've had a long day," she threw Marko a dirty look, "made only longer by irritating patients."

"Sup' Dan-man, Monster," Marko said as he greeted us with a fist bump; oddly enough, he used his left hand. He also seemed to be ignoring Grace. "I'm here because the nurse who was caring for me decided it was more important to eat than to take care of a person who could be in critical danger." He tossed another pea at her.

"You were _never_ in critical danger," Grace snapped without turning to look at him. "But you will be if you keep tossing crap in my hair."

"What happened?" I asked; unable to hide my amusement. It took a lot to get this kind of reaction from Grace.

"I was at the Cage doing the usual, collecting bets and stuff, when one guy tried to run off without paying me," Marko explained. "I couldn't let that happen, so I punched him."

"And you went to the hospital because?" Dan prompted.

Marko released a sigh, and then held up his right hand. Until now, I hadn't noticed that there was a bandage wrapped around his knuckles.

"You broke your hand on his face?" I asked surprised.

"No, I told you guys it wasn't anything serious," Grace jumped in. She jerked her head in Marko's direction. "The guy he punched had piercings on his face, you know, the sharp kind. Anyway, when he hit him the points ended up cutting into his knuckles. He only needed a few stitches."

"But it _could've_ been serious," Marko insisted. I could see now that he didn't really think so, but that he was actually making an effort to get on Grace's nerves. "You should've been nicer to me, I could've been traumatized, or even in shock from all the blood loss. I mean, you came from amity. What would your people think if they saw you treating me this way."

" _Came_ , I came from amity, past tense," Grace corrected. "And trust me, if they saw how I treated you, they'd give me a freaking pat on the back. Really Marko, I only have so much patience, and you were being a huge baby."

Marko and Grace kept up their bickering for some time, providing an amusing show for Dan and myself. Then eventually we were joined by Finn and the boys. I wasn't shocked when Biff didn't mention the altercation that had happened over at his garage. All he actually spoke of was an engine he was rebuilding. He acted completely normal; not that I was surprised, Biff could no longer hold a grudge, than Dan could stay serious.

After we finished eating, our group decided to head over to Tanner's Pub where I'd used to spend most of my free time. Rather than head to the bar portion though, our group gathered at the pool table that was located at the back of the room. Finn and Dan had paired up to play against Biff and Jude, while Grace had decided to act as a sort of referee to prevent the game from getting _extreme_ ; they all got too competitive, _too_ fast.

Marko and I were just relaxing, sitting on some nearby stools as spectators. We watching them play as we sipped from our bottles of soda; free as a courtesy from Tanner. When we'd first arrived and I'd actually turned down a beer, he'd silently raised one of his thick brows in surprise, and then nodded in approval.

"So, Monster, how's life been on the other side?" Marko asked curiously.

I noticed that he'd taken to ripping tiny pieces of his napkin and tossing them so that they'd land on Grace's shoulder. She was distracted and hadn't noticed yet.

"Fine, definitely different," I said. "You know she's going to get pissed if you keep doing that."

" _Hah_ , that's exactly my goal," he grinned deviously. "Anyway, by different do you mean boring?"

"Why are you trying to make her mad?" I asked, swatting his hand when he tried to toss another bit of paper. "No, not boring. I can't even really explain it, they're two different things. It's like trying to compare apples and oranges."

"It's hard to make her mad _, really_ hard. I've taken it as sort of a challenge, and I like to win challenges," Marko said with a roguish grin. "Have you had a chance to meet any of Banks's initiates?"

He raised his hand to toss another piece of crumpled napkin, but when I prepared to block him he faked me out and tossed it under my extended hand.

"Some of them," I said. "I heard there were a lot of transfers this year, more than normal."

"Yeah, there _were_ a lot," Marko said. He momentarily paused in his napkin attack, and as he turned and fixed me with a grave look, I realized that what he was about to tell me was serious. "Sage, I don't know how much you and Banks have talked about regarding the initiation process, but…"

"But what?" I asked, feeling my mouth go dry.

"Sage, that guy is out of control," he said, and I knew that it really must be bad; Marko wasn't a naturally compassionate person, so for him to be worried said a lot. "Stage one hasn't even ended and he's already cut two people. There are also at least three others who have been injured, and I don't mean just cuts and bruises, I'm talking about some really bad shit."

"How do you know?"

"Bets are my thing. Every year it's the same, people gamble on ranks, who'll get cut, stuff like that. It's sort of my job to know how all the initiates are standing," Marko answered. He paused, and then ran a finger along his bandaged hand. "And I know how bad those other initiates were hurt because I actually saw them. When I was following Grace around, pestering her, I had a chance to see what was left of them. One girl actually had all the bones in her right hand broken."

I winced, and I could feel my own hands ball into fists as a sudden rush of fury invaded my senses. "What? _How_?"

"I talked to her, she told me that Banks was angry because he thought her right hook wasn't worthy of someone who aspired to belong with the dauntless. He was going to kick her out, but then changed his mind and offered her an alternative," Marko paused to swallow. "He said to make something stronger, sometimes you had to break it down to build it back up. Sage, he forced her to put her hand on the concrete floor, and then he dropped a cinder block on it."

I could barely hear the last words Marko said. My pulse was deafening, and my vision was going red.

"Another girl, I think she came from erudite, she kept jumping a little whenever a gun would go off. He got irritated, so as punishment he held a gun right next to her ear and kept shooting the target until she stopped flinching. Doesn't sound so bad right? Well that girl can't hear anything from her left ear now. I stole a look at Grace's notes, and it said something about a ruptured eardrum. She'll probably never fully recover her hearing on that side again."

I was literally trembling with anger. My muscles quivered and I could see the tendons on my arms were taught as I tried to restrain myself.

"Why are you telling me this?" I finally asked when I was sure my voice wouldn't sound like a snarl. "Banks is above me, he's my superior and I have no right to tell him how to train his initiates. Max supports his every move too, I'm out of my league."

" _I just_ – I don't know. I had to tell someone. Not anyone either, but someone that I knew would actually care," Marko said. Then, seeming to notice that he was acting out of character, he added a nonchalant shrug. "But whatever, it makes for a more interesting gamble, huh? Lots of people are going to be losing money the way Banks is kicking out initiates, which is good news for me. I'll never say no to a few more bucks."

I blinked, and in that second I saw that Marko wasn't about to say more. He'd had enough and was done sharing, done caring about what happened to the young initiates. He'd reverted back to his all-about-me attitude. I couldn't blame him though; it was incredibly taxing to always worry about others. But unlike Marko, I couldn't just turn off that portion of my brain. As I'd listened to their stories, I'd also felt their pain.

Marko eventually resumed his attack on Grace, managing to get a few more bits of paper stuck in her hair, but I couldn't shake the feeling of ineptitude that had settled over me. I wanted, _no_ , I needed to do something. It was my responsibility to help those who couldn't help themselves. But how could I do that when I was under Banks's thumb myself?

In front of me, Biff and Dan had gotten more confrontational about some kind of foul shot, both claiming that the other had cheated. Though it was more playful than antagonistic, they began to argue and eventually they both grabbed their pool sticks and held them up; sort of like swords.

"I challenge you to a duel!" Dan taunted Biff as he got into a fencing position.

"Challenge accepted!" Biff said, raising his own stick; he held it more as if it were a baseball bat.

"Boys, stop that. Finn, Jude, please do something before Tanner kicks us out," Grace chastised. She shifted in her seat, and it was then that she noticed what Marko had been up to. " _Ugh_ , Marko," she frowned, brushing off the paper on her shoulders and then running her fingers through her hair. "I swear, you're such a child."

 _Innocent, defenseless, vulnerable._ I had to do something.

Though there were sounds of laughter and happy chatter all around me, I didn't allow myself to relax. I couldn't join in and brush off the information I'd just learned. I wouldn't be at peace until I'd made everything right. Until I'd made Banks pay for all he'd done.


	24. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

It was with a heavy heart that I made my way towards Banks's office. I'd excused myself from the group with the pretext that I was tired and wanted to go to sleep earlier. It wasn't a lie, I really was exhausted, and it appeared that everyone seemed to believe me. That is, everyone except Dan.

"Why don't I go with you," he'd said, handing his pool stick to Marko as he prepared to join me.

"No, it's okay. Seriously Dan, I'm sober, I won't be napping in the hallways like before," I'd said, giving him a serious look that I hoped conveyed; _you can't come, this is dangerous._

He'd stared at me with hard eyes, trying to read my expression to find the truth. He was troubled. Without the others seeing, I'd given him the subtlest of nods; a sign that I'd tell him what was happening later. In the end he must've seen my resolve, or at least understood that there wasn't really anything he could do, because he'd sighed and shaken his head in quiet defeat.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he'd said, and I knew what he really meant was; _you're not getting out of this one. You are telling me everything whether you like it or not._

I'd nodded and then left without further explanations. Now, as I stood before the familiar door to Banks's lab, I felt my previous anger return. Sadistic, that's what Banks was. Even though the initiate's stories had been told second-hand by Marko, they were still so incredibly horrific that they had me shuddering at their memory.

Sucking in a breath, I raised my hand and knocked on the door.

"It's open," I heard Banks say from inside the room.

Pushing past the door, and then closing it behind me, I made my way over to the familiar chair. What would the experiment be today? Was it possible that he'd fixed the glitch in his previous serum? Would he again try to take control of my body? Even the thought of that was repugnant; to be played like a puppet, moved with invisible strings, it would be insufferable.

 _Never_ ; I mentally snarled. I wouldn't let him; it didn't matter how much he tried, I'd always fight his control.

"You're awfully quiet today," Banks noted as he began to prepare his supplies. "No sarcastic comments? No questions or concerns about the procedure?"

"I don't care. I'm tired," I said, letting out a half-hearted yawn to prove my point. "Let's just get it over with." I began to shove the sleeve of my shirt up when suddenly Banks interrupted me.

"No, that won't be necessary. I have something different planned for today."

"No serum?" I asked. Quite frankly, I was surprised. We'd never done anything that didn't involve drugs or something other liquid being injected into my body.

"No, just stay put while I prepare the equipment," he said as he continued to fiddle with his tools.

"Okay," I said warily, and as he worked I made sure to keep a hawk-like eye on his every movement.

I watched as he grabbed something that resembled a gun, and then loaded it with a small metallic dart. No, not a dart, I suppose that would be too big to describe the object. It was almost more of a pin, like the kind you used to sew things or hold fabric together; one end was shaped like a tiny bead, and the other tapered into a very thin needle. It was so thin in fact, that from far away it almost looked like a delicate piece of string.

When I saw Banks start to approach me, I resentfully tilted my head to the side to expose my neck; that's the area he usually liked to inject things into. I thought I knew the drill, so it came as a surprise when he instead used his free hand to shift my head back to the way it was before; staring straight ahead.

Taking a disinfectant wipe from his kit, he kept walking until he was standing behind me. I heard shuffling, and then flinched slightly when he began to clean a spot at the base of my neck. I wanted to ask what he was doing, but knowing it wouldn't do me any good, I stayed silent. There was more scuffling, and then I felt the point of his small gun press into my skin.

"Don't move," he ordered, and then before I could even register his words, I heard a loud mechanical snap come from behind me.

Immediately I leapt to my feet and whirled around to face him. I half expected blood to come pouring out of the wound and for my body to feel weak from the shot, but nothing happened. Oddly enough, I wasn't even experiencing any kind of pain. My hand flew up to my neck, and as I searched, my fingers eventually found a small bump.

"Damn it, you incompetent idiot!" Banks roared as he marched over to where I stood. "I said not to move. It was simple English, even you with your limited reasoning abilities should've understood that." He grabbed a fistful of my shirt and shoved me back towards the chair. "Sit."

I briefly thought about refusing, maybe putting my foot down and demanding answers, but I was so taken aback by the whole scenario that I just did as he said. I raised my hand again, cupping my neck, and again I felt the little lump on my neck.

"Stop touching that," Banks ordered; he'd gone back to his desk and was wildly typing away on his keyboard. "It's a delicate piece of equipment."

"What is it?" I asked, still poking at it. "What'll it do?"

"Why do you always assume I'll answer your questions?" he shot back, sounding only slightly irritated.

I didn't answer, but I eventually stopped prodding the thing. It really didn't hurt. Honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that I'd seen the thin needle with my own eyes, I'd have guessed the little bead was just glued on. Absently, I wondered if maybe I could pull it out.

"That transmitter is dangerously close to your spine, attached actually, so unless you'd like to be paralyzed from the neck down I'd stop thinking about ripping it out," Banks suddenly warned.

I felt my heart drop into my stomach, and my hands felt cold and clammy. How had he known what I was thinking?

"Are… Are you reading my thoughts?" I asked, not bothering to hide the horror in my voice.

Banks paused his manic typing and actually let out a humored laugh. He began to shake his head no, but then paused and made a noncommittal gesture with his hand.

"You're very predictable Sage, it's easy to know what you're thinking. Though in answer to your inquiry, no, I can't read your thoughts… _yet_. That's what I eventually intend to work towards, for now I'm experimenting with something else," he said.

Somehow, his answer didn't have quite the calming effect I'd expected. No, he couldn't hear what I was thinking, but yes, he was definitely working towards it. Banks was a cruel monster who enjoyed suffering and pain, but though I completely despised and thought the worst of him, I had to admit that he was possibly the smartest person I'd ever met.

If he really put in the effort, I knew he'd eventually get what he wanted. He'd figure out a code or some sort of mechanism to get what he wanted; which strangely enough, was the ability to hear people's thoughts. Why?

I felt like a small child as I sat in my chair, waiting for whatever it was that Banks had planned. It took a few minutes, but when I heard the voice, I didn't even jump. Maybe it was because I'd been purposefully waiting, anticipating that something would happen that involved my head, either way I wasn't surprised.

' _Sage.'_ A ghostly voice echoed inside my mind. _'Sage.'_

I didn't react, not because I wasn't completely disturbed at what was happening, but because I knew that if I did show some sign that the transmitter was working, it would only help to make further advancements in Banks's studies. I sat still, trying to do my best to appear indifferent as Banks began to type again.

 _'Stand up.'_ The voice ordered. _'If you can hear this, stand up right now.'_

The cadence, the familiar tone, I knew that voice. But how? How could it be? How was he–

"Did you hear that?" Banks asked, obviously frustrated.

"Yeah, who wouldn't? You're typing sort of loud. Relax, the computer knows you're the boss," I said, letting my sarcasm hide my disgust. Banks, of all people, I had to have Banks's voice in my head.

"Not that," he snapped.

"Then what?" I asked, making sure to avoid signs that could give away the fact that I was lying.

' _I know you can hear me.'_ His mental voice threatened. _'Get up.'_

I slouched in my chair, stretched my arms a little, and then ran a hand through my hair; bored, I had to look utterly bored. Turning my head to him, I raised a brow in an attempt to appear confused rather than appalled. I could hear him so clearly, it was as if he'd been speaking aloud.

He glowered, but though outwardly he was silent, there was a sudden chaos of shouting in my mind. He was angry, and I could feel every ounce of his rage; almost as if it were my own. It felt foreign.

' _I know you can hear every word of this transmission Sage. Don't you fuck with me.'_ Banks cocked his head to the side, looking me squarely in the eye. _'Stand up, acknowledge this message.'_

"What noise?" I persisted. "And why are you looking at me that way?"

"What way?" Banks responded; his actual tone suddenly cool and composed.

Something had changed. He must've thought of a plan to get me to admit I was lying. I braced myself; no matter what, he couldn't know that this experiment had been a success. He couldn't know that he'd actually succeeded.

' _Get up…or I swear before the day is through, I'll murder everyone you care about.'_ He thought icily. _'I'll find all of your friends, and I will go to your home and find your mother and sister, and then I'll slowly dismember them and scatter their remains all over the city.'_

"Like you want to punch me in the face," I somehow managed to say without choking on the words.

His threat, was he serious? No, he had to be bluffing. If he'd actually been able to hear what I was thinking, then he'd have already known that I was trying to deceive him; he wouldn't keep trying to get me to acknowledge that I'd received the transmission.

I hated putting all of my loved one's lives at risk, but this was a gamble I had to take. He couldn't know, he just couldn't. Even though all I wanted to do was leap out of my chair and throttle him until I was sure he was dead, I searched within myself for all the self-control I could muster.

"Either that, or like you're seriously considering making out with me," I added sarcastically; knowing it was a response he'd expect from me.

He thought he knew me oh so well, but he didn't. It was his cockiness, the fact that he thought he could read me, that had helped tip the scales in my favor. I'd called his bluff, and I'd won. I watched in relief as Banks's suspicious stare flattened into a frustrated one. I could still feel his anger, but it was now directed at himself. He believed me; he thought he'd failed.

"Was I right?" I pressed when he didn't answer. I added a sneer to really sell my point. "Were you thinking about what a catch I am?"

"Shut up," he said; turning to his computer.

He tapped at the keys, and then clicked on something a few minutes later. Then, to my great relief, I distinctly felt as the connection between his mind and my own was cut. He'd shut off the program. My head was just mine again, his invasive presence was gone.

"I'll take that as a yes," I said, trying not to gloat. "So, when is this thing supposed to kick in?" I asked as I jerked my thumb behind my shoulder to point at the transmitter. "I have places to be."

"It was _supposed_ to work several minutes ago," he huffed; uncharacteristically flustered. "You probably broke it when you jerked up from your seat. You animal, I distinctly told you not to move. Do you know how long it took me to get this project up to this point?"

"No," I said wanly. "So are we done then?"

"Yes, unfortunately for now, we are," he answered. "Stay there, I have to remove the transmitter. I'm going to have to make some adjustments."

I nodded, and then watched as he picked up a different tool from his kit. It was a long cylinder, and at the end of it there was a little sort of claw. It looked like a torture device. Well, it hadn't hurt when he'd injected me, I could only assume it wouldn't hurt again.

"Now, I'm being deathly serious when I say don't move," he said as he walked to stand behind me. "It might sting."

"Gee, I didn't know you cared so much–" I began to say before I felt the transmitter removed; all the nerves around my neck felt like they'd been electrocuted.

Pain, it was a visceral pain; as if Banks had taken a hot poker from a fire and decided to stab me with it. I was about to jerk up from the seat again, trying to escape from the agony, but stopped when I remembered the dangers of messing with something that could more than cripple me. Clenching my jaw, I only barely managed not to cry out.

"There, now you can leave," Banks said in dismissal after he'd dropped the transmitter into a clear glass container filled with a blue liquid.

I rubbed my neck, and when I brought by hand back I saw that there was blood on my fingers. I frowned, and then began to stand when I caught sight of what was in the jar. I'd expected to see the transmitter just as it had been before, a pin-like thing, but it had changed.

The metallic bead was floating near the top, but underneath it where there'd once been a needle, there was now a series of nearly invisible wisps of metal thread. I could barely see them, I had to squint and lean in to even be sure they were there. The liquid in the container had darkened slightly with my blood.

"How?" I asked dumbly, pointing to the jar in shock.

A large part of me hadn't expected Banks to answer, he rarely ever did, so it took me by surprise when he actually turned and began to speak excitedly.

"What you're seeing there is the future. Even though you can barely tell, there are more than a hundred monofilaments connected to that receptor. Each one has a microscopic attachment at the end, and once it's within the body it attaches to a sort of anchor so that it becomes nearly impossible to remove. For my purposes, I chose the cervical vertebrae, the atlas and axis to be exact."

"But, it was a needle before," I said, knowing I sounded rather stupid.

"Yes, it was," he said, then he walked back to his desk and clicked something. "Watch the transmitter closely."

I did, and before my eyes I watched as the metal gossamers wound back into their original shape; the delicate needle that had originally pierced my skin. The filaments acted as if they had a mind of their own, as if they were alive. The water rippled with the slight movement, and eventually the dart was completely back to normal. It gently floated down to the bottom of the jar, weighed down, and I heard the little _plink_ as it landed.

"Fascinating, isn't it?" Banks mused. "I've already made hundreds. Now, it's all about getting them to work right. About getting them to go beyond simple communication… it's about control."

I couldn't answer; I'd been shocked into a permanent silence. Banks continued to admire his creation, and after a second he simply raised his hand and waved me away. Without hesitating, I swallowed and then let myself out of the room. I had to get away.

I didn't realize I was running until I nearly toppled over when Dan reached an arm out and snagged the sleeve of my jacket. He spun me around, and then began to shake me.

"Sage, what's going on? What's happening?" He asked. "Come on buddy, answer me. What's wrong?"

"Everything…"


	25. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Two days passed before I could really mentally recover from the horror of what Banks had revealed. During which time I'd gone through the usual actions of training the initiates, but hadn't really been all there in spirit. Hundreds, he'd said he had hundreds of transmitters ready; and not just for communication, but for complete control. If he ever figured out how to really get the transmitters to work the way he wanted, he'd be unstoppable.

He'd have an army.

During the first few minutes I'd been unable to explain the whole situation to Dan, I'd just gone on and on about how things were wrong. Then when I'd eventually gotten my wits together, I'd decided not to give too much away. Not because I didn't trust him, but because I feared the serums Banks might subject me to.

What if he eventually created something that resembled the truth serum, only it was far more potent? So potent in fact that I'd be unable to resist it. How would I be able to lie then? All my remaining secrets would be flushed out. No, I couldn't expose Dan like that. If Randi's death hadn't finished me, then Dan's certainly would. His dying would be the final nail in my proverbial coffin.

"Just don't let Banks inject you with anything, and don't ever be alone with him," I'd warned Dan. "I can't tell you more, I don't want to put you in danger. Just promise me you'll stay away from him."

"Dude, you couldn't pay me enough to hang out with the guy," Dan had said, trying to sound playful though I could tell he was edgy. "I just wish you'd explain things, I don't like all this sneaky-secret crap. I don't like not knowing what's going on."

"I know, and I'm sorry. But until I have some kind of edge to work with, I can't tell you," I'd explained. "Eventually, I'll tell you everything. But for now, just know that everyone in the compound is on the line."

Though I could tell he was frustrated, Dan had nodded and dropped the subject. I'd tried to act as normal as possible, and I thought I'd been doing a good job, but I must've been wrong.

The next day, both Wayne and Jude had mentioned during breakfast that I looked worried. During lunch Grace had pointed out that I looked like I was ready to punch someone. And during dinner Biff had said that if I didn't cheer up, he was going to sneak up on me and draw a smile on my face with permanent marker.

"You're gonna' turn that frown upside down, whether you like it or not," he'd chuckled mischievously.

"Right, and you think I'll just let you do it?" I'd snorted.

"I won't be alone," Biff had answered. "I'll have reinforcements. Right Dan?"

"Correct-o," Dan had answered, raising his cup of juice to clink against Biff's; as if he'd just given a toast. "Creative arts are my specialty."

I'd rolled my eyes, but secretly kept a close watch on the two of them. I had no doubts that they'd keep their word if they felt like it was warranted. Now, as I excused the initiates for the day, I found myself again stewing about what devious things Banks could be planning to do.

"Are we doing that bad?" Iris asked, bringing me back from my befuddled thoughts.

"Huh?" I responded. "Bad?"

"You're grimacing," she pointed out. "Actually, you've been scowling since yesterday morning. What's up? Is it the fights? Are we not doing as well as you thought we'd do?"

"Oh, no, of course not. You're all doing good, actually, more than that. You're all great," I said, unable to hide the edge of worry in my voice.

I couldn't forget, I just couldn't. I remembered Banks' previous serum, the one that had controlled my body momentarily. What if he was somehow able to combine the two? He'd hear our thoughts, _and_ control our every movement. It was all wrong. I turned and began to make my way towards the door.

"Wow, don't sound so enthusiastic," Iris said sarcastically as she kept up with me. "The amount of passion in your voice is overwhelming. Sage, stop, I might get a big head from all your compliments."

"Sorry, I'm just sort of preoccupied," I said; putting in the effort to sound more cheerful and upbeat. "I'm being honest though, you're all doing amazingly well. I'm proud, and I can see why you guys are separated from the transfer initiates."

"Thanks," Iris grinned. "So, are you going to go to the party tonight?"

"No," I said immediately.

The previous day Biff and Marko had already hunted me down and demanded my presence in, what they predicted would be; the best party of the year. I'd turned them down as equally fast. I wasn't, nor in the near future would I be, in the correct mindset to party. There were bigger things to worry about.

"Why not?" she asked; quirking up a brow in surprise. "Practically everyone else is going. Even me, and you know I hate parties."

"I'm busy," I said quickly. "But I'm sure you'll have fun."

"Did someone say fun?" Dan's voice echoed from the end of the hallway. He jogged over and playfully rumpled Iris's hair. "You must be talking about me then."

"Actually, _no_. I was talking to Sage about the party tonight," Iris answered as she swatted his hand away. "He says he's not going."

"What?" Dan frowned; I hadn't broken the news to him yesterday. "But Finn, Biff, and Jude are going," he pouted, "also Marko, Grace, and–"

"I really don't feel like it," I interrupted.

"–and Wayne, and Felix, and Shiloh," Iris said, continuing the list. She paused, and I could've sworn she and Dan shared a conspiratorial look. "And Zane… and Ally."

My body betrayed me; as soon as I heard Ally's name I faltered.

"Ally's going?" I asked, my voice sounding nauseatingly hopeful.

Damn my inability to hide my emotions. Why was it so much harder when Ally was involved? It was like everything I felt was right at the surface; a flashing billboard that broadcasted my every thought. I turned slowly, and just barely caught the grin Iris and Dan shared. What was that about?

"Yep, she's coming," Iris nodded; looking somewhat smug at my reaction. "At first she didn't want to go either, but I can promise that you'll see her there."

"Wait, what are you trying to imply?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest defensively. "If I did go to the party, it wouldn't be just to see _one_ person."

"When did I ever say that?" Iris answered in a tone that sounded much too innocent. "I was simply mentioning that Ally would be there."

"With Zane," I quickly pointed out.

"It's more of a group thing," Iris said even faster; like she'd expected my excuse ahead of time. "Anyway, you should come. Maybe it'll help lighten your mood."

"Yeah, come on Sage," Dan added, trying to make his eyes wider and more pleading. "One party won't kill you."

I looked from Iris to Dan, and then back, they were both blinking up at me with big doe-eyes. Admittedly, I was only resisting because I didn't want to seem too eager. I stood still a while longer, trying to look like I was really debating the whole situation, but then let myself relax. I grinned, and then nodded only once.

Both Iris and Dan had given a quick series of whoops, and then shared a congratulatory high-five. I figured it wasn't that big of a deal, I'd said I'd go, but apparently Dan thought I'd chicken out because for the remainder of the day he didn't really leave me alone. It wasn't until night had rolled around that he momentarily excused himself to go change into what he called, his _party duds_.

He'd returned quickly, letting himself into my apartment without knocking, and then started tossing articles of clothing at me.

"Change, you don't smell like beer anymore, but you still dress like a hobo," he said, pitching a jacket I recognized as his own at me. "And that hair, can you do something to it?"

"Something, like what?" I asked after I'd changed into a fresh shirt. I picked up his jacket and shrugged it on. "You make it sound like it's some kind of dangerous animal."

"Don't even try comparing your hair to an animal," I heard him call out as he made his way to the kitchen. "Animals are cute, and they keep themselves groomed without having to have someone remind them,"

"This party is going to be lame," I complained. "Maybe I shouldn't go."

"Blasphemy! I won't hear it," he responded. I could hear my cupboards opening and closing, and then the refrigerator. "Hey, was Grace in here? There's actually stuff to eat."

"Yeah," I said as I made my way to the bathroom and peered at my reflection. I still hadn't fixed the mirror, so I simply ran a hand through my hair and called it good. "Are you just going to raid my fridge, or are we going?"

Dan walked out from behind the counter to appraise me, and in his hand I could see that he'd taken a hotdog bun and placed a peeled banana in it. Then he'd coated the creation with a handful of fruit-loops cereal, a smear of peanut butter, and a swirl of some kind of chocolate spread.

" _Uh_ , what is that?" I asked with mild aversion.

"A culinary delicacy," he said merrily as he took a big bite. "You were out of actual hotdogs so I was forced to be creative. Turned out well don't you think?" I didn't answer. "Whatever, you're just jealous you didn't think of it first. Anyway, you look decent."

With Dan's seal of approval, we made our way to the Pit. Even in the dark, _and_ from far away, it was easy to find our way to the exact location. The music was loud, and the thumping bass served as a beacon that guided us to the heart of the compound. It was crowded, claustrophobically-so, and for an instant I almost considered turning around to go back to the safety of my room.

There were bodies everywhere, pressed close enough that it made movement somewhat difficult. Once or twice, I actually had to roughly shoulder past a group of people just to be able to advance towards the refreshments table. The party had been going on for a while, and so by now a lot of the people were drunk enough that they didn't care how they were dancing around or acting.

Once we'd made it to the table, Dan grabbed a plate and began to load up on snacks. Apparently, his banana-hotdog creation hadn't been very filling. There was a lot of beer and other liquors available, but to my surprise, even the slightest whiff of them had me feeling nauseous. How had I ever drunk the stuff without retching?

To keep myself busy I also picked at the food, less fixedly than Dan though. I grabbed a soda, knowing fully well that the punch on the table would probably be spiked. After a minute, I sighed and then settled near one of the walls to look for a familiar face. Well, not a familiar face exactly, but a specific one; _Ally_.

I couldn't find her, but after only a few seconds Dan and I were joined by Finn and his boys. They all clapped me on the back vigorously; each asking what miracle had taken place that'd managed to entice me to come. I didn't have a good answer, but I don't think they cared; mostly they just seemed happy to see me participating in real life activities.

Moments later Grace showed up, Marko tailing her, and then Wayne and Felix. Still, there was no sign of Iris or Ally. Not even Zane. Had they really decided to come to the party, or had I just been fooled into coming for no good reason?

"Sage, hey!" I heard a female voice call out to me. I turned, but before I'd known it, Vera and Jade were standing in front of me.

"Hey tiger, glad to see _you_ here," Jade said as she reached over and took my cup. She sipped at it, then wrinkled her nose and promptly returned it. "That's soda."

"I know," I said, trying to hide the fact that I wasn't keen on sharing drinks with random people. "I do have taste buds and I poured it myself."

She laughed. "Why though? You do know there's plenty of beer right?"

Vera, who'd been chatting with Dan, turned around and momentarily gave me a stern look. I remembered how harshly she'd judged me before, when I had told her about my drinking problem. Did she think I'd started up that bad habit again?

"Not really into beer anymore," I said, looking first at Jade then at Vera.

Vera seemed to visibly relax, but Jade immediately pouted. It took me a moment, because it was dark and there were so many pulsing lights, but I suddenly realized that there was a girl behind the pair. She was short, really short actually, and she had white-blonde hair that was tied into two pigtails.

"Who's that?" I asked, nodding at the girl.

"Huh? Oh, that's Mel," Vera said. She turned and placed her hand on the girl's shoulder; she'd been distracted by the lights and wasn't paying attention when I'd waved at her. "Mel, hey, this is Sage!" Vera said, more loudly than I thought was necessary; the music wasn't that overpowering.

"There's a cage?" Mel said, cocking her head to the side. "Where?"

"No cage, Sage!" Vera repeated. She turned to me, and then nodded at the girl. "Umm, I don't know if you've heard about Banks' punishments, but…"

Oh, so this was one of his victims. I felt my mouth drop open slightly, and again I felt the previous revulsion I'd felt when I'd heard of what Banks had done. This girl, she'd probably never hear the same way again. It was a loathsome act.

"I'm Sage!" I introduced myself, sticking out my hand to shake.

"Mel," the girl answered. She took my hand, but almost immediately Jade had pushed her way back so that she was again in front of me.

"Great, great, we all know each other now. So, can we do some dancing or what?" Jade said, already hooking her arm around mine.

" _Umm_ ," I faltered.

I didn't really want to dance; it was already a great feat for me to be in such a tightly packed place, it would only get worse out on the dance floor where people were nearly glued to each other. Claustrophobia aside, I also wasn't enthused at the idea of dancing with Jade. She was nice, but I couldn't help but feel that if I agreed she'd take it as a sign of something more.

"That sounds great," I heard Marko say behind me. I turned and saw that he was talking to Grace. "Ms. Willows, you're a lucky girl. I'm bestowing you with the noble right to dance with me."

"And what the hell gave you the impression that I'd agree to that?" Grace harrumphed; crossing her arms indignantly.

"You know you want to," Marko grinned roguishly. Then, before Grace could further protest, he'd yanked her out and disappeared into the crowd.

Immediately, the rest of the people in our group began to pair off until the only ones left were; Jade, Vera, Mel, Felix, Dan, and me. Felix was the first to act. He bravely introduced himself to Vera, and then asked her out onto the floor. She agreed, but only after shooting Jade and me a quick look of disapproval. Dan was next.

"Hey!" He said loudly, gently tugging on one of Mel's pigtails when she didn't seem to notice he was talking to her. "Wanna' dance?"

" _Huh_?" She tilted her head. "Umm, no. I don't need pants," she answered as she ran her hands along her skirt.

"No, not pants, dance!" Dan repeated. "You know, boogie down, cut a rug, hoof it, get our rock n' roll on, do the twist, drop some heat to the beat, or even – _dare I say it_ – bust a move?"

She looked at him blankly.

"Jeez, I'm sorry," he chuckled good-naturedly. He then pointed at her, "You!" he pointed back at himself, "Me!" he proceeded to do a sort of shimmy. "Dance!" he pointed at the dance floor, "Yes?"

"Oh!" She exclaimed with a wide smile. "Dance? Yes, I'd love to!"

He laughed, and then nodded and took her hand. Before he was gone though, he jerked his head in Jade's direction and gave me a significant look that said; _don't be an ass_. I swallowed nervously; it was just Jade and me. Well, one dance couldn't hurt.

"You're not going to make me do that are you?" Jade teased; she still hadn't released my arm. "Because I suck at charades."

"Hah, no, of course not," I said, adding a smile to be polite. "I'm not very good though, just a warning."

"Not a problem, I'll show you," she said, giving me an oddly suggestive wink.

Before long we were out amongst the mob of people. I'd momentarily thought that perhaps it wouldn't be so bad, had hoped my mind was exaggerating, but I'd been wrong. Why anyone would want to do this was beyond me. All squished up together, like sardines in a can, all of us breathing the same air; it was slowly getting to me. Alcohol, sweat, and smog from one of the machines nearby, was all I could smell. I desperately wanted to leave.

Jade didn't seem to notice my internal crisis, and instead kept writhing and swaying, pressing up close to me. Too close, she was invading my space, taking my air. She ran one hand along my chest and up to my neck; there her fingers slowly began to wind into my hair. Her other hand was on my back, and I could distinctly feel when her fingers began to curl like claws.

I frowned a little; both at the growing feeling of being trapped in the mass of people, and also at the awkward position I'd found myself with Jade. We were supposed to be dancing, not practically having sex on the dance floor. I swallowed loudly, and instinctively began to look for the nearest exit. I had to get out. With so many people all in the same place, how was it even possible for there to be enough oxygen to sustain all of us?

For one horrible instant, I nearly shoved Jade away and broke out into a dead sprint; running, that's all that was on my mind. I needed to take a real breath of fresh air. I needed to be outside where there weren't so many people pressing up against me. I needed to– I blinked, realizing that my thoughts were getting more incoherent as the seconds passed.

"I'm going to get a drink!" I told Jade, shouting over the clash of music so she'd hear me. "I'm thirsty!"

"Drink?" she repeated, but before she could say more, I'd already extricated myself from her grasp and was shoving towards the table; it was only slightly less crowded, but it was enough for me to gather my wits.

 _Claustrophobia, what a bitch_ ; I thought grimly.

Once I reached the table, I shot a glower at a couple of people that were crowding the area, not even eating –just chatting. My expression must've looked more threatening than I'd meant it to be, because not even two seconds had passed before they'd left in a rush. I don't know how long I stood there, leaning against one of the rock walls while I tried to catch my breath, but it was apparently long enough for Dan to come find me.

He stopped a few feet away, and then gave me a sympathetic smile; he knew how I felt about confined spaces. I'd had the problem since I was a little kid. I suspect it all started when one day, Mara and I had been playing hide-and-seek and I'd accidentally gotten locked in our home's small linen closet. The door had jammed, Mara hadn't been able to open it, and I'd been trapped there until our mom and dad had come home.

"Hey, Jade said you ran off," Dan said as he slowly ambled to my side.

"I didn't _run_ off," I retorted defensively. "I walked away at a perfectly rational pace."

"So you sprinted?" Dan chuckled, easily sidestepping me when I tried to sock him in the arm. "I kid, but seriously, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said. "Where's Mel? Did you scare her off with your dancing?"

" _Pshh_ , please. More like I amazed the crap out of her," he said as he stuck out a pointed finger in a disco-like move.

I laughed; Dan, even as a kid, had always had a certain ability to diffuse tense situations. Even in the worst of times, he could always lighten the mood.

"Actually, Mel left with Jade and Vera to go to the restroom," Dan said. He and I chuckled and shared a look as we shook our heads in unison. "Still don't get that. Why do chicks always go to the bathroom together?"

"My theory is that it's some sort of deep-rooted herding behavior," Iris said. Dan and I turned to her and she gave us a wry smile. "That, or they're talking smack about you two."

"Huh, and here I always assumed you guys went in there to work on top-secret conspiracies. One's involving code words like makeup, lip-gloss, and hair spray," Dan said with a cheesy grin.

Iris laughed, but it wasn't her usual laugh; it had a dejected undertone, as if she'd just gone through a tough time. I frowned and nudged her with my elbow.

"You okay?" I asked. "You don't look too good."

"I'm fine," Iris lied, and Dan and I winced simultaneously at the obviousness of her fib.

"Hey, come on. Tell us," I insisted worriedly.

"I don't want to talk about it," Iris said, shrugging. She sighed, and Dan and I shared a look that said; _we're her friends, it's our duty to cheer her up._

"Well if you don't want to talk, then you should go out and dance," I suggested. "I think Felix is out there somewhere."

"I don't dance," Iris stated.

"What? Everyone can dance," Dan chimed in.

"Not me," Iris shook her head firmly.

" _Hmm_ , Iris, could you put your left leg out?" I suddenly asked.

"What?" she raised her eyebrow in confusion.

"Could you put your left leg out?" I repeated. She looked at me as if I were a lunatic, but eventually she complied and stuck her leg out.

"Now can you put it back in?" Dan said; he'd caught on to what I was trying to do. Iris frowned, but pulled her leg back in.

"Now put it back out," I chuckled, "and shake it all about."

Slowly but surely, Iris's sulky expression brightened until she was grinning.

"Now do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around," Dan said, giving a little spin as he said the words.

"Because that's what it's all about," I finished, flashing her some jazz hands.

"You clowns," Iris laughed. Dan and I grinned, and after a moment she sighed and shrugged. "Okay, you want to know what's wrong? I had an argument with Zane."

"Did he hurt you?" Dan asked, suddenly sounding fierce.

"No," Iris shook her head. "Zane was just really drunk and we had a fight about Emily. He said it was my fault that she fell off of the chasm and died," she scowled, "and I got mad and left. That was a bad move on my part though, I shouldn't have left Ally with him. Not in the state he was in."

"You left Ally with Zane?" I repeated, my stomach suddenly in knots. "And he was drunk?" I whipped my head around and began to search the crowd. "Where are they?"

Iris turned and began to point, but then faltered and dropped her arm.

"They're not there," she frowned. "They left."


	26. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"I have to find her," I began to say before I backtracked. " _Err_ -I mean- them, we have to find them."

"Find who?" A voice asked behind me.

I turned and found myself face to face with Jade; she didn't look pleased. Behind her, Vera and Mel also seemed confused, though I suspected Mel probably just couldn't hear what we were saying. Though Jade had directed the question at me, I was a little surprised to see she was giving Iris a slightly threatening look; it almost seemed like a challenge.

"Ally and Zane," Dan answered. "Zane is drunk, and we don't think it's a good idea for him to be left alone with her."

"Oh, _them_ ," Jade said; the side of her mouth lifting into a smirk. "Trust me, they're more than fine."

"And how would you know that?" Iris snapped; not sounding aggressive, just worried.

"Yeah, I thought you guys went to the bathroom," I added.

"We did," Vera interjected. "But when we were heading back we decided to go and explore some of the areas around the Pit. We were about to check out the chasm, but umm…" she trailed off.

"It was otherwise occupied," Jade's smirk grew into a devilishly wide smile, "they were in there, _busy_ if you know what I mean."

For the past few days I'd attempted, and foolishly thought I'd succeeded, in pushing my worries over Ally to the farthest recesses of my mind. I'd thought I had learned to ignore those odd emotions, but as soon as I understood what Jade meant, I felt as if I'd been punched in the stomach.

I looked at Jade, trying desperately to see even the slightest hint of a lie in her words, but there was none. She was bluntly honest, as someone fresh from candor would be. She was telling the truth, and even if she _had_ tried to deceive me, I knew Vera -my childhood friend- wouldn't have stood by and let her trick me.

"Are you sure?" Dan asked, interrupting my thoughts. "I mean, the chasm is pretty dark. What if it was someone else?"

"We heard them too," Vera said. She scratched her head, looking embarrassed. "They were talking and their voices echoed back to where we were. Then they started kissing, so we left."

I swallowed, pinching my eyes shut for a second. Get over it; I had to get over it. Obviously if they were a couple, it was only normal for them to behave that way. It wasn't any of my business, I shouldn't even be worrying about her when I had bigger things on my shoulders.

"Oh, well, then I guess we shouldn't interrupt," I tried to say breezily; hoping to appear nonchalant.

Jade smiled up at me, and then skipped over and hooked her arm around mine.

"Good, then let's get back out there and pick up where we left off," she said as she began to pull be towards the dance floor.

"Wait," Iris said, and to my surprise, she didn't hesitate to plant herself in between Jade and me. "Sage, I don't have a good feeling about this. Please, they might have moved to a different place, just do me a favor and help me look for them."

" _Umm_ , excuse me," Jade said frostily; staring daggers at Iris. "But if you're so worried about Allison, then why don't you go look for her yourself? Why do you need Sage?"

Iris ignored her, and as our eyes met, I knew just why she was worried. It was the same reason I couldn't completely shake off my feeling of panic. Ally and Zane, they were in the chasm; the place where Iris and I had both lost someone we'd cared for. It was a place that brought both of us bad memories, and that we associated with death.

"Okay," I said to Iris as I gently pulled my arm from Jade's grasp. "Let's go look for them."

"I'm coming too," Dan said; his eyebrows furrowed with worry. "Three's better than two."

I nodded once, and then before Jade could protest, I turned and walked away; Dan and Iris behind me. I strode directly to the nearest exit, not bothering to wind my way around the groups of people that crowded the area. If they didn't get out of my way ahead of time, they were essentially going to get mowed down.

Once we were out, Iris took the lead and began to jog over towards the chasm. Dan and I followed closely behind, but as we were about to reach our destination, I couldn't help but falter. What if they _were_ there? Did I really want to see, firsthand, how Zane shoved his tongue down Ally's throat? Would I be able to handle that without my temper flaring?

I'd paused midstride, and was about to call out to Iris and tell her I'd check somewhere else, when I suddenly heard a series of noises echo out of the chasm's entrance. I was too far to really identify the sounds, but when Iris heard them -she'd continued to run ahead of us- she suddenly broke into a dead sprint.

Dan, who'd also stopped beside me when I'd hesitated, shared a look of confusion with me when our eyes met. I frowned, and then we ran to catch up to Iris. As we neared, the sounds suddenly became clear and I easily placed them; there was a fight going on.

"Iris, stop!" A distorted female voice wept.

Even with only the few words we'd exchanged, I'd have recognized her cries anywhere. My heart felt like it was being painfully squeezed, and as Dan and I reached the entrance to chasm, I immediately spotted her. In less than a second, I took the entire scene in; feeling my blood boil in fury.

Something dangerous buckled inside of me. Ally was crumpled on the ground, curled into a tight ball. Her face was caked with blood, and her clothes were disheveled and askew. There were two empty beer cans littered nearby, and even from where I stood, I could smell the stench of alcohol wafting from where Zane lay. Iris was on top of him, and she was repeatedly driving her fists into his face.

More than rage, I felt a sudden stab of visceral pain; as if Ally's suffering were somehow my own. I couldn't just stand around like a stunned idiot; I had to act. In less time than it took me to read the whole scenario, my body had already moved by its own accord. Pulse thudding and hands shaking, I lurched to where Ally lay and lightly cupped her bloodied face in my hands.

"Ally? Hey, say something," I said, trying to coax her into speaking. "Ally, please, say something. _Anything_."

Her eyes, though open, appeared vacant; as if she were seeing without really knowing what was surrounding her. I wasn't even sure if she'd heard what I'd said. Anxiety shot through me, and it was all I could do to not shake her. Illogically, all I could think was that I'd failed her. I should've never let her out of my sight, I should've never let Zane get close to her. Why hadn't I kept tabs on her?

"Allison, you'll be okay," I said softly as I leaned closer to her. Then, as gently as I could manage, I scooped her up and held her close to my chest, bringing my face inches from hers, "I won't let anything happen to you."

She blinked sluggishly, and for an instant I thought she might respond. Her hand, small and delicate, reached up and clenched a handful of my shirt. She parted her lips, but before a single word had managed to work its way out, her head lolled back and she fell unconscious. My stomach dropped.

"Dan, what the _hell_?" I heard Iris screech behind me. "Why are you defending him? Let me go! I'm gonna' kick his ass!"

I turned, careful not to jostle Ally, and saw just why Iris sounded so enraged. Dan had managed to loop his arms around her, and though she was flailing and kicking her feet out, she couldn't break his hold. A part of me wanted to tell her to just calm down; to inform her that Dan had been wrestling since he was a kid back in candor, and that the hold he had her in was essentially unbreakable. If she wanted him to let go, she'd have to simmer down.

"Not protecting him, I'm protecting you," Dan said as Iris continued to struggle. "Don't want you hurting your hands, not when stage one of initiation isn't over yet and you still have to fight tomorrow. Besides, the guy's out cold."

"I don't care, let me go!" Iris continued to yell. Dan sighed; looking completely unaffected and ready to stay there as long as he had to.

"I'm taking Ally to the clinic," I informed them as I turned and began to make my way out of the chasm, but before I was completely gone, I called out over my shoulder. "Get Grace!"

I didn't wait to hear their response. I was a man on a mission. Without ever breaking stride, I walked to the clinic, past the doors, through the halls, ignored the confused nurses who protested my intrusion, and went directly to one of the head medics. His name was Samuel, though everyone just called him Sam, and I'd come to know him well over the past year. He and Grace had been the ones who'd cared for my wounds the most.

Upon setting his eyes on me and the precious bundle I carried, he acted without hesitation; taking us to a room and immediately getting his medical tools out. He asked the most basic of questions, and I tried to answer as best as I could. Eventually Grace arrived, and I was glad to have her in the room with me; she always had a soothing aura about her and I figured it would do Ally good to wake up to someone like her.

In the end, Sam said the damage wasn't as bad as it seemed, and that all she'd probably need was rest and some pain medication. He also recommended that when she woke up, it would be best to use an ice pack to prevent swelling and the bruises from remaining for a longer period of time.

"She should be fine by tomorrow," Sam said as he scribbled something on his clipboard. He turned to Grace and handed her a small sheet. "This is the medication I want prescribed to her. Now if you'll excuse me, I have another patient to attend to," he glanced at his papers again, "a boy, Zane, was just admitted in a few seconds ago."

I nodded, and thanked him. If Zane was here, then it must've meant Iris had calmed down and Dan had found some people to help bring him in. I scowled at the thought of Zane being in the same place as Ally, but I figured if they kept him in a different room I'd be able to control myself.

"Sage, she's going to be out for quite some time. It would probably be best if you just left and got some sleep," Grace said as she strode over and began to wipe at the dried blood on Ally's hands.

"I think I'll stay actually," I said as I held onto the side of the hospital bed, hoping that action alone could prove just how impossible it would be to pull me away from there. "I'm not tired."

"She'll be fine, I promise," she assured me as she gave me a comforting smile.

"Grace, I'm not tired," I repeated, and then -without actually letting go of the bed's frame- I stuck out my leg and managed to yank one of the chairs that were in the room so that I could sit on it.

Grace stared at me, and I could see she was fighting off a different sort of smile. Shaking her head, she chuckled and shrugged.

"Okay, if that makes you feel better," she said as she reached for more gauze to continue cleaning the wounds.

"Thanks," I said, and then when I saw what she was about to do, I added. "I can do that."

Without waiting for Grace to agree, I took the little pad from her and reached for Ally's hand; the one that was closest to me. Taking great care not to reopen the cuts, I cautiously cleaned off the scrapes that raked from her palm to parts of her elbow. I could feel Grace's eyes on me, studying the way I acted, but I was careful not to meet her gaze.

How could I explain my actions to her when even _I_ didn't know where they stemmed from. It was strange, and it confused me to realize I was so protective over a girl who barely knew my name. Looking at it from an objective point of view, I knew I was being ridiculous; I should leave, I'd done my part and I wasn't needed here anymore.

Not only that, but if I truly wanted to keep her safe, the best thing to do would be to just get up and walk away. If Banks could see how I was acting now, he'd be laughing at me. I could practically hear him; _Stupid, stupid Sage. You just can't seem to stop yourself from dragging more people down with you._

"I'll be back in a minute," Grace said, successfully interrupting my thoughts. "I'm going to go get her meds."

I nodded, and as I watched her leave, the smaller -and probably smarter- part of me yearned to follow her out the door. However, I'd never been a person who was guided solely by logic; I did what my heart and soul deemed was right. And now, with Ally's hand in my own and the sound of her breathing surrounding me, I couldn't imagine anything worth moving for.

Once I was done cleaning off the gashes on her palms, I added a salve I'd seen Grace use. Then, after poking around a bit, I found gauze and wrapped up the larger wounds. I worked carefully, but quickly; I'd had plenty of experience wrapping up my own injuries. Ally didn't stir, and as I sat by idly, I saw that Grace had missed a small cut on her forehead.

Taking another cleansing pad from the jar on the counter, I gently began to dab at the dried blood. Ally had seemed so deeply asleep just seconds before, that it took me by surprise when out of nowhere, her eyes fluttered open. I froze, my arm still outstretched, and I waited for her to cry out or demand that I leave the room; I was, after all, a strange guy who she'd only had one real conversation with.

Our eyes met, and for a moment confusion flickered through her features, but then it was replaced by something else; something I couldn't quite identify, though it still resonated with me.

"Hey," I said as I picked up where I'd left off; continuing to blot the wound with my piece of gauze. "You're supposed to be asleep."

"Where's Zane?" Ally asked softly.

I felt my face harden. After what he'd done to her, how he'd left her, she was still worried about him? It felt as if she'd struck me with a sledgehammer. I knew she'd come from amity, but to worry about a cretin like Zane seemed like too much. I clenched my mouth shut, willing myself to stay silent, and I could feel the muscles in my jaw tick with the effort. I dropped my hand from her face and took a step back.

"Where's Zane?" She repeated quietly.

"He's _fine_ ," I seethed, unable to completely hide my anger. I could feel myself grimacing, so I turned away from her and washed my hands off in the nearby sink. "You don't have to worry about him."

"Worry?" Her voice echoed back, sounding confused. "I'm not worried about him."

"Aren't you?" I said, still not turning around.

"Of course not. Why would I be?" She said indignantly. I finally turned, and I was surprised to see that she was scowling. "Because I came from amity, you just automatically assume I care about what happened to him?"

 _The first thing you did was ask about him, how could I not think that?_ I thought bitterly.

"You were trying to protect him before, when Iris was beating him up," I pointed out. "You were screaming at her to stop."

"Yeah, _well_ ," her voice faltered, and I could see she was feeling conflicted.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to me. I remembered the list I'd seen on Banks's computer, the one that had the names of those he suspected were divergent, and I recalled that Ally's test results had been inconclusive. Could it be that the reason she was feeling so torn about the situation with Zane was because the factions within her were warring with themselves? It happened to me all the time.

Anyone truly dauntless would've been more than happy to have had their attacker beaten, but for someone with an aptitude for amity, someone with a personality that hated violence; it must've been hard to witness such a thing. Even if he had deserved it, Ally must've felt bad about what had happened to Zane.

I'd hoped that maybe Ally's test results had just been a fluke; that she wasn't actually divergent, but from the small clues I'd been able to gather, it was seeming less probably each time I thought about it. She was brave, but she was also kind.

"You didn't want to see him hurt, did you?" I asked; watching her face closely. I had an idea, a way of possibly seeing if my theory was correct, and her response would either confirm or deny it.

She didn't answer me, instead she dropped her eyes to her hands and avoided my gaze. She was fidgeting, and I also noted that the machine next to her said that her pulse had risen slightly. Maybe she didn't know, but with those actions alone she'd answered my question.

"Even now, angry at what he did to you, you can't help but feel bad for him," I stated, not bothering to ask when I knew the truth. "You don't know how to feel, because a part of you wants him to hurt, to feel pain, but the other side of you can't bear the violence."

"How could you know that?" She asked, and my candor-trained ears caught the tone in her voice; accusing, upset, but also suspicious. "How could you ever know anything about how I feel?"

"Because I feel the same way sometimes, _conflicted_ ," I explained, "I know what it's like to feel like your torn between what you _want_ to do and what you _should_ do."

"No," she shook her head. "You could never understand, could never put yourself in my shoes. This is your lifestyle, you were born here and you're used to all of it."

 _Born here?_ I frowned; for some reason I thought she'd already come to the conclusion that I wasn't from dauntless originally. True, I looked and acted as any other dauntless-born would, but I'd somehow thought she would've seen beyond that. Admittedly, it made me sort of unhappy, but I figured it was for the best; it meant I was doing a good job with my façade, meant I was hiding my own divergence better than I'd hoped.

"I-I just want to go home," Ally suddenly choked out. I looked up, and I could see tears welling in her eyes. She blinked, and a second later they spilled over. "I should've never picked dauntless. My mom was sick too, I should've just stayed in amity and taken care of her. This was all a huge mistake. I don't want to turn into a monster."

I looked at her, and every fiber in my being demanded that I reach over and comfort her. My fingers itched to wipe the tears from her cheeks, and my arms longed to hold her to me, but I couldn't acknowledge these longings. Instead, I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned on the counter.

"Do you say that because you sincerely think you chose wrong?" I asked. "Or because you're letting your fears influence your decisions?" She didn't answer. "Allison, are you afraid?"

"Yes!" She suddenly snapped. "Yes, of course I'm afraid! I've been beaten up a lot, Sage, I've been humiliated, Zane assaulted me, and you want to know what the worst part is? I'm changing into a horrible person who hurts others, and is actually good at it. I don't want this! I don't like the kind of person I'm becoming. I miss living without fear. I want peace, that's all I want!"

She was breathing heavily after her outraged torrent, but for some reason I couldn't help but feel pleased; she'd been honest, and more often than not, it took more bravery to admit something hard but truthful, than it was to ignore it and pretend everything was okay.

"Those are bold words," I said quietly. "And only someone truly brave would ever acknowledge their fear and the extent to which it rules them."

"I'm not brave," she sniffled. "Not at all."

"Yeah, you are," I insisted. "You've been through a lot, but look at you, you're still here. You've faced the things that made you afraid and you've conquered them. And just because you're good at fighting doesn't make you a bad person. Why do you think we train to fight here anyway?"

"For sport," she said, wrinkling her brow. "Because you're bored and like to watch people tear each other apart."

"Well, that's true, but it wasn't always that way," I admitted after a beat. "We do not believe that learning to maser violence encourages unnecessary violence. If anything, it's supposed to deter it, to create respect for what makes us stronger than others. And believe it or not, the dauntless want peace too. We just have a different point of view of how to get it. We believe that peace is hard-won, and that sometimes it is necessary to fight for it."

"That… that makes sense," she said as she took in my words. After a second though, she looked up at me and cocked her head. "Did you just quote the dauntless manifesto?"

"Yeah, I might have," I smiled, scratching my head with mild embarrassment. I loved our manifesto, all of the faction's beliefs actually, but when I quoted them I knew I tended to sound more passionate and full of zeal than normal people would.

"That's nice, I mean, that you know it so well," she smiled, and I could see that -as any strong person would- she was already building her strength back up; both emotional and physical. She wouldn't leave. "Thank you. Thank you for saying all that to me."

"It's all true. I have complete faith that you'll be fine, but," I hesitated, "but if it'll make you feel better, _safer_ , you could always report Zane."

She shook her head. "No, I can handle him myself. I _want_ to face him."

"I'll respect that," I nodded, knowing that even though I didn't like it, it was something she'd have to do eventually. If she didn't face him now, she'd always be afraid of what he might do in the future. "And Ally, if you're missing amity because of your family, just remember that they'll probably come to see you in a few days. Visiting Day is just around the corner."

She nodded, and I saw a flash of relief cross her face. She breathed deeply, and slowly slumped back into her bed, her head propped up by a pillow. It was quiet for a minute or so, and as I stretched and made my way to the door, she sudden spoke up.

"So you really think I'm brave?"

"Yeah," I said. Then, with my hand on the knob, I added in an inaudible whisper. "The bravest."


	27. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

My hand was still on the knob when Dan and Iris stumbled forward and toppled into me. When I'd opened the door, their combined weight had shifted so suddenly they hadn't had time to adjust. Iris immediately picked herself up and tried to feign innocence, while Dan slowly righted himself and dusted the knees of his pants off.

"Were you eavesdropping?" I demanded once I'd closed the door behind me.

"What? Of course not. Honestly Sage, I'm insulted," Dan said in his best flabbergasted tone. "I was merely leaning on this door, as any normal person would, because I was exhausted from holding onto this lil' rascal." He jerked his thumb at Iris. "I was so tired in fact, that I also had to lean my head on the door. And do you know what's connected to a head? _Hmm_? An ear. And what do ears do? They hear stuff, so if you happened to say something and I picked it up, well that would've just been a coincidence."

"Dan," Iris said flatly. "Has anyone ever told you that you suck at lying?"

"Someone may have mentioned it at some point," Dan admitted with a grin.

"Guys," I interrupted before they could go on. "This isn't the upper levels, we're not kids anymore. You can't be poking around and interfering in things that don't concern you." I said as I turned and began to head towards the chairs in the waiting room.

"But you're my bro, my best friend, my amigo, my partner in crime," Dan said, following behind me. "That essentially grants me full access to meddle, snoop, and divulge embarrassing childhood stories about you at will."

"Danny boy, you try my patience sometimes," I said as I rolled my eyes, however I couldn't help but chuckle. "How's Zane anyway?"

"He'll be fine… unfortunately," Iris muttered. She threw Dan a dirty look. "You should've let me teach him a lesson."

"Seemed like you were already doing that," Dan answered.

"That was just the entrée," Iris said as she ran her fingers along her knuckles; Dan was right to stop her, she'd hit Zane so hard that parts of her thin hands had already begun to bruise. "I never got to dish out the main course though."

"You have a point, and while I'd have loved to see that, trust me when I say that you'll thank me tomorrow when you have to fight someone and realize that your hands look and feel like raw burger meat," Dan said, then he gave a little shrug. "Also, not to sound pretentious, but I'm an artist. I believe hands should be for creating good and beautiful things, not the opposite."

"Whatever," Iris said, but she was unable to stop herself from smiling. "But Dan, don't get in my way again, or I may have to kick your butt." She turned to leave, but then Dan stepped over so that he was blocking her exit.

"Oh, did you mean now? Don't get in your way now?" He said as a wide smile spread over his face. "Alrighty, I won't get in your way." Iris rolled her eyes, but as she turned again, Dan shifted to follow her. " _Oops!_ Oh look at that, I seem to be in your way again. Was that threat going to be put into effect now, or later?"

"Dan, you goof," Iris laughed as she tried again to leave. "Get out of my way. I want to go see Ally before I go to bed. Now make some space and move over."

"Make some space? Iris, are you insinuating that I'm fat?" Dan pretended to pout as he again blocked her path. "Because that's hurtful and may lower my self-esteem."

Iris rolled her eyes, then playfully socked Dan in the gut and ducked under his arm, heading towards Ally's room. We watched her go, and then settled into the chairs that lined the wall. I'd just settled in for the long haul, when Dan shifted and fixed me with a serious expression.

"What's that look for?" I asked.

"Sage, I have to know, why haven't you murdered Zane yet?" Dan scratched his head, and I could see that he was genuinely confused; was that why he'd stayed? Was he afraid I'd go on a rampage and hunt Zane out to finish what Iris had started?

"Murder Zane?" I repeated with mild amusement.

"Not literally," he snorted. "But, you know, why haven't you tried to kick his ass already?"

I paused to give it some thought, and then sighed loudly. It was hard to explain. While there was definitely a part of me that wanted to march to his room and beat the crap out of him, there was also a greater part that realized I couldn't do that.

"Ally doesn't like violence," I said after some hesitation. "I don't want to upset her. Also, it's out of my jurisdiction. If he'd done something during training, I can assure you I would've already had him out with the factionless. Anyway, Ally said she wanted to deal with it herself, that she wants to face him. I'd rather she didn't, but I have to respect what she wants."

" _Hmm_ , face him?" he repeated after he'd let my words sink in. "That's pretty brave."

"Yeah," I agreed, feeling pride in her actions. "Won't lie though, I'll be keeping a closer eye on her just in case he decides to retaliate."

"Thought you would," Dan chuckled, he seemed to want to say more, but after a few minutes he simply stood and stretched his arms. "I'm assuming you're going to be staying here throughout the night?" I nodded, and he didn't seem surprised. "Well, if that's your plan, I'm going to stay too."

"You don't have to," I tried to cut in, but Dan was already waving away my objections.

"I know I don't _have_ to, but I want to," he explained. Then he shifted and craned his head to look down a different hallway, simultaneously lifting his nose to give a pointed sniff. "But before I settle in, I do believe I smell coffee. I'll be back in a bit, I have a date to raid the break-room in this joint."

I nodded and then watched as he strode away with purpose; on a quest to find his next caffeine fix. He'd only just turned a corner when I already began to feel my eyelids grow heavy with fatigue. I should've gone with him; I was tired and suspected that without a little pick-me-up I'd have trouble staying awake. Letting out a short yawn, I crossed my arms and let my head rest against the wall at my back.

I tried to stay alert, but eventually I couldn't help but close my eyes as well. Though I may have appeared peacefully asleep, I wasn't; I couldn't allow myself to let my guard down completely. I could hear the hustle and bustle of the people in the clinic, and oddly enough it was as if I were more aware of what was going than I had been before.

"What are you doing here?" I heard a female whisper in a hush. It sounded like it had come from the direction of Ally's room. "Where you trying to sneak into her room?"

"I warned Sage. I told him I'd tell her everything about what happened with Randi if he didn't stay away," another voice answered. "I won't let what happened to Randi happen to Allison."

 _Ava_ , it was Ava, and Grace must've caught her before she'd made it onto the room. My eyes snapped open, and my mouth went dry with the sudden rush of panic. I almost leapt out of my seat, but somehow I managed to force myself to stay where I was.

"Ava, just stop. Why do you keep blaming him for what happened?" Grace asked, sounding utterly confused. "You don't know what happened, no one does."

"I know he was involved, and that's enough for me," Ava hissed back. "And honestly, I'm shocked that you would keep being friends with a person like that. Look at what he did tonight, he could've really hurt Ally."

"Hurt her? Are you kidding me? You don't know anything." Grace's sad and anxious tone had suddenly shifted; she sounded like she did when she had a scowl on her face. "You weren't even there."

"I didn't have to be there to read the signs," Ava persisted. "I mean, anyone could tell it was his entire fault. I saw him with my own eyes. He came out of the chasm with Ally in his arms. Obviously he beat her up and tried to toss her in the chasm too."

"Shut up Ava, just stop talking," Grace warned; her voice edged with her growing anger.

"He clearly wasn't satisfied with taking one life. He couldn't help himself and he wanted to take another."

"I'm warning you," Grace said in a lower register, and it was then that I finally stood from my seat.

While I knew that Grace would always have a little of her old amity roots within her, she wasn't the same person who'd first let her blood drop onto the sizzling coals. She was kind, but she wasn't afraid to throw a good punch. Press the right buttons, and Grace wouldn't hesitate to retaliate. I'd seen her lose her temper, and it always came with a warning in her tone; the exact tone she'd just used.

"Grace, it's okay," I said as I jogged over to her side. She'd been standing in front of the door to Ally's room with her arms slightly spread.

"No, it's not okay," Grace shook her head. "Didn't you hear what she just accused you of? She knows nothing. This is how stupid rumors are started."

"I'm going to talk to her," Ava said as she held her ground. "So both of you get out of my way."

"Ava, please," I pled softly. "I understand that you feel the need to tell her, but can you at least wait until she's recovered more?"

"This _can't_ wait," Ava scoffed. "I have to let her know _now_."

Grace looked ready to reach over and slap some sense into Ava, but I held onto her shoulders. I knew how persistent Ava would continue to be if we refused her entrance into the room. I didn't want her to make a bigger scene, not here, so I had to trust that she wouldn't do anything reckless with Ally.

"Let her in," I told Grace quietly. "Just let her in."

"What?" Grace frowned. "But she'll tell Ally all sorts of lies, and what if she tries to do something else? Something _violent_."

"I'm not the murderer here," Ava cut in frostily; staring daggers at my head when I caught her gaze. "That's Sage's calling card, not mine."

Grace wheeled, and I saw her hand tense as she prepared to strike, but again I held onto her.

"It's okay Grace, Iris is still in the room," I assured her. "She's good friends with Ally and she would never let things get out of hand."

After a moment of hesitation, Grace gave a stiff nod and backed away so that the hallway was free. Ava shot me a parting glower, and then marched her way over the door. She didn't even knock as she pulled it open and let herself in. What would she say about me?

It took me the space of two heart beats for me to turn and leave, not back towards the chairs, but to the nearest exit. Grace walked beside me, and I could tell she was trying to say something but was struggling with how to phrase it.

"Why didn't you tell Ava that it was all Zane's fault?" Grace finally asked when I paused to let a man in a wheelchair pass by. "Why didn't you defend yourself?"

"Nothing I could've said would've changed her mind," I sighed, then mentally added; _and she's not wrong, it was my fault, even if I didn't do it myself._

"Changed whose mind?"

I turned and smiled grimly when I saw Dan and Marko ambling over to us. Both of them had little styrofoam cups in their hands filled with steaming coffee.

"Ava," Grace answered. "She was trying to sneak into Ally's room to tell her lies about Sage."

Dan handed me a cup, and Marko gave one to Grace.

"Wow, what a _classy_ lady," Marko said sarcastically. "So did you let her in?"

"Yeah, she would've gotten in eventually. I just wanted to avoid more arguments," I said. "Anyway, I don't think I'll be staying here after all. I have to get up early for tomorrow's class anyway."

"But I brought sustenance," Dan complained as he held up his little cup.

"Let's just go," I said as I gestured for him to follow.

"Wait," Grace said before we'd even taken a few steps towards the door. "Take _this_ with you," she said as she shoved Marko towards us.

He chuckled, but agreeably followed us out the door. As we slowly kept walking, I couldn't help but observe him. He looked much too pleased with himself, like that time he'd won a huge bet on one of the newbie fighters down at the Cage. Right now I had a lot on my plate and I wanted to try and sleep, but once I was well rested I'd have to ask him about why he'd suddenly become Grace's shadow.

Once we were in the hallway, the thumping bass continued to reverberate back throughout the hallways. The party was still in full effect, but I had no interest in returning. Marko and Dan ended up going back to join Finn and the boys, but I excused myself.

I was filled with dismay. After Ava finished telling Ally her suspicions about my involvement in Randi's death, she'd probably never see me the same way. If I'd had trouble staying away from her before, that wouldn't be a problem after tonight; she'd run from me. I could only imagine the horrors Ava was filling her head with.


	28. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

"So what time should we wake up the initiates?"

"What?" Banks frowned as he continued to rifle through his papers. "What are you talking about?"

"Tonight, what time should we wake them up?" I repeated. "We're scheduled to play capture the flag."

Banks paused, cursed quietly under his breath, and then pinched the bridge of his nose with obvious frustration. He'd instructed me to come directly to his office after the day's training was over, and I'd complied without even the slightest bit of argument because he'd seemed more on edge than usual. You could practically feel the waves of exasperation that emanated from him.

Quite out of character, Banks had also acted distracted and preoccupied. His mind was obviously on other things. When I'd first arrived, I'd even seen him just sitting stoically; staring straight ahead at nothing in particular as he absently ran his fingers along the odd circular scars along his arms. Whatever had him so out of sorts must've been important, because he rarely allowed any of his real emotions to drift so close to the surface; easily available for all to see.

Even now, I could tell that he was irritated with the fact that I'd brought up the topic of tonight's game. I stayed quiet, but watched him closely as he thought through what I'd asked. He furrowed his brows, staring first at his computer, then back to the papers in his hand. It took him so long to respond that, for an instant, I thought he'd forgotten I'd even asked him a question.

"Midnight," Banks finally said as he reached for a different folder in on his desk. "Wake them at midnight."

"Okay," I answered, and when I saw that he was again lost in his notes, I cautiously added, "so are we done here?"

"For today, yes," he said as he waved a hand at me. "Be careful when you take those sensors off, they're delicate."

I nodded, and then began the painstakingly long process of peeling the multiple electrodes off of my forehead and unclamping the sensors from my fingers. Today's tests had been odd, _really_ odd, even for Banks. I was so used to all of them involving pain, that I'd been more than shocked when it never came.

As soon as I'd sat in his testing chair, he'd hooked me up to his computer and then simply asked me a series of random questions; ones that I couldn't imagine being important whatsoever. He'd held up cards with strange ink splats and asked me what I thought they looked like, he'd given me simple math problems to solve, shown me a series of shapes and numbers and asked that I find the pattern they made, and he'd even made me spell long words aloud. It was all suspiciously easy, and had admittedly unnerved me more than if he'd simply chased me around the room with a needle and syringe.

"Sage, wait," Banks said just as I'd been about to stand. "I'm occupied at the moment, so here, take this and go to the transfer's dorm, then write down the names in order for me," he said as he handed me a slip of paper.

"Names?" I asked as I took the slip and unfolded it.

Reading silently, I saw that the names on the paper were actually the ranks of the transfer-initiates. I frowned when I saw that there were only seven names on it, and I actually turned it over twice to see if there were maybe more on the back of it. Only seven, how could it be? There'd been so many transfers in the beginning, was it possible he'd already cut more than half of the group?

"You seem alarmed," Banks noted in amusement.

With the shock of just how many people he'd kicked out fresh in my mind, I hadn't been careful to disguise my facial expressions. I swallowed, and knew that if I tried to lie it would be pointless, so I nodded instead.

"Why did you cut so many already?" I asked. "I mean, stage two would've been understandable, but during stage one? _Really_? Why so many?"

"They were unworthy, I did our faction a favor," Banks said dismissively. "We have a standard here, and I had to cull the weak from the group to maintain our level of superiority."

I couldn't help myself; I glowered fiercely at him and reflexively tightened my hands into fists. The note crumpled in my palm, and as if on autopilot, I mechanically took a single step towards Banks. I thought of the young initiates whose lives he'd ruined, and it was all I could do not to leap over his desk to tackle him to the ground.

Upon seeing my reaction, Banks actually appeared to brighten from his previously sour mood. I knew why. He reveled in the fact that he could get under my skin so easily; not by hurting me, but by hurting the innocent. It burned me up to feel so incompetent, and he took great pleasure in this knowledge. I hated it more than anything; having to see such injustices go unpunished.

"Did you have something to add Sage?" Banks asked me in a mockingly fretful tone. "Do you have concerns you'd like to express? Do tell, I'd _love_ to hear them."

"No," I grated through clenched teeth; I would not give into his goading. "I have nothing to add."

He chuckled dryly, and then shook his head at me as if he were disappointed.

"So predictable," he muttered, then after heaving a quiet sigh, he continued reading over his printouts.

Without adding more, I turned and left his office; nearly sprinting away to create some distance between us. I'd just run a few steps when the reality of what I'd almost done hit me. The last time I'd defied him, even in the slightest, had been months and months ago. Yet just then, I'd had to use an incredible amount of self-control to simply stay in one place.

It was as if all the barriers I'd built to keep myself numb were crumbing away, and in their wake the remnants of who I'd used to be commanded that I lash out. I was regressing. My conscience demanded retribution for all the wrong Banks had done, and my body had very nearly followed through with the thought.

 _Careful, I have to be more careful_ ; I thought as I made my way towards the transfer-initiates room.

Trying to forget about my previous slip-up, I instead chose to distract myself with another concern that had plagued me since I'd woken this morning; Ava and Ally. Since I'd left the clinic without running any sort interference, I'd found myself tossing and turning in bed as I worried over what rumors Ava might've made Ally aware of.

Could she have _just_ mentioned my past as a merciless fighter in the Cage, or would she have also added her misgivings about my involvement in Randi's death? Had she told Ally about her suspicions that I'd played with Randi's heart, or had she decided to be strictly factual and tell her about how _-up until a few days ago-_ there'd rarely been a time when I'd been completely sober?

More than those questions though, my biggest worries had been over whether Ally had believed Ava or not. Could it be that she now thought of me as a demented sociopath? If she saw me now, would she run away screaming? Would she think that I had the same lack of ethics and moralities as someone like Zane?

A part of me wanted her to vehemently agree with Ava, and thus never come near me again, but another part hated the thought of her seeing me in that light. I wanted to keep her safe and far away, but I also selfishly knew that I craved her presence. It was like a horrible game of tug-of-war between my brain and heart.

I was still contemplating my inner worries when I made it to the transfer's dorm. To my relief, I found it empty. I was so anxious about how Ally's perception of me might've changed, that I figured the best thing to do would be to avoid her. I just didn't think I'd be able to handle seeing the look of horror or disgust on her face every time she saw me.

I'd already posted my own initiates ranks this morning, so when I walked into the room I was easily able to spot the chalkboard beside the door. Picking it up, I quickly began to scrawl the names down in a hurry, wanting to be out and long gone before anyone might think to come back in.

Thomas

Dylan

Jade

Vera

Ally

Mel

Edmund

I'd just finished writing the last name and was heading towards the wall where I was supposed to hang the sign, when I heard it; the sound of a doorknob turning. For an instant, I completely drew a blank as I contemplated what the wisest move could be at a time like this. Oddly enough, I felt jittery, like a kid caught doing something that was obviously against the rules.

 _Get it together, you're an instructor. You have every right to be here, and you have to demand respect_ ; I thought to myself. _Besides, what are the chances that the person coming in is going to be Ally?_

Feeling suddenly relaxed, I ignored my previous worries and settled my features into a look of mild indifference. Chalkboard still in hand, I turned around and lifted it towards the nail on the wall. I had a job to do, and I didn't have to answer to anyone, much less some unknown transfer-initiate.

Behind me I heard the door hinges squeak as someone entered the room, and then a mere second later I heard the sound of a suppressed gasp. That gesture threw me off, because honestly what could be so very shocking about someone hanging up a sign? For an instant, I almost turned around, but then I rolled my eyes instead and continued along with my chore; adjusting the board until I thought it was level enough.

When I'd deemed it suitable, I stepped back a few steps to look at my handiwork. Though my handwriting was a bit scraggly, it was still readable in my opinion. With a small shrug, I was about to turn to leave when the slightest scent caught my attention; something fresh, with the slightest hint of an earthy undertone.

"Sage?"

I turned slowly and then swallowed nervously when I saw Ally only a few steps before me. Immediately, I fixed my ever-alert eyes on her features, looking for even the slightest hint of anger, fear, or even revulsion. I found nothing, but even then I couldn't make myself relax. After what she'd heard last night, it was only logical that she'd shy away from me with the new knowledge of my tainted reputation.

"Ally," I acknowledged, slightly cautious as I awaited the inevitable backlash of Ava's actions. "How are you feeling?"

"Feeling? Oh, good actually," Ally answered. She flexed her hands slightly, and then picked a little at the scabs on her palms. "Healing quite well. My nurse, Grace, was really nice."

"She's the best," I nodded.

"So, what are you up to in here?" She asked, and as I watched in quiet surprise, she smiled at me with genuine warmth.

Still in awe, I only just managed to jerk my head in the board's direction. How could she be acting so pleasant and friendly towards me after the things she'd heard? Had she thought Ava was lying? Did she not care about her own life? Was she not afraid of me in the slightest?

"Oh, the ranks," she said as she peered at the list. Her brow puckered slightly in dismay, and I could see she wasn't happy with where her name stood. "I thought we weren't being graded just yet."

"You're not," I said quickly. "This is just sort of a progress report so you know where you stand. You still have time to change your rank if you put in the work."

She nodded, attempting to appear calm, but I could see she was still bothered. Walking closer to the board, I noted her scent again as she passed by me. It was distinct, not floral the way Grace had smelled during her first weeks here, but crisp, like the moments after a cleansing rain had just fallen.

"You look worried," I said after a moment of silence.

"I'm not," she lied poorly, to which I sighed and then gave her a bemused look. "Okay, I am," she admitted reluctantly. "While I'm not as bad of a fighter as I was when I first got here, I'm still not the best. Actually, before Zane decided to attack me, he'd been teaching me a few tricks which were the reason I'd managed to raise my rank."

"Zane was teaching you?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "I needed the extra help, but now that leverage is gone."

"Not necessarily," I said slowly.

"Sage, I would never, and I mean _ever_ , ask Zane for help again. I can't stand him, and if you think I'm desperate enough to go back and–" Ally began to rant before I cut her off.

"No, I don't mean Zane," I amended, suddenly feeling enthusiastic with the idea that I'd be able to help her. "If you want, I could teach you a few moves of my own. That is, only if you want to though. There's no pressure, I'll understand if you'd rather not. And even if you agree now, you could always say no at any time if you feel that it's not working out for you."

"Really?" She blinked up at me. "You'd do that? But you're already teaching the dauntless-born, would it even be allowed?"

"There's no written rule against it," I grinned. "So, what do you think?"

Without hesitation, her face broke out into the most breathtaking smile I'd ever seen.

"Let's do it then. Teach me how to fight."


	29. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

"Remember Ally, always look forward," I said as I continued to hold onto the punching bag from behind; occasionally, giving the bag a shove to simulate an attack. "Pay attention to your opponent's body. Be alert and aware of anything he does. Watch his movements so you can react to them, or even take advantage."

Ally nodded as she threw a jab, and I couldn't help but grin; she was an incredibly fast learner. It hadn't taken me long to vocally explain some of the secrets I'd learned to winning fights, and it had taken even less time for her to learn the actual movements. Though small, if she kept up the rigorous training I'd shown her, she'd be lethal.

"What are you looking for?" I quickly tested her.

"An opening," she answered as she struck another fist out.

"Which is?"

"Openings are where you want to land a punch, where your fist needs to go to inflict damage. But you shouldn't stare at your objective because it could telegraph your attack."

"Correct," I beamed. "And _always_ remember, stay alert. Be aware of everything, not just your opponent, but the arena as well. The best fighters can see everything without actually taking time to give a pointed look."

She nodded, simultaneously kicking her leg out to hit the bag on the side. She was about to follow up with an elbow strike, but I quickly held my hands out and made a T sign to indicate that she needed to take a break.

"But I'm on a roll!" She protested with a laugh as she continued to bounce on her toes.

"Well that's just too bad," I said as I tossed her a water bottle. "That roll's going to have to wait while you get rehydrated."

"M'kay," she said with a silly pout. "But we'll keep practicing after, right?"

I chuckled at her obvious eagerness, but then quickly nodded. We'd been at work for quite a while already, and I didn't want to tire her out too much. After all, unbeknownst to her, she and her fellow initiates had an impromptu game of capture the flag scheduled for later tonight.

As we sat on one of the nearby benches that lined the outer area of the training room, I couldn't help but worriedly try to gauge her level of exhaustion. While we'd only been training with the punching-sacks and speed-bags, I still worried that it might be too much.

"Hey Sage?" Ally asked as she finished taking another gulp of her water.

"Yeah?"

"Well, you've taught me all these new techniques about how to gain the upper hand, but I was wondering," she said, hesitation for a second.

"Wondering what?" I prompted.

"These tips are all fine and dandy if I fight someone my size, maybe Jade, Vera, or Mel, but what can I do if I'm paired with one of the boys?" She asked as her brow puckered with thought. "They're bigger than me, stronger too. How could I ever stand a chance of winning then?"

"I won't lie to you Ally, it wouldn't be the easiest thing to accomplish," I admitted. "But it's not impossible either. You remember Grace, your nurse?" She nodded, and I continued. "Well, she and I were initiates together, and believe it or not, she actually won several fights against males that had several pounds over her."

"No way," Ally said as her mouth parted with surprise. After a second though, her frown returned. "But it's not the same, we're a similar size, but she was raised to know how to fight whereas I spent my entire life in the amity fields."

At those words, I actually started laughing in a way I hadn't done since Randi's death. I let the sounds tumble from my lips, and for once I actually felt light and almost completely untroubled. I tried to get a grip, but every time I almost had control over myself, the thought of fresh-from-amity Grace being raised here would pop back up into my mind and I'd again be unable to stop.

"Sage, stop," Ally whined as she punched my arm. "I don't get it, what's so funny?"

"I'm sorry, really, I assure you I'm not normally such an ass," I said when I'd managed to get a good breath. "It's just that Grace wasn't originally from dauntless. Actually, she was like you, she came from amity. It's my fault for not clearing that up earlier, so again, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed."

"Fine, I suppose I'll forgive you," Ally grinned after she'd pretended to look sulky. "Now that you mention it, I think I actually _do_ remember her. She looks so different now, I really thought I might've been wrong when I thought I recognized her."

"Were you friends?"

"Yes and no. In amity, we're all sort of friends by default. You know, our motto is peace and love after all," she said as she flashed me a peace sign. "Anyway, I recognized her a little, but not enough to be one-hundred percent sure of who she was."

"Huh, that's interesting," I noted. "Well, the point I was trying to get across was just that. Grace was exactly like you, and look where she's at now."

Ally nodded, and suddenly her eyes flashed to mine as she seemed to put something together.

"So…." She trailed off. "You and Grace were initiates together?"

"Yeah," I answered equally slow; I'd suddenly realized what she'd figured out.

"Like, just in the same year? Or–" she broke off momentarily, chewing on her bottom lip. "Or, in the same class?"

Smart, Ally was _really_ smart. Also, for some unknown reason, every time I was around her all my filters seemed to just disappear. Still, how quickly she'd pieced together the possibility that I'd come from another faction. Did she suspect just which one I'd come from?

Though I wanted to admit the truth, a part of me knew that it would only serve to further put her in danger. The less she knew of me, the better. Banks couldn't drag her into our mess if she was completely unaware of the discrepancies in my behavior. _Well_ , he'd at least have one less excuse. If she were to know what faction I'd originated from, it would only help to make my inability to lie convincingly that much more obvious.

In answer to her question, I shifted so that I was staring at my feet and then gave an indecipherable grunt; one that could be taken as a yes or no, depending on how you looked at it. Not a lie, but not the truth, just a strategy I used when I wanted to sidestep a tricky topic.

"So, _ahem_ , you were talking about facing larger opponents? Males specifically?" I quickly said in an attempt to shift the conversation.

"Uhh, yeah," she replied, looking confused at my obvious attempt to divert her question. "What would I do then?"

"You're small, but you're also fast and stronger than you appear. People always judge others by what they see, so when faced with you, it would be common for them to underestimate your power. You should use that to your advantage and try to always strike first."

"What if I do all that, but they still manage to get up and come after me?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but running is always an option," I said, then I quickly raised my hands when Ally looked like she was about to protest. "Not because you're scared and want to get away, but to get some safe distance between yourself and your opponent. Then, once you're far enough, use the time you have to come up with a new strategy."

"But what if they grab my wrist before I manage to get away?"

"Then simply pull your arm toward where their thumb and fingers meet. That's going to be the weakest point of their grip," I said as I took ahold of her wrist to demonstrate. "There, say I'm your opponent and I've somehow managed to catch you. What are you going to do?"

"Pull," Ally said as she yanked her arm free. I smiled in approval, but I couldn't help but notice that she was furrowing her brow; she almost appeared disappointed.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing," she said hesitantly. I cocked my head and tried not to smirk at her obvious lie. "Okay, you're right, there is a problem. You're teaching me all these cool moves and techniques, but how am I supposed to apply them if you won't fight me? I mean, even just now, you weren't holding my wrist hard at all. I could've gotten out of that hold simply but taking a step back."

"You want me to fight you?" I repeated with obvious horror in my voice. "No, sorry, no I can't do that." I paused, then amended. "Well, I _can_ , but I won't."

"Why not?" She insisted. "I mean, I'm not asking you to really attack me, but just a little practice sparring."

"No," I shook my head. "I can't do that. I don't want to analyze your weaknesses Ally. Not in a real situation and not even in a fake one."

"Come on!" She said, and then to my great surprise, she jabbed my arm playfully as she hopped to her feet and began to bounce on her toes. "Or are you afraid of me kicking your butt?"

"You, kicking _my_ butt?" I echoed her words, unable to stop myself from grinning. Her excitement was infectious.

"Yeah, I mean, you taught me everything you know."

" _Almost_ everything," I corrected her as I got to my feet. "Don't play with fire Ally."

"M'hmm, _sure_ ," she snickered as she darted in and lightly thumped her fist against my other arm. "All I'm hearing right now is, blah-blah I'm too scared to lose, blah-blah."

Crossing my arms, I stood still as she continued to jump around while lightheartedly punching me. Maybe, just maybe, I'd agree. Not to actually fight, but to at least show her how to block correctly. Yeah, I'd spar with her, but not to the full extent of my strength or speed.

"Fine," I said as I jerked my head towards the arena. "You will attack me, using the moves I just showed you. But don't expect me to return the actions. I'm only agreeing to this so I can really demonstrate what I'm talking about."

"Yes, okay, great!" Ally exclaimed as she jogged over to the ring.

Once we were there, I held my fists up near my face; demonstrating the way she should stand to protect her face and ribs.

"Okay, hit me," I said. "Like you mean it, put some force behind it."

She did, but as her fist flew, I quickly moved my body so that her hand went through air. She grinned, seeming pleased with the challenge, and rapidly shifted to try again. Up, down, side to side, she moved insanely fast as she tried to get a single hit. I kept moving though, never letting our bodies touch.

" _How_ –" She huffed. "How are you doing that?"

"You keep looking at where you want to hit me," I explained. "It's fast, but I can still tell when your eyes dart around, then by the time you try to strike I have time to move. Let's try it again, but this time don't overthink it, just attack."

She nodded, and then once again charged. This time though, she followed my advice to perfection. Before long, I actually had to actually work to avoid her punches. Her speed was awe worthy, and after only a few more minutes, she was able to always solidly land two out of every four jabs she threw my way.

"Good, that's good," I said as I just barely moved out of the way of one of her hits. "Now it's all about force. Try stepping more into your punch, use all your weight -even if it's very little- to your advantage."

"Got it," she answered with a nod. Then, seeming to get an idea, she smiled and said. "What would I have to do to get you to actually fight back? Not that I'm not enjoying all this, but really, I need a challenge."

"Sorry, you know where I draw the line," I said. "I'm not hitting you back."

She looked ready to protest some more, to make an argument for her case, but I'd already dropped my hands and began to make my way out. I just couldn't do it, not even if I tried to imagine it could I picture the scene; me, raising my fists, finding her every weakness and exploiting it to gain the upper hand.

"Sage?" I heard a male voice suddenly call out from the doorway. I looked up, and to my surprise I saw Finn and Jude strolling in, each suited their own gym clothes. Finn, who'd been the first to speak, grinned and raised his hand to salute me. " _Boy'o_ , it's been a while since I've seen you in here."

"Finn, Jude, hey!" I called out as I waved them towards us.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't realize you were training someone," Finn said when his eyes landed on Ally. "Guess that explains why you're here though."

Jude nodded. "Yeah, otherwise I figured you'd use your free time to be down at the Cage."

"He won't admit it aloud, but Marko misses you," Finn chuckled. "Betting has gone down since you left," he paused suddenly, and then gave Ally an embarrassed grin. "Sorry, where the hell are my manners, I'm Finn."

"Ally," she answered as she stretched her hand out.

Finn raised his own hand to shake, but when Ally moved to greet Jude, Finn gave her a subtle shake of his head. She didn't notice it though, and so it was with great awkwardness that I watched as Jude pointedly lifted his chin and stepped back from her; refusing to acknowledge her friendly gesture.

"You were the first-jumper, yeah?" Jude questioned Ally, his tone obviously disbelieving.

"Yes, I was," Ally answered as she dropped her hand.

"You know, us dauntless expect a lot from someone with that title," Jude continued as he ignored the look Finn and I shot him.

"Do you?" she responded, and suddenly her tone seemed different; slightly stiffer and guarded.

He nodded gravely. "From what I've heard, your rank isn't exactly the best. So would you say that your first act of courage, the jump from the roof, was just a fluke? Should we expect more disappointment from you?"

"You don't have to answer that," I immediately cut in.

"Yeah," Finn agreed as he quickly jabbed his elbow into Jude's side. "Jude here isn't well acquainted with the term, common decency."

"No, its fine," Ally answered; her voice unwavering and full of confidence. "I'll answer. Jude, that was your name right? Well, let me just tell you that you can certainly expect a lot from me. I'm not done here, I'm not giving up, and whether you believe me or not doesn't matter. I'm here to stay."

For an instant, the room delved into silence, but then the atmosphere completely did a turnabout. Ally didn't know this, but she'd just passed Jude's test. As he'd often said, he didn't like to fraternize with people he didn't deem worthy or respectable. Just as he'd been hesitant towards Dan and I when we'd arrived, he'd also distrusted Ally. Now though, seeing that she was able to stick up for herself, I could see he was already changing his mind.

With a slow, and admittedly slightly grudging smile, Jude chuckled and shrugged. He looked at Finn, then at me, and eventually gave an accepting nod. He wasn't about to completely change and be the friendliest guy in the compound, that wasn't in his nature, but I could definitely tell he approved of Ally's character.

"That's good to hear," Jude said, and after a beat, he held his hand out. "We need more people like you."

Ally, unable to hide her surprise, let her mouth drop open a little as she watched him. However, probably due to her kind nature, she quickly recovered with a smile and shook his hand.

"So, now you're training transfer-initiates too?" Finn asked me with a look of curiosity. "Did Banks ask you to?"

"Initiate, singular," I corrected. "I'm only training Ally for now, and no, Banks didn't tell me to."

I could tell Finn wanted to ask more, but unlike Jude, he was able to restrain himself. He'd ask me later, when he felt the time was right. For now he was going to let it slide.

Behind us, Jude and Ally were wrapped up in a conversation that regarded Wayne. Apparently, she'd found it a real shock to discover that the two were brothers. Though they looked alike, I completely understood; sometimes it was hard to imagine that Jude, moody and snarky, could have anything in common with ever-happy Wayne.

"She's something," Finn noted under his breath when he caught me staring. "Never seen Jude warm up to someone that quick. Well, other than you and Dan, he normally takes months to assimilate."

I nodded and couldn't help but quirk my lips when I saw that, somehow, Ally had gotten stiff-ole' Jude to let her demonstrate a couple of her jabs. Unlike me though, when she reached out to hit him, he quickly raised an arm to block her and then proceeded to smacked her fist away with an audible thwack.

I frowned, but just as I was about to take a step towards them, Finn put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me back.

"Relax, Jude won't hurt her," he assured me. "He's not that heartless. Besides, she doesn't seem to be as helpless as she looks. Look at them now, see, she keeps bouncing back."

It was true, but as the sound of another sharp thwack filled the air, I found that it was still hard to stay put. Jude was a skillful fighter, and if he wanted to he was easily able to cause damage without breaking a sweat. He was quiet and analytical, almost like Banks, but there were still great differences; Jude didn't approve of unnecessary violence, and though his methods of teaching seemed harsh, he was actually quite patient and reassuring.

Even now, after he'd successfully shoved her elbow away, I could hear as he helpfully mentioned to Ally that she wasn't protecting her ribs enough.

"You're fast kid, almost as fast as me, but you have to keep your elbows tucked. Also, quit staring at where you plan to hit," Jude noted just as Ally managed to connect her fist to his chest.

"Like that?" She said through a pant.

"Yeah, exactly," Jude nodded. His face was still serious, almost looking like a scowl, but both Finn and I could tell he was actually quite pleased if not completely impressed. "You're a better fighter than I pegged you for."

"Well, I have a good teacher," she said as her eyes quickly darted to my face and then back to Jude.

As Finn and I continued to watch for another couple of minutes, I noted that he had a peculiar look on his face. He watched Ally with a sort of kid-like amusement, like he'd just discovered a new playmate. His expression, it was one I knew well.

"Hey Sage?"

"Yeah Finn."

"How does Ally feel about heights?"

I should've known; _really_ , it was going to happen eventually. While Jude was quick to judge someone's character by how they reacted to him and his aggressive questioning, Finn was just the opposite. He took his time in making his ultimate decision as to whether he really wanted someone as a friend.

Finn was nice to everyone he met, but he didn't truly and _completely_ consider them true equals until they'd proven their bravery by doing something utterly daring. Dan and I had unknowingly begun to impress him when we'd first jumped into the head cart of the train, and then continued to do so by proving ourselves to be fearless. Then, when we'd hadn't hesitated to join him and his friends base-jumping, we'd essentially sealed the deal.

That look in his eye, it told me that while he certainly liked and esteemed Ally's fiery spirit, what he really wanted to do was see if she'd follow him into a new and life-risking stunt. He wanted her as a friend, that I could see, but he still needed proof that she'd be able to keep up.

"She was the first-jumper, so you tell me," I answered, unable to hide my proud smile.

Finn grinned back and nodded.

"I'm planning something big Sage," he mumbled under his breath. "Something _huge_ actually. I'm still working out the details, but when that's done…" he trailed off, nodding in approval as Ally managed to stick a jab to Jude's abdomen. "I don't know, maybe your friend Ally would be interested in joining us."

I looked at Ally; she seemed like a natural as she quickly darted from here to there. Even when Jude smacked her fists away, leaving her skin slightly red, she didn't seem bothered. Yes, she truly belonged here.

"Exactly how big is this stunt of yours Finn?" I asked as I capped my water bottle and stuck it in my gym bag. "Are we talking base-jumping big, or bungee-ing off of the bridge big?"

"A little of both," Finn answered.

Though I didn't like the thought of putting Ally in danger, I knew that she would hate the idea of me taking away her opportunity to experience what the dauntless life had to offer. So, with only mild hesitation, I eventually nodded.

"I think she'd like that."


	30. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

We were like a pack, the dauntless-born and I; each an individual, but together making up a greater whole.

The steady thump-thump of our heavy footfalls on the ground was the only sound that reverberated throughout the tunnels as we ran. Occasionally, I would catch a hint of someone's strenuous breathing, but for the most part we were all stealthy as we made our way towards the transfer-initiate's room.

Though it was pitch black, we all ran as if we were outside and in broad daylight; confident in our every step. This was our home, and we knew it like the back of our hands. Tonight -though it was hidden in the guise of a game- would hold another important challenge the initiates would have to overcome.

Though some might think that capture the flag was done solely for recreational purposes, it actually served a greater cause. With the outcome clear, it would help to separate the leaders from the followers, the clever from the foolhardy, and the determined fighters from the weak-willed quitters.

At the stroke of midnight, as Banks had ordered, I'd gone to the dauntless-initiates room and raised them from their sleep with the very _subtle_ clanging of a metal flashlight on the frame of their beds. To their credit, they'd only been alarmed for about five seconds before they'd all ran to get in an ordered line. Then, once I'd told them what we were about to do, they'd taken even less time to get ready and follow me out the door.

Now, as we neared the transfer's dorm, I slowed down slightly to let Banks take the lead. He had his own flashlight, and with it he did the same. Bursting through the door, he struck the nearest bed over and over as he simultaneously barked out orders.

"Get up! Everyone, on your feet!" Banks demanded while the flustered initiates scrambled to get in line.

From behind Banks' shoulder, I could just make out that Ally was bravely standing a little in front of Mel, who apparently liked to sleep without pants. Dressed only in a baggy shirt that just barely went down past her hips, I could tell she was mortified as her face blushed a deep crimson. Ally's stance didn't waiver though, she simply crossed her arms and visibly tried to block Mel from view.

Somewhere behind me, I distinctly heard Zane give a wolf-whistle when Jade also appeared to be pants-less. Unlike Mel though, Jade simply jutted her hip out and put her hands on her waist, looking bored the entire time.

"Nice show blondie," Zane called out, and to that Jade simply flipped him the bird.

"Well enjoy it, because looking is all you'll ever get to do," Jade said in a sarcastically-sweet tone. "Now fuck off perv, before I decide to teach you some manners."

Zane looked ready to come back with a cynical remark of his own, but I silenced him with a glare. Dropping his eyes to his feet, I heard Wayne and Felix share a muffled chuckle at the sight. It took only seconds, but when the group of transfers had finally lined up, Banks silenced everyone simply by raising his hand.

"Listen up, because I'm only saying this once. You have five minutes to get ready and meet us by the train tracks. We're going to be playing an _interesting_ game," he said, putting an emphasis on the word interesting so that it sounded menacing.

With those final words, we all turned and then began running up to the meeting point. While we moved through the dark, I couldn't help but find myself worrying again. Was Ally behind us right now? Had she gotten ready in time? Was she fast enough to keep up with the group?

Pushing my worries aside, I burst through the doors behind Banks and then skid to a stop right by the train tracks. It was as our group came together that I managed to spot Ally in the crowd. Even in the dark, with all their features distorted by ominous shadows, I could tell her apart from the rest.

She was quite the sight, heart-stopping really, as she stood beneath the blanket of night. The moon bathed her skin in its iridescent glow, and that only served to heighten her ethereal appearance. She appeared evangelic as the stars twinkled behind her.

 _No, stop that. Concentrate. This is not the time to get lost in silly thoughts_ ; I mentally chastised myself. I had a job to do, and ogling Ally was not professional.

With that in mind, my entire disposition shifted. Like an unwanted memory, I shoved the odd emotions involving Ally into a deep recess of my head. No longer afflicted, I now exuded complete confidence and authority as I squared my shoulders and lifted my chin.

"Everyone grab a gun!" I shouted as I jerked my head towards the black pile of objects that were stacked beside the tracks.

Wayne and Felix immediately burst through the crowd, not needing to be told twice, and began to shove as many cartons of ammunition into their pockets as they could.

"What are we doing?" I heard Ally ask quietly as she jogged over to the pile.

"Paintballing!" Wayne crowed happily as he tossed her a gun.

As everyone grabbed their supplies, I proceeded to sling my own gun across my back. It all felt very surreal. It seemed like only just yesterday I'd been doing the same thing with Dan and Grace at my side. I'd been so eager then, pumped with the competitive energy that filled the air. Now though, all I wanted was to go back to my room. Not to sleep, but to finish hashing out the rest of my plan to defeat Banks.

In the distance, I could hear the barely audible sound of metal on metal. The train was drawing nearer. Through the dark, it was just barely visible. However, though it seemed far away, I knew that in only a few more minutes it would be passing right in front of us.

"Train's almost here," I told Banks, nodding my head in its direction.

"Get your things together!" Banks shouted through cupped hands. "And then keep up, because we're not going to wait for anyone!"

A murmur of ascent echoed through the crowd, and as the headlights finally began to come into view, Banks and I started to run. The group of initiates followed closely behind, and by the time the train was right beside us, we were all running at the same brisk pace. Then, just as the train began to notably pick up speed, I edged closer and easily hopped in, followed closely by Banks.

Behind us, Wayne, Felix, and Iris immediately followed suit. Seconds later, they were backed up by Ally, Mel, and the other initiates. I stayed by the doorframe to lend a hand to any stragglers, but I was happy to see most everyone seemed to have done fine by themselves.

"As some of you already figured out, we will be playing capture the flag," Banks said over the subtle babble of voices. "We will be splitting all of you up into two teams, each with an even amount of both dauntless-born and transfers."

"One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off to hide theirs," I continued where he left off. "This is a tradition that's held with the utmost seriousness in our compound, so I suggest you do your best to win."

Wayne and Felix gave each other a high-five, and together they and the other initiates erupted into a series of whoops. Some even began to pump their fists with enthusiasm. Had I ever been that carefree?

"Sage and I will be your team captains," Banks added as he nodded to himself and then to me. "Pay attention as we call your names."

"How does that one - _ermm_ \- the one named Sage, even know our names?" One of the transfer initiates called out.

Around me, I could see my own dauntless-initiates share amused looks. Someone muttered under their breath about how the boy was _going to get it_ and another person whispered something about placing a bet. I narrowed my eyes, stepped forward, and then gave him a malicious grin; one that I usually reserved for fights down at the Cage.

"How do I know them?" I asked wryly. "Because I'm a fucking mind-reader _Edmund_."

"O-Okay," the boy visibly shuddered, and momentarily I felt a little stab of guilt. Only momentarily though. I _would_ be respected, whether they wanted to or not.

"Transfers first?" I asked Banks.

"I suppose," he answered with a vague nod. He scanned the crowd, and then seemed to sigh with mild displeasure. "Thomas."

"Ally," I said after a pause; I hadn't wanted Banks to see how keen I was to have her on my team.

"Dylan."

"Vera."

"Edmund."

"Jade."

"Mel," Banks said, looking honestly tortured to have her on his team. "Now the dauntless-born. Zane, you're with me."

"Wayne," I said, and he gave a little whoot.

"David."

"Iris."

"Tyler."

"Felix," I said, and then just as I was about to wave Shiloh onto my team so we'd both have seven initiates, Banks held out a hand.

"Stronghold, I'll make you a deal. You love to pull out the charity card whenever you can, so why don't you do both me and this _girl_ –" he jerked his head in disgust at Mel "–a favor. Switch me Shiloh for Mel. That way we both win. You get to help a little weak-willed transfer, and I don't have to waste any of my precious time trying to have her fit into my team."

I glanced at Shiloh, then at Mel, and after a sigh I nodded. Banks, though I hated to admit it, was right. I would only feel at ease if Mel was on my team. Though I liked Shiloh just as much, the differences between both girls were what helped me make my decision. Shiloh, though quiet, was tough and could hold her own easily. Mel, especially now with her hearing-impairment, was a casualty waiting to happen. Besides, even if I had disagreed, I doubt Banks would've accepted my refusal.

"Okay," I said as I gestured to Mel.

"Shiloh," Banks said, looking slightly less sickened to have her on his team.

From what I could tell, Banks' strategy had simply been to have strong males on his team; he'd only been forced into taking Shiloh because she was what remained, and he hadn't been able to stand the thought of Mel on his team. However, while it might seem that my group was at a disadvantage since I had mostly females, I'd chosen it on purpose.

During our own game, Amar had chosen our team because we'd been friends and worked together marvelously. It was with this in mind that I'd also picked out some of my own initiates; Wayne, Felix and Iris were practically inseparable, and I figured Ally and the other transferred-girls got along well enough.

However, while our team had been mostly all about brawn and strength, I knew that what I'd get with my current team was mostly speed. The girls, all of them, were built smaller and lithe; it would make them optimum runners. However, I also wasn't completely lacking in the power department; both Wayne and Felix were definitely built for combat.

With all of us finally divided, the initiates began to shuffle around until the distinction between the two groups was obvious. Without having to ask, Banks ordered his initiates to follow him out of the train first. I'd figured he'd do that; the team that leapt out first had the advantage of having a few extra minutes to coordinate their efforts.

Once they were gone, I went to stand by the doorway. Then, when the time was right, I pointed to a patch of grass a few yards away.

"We'll be meeting there," I said over the rushing wind. "Now jump!"

I didn't need to order them twice, because almost as soon as I'd landed on my feet, I heard the reassuring thump of the rest of the initiates landing. Clustering into a tight circle, the entire team leaned forward to hear what I'd say.

"In fifteen minutes Banks' team will pick their location. For now, I'd recommend you used the time you have to make up a plan of attack. Though we're not as enamored with the idea of knowledge above all else like the erudite, we dauntless do place a high value of importance on intellectual awareness."

The entire group nodded, but as they continued to look up at me with awaiting expressions, I simply held out the flag and leaned against one of the nearby poles that served as a marker among the train tracks. Capture the flag wasn't just about a specific team captain winning, but about seeing who'd step up and take the reins. I wasn't going to be calling the shots at all.

The initiates momentarily fell into an uncomfortable silence as they all worked out that I wouldn't be helping them with a strategy, but eventually I saw Iris stand up straighter and march over to take the flag. Just as she had her fingers around the fabric, I saw Jade stride over with a look of determination on her face.

"Hey, why exactly do you get to be team captain?" Jade demanded as she gripped one side of the flag. "Is it because you're a dauntless-born? Because if that's your reason, let me tell you that you've got it all wrong."

Iris didn't release her hold on the flag, and I internally sighed as I watched them try to stare each other down. I knew Iris, and she wasn't going to back away, and though I'd only just gotten to know Jade these past few days, I knew there was even less of a shot of her stepping down.

"Oh, and I suppose you think you have a more rights than me?" Iris frowned as she gave the fabric a tug. "Listen transfer, I'm not letting go of this flag. You're going to have to pry it from my cold dead hands."

"Is that a challenge?" Jade growled.

This time, I let out an audible groan. Didn't they realize they were wasting time? As I continued to watch, the group began to divide.

"Let's just figure out what we want to do together," Felix offered.

"Yeah, we should just hide the flag and try to run and find the other team's before they get ours," Vera nodded.

"But that would be stupid, leaving our flag unguarded like that," Wayne protested. "Some of us should stay to guard it."

"Not it!" Felix called out.

"What, so you all think we should just charge the other group like a bunch of morons?" Iris said over the noise; she still hadn't released the flag. "Come on, Banks has all the strongest initiates on his team, we'd be slaughtered."

"Ahem, excuse me? What are Felix and I, chopped liver?" Wayne frowned.

As the initiates continued to argue amongst themselves, I settled myself in deeper to wait out the dispute. Scanning the faces, I was surprised when I realized someone was missing. Where was Ally? After casually turning my head back and forth, even shifting a little so I could get a wider view, I almost felt alarmed when it became definite that she was gone.

Then, just as I was about to voice my worry over her absence, I spotted her. Brow furrowed, I could see that she was eyeing the amusement park where, just last year, Red's team had hidden their flag.

"What are you looking at Ally?" I heard Mel ask as she broke away from the group.

"That are over there," Ally answered as she pointed to where the Ferris wheel jutted out. "It seems like a good place to hide the flag. Maybe there are smaller concession stands where we could plant it."

"That's not a bad idea," Iris answered.

I turned to look at her, and couldn't help but grin when I saw she had the flag gripped tightly in her hand; apparently, Jade had relinquished the title of leader. With a fierce determination on her face, Iris looked first at the amusement park, then back at her fellow teammates.

"Okay, here's the plan. I say we split the team in two, with one half hiding the flag and guarding it, and the other half in charge of finding the location of the other team," Iris announced.

Other than Jade, the rest of the group nodded in agreement. With Mel and Vera being the best shooters from the transfer's class, they were elected to stay behind and guard the flag. Felix and Wayne ended up volunteering to stay behind with them, saying they'd provide the added muscle if the other team happened to find them.

Originally I'd wanted to stay and help guard the flag, thinking it'd be best to let Iris take full lead of the other group. However, after remembering their heated exchange over who would be leading, I decided to stay in case things got tricky between the two.

"So, where should we look first?" Ally asked Iris when the other team had left.

"I wanted to check over there, by the bridge," Iris answered as she pointed a finger to the south. "Before you get to the actual crossing point, there's a bunch of old and abandoned buildings. Maybe the other group decided to hide their flag among the ruble thinking we wouldn't look there."

"Or maybe you're sending us into a dangerous place where we could all be killed by collapsing chunks of cement," I heard Jade grumble irritably.

Ignoring her snarky comment, we all began to jog towards our destination. Through the darkness, we kept a tight formation, never straying far from each other. With Iris in the lead, and Ally and Jade flanking her, I kept up a slightly slower pace; making sure to be alert for any out-of-place clues that the other team might've already been here.

It was thanks to this that I managed to spot the other team's footprints. Immediately coming to a stop, I crouched down and noted that though they'd tried to brush them away, it was evident that they'd been in our vicinity.

"What's wrong?" I heard Ally ask behind me; she must've noticed I'd stopped and followed along.

Behind her, the others were also rushing back to join us. I waited until they were close enough, and then I turned and nodded my head down to the prints.

"The other team?" Iris asked.

I nodded, and at that she motioned for all of us to follow them. Everything was going well, until we came to an intersection of the city that was piled high with old autos and ruble that had never been cleared away.

Though she normally kept her emotions in check, I could see that Iris looked somewhat defeated. Even Jade, who'd previously appeared cocky and overconfident, was obviously troubled. No, this couldn't be. They were acting as if the other team had already won.

"Hey, don't look so defeated," I said, raising my voice only slightly in case the other group was around. "Winning is a state of mind, and so is losing," I stated confidently as I looked each of them in the eyes. "If you lose hope and act like we've already lost, then that's what'll happen."

"Well, how else are we supposed to act?" Jade frowned. "There's a ton of places to look, and not enough time to search through all of them. The other team will have found our flag way before we even finished looking through one of these buildings."

"Then we don't look through them all. Come on guys, think. Look around you and try to put yourself in the other team's place. If you'd decided to hide your flag here, where would you put it," I insisted.

It was quiet as the girls looked from place to place, but eventually Ally answered.

"That one," she said, pointing with the barrel of her gun. "It seems to be the most structurally sound one here. Even though everyone on the other team is tough and everything, I doubt they'd risk their lives trying to go into the others."

I nodded, having also come up with the same conclusion. To our right, sandwiched in between two other half-standing buildings, was a sort of tower that had to be at least ten stories high. Though it appeared decrepit and on the verge of collapsing on the outside, I could see that the metal beams that made up its outer structure were completely whole.

"Sounds like a safe bet," Iris agreed. "Let's go."

After quickly, but stealthily, climbing over the obstacles in our way, we entered the main lobby of the building with our guns up and prepped. The place, though mostly abandoned, was filled with various desks that had pieces of outdated technology strewn about them; relics from a time before the Great War. I shuddered at the thought of our past, before the factions, but quickly forced myself to ignore it.

Though no one from the other team was in sight, something inside of me -a sixth sense perhaps- told me to be on guard. Suddenly, the feeling of bored triviality left me. I felt wound up; like I was an animal being hunted. Had they seen us come in? Were they waiting to ambush us? Was this a trap? Why did it feel as if someone was watching our every move?

I was just about to tell the girls to get behind me when I heard it; the barely audible sound of shallow breathing. I stiffened, my finger on the trigger, and out of the corner of my eye I finally spotted the hidden shadow amongst the rubble; a shadow that was shaped like a person ready to shoot.


	31. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

There was no thought, just action. Before I'd really taken the time to consciously make a plan of attack, my body had already decided to move on its own. I dove, managed to slide under one of the pillars that blocked my path, and then rolled forward onto my knee with my gun raised. In quick succession, I pulled the trigger twice; the first shot aimed at the person's hand, and the second at their knee.

It all happened fast, but even so my mind seemed to take things in stride. I knew what I had to do. As the person stumbled forward, about to fall, I leapt at them with my hands outstretched. Immediately, I wrapped one arm around the person's throat, and then with my free hand I quickly clamped it over their mouth. No noise; the rest of their team couldn't know we were here.

" _Ehh-ghh_ ," the person attempted to cry out as they clawed and tried to squirm out of my hold. "- _uck_ , _ett mehhh-ghh_."

"Sage, what's going on?" Iris asked, clearly startled as she rushed over. "What happened?"

"Check the perimeter," I growled as I tightened my grip. "It could be an ambush."

Iris immediately narrowed her eyes and glanced around the room as she held out her gun. Slowly she began to make her way towards me. Behind her, Ally and Jade also prepared themselves and began to sweep the area that surrounded us. It took only a few moments, but eventually they called out that the room was safe.

"Stop moving," I told the person that continued to strain against me. "I'll let you go if you promise to stay quiet."

Whoever it was only continued to flail around more, I didn't budge though. Iris began to search through her pockets, but before she could find her flashlight, Jade had walked over and pressed the barrel of her gun to the person's forehead.

"This won't kill you, but it'll hurt like hell if I decide to shoot," she said with a wry smirk. "You'll get a giant welt, and essentially you'll look like a human unicorn for a couple of days. Now, is that what you want?"

The person froze, and then after a beat quickly shook their head to say no. Jade smiled, not a trace of sweetness in the gesture, and then dropped her gun when Iris walked over with a flashlight. I released my hold, but as soon as the person had stumbled forward I'd already trained my gun back on their head.

"David," Iris scowled. "What an unpleasant surprise."

"I could say the same," David spat, and when I saw his fingers twitch towards his gun, I jabbed him once with my own rifle.

"Don't do that," I warned. "Jade's not the only one here that gets trigger happy."

He swallowed loudly and then nodded. I didn't trust him, but just as I was about to speak, Ally stepped forward. Holding her hand out, she waggled her fingers until he gave up his gun, then she slung it across her back.

"How many more are there in the building?" Iris demanded.

"Not telling," he sneered. "You're going to have to find that out on your own."

"I'll get him to talk," Jade said as she lifted her gun, set her sights, and then pointed it at his crotch.

"No Jade, don't," Ally said aghast.

"Don't you want to win?" Jade replied as she placed her finger on the trigger.

"Not this way," Ally answered as she moved to block David from view. "Not with unnecessary violence."

"This is dauntless Ally, how else do you think we're supposed to do things?" Jade demanded, suddenly poising to shoot at Ally's chest.

"Stop this," I snapped as I strode forward and roughly shoved the barrel of Jade's gun to the floor. "Jade, you do _not_ point a gun at someone on your own team." I turned to Ally. "And _you_ , you do not risk your life -even in a game- for any reason whatsoever. Understand?"

I knew I'd reacted too protectively, but I couldn't help it; the thought of Ally having a weapon, albeit a fake one, pointed at her was like a trigger that made me act without pausing to consider the consequences. After looking up at me, seeming slightly surprised at my outburst, Ally nodded.

"She wasn't getting out of my way," Jade replied casually. "I want to win, and I'll get answers any way I can."

"Not gonna' lie, I'm with Jade on this one," Iris said. "How else will we get him to talk?"

"Reason, we can reason with him," Ally insisted. She turned and looked directly at David. "Please work with me here. You don't have to tell us who exactly is in the building, just how many."

David seemed to consider this, and as his eyes roamed from each of our faces, coming to rest lastly on Ally, he sighed and nodded.

"We split the group in two, four and four on each team. One half was supposed to go find your flag, while the other came here to hide and guard our own. Aside from me, there's one other person in here keeping guard, he's on the roof."

"That sounds like a load of bull," Jade frowned as she placed her hand on her hip. "You said there were four of you, so where are the other two? Is the flag even in this place, or are you just trying to send us on a wild goose chase?"

"I'm telling the truth," David insisted. "And no, the flag is actually in the building next to this one. That's also where the other two people of our group are."

"Can't believe I'm saying this a _second_ time tonight, but I agree with Jade," Iris muttered somewhat resentfully. "That other place is in ruins, rubble is stacked up over every entrance, there's no way in. Also, if they had decided to hide it there, why would they waste manpower by leaving you and someone else here?"

Even as Iris barely finished speaking, I'd already figured it out. On the way in I'd noted how the building to the right of this one leaned in so that the two roofs just barely scraped together and created a sort of bridge. There were gaps of course, but nothing that a well-aimed jump wouldn't clear. Knowing Banks the way I did, he'd probably calculated the risk of falling versus the chance of winning and decided that he liked the odds.

It all clicked; they hadn't thought we'd make it this far, but just in case, they'd left two guards. David was supposed to prevent us from going up further, but if we somehow had managed to elude him, they'd also set up someone on the roof to prevent us from jumping across to their actual base of action. Admittedly, it was all very ingeniously planned out, and that could only mean that Banks was the one behind the idea. He didn't care about letting the initiates learn about teamwork and strategizing, he just wanted to win.

"David isn't lying. Trust me, I'd know if he was," I immediately broke in. "What we have to do is get up to the roof, jump across, and then find the flag."

"Right," Iris nodded, again seeming ready to take charge. "We have to be stealthy too, we can't let them know we're here." She glanced at David and frowned. "You're going to have to come with us so we can keep an eye on you though, don't want you sounding the alarm."

"Okay, then let's go. We can't waste any more time," I said.

Without further discussion, we proceeded to sprint up the winding staircase. One flight, two, and then countless more. It wasn't until we'd reached the final floor that we paused to continue in a quieter manner. Once we reached the final door, I gave my teammates a reassuring nod. I then raising my gun higher, quietly whispered that we'd go on the count of three, and positioned myself at the head of the group. If someone _had_ to get shot, it'd be me, that way the girls might have the chance to continue on and lead our team to a win.

"One, two, three," I muttered, and then immediately proceeded to throw my boot out to kick the door wide open.

A single shot rang out from the other person, but we quickly followed with four of our own. Once we'd rushed over, I could see the splats from where we'd hit our goals; I'd aimed at his hand, Jade at his chest, and Iris and Ally had gotten his knees. Quietly cursing under his breath, Edmund rose up and grimly rubbed at his sore spots. Though the shots were only filled with paint, they still stung.

"I don't trust David and Edmund to come with us," Iris said when we'd neared the edge of the roof. "They might try to warn their other team mates that we're close by."

"I thought about that too," I answered as I picked up a pebble and flung it across, trying to gauge the distance. Yes, I could easily make that jump. "Someone's going to have to stay behind to guard them."

"I'll do it," Jade spoke up, for once looking like she didn't have even the slightest argument in mind. "If either of them moves even an inch, I'll pop em' in the goods," she said, patting her gun to further make her point.

I nodded, and then turned back to where we'd have to cross. The other building, though it was slanted and rested against the lip of the one we were on, was still spaced rather far from where we were positioned. Several beams that had ruptured through the cement walls occupied the space between us, and they created a crisscrossing bridge of sorts. From what I could see, they were rickety and didn't look like they'd hold very much weight.

Gingerly, I risked tapping on one of the beams with the toe of my boot. The metal rod began to sway, and when I applied more pressure it creaked and groaned in protest. Nope, that wasn't going to hold. Jumping across would be the only way.

"Be right back," I said as I reared up and took a running start.

Then, before anyone could protest, I was flying across the gap. I was airborne for only a couple of seconds, but even so the surge of adrenaline that flooded my body had my heart thundering as if I'd just ran a marathon. I landed on my feet, and when I turned I saw that while Iris and Jade looked awestruck, Ally had a subtle frown on her features.

Iris didn't need any persuading, as she also ran and took a flying leap, I saw a look of pure delight flash across her eyes. She landed just as gracefully as me, and when I nodded in approval, she gave a pretend bow. Ally was next then, but even from where I stood, I could see she seemed wary.

"You can do it Ally, don't overthink things," I coaxed her when she attempted to make the jump but hesitated at the last minute. "Just imagine it's like when you first got to dauntless, take a leap of faith."

"It's not the same, there was a net at the bottom of the hole that time," Ally reminded me as she again judged the distance below her feet. "There'll be nothing to catch me if I fall this time."

"You didn't know about that net though, not in the beginning. You jumped because you were brave. You just acted on a gut instinct," I said as I perched on the lip of the building and held my arms out. "And just like then, I'll always be here to catch you. Trust me."

Ally cocked her head for an instant as she tried to read my features; studying me perhaps to see if I was being truthful. I merely held my hands out farther, and then gave her my most reassuring smile. Oddly enough, that little gesture seemed to be sufficient, because after a beat she reared up and flew through the air; not a trace of fear left in her demeanor.

Landing with only the slightest stumble in her step, I caught her in my arms before she could fall, then I instantly dropped my hands and motioned at her to follow Iris who was already at the doorway that led to the rest of the building.

"Okay, there are a bunch of floors here and not enough time for all of us to check as a team. I say we split up to cover more ground," Iris said. "I'll take this floor, Sage, you can take the next, and Ally the one after. Is that cool with everyone?"

Ally and I nodded, and then turned to head towards a sign that said Exit. The floors were all on a steep incline, so it was odd to have to run up the sloping hallways. Once or twice we actually had to grab onto old pieces of furniture to lug ourselves up. When we finally reached the door that led out of our current floor, I barely had time to throw an arm out and shove Ally behind me.

Below us, the winding staircase was a complete and utter mess. Some of the cement steps were missing completely, having crumbled and left gaping holes that led to certain death. In other parts, while there were still stairs, it was obvious that because of the way the building was tilted, if we managed to somehow get onto them we'd fall shortly after.

" _Crap_ ," Ally muttered under her breath. "How did the other team manage to get down?"

I didn't answer, instead I quickly began to scrutinize our surroundings. The stairs were not possible, and not even ambitious Banks would've risked the danger they posed. It was then, as I was thinking hard, that I noted that the elevator that was only a couple of steps away from us was actually open ajar.

"That way, it's the only possible answer," I said as I strode over and began to pry the doors open.

They gave way easily, and as I shone my light into the empty elevator chute, I saw the tell-tale signs that the other team had indeed chosen this route; while most of the thin cables that still hung down the shaft were coated with a thick layer of dust, the thicker and more climb-able ones had a series of handprints along their edges.

I frowned, not because I thought I wasn't strong enough to climb down, but because of how tightly confined the area seemed to be. Even though it was dark, I could still sense that the spacing was similar to that of the coffin that constantly appeared in my fear landscape. Already my hands were beginning to feel clammy.

"So we climb down then," Ally said, not really asking as she began to reach for one of the cables. "Doesn't seem too bad. It's a good thing I used to pick and carry heavy baskets of apples every day back in amity." She flexed her arms and gave me a goofy grin. "Guns of steel - _well_ \- maybe not steel, but you know what I mean."

I nodded, unable to find my own sense of humor as I stared at the darkness in front of me. _Buried alive, buried alive, buried alive_ ; my brain kept chanting in horror. _No air, you're going to die in a tiny box._

"We better get going, can't waste time," I said stiffly as I forced my fear back into its cage. After hastily wiping my hands on my pants, I slung my gun onto my back and reached for the cable. "I'll go first."

After sliding down a couple of feet, I quickly realized that both Ally and my own weight served to anchor us down to one side of the elevator shaft. In a way we weren't really climbing, but rappelling down its side like mountain climbers. One step, two, three, four… why did it feel like the distance was lengthening rather than growing shorter?

 _Keep it together, just a little more, keep it together_ ; I mentally reprimanded myself when I felt the cold fingers of terror begin to settle over my psyche. I had to do this; I wouldn't let my fear control me. Swallowing loudly, I tried to move faster in an attempt to get things over with sooner. The important thing was to keep moving, if I stopped now, I knew I'd be frozen with terror.

"Sage? Hey, what's going on? The line is moving a lot, I'm having trouble holding on," I heard Ally say somewhere above me.

"Sorry. _My_ -it's _my_ fault," I somehow managed to choke out as I slid down a couple more feet.

"Woah, your voice sounds far away. You're really fast, I'm behind by a lot," she noted, and I could hear as she struggled to follow. "Would you mind waiting? I can't see well, and it's freaking me out that I can't even see you."

"Waiting?" I repeated shakily. " _S-sure_ , no problem."

Big problem, _huge_ , already the fact that I'd slowed down was causing my muscles to seize up. The walls, they were closing in, I could practically feel them. The smooth metal, it had replaced the splintering wood of my original coffin. The air, it was so musty and had the lingering scent of smoke. I couldn't breathe, why couldn't I breathe? My chest felt constricted, as if invisible chains were tightening around me.

"Sage?"

A voice, who was that? Who else was in my coffin with me? Had they put me here? There wasn't any light, had I already died? This had to be _hell_. Space, I just needed some fucking space. The room, it was getting smaller and smaller, squeezing in on me. It was like I'd been swallowed up, lost in an undiscovered corner of oblivion. There was no way out, no way to be free. All around, this was real, not a simulation, this was _real_ …

"Sage, say something, you're scaring me," I heard someone say -no, not someone- Ally, it was her. "Please, it's so dark, say _anything_."

"Anything," I said forcefully as I tried to get a grip. Control, I had to be in control.

"Huh?" I heard her voice echo with confusion, after a moment though, I heard her relieved laugh fill the space. "Smart-ass."

"That's my middle name," I replied hesitantly as I tried to get myself to move again.

Mentally, I tried to search for the switches that would get my hands to open and close but found nothing. I was just a deadweight, stiffly hanging onto the cable as I tried but failed to imagine that I was instead in a broad and vastly open field.

After various sounds of scrambling, I could hear that Ally had caught up and was now only a few feet above me. If I reached a hand over my head, I might've even been able to graze her foot. No, but I couldn't. My mouth was dry, heart pounding, and even as infinitesimal seconds passed, I could've sworn I'd been trapped in the metal chute for ages.

"Sage," Ally said quietly. "Are– are you afraid of the dark?"

"The _dark_?" The thought was so absurd; I actually let out shaky chuckle. "God no, I was never a nightlight kind of kid."

"Then…" she hesitated, and oddly enough, my curiosity momentarily overpowered my fear as I managed to glance up. I couldn't see anything, but I could _feel_ her presence. "Then, by any chance were you a I-need-to-nap-with-my-door-open kind of kid?" When I didn't answer, she quickly explained. "I used to take care of some of my neighbors children back in amity, and there was one little boy who was really claustrophobic. He couldn't stand to have any room closed off for very long if he was inside."

"I thought you picked apples," I said, noting again that I didn't feel quite as stiff as I had moments ago.

"I did, but in amity you always helped around whenever you could," she said. I heard her release a quick breath and I couldn't help but feel guilty; I would be perfectly fine with hanging onto a cable for hours if need be, but Ally probably wasn't used to it. "I did a lot back in amity. I was training to be a nurse, I was out in the orchards all the time, and I liked to help out around the community."

"That's nice, and really kind of you to do so much," I said, somehow managing to open and flex one hand and then the other. "Poor kid though, I bet he misses you. Did he ever get over that fear?"

"Thanks. Yeah, I miss him too sometimes," she answered, then she paused as if to think through her answer. "Yes, he got over it," she said eventually.

I frowned, hearing the lie in her tone. "Did he then?"

"Umm, yeah?"

"You're lying," I accused, though I wasn't mad, simply amused. "I can hear it in your voice."

"No, I'm not," I heard her say, but another noise had caught my attention.

"Ally, you're slipping aren't you," I stated rather than asked.

"No," she lied again, but just as the words came out, I heard the scrape of her shoes against the metal wall, followed closely by the sound of her fumbling hands.

"Yes you are, Ally, don't hide it from me," I said as I began to shift, positioning myself so that I'd be able to climb towards her.

"I'm not hiding any–" she tried to say before she broke off. A muffled cry echoed throughout the elevator shaft, and though I couldn't see, I knew exactly what was happening.

Fear abolished, I gripped the cable with one hand and then shot out the other to catch Ally. The whooshing sound of air was the first clue I got that she was near, and in that split second I managed to swing over so that I'd wrapped my arm around her waist. Though she wasn't heavy, she'd still fallen with enough momentum to have me sliding down the metal cables with every passing second.

Without having to tell her, she wrapped her arms around my neck and tightened her legs over my waist. Both hands free, I further squeezed my grip on the cable and tried to find purchase on the slick wall of the elevator chute with my feet. Eventually, I managed to stop our fall, but not before my hands had been skinned raw.

I could feel the warm stickiness of blood seeping from my palms down to my arms, but I didn't make a sound. Grateful for the darkness, I winced and grit my teeth when I finally found it in me to climb down again.

"Are you okay?" Ally asked, her voice sounding hitched and breathless.

I didn't want to lie, so instead I redirected the question. With a light chuckle, I gave her an easy shrug.

"Sorry, it's my fault you lost your grip," I said. "I shouldn't have frozen up like that."

"Sage, it's fine," she answered. Then in a softer tone she added, "Thank you for saving me."

"I said I'd always catch you," I answered.

"Wait, stop, I'm too heavy. Let me get off of you," Ally protested when she saw that I was on the move again.

I could feel her warm breath on my neck, and comically enough, I realized that even though we'd just been in danger, having her so incredibly close to me had the soothing effect of I'd never been able to find at the bottom of a bottle or at the end of a fight. She was like a soothing balm on a festering wound. Ignoring the stabbing pain of my hands, I shook my head.

"It's fine, you don't weigh much at all," I said. Then after I'd brought us down another couple of feet, I added. "Besides, I can already see the exit."

I felt her shift as she craned her head down, and I didn't waste time as I continued rappelling towards the open doors. Though it was dark, there was just enough light coming out of the opening that I knew the flag had to be there. When we were suspended just a foot away from the door, I paused and turned my head to whisper into Ally's ear.

"I hear footsteps, two of them. When we get down there, it's going to be a complete shoot-out. Remember your training. Don't panic, just find cover and then aim for your target."

"Got it," she whispered back, and I felt as her hold around me began to loosen. "I'll be fine."

"Yeah," I answered, and as I propped myself to drop down, I took a final moment to add, "I know you will."

Then, without missing a beat, I swung down and through the doors; right into the first wave of shots.


	32. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

The initial round of shots hadn't even finished before Ally and I each dove for cover behind some of the overturned furniture. We were under siege. All around us, the sound of splattering paintballs rang out. It was a miracle neither of us had been shot yet.

Across from me, Ally was hunkered down beside one of the large desks that had fallen on its side. Currently, it shielded her from the slew of ammunition well, but if we didn't act quickly whoever was shooting would have time to creep up on us before we could form a plan. As our eyes met, I gave Ally a quick nod and then curled my finger over the trigger on my rifle. We had to take a chance.

"Look for the flag!" I shouted at Ally as I simultaneously rose and began to return the volley of shots; providing a cover for her as she poked her head out and began to scan the area.

Adrenaline pumped through my system, but even so I was notable aware that I felt calm. As I shot back, I immediately knew who our attackers were. The first, tall, with a lanky build, was obviously Zane. The second, broad shouldered and with eerie blue eyes that glittered with malice, could only be Banks.

"I see it!" She shouted back when we'd both crouched back down into our defensive positions. "It's in the far right corner of the room. It's tied to one of the legs of a desk!"

Rising again, I swiftly shot another round of paintballs. Zane immediately ducked, but Banks didn't even flinch as he gracefully evaded my attack; somehow managing to remain unscathed, even when Ally joined in. As I continued to shoot, I couldn't help but feel a shiver run down my spine; Banks not only acted like a predator, but he also moved as one.

Dropping back down to reload my rifle, I couldn't help but immediately note that there was a sudden rush of sounds coming from outside the building. Not just sounds, but voices. Craning my head, I could just make out the chorus of yells, accompanied by even more splats of bursting paintballs. Though I couldn't see, I knew what was going on; there was an all-out war happening outside.

The game was getting too close for comfort. Both Ally and I were essentially on our own, and if by some chance all of our team had ended up getting shot, we'd soon be inundated and helpless to act when the other group swarmed into the room. Also, we were both down to our last paintball cartridges.

Before me, Ally had just crouched back down and was again reloading her gun to continue her attack. She'd just narrowly missed getting shot, the paintball had splattered about an inch from her shoulder, yet she still appeared self-assured. I was about to say something, when abruptly my eyes caught the hint of what appeared to be a broken slab of plywood.

I could practically hear the audible click of two puzzle pieces coming together as I mentally shouted out an exalted; _eureka_! Though mere seconds had passed, in my mind I'd already formed the perfect plan. Lifting my gun, the first thing I did was shoot out the glass of one of the large windows that were pointing towards the ongoing fight outside. Then, leaning onto the balls of my feet, I dove and landed beside Ally.

"What are you doing?" Ally asked in confusion when, rather than shoot the other team back, I began to paw through the debris to free the piece of plywood.

"I have an idea," I said through rapid breaths.

Gritting my teeth, I ignored the pain I felt when sharp pieces of rubble dug into my raw and bloodied hands. There wasn't time to dwell on how bad they stung, I had a mission. It took little time, but once I'd freed the piece of wood, I took my rifle off my back. Then, with quick motions, I ejected the half-full cartridge and handed it to Ally.

"When you run out of ammo, use mine," I said.

"But what about you?"

"I won't need it," I answered as I gripped the sides of the wood and began to mentally prepare myself. "Here's what's going to go down. We're about to run out of paintballs, so before that happens we have to act fast and strike hard. What I'm going to do is take this piece of plywood and use it as a shield. I'll run forward, using the slope the building is leaning at to gather momentum, while you come up behind me and try to take out Banks and Zane. Whether you get them or not though, once I breach their perimeter you'll dive away and snatch their flag before they have a chance to shoot you."

"Okay, yeah, I can do it," Ally nodded as she gripped her rifle tighter to her chest.

"That's a good girl," I said, unable to hide my proud smile. "Now, I don't really trust Banks or Zane to take their defeat in stride, so once you have the flag I want you to run to the window and wave it outside so everyone can see. Shout, make as much noise as you can, but make sure everyone knows it's our team that won."

"Got it," she nodded. Then, just as I was about to stand and charge the two, her arm shot out and caught my wrist. "Wait, if you're unarmed, how will you defend yourself?"

Another round of shots pelted the wall behind us. They were getting closer; we couldn't waste any more time. Gently prying her hand from me, I gave her a significant look; willing her to understand what had to happen for us to win.

"It's… It's just a game, I'm not really going to get shot," I said. Then before she could protest, I rose to my feet, make-shift shield held out before me.

Immediately, I became the target of Banks' and Zane's attack. Splat sounds came from the other side of my shield. My body felt charged with energy, muscles coiled, and before I could let myself stew over the fact that what I was doing was crazy, I charged.

Behind me, I could hear Ally's contrived breathing as she sprinted along. I knew I was getting closer when the shots became more pronounced and loud. Daring a glance, I looked above the shield once to see that both Banks and Zane were concentrating all of their efforts on me; just as I'd hoped.

I was seconds away from colliding with the two, but before that could happen, I shifted my head and gave Ally a crucial nod. She seemed to understand, because just as I felt my shield shudder and connect with both of the boys, she leapt, rolled onto her feet, and then took off towards the flag.

The force I'd managed to gather up was enough to send Zane flying backwards and into a heap of rubble. However Banks, even when taken by surprise, was always skilled and ready to turn things to his favor. He must've known I wasn't going to stop, because at the last second he'd just barely managed to skirt out of the way; a banged up shoulder was the only damage I'd been able to inflict.

He stumbled once, but managed to turn and pivot back to me. I tried to raise the plywood, to somehow defend myself, but he was too quick. With a kick, he sent the board flying. My pulse was thundering in my ears, but though I wanted badly to move and strike back, I simply raised my hands and awaited the shot I knew was coming.

Even as he raised his rifle to my chest, I couldn't help but grin; he was too late. Behind him, Ally had just reached the window, flag in hand. She shoved her arm out, waving the fabric round and round. Then, just as I'd directed, she began to shout; loud and clear, she announced our victory with obvious elation in her voice.

Yet even as a rise of cheers sounded from outside, I couldn't help but notice that Banks didn't seem all that bothered. Breathless because of the physical exertion, yes, but angered or even slightly upset, no. If anything, he merely seemed to be incredibly curious. Even in the dark, I could just make out his features.

Cold gaze fixed on me; he didn't blink or falter as he slung his paintball gun onto his back and then offered me a hand. As if I'd ever stoop that low. Pointedly ignoring the gesture, I rose to my feet and dusted off my pants. He raised a brow, appearing amused, but just as I was about to cross over to Ally, I caught a glimpse of some unknown emotion flicker across his eyes.

All at once, he reached behind him; pulling out a metal pistol from the waistband of his jeans. Not a game, not a toy; even from where I stood I could tell that it was a real weapon, but was it loaded? Was he about to kill again? I felt my blood run cold, and as I watched in horror, Banks turned and pointed it at Ally's back; she hadn't even noticed as she continued to peer outside the window.

The urge to bound over and place myself in between her and the gun was almost completely overpowering, it took everything in me not to react. I couldn't, because over the past year I'd really come to know more about what made Banks so lethal; it wasn't just his physical power, but his mental astuteness. The games he played, they were what could make the difference between life and death. Right now, he was testing me.

Making sure to keep my posture relaxed and my hands unclenched, I lied the only way I could; with my body. Letting my eyelids droop as if I were genuinely tired, I looked first at the gun in his hand, then to Ally, then back to Banks' vigilant and ever-observant eyes. Shrugging with forced indifference, I casually ran a hand through my hair and began to turn towards the door.

Before I'd completely lost sight of him though, I managed to catch the smallest flash of bewilderment on Banks' face, and then seconds later, I saw him return the gun to the waistband of his pants. Letting out a mental sigh, I knew I couldn't dwell on the small victory; this wouldn't be the last time Banks' tested my reactions.

I'd just reached the entrance to the elevator when I saw Iris slide down the cable, followed seconds later by Wayne, Vera, Felix, and Mel. They were grinning from ear to ear, but I couldn't bring myself to share the in their same delight. I nodded towards where Ally was standing, knowing it'd be safe to leave her in their company, and then proceeded to mentally psyche myself up to climb back into the darkness of the elevator shaft.

Hand over hand, I had less trouble climbing up than I'd previously had coming down; I suspected it was because - _mentally_ \- I knew I'd soon be out in the open within seconds, rather than trapped in yet another confined space. Banks had also followed closely behind me when he'd seen that I was about to leave, so it fell to reason that I didn't want him at my back any longer than necessary.

The rest of the initiates eventually caught up, and once everyone had joined up into one large group, the night was filled with the sounds of victory and success. Watching from the very edge of the crowd, I almost smiled when Ally held the flag over her head and the rest of the initiates began to gather around her; pumping their fists and clapping her on the back.

I couldn't completely feel at ease though, because I wasn't the only one watching the scene. Only a few feet away from me, also on the fringes of the night, Banks observed everyone with his special brand of chilling curiosity. Though his face was slack, looking completely bored, I knew that internally he was devouring everything he saw with a ravenous fervor. He was forever studying us, his specimens; looking for weaknesses, for clues about possible divergence, for anything that might give him the upper hand.

Shuddering, I woefully noted that my mood was again souring. Even when we trekked back to the train and boarded in quick succession, I just couldn't find it in me to shake off the feeling of foreboding. The wind coming through the doorway rustled though my hair, and as I let my legs dangle out of the car, I was caught slightly off guard when Ally came and sat next to me.

"Don't look so proud, it might get to our heads," she said jokingly as she playfully ribbed my side.

"Hmm?"

"We won the game, but you don't look very happy," she explained. "You're scowling."

"Am I?" I asked, honestly surprised.

Dan had once told me that after Randi's death, my default expression had always tended to linger on a line between frowning, and grimacing; apparently he hadn't exaggerated. I tried to relax my facial muscles, but couldn't seem to find the right mental switch to make myself unwind.

"M'hmm," Ally nodded.

Then, as if she couldn't help herself, Ally raised her hand and gently rubbed a single finger along the middle of my forehead; as if she were trying to smooth away the frown. The gesture, so sweet and incredibly gentle, came as such a surprise that I was unable to hide my immediate reactions. I grinned stupidly for a few seconds, but then because I was feeling uncharacteristically playful, I decided to scowl in an even more exaggerated manner.

"I'll frown if I want to, and you can't stop me," I chuckled, my tone betraying my real state of emotion. "I'm a rebel that way."

"We'll see about that," Ally retorted, laughing as well when she caught the joking cadence in my voice.

In an attempt to switch her strategy, she raised both of her hands to my face; trying to cover more area I supposed. Even though it was just the pads of her fingers, I found that I was acutely aware of how the simple contact seemed to send little zings of electricity across my skin. The interaction, though completely innocent, had the ability to spread a certain warmth throughout my soul; seeming to momentarily heal my battered state of emotions.

The moment lasted only seconds, because almost immediately I realized how the whole scene might look to the others. No, this wasn't something I could allow; she was an initiate, and I was an instructor, we had our places. Also, though I couldn't actually tell her, there were certain dangers that came with being acquainted with me.

Luckily Banks wasn't around to witness anything; he'd run ahead of the whole group, face filled with disdain, and had jumped onto his own train cart. Still, it had been necessary to put an immediate stop to our interaction; I didn't want anyone else to go on and gossip about what they might've seen. Leaning away from Ally's touch, I coughed awkwardly and scratched my scalp; a habit that always gave away my level of unease.

As if she'd just come to the same conclusion, Ally quickly clasped her hands together on her lap and proceeded to scoot away so that there was a more of a reasonable amount of distance between us. Face flushed, she glanced only once at the initiates who were talking behind her, and then made an evident attempt to look casual.

"You did well tonight," I said after a momentary lapse of silence.

"Thanks," she smiled shyly. "You didn't do too bad yourself."

" _Eh_ , I guess so," I replied as I pretended to brush off invisible dust from my shoulder. "I do what I can."

"It was pretty impressive actually," she admitted.

I shrugged, but as I felt her eyes watch me, I realized she had something else on her mind. Her face, her every expression, it was all very easy for me to read. Deciding that it'd be best to take the patient approach, I chose to wait her out; knowing she'd eventually voice her question. I'd noticed that along with her incredible sense of courage and kindness, Ally was also a very inquisitive person by nature… almost too inquisitive.

At the thought, I suddenly felt a sort of shiver run through my body. Stage one of initiation was almost through, and by this time most of the transfer initiates would've already started to show obvious signs that they'd left their old faction's main principles behind. However Ally, even now, continued to show the same level of kindness that any regular amity citizen would. Not just that, but she also demonstrated an eagerness to learn, to ask questions and find out new information.

Could it be that Banks was right to suspect that she was divergent? Or was I wrong. Was it my paranoia that made me see things that weren't really there?

"Can I ask you something?" Ally asked, pulling me back to the present.

"Of course," I answered, adding a mental tab to my previous thoughts. "Shoot."

"Back there, when we were climbing down the elevator shaft – _uhh_ ," she hesitated, but when I moved my head for her to continued, she seemed to gather another spurt of courage. "You're claustrophobic, right?" I nodded. "Why did you do it then? Why did you go down the chute?"

"For that reason exactly, because I _was_ afraid," I answered. "I absolutely hate confined spaces, but I can't let that fear control me. It's always better to face things head on."

" _But_ ," she paused, fretting her bottom lip. "But you were really scared, like, to the point that you were frozen. If I hadn't fallen and sort of forced you to catch me, what would've happened to you?"

I sighed, a little embarrassed, but then shifted so I could face her.

"Yeah, I was scared, horribly and mortifyingly so, but I can honestly say that I don't regret going in there. I would've gotten over the claustrophobia eventually. Maybe not in the safest way possible, but I'd have escaped the confines of that chute one way or another," I said in an unwavering voice. "You see, my fear has forever worked that way. I freeze, panic, feel like I can't breathe, but then something quintessential always seems to happen. In the midst of all the terror and anxiety, something inside of me clicks. Just like you actually."

"Me?" she repeated.

"Yeah, I've seen how you are, the way you act. When you're scared, you don't just give up and surrender. No, you brush yourself off and keep going." I smiled, unable to hide my awe, and then glanced out the door at the passing scenery. "It's inspiring."

"Sometimes I think you overestimate me," Ally said quietly as she also turned to look at the distant city. She appeared deep in thought, but after a second she added, "What exactly did you mean when you said you'd get out of the elevator chute, even if it wasn't in the safest way possible?"

"Huh? Oh, that, well if you hadn't been there with me I'd have probably just let go of the cable and let myself drop down–" I began to answer just as she cut me off.

"What? Are you serious?" She gaped. "Do you realize how crazy that sounds? You would not have survived that fall."

"Ally, relax," I said patiently, holding a hand out to wave away her concerns. "You didn't let me finish. What I was going to say was that I'd drop down to get the adrenaline flowing -revving up the engine so to speak- and as I fell I'd sort of make up a plan to get myself out of _that_ situation. It's easier for my brain to work around life threatening circumstances than it is for me to think while stuck in a confined space."

"Oh, well why didn't you say so sooner? That _totally_ sounds rational," she said, her voice dripping sarcasm. "You're sort of reckless aren't you? And I'm not just talking about the elevator, but also when we jumped from one roof to the other, and then when you thought of that plywood-shield rick. Is that solely a dauntless thing, or is that more of a Sage thing?"

"A little of both. We all like to live on the edge," I answered.

Studying my face, she eventually nodded as she accepted my answer. Before us, the top of the dauntless compound was finally coming into view. I stood, motioning to the others behind me, and then helped pull Ally to her feet.

Just as we had before, we all leapt out in near silence. With the initiates safely in their dorms, I was left to contemplate what the mystery of tomorrow might bring. One thing was for certain, with visiting day around the corner, a lot of the transfers would either be broken down or built stronger.


	33. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

"Some sight, huh? Seems like forever since I'd last seen all of the faction colors together in one place," Dan noted as he took a sip of his coffee. "Well, almost all of them."

"Yeah, none of the abnegation kids transferred this year," I agreed. "So there isn't any gray in sight."

"Do you think a stiff would ever make in dauntless anyway?" He asked aloud, though it sounded more like he was musing to himself. "It's a pretty rough place to get used to."

"Yeah, I think it could be possible," I answered after a long moment of thought. "It takes courage to be selfless and to completely forget about yourself. Not a lot of people can do it. I think if there were just the right amount of balance, any abnegation kid would easily be able to fit into this lifestyle."

"You have a point," he admitted as he suddenly seemed to evaluate me. I didn't understand the look he was giving me, but before I had a chance to ask, he added in a low voice, "I mean, _you're_ technically a stiff. In fact, it always amazes me when I think that no one other than Amar and Banks noticed that you were acting out of character. It's actually really obvious when you think about it."

"Yeah, I was lucky," I nodded, unable to hide the twinge of dark irony from my voice. Lucky, that was the last word I'd have used back when I first found out. Even now, I could hardly associate where I was in life with that concept.

Taking a gulp of my own coffee, I sighed and stared out at the families that were clustered in the center of the Pit floor. Blues, yellows, reds, and a mix of black and whites peppered the sea of black. Early in the day, I'd woken up my own and also Banks' initiates, giving them the usual spiel of faction over blood; though I wasn't too enthusiastic when I said it.

Internally, I just couldn't bring myself to believe in such words, my family was my family, even if we had different ways of viewing life. Still, to keep up with appearances, I'd given them the lecture that had been recited to me, and then I'd brought them down to see their families.

"Dude, that guy looks pissed," Dan muttered into my ear as he subtly nodded his head forward.

I followed his gaze, and cringed a little when I caught sight of what he'd seen. A stocky man dressed in a crisp black and white suit was angrily stalking around the floor of the Pit, brusquely shoving past people that were in his way. He seemed to be looking for someone, and only appeared to grow more aggravated when it was clear the person wasn't there.

As I watched, the man narrowed his eyes on the back of a blonde girl's head, and without hesitation he rushed over and yanked her back by the collar of her shirt. The girl was Mel, and as she stumbled and cried out, the man quickly seemed to realize that she wasn't who he thought she'd been.

"This is going to get interesting," Dan said, and I nodded quickly as we watched from the sidelines.

A different man in blue, Mel's father presumably, had shoved the candor man backwards and begun to jab his finger accusingly at him. Though we were far, I could clearly hear the aggression in his tone. At first, it appeared that the candor man was embarrassed, but as Mel's father continued to yammer on, that sentiment disappeared.

"Shit, that isn't good," I said as I began to make my way towards the group.

A certain stereotype that candor had were that we were hot-headed and argumentative, and unfortunately, that was more-often-than-not very true. Even though he was at fault, the candor man was already growing red-faced and was arguing back, puffing his chest out with each growing shout.

"Who do you think you are? You can't just go around harassing kids!" Mel's father demanded. Behind him, Mel appeared slightly embarrassed as she patted a woman, probably her mother, on the back in an attempt to calm her.

"It was an easily made mistake," the candor man retorted. "You, however, have no right to speak down to me as if we were on equal terms. I am superior to you, and I demand respect!"

"Respect? Hah, that's a laughable thought," Mel's father snorted. "It's no wonder your child isn't here. Why would they want to be associated with the likes of you?"

The candor man's face took on a shade that I could only describe as hell-fire red. Fists clenched, he took a menacing step towards Mel's father, but before something else could happen, Dan and I stepped in between them.

"What seems to be the problem?" I asked, only speaking to the candor man since it was obvious that Mel's father had simply been protecting his family.

"I'm looking for my daughter. I've been searching for a while now and I thought that I'd found her," the candor man said as he nodded his head in Mel's direction. "She's blonde as well, it was a mistake and I'll admit to that much. However, I refuse to be insulted by someone like him, erudite know-it-all!"

"Hey, hey," Dan frowned as he crossed to stand by Mel's family. "Don't be hatin' on the erudite. Thanks to them, we have the miracles known as rehydratable meals, gaming stations, and laser-pointers, which happen to be three of my favorite things."

"Is that supposed to be amusing?" the candor man snapped. "I want to speak to someone with authority, right now."

"That would be me," I answered. The man looked me up and down, and when it appeared he was about to snort, I fixed him with my best don't-fuck-with-me stare; the one I normally reserved for Lockdown fights.

"My name is Richard Phanter, and I'm looking for my daughter, perhaps you know her," the candor man said. "Her name is Jade."

"Jade, yeah, I know her," I nodded. "But I don't know where she is. Why don't you just keep calm and continue looking around for her? I'm sure she'll turn up."

A smile, though it looked more like a snarl, spread over Richard's face as he shook his head. He looked from me, to Dan, and then narrowed his eyes.

"Are you hiding her from me?" he asked as he stepped closer to us. "Because if you are, let me tell you that that's a bad decision. I'm an important man, and I don't like to have my time wasted."

"This is the wrong place to come and threaten someone," I sneered back, mirroring his malicious tone.

No, this man did not have the right to come here and act as if he were some kind of king. Glowering back at him, I realized that if Jade wasn't here, it wasn't because it had been a mistake on her part; she was avoiding him. Beside me, I saw Dan stiffen, and as if on cue, we both took a step forward; squaring our shoulders and daring him to move us.

He seemed to snap back into his senses, or perhaps he realized that both Dan and I weren't above getting physical with him, because after a beat Richard cursed under his breath and stormed away.

"Those candor, must they be so irritatingly hostile all the time?" Mel's mother said as she shook her head. Dan and I shared an embarrassed look, and answered the only way we could; with an evasively muttered, 'Y _eah, haha, those silly candor_ ,' accompanied by a half-shrug.

After leaving Mel and her family, who'd thanked us –though unknowingly, also insulted us– Dan and I were just getting back to our spot on the railing when I heard a familiar voice.

"Hey, twerp and bottomless pit, get back here," Mara called out.

And just like that, Dan and I were no longer the two mature dauntless-men who'd just defended a family of erudite, but instead two little boys who were eager to be reunited with a long lost sister. Wheeling around, we both charged towards where Mara stood; hand on her hip, her expression amused. I could only imagine that we looked completely childish, but even so, it was impossible not to act on what we felt. I reached her first, and even though she protested, I hugged her and proceeded to swing her around until her feet were off the ground.

Though I'd been secretly visiting my home back in candor for months, my mother and had made me promise that we'd keep Mara in the dark. Her logic was that it would be safer for her since Mara was the last person who would be able to keep a secret. I'd objected as much as I could, but it had been to no avail. Thus, whenever I'd gone home, I'd had to make sure to avoid Mara at all cost.

"No, stop! Come on guys, you're acting as if I'd died and just come back to life, relax," Mara protested. "Seriously, could you act any more like little kids?"

Dan had wrapped her in a bear-hug, and when he'd put her down he'd proceeded to ruffle her hair so that it resembled that of someone who'd just walked through a tornado. However, though she was obviously trying to look angered, it was clear she'd missed us too. Allowing herself a wry grin, Mara lovingly punched both Dan and I.

"Didn't expect to see you here," I admitted when she'd finished taming her hair back into place.

"Thought you'd be busy saving the world," Dan laughed.

"I was busy actually, I've been working together with some of the abnegation leaders to put an appeal to the ridiculous statements that the erudite have been coming up with. Get this, they're claiming that the abnegation are hoarding food supplies for themselves. Can you believe it? It's crap, but the good thing is I'm going to make sure that the truth is heard."

"Mara Stronghold, lawyer by day, crime-fighting ninja by night," Dan laughed. "So, is the opposition scared?"

"Oh yeah, shitless," Mara nodded with a confident smile. "Anyway, I can't stay long, but I really wanted to see you guys," she said. Then, she seemed to remember something as she began to rummage around her white satchel. "Dan, mom said to give this to you."

Eyebrows raised, Dan took the small envelope Mara had handed him and opened it with great care. Inside, there was a dog-eared photograph of two smiling girls. One I easily recognized as my own mother -looking to be about fifteen or sixteen- but the other took me a moment to place. It was the grin that gave her away though; lopsided, with a hint of impish mischief, the other woman was Dan's mother. So they'd both come from amity?

Clearly overcome with emotion, Dan's hands shook as he gripped the photo closer to his chest. He tried to open his mouth to speak, but ended up closing it after a moment. Mara scratched her head, and then uncharacteristically, she gently placed a hand on Dan's shoulder and patted him, then she gave him a genuinely warm smile.

"You don't have to say anything," Mara said. "Mom was being weird this past week, cleaning out her boxes of old documents and papers, and when she came upon that picture she said you had to have it. She wanted to come herself, but I guess something came up because she only had time to give me that stuff before she left."

"Where did she go?" I asked.

"Not sure, but she looked kind of frazzled. Actually, before she found the documents she was searching for, she almost looked like she was panicked. Weird I tell you, really freaking weird," Mara noted, her tone sounding irked. "Anyway, this is for you Sage."

Though what I really wanted to do was ask Mara more about what our mom had been up to, I knew it would be useless. First of which, Mara wouldn't have a clue as to why mom was acting the way she was, and since Mara was usually at work in her office, she probably hadn't been around to see much of the strange behavior. Also, Mara wasn't an idiot, if I kept asking her questions she'd easily come to find that I was also acting out of the ordinary. Instead, I took the rectangular package from her and smiled.

"What is it?" I asked when I saw that the wrapping paper had been torn along the side. Of course Mara would open _my_ package, it was only logical; if she'd been interested to know what was inside, like the good candor citizen that she was, she'd have opened it to snoop around and satiate her curiosity.

"It's a framed picture of our family," Mara said, not looking at all ashamed. "Of _all_ our family," she added, looking at Dan. Then, before my very eyes, Mara seemed to deflate as she clenched her jaw and tried to continue looking brazen.

Crumpling the wrapping paper in my hand, I found myself speechless as I gazed at the framed picture. Though we already had various family photos back home, this one was special. Why? Simply because it was the last one that was ever taken when my father had been alive.

I remembered that day clearly. We'd gone to the park, played on the jungle-gym that was shaped like a dome, and had bought ice-cream cones that had melted onto our little fingers as we ate. Even now, as if by an act of magic, I could smell the scent of vanilla, freshly cut grass, and hear the sound of my mother and father's laughter. This had been the last day I'd ever seen them look into each other's eyes with unmeasured adoration. It was the day that, even in my childish state of mind, I'd decided that I would one day also find a love like theirs.

Swallowing loudly, I let my eyes trace over the scene; reliving it as I stared at all the colors. In the photo, my mom had a grumpy-looking Mara in her arms. From what I recalled, she'd been upset because I'd _accidentally_ gotten some of my own ice cream smeared onto her crisp white overalls. Not my fault, I mean, little kids plus the color white; something's bound to go wrong with that recipe.

Next to my mother, my father stood with both Dan and I held in each of his arms. Danny had purposefully crossing his eyes at the camera, and I'd been making little bunny ears behind my dad's head. Silly, innocent; this simple image had the ability to send my mind flying through time to a better place. All of us were smiling, bright eyed, carefree; it had been the perfect day. Even irritated little Mara had quickly gotten over her ice cream misfortune.

" _Ahem_ , I-uh," Mara said stiffly as she tried to clear her throat. How she hated to seem weak, to show too much emotion, to cry; she liked to be in control, and right now that wasn't the case. "I have to go. I'll tell mom you guys liked the gifts."

Dan and I nodded, dazed and emotionally out of sorts, and gave her parting hugs before she could busily rush away.

Gazing at his own photo, Dan plopped down on the ground so that his back was leaned against the wall. I joined him, and it was just like that -sitting with our eyes pasted on memoirs of better times- that Iris and found us.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Iris asked when she caught sight of our pensive expressions. "You don't look too good."

"Nothing," I said, unable to bring myself to voice why I felt the way I did. It was too personal, even to mention to Iris who was a close friend of mine.

"Yeah, nothing," Dan added, surprising me with both his white-lie and the fact that he quickly tucked the photo into the pocket of his jacket. He forced a grim smile onto his face, and then raised a brow at her. "Why aren't you with your family?"

This time it was Iris's turn to force a false smile onto her face. She gave us a small shrug, and then slid down to sit in between us. It was quiet in our corner of the room as we watched the many families mill about and hug their loved ones. It was both a soothing sight, yet at the same time a horrifyingly cruel one; to see that which we couldn't enjoy.

Unconsciously, my eyes made their way over to where Ally stood talking to an older-looking man. I'd seen her before, but felt it was best to let her spend time with her family. It was odd though, I only saw him and no one else. Though his clothes were that of the amity, his expression was all but kind. He looked, what was it; angry, disappointed, saddened? I couldn't quite place it. It seemed as if he were upset about something other than the fact that Ally had transferred to a different faction. At one point, he even began to shake his head at her and hold a hand out as if to stop her from coming near him.

Odd, definitely odd. Today in general, though the day had only just begun, had been filled with strange, overwhelming, and disheartening events. Feeling as if I were intruding in some bizarre way, I turned my head from the sight of Ally and her father arguing. Instead, I continued to look at the other families. For the most part, they all looked relatively happy.

"My parents didn't come because they're factionless," Iris suddenly said, startling both Dan and I with her sudden outpour of words. "That's why they aren't here," she added, her tone sounding, oddly enough, humiliated; as if with new information Dan and I might get up and leave. "And that's why I didn't want to tell you guys, I didn't want you to know I came from a broken family."

In a strange way though, I understood. With the dauntless, being factionless was one of –if not thee worst– humiliating thing that could happen to you.

"What happened?" I asked softly.

"There was an accident. They were both out patrolling the dangerous sectors of the city and a mob of angry factionless cornered them in one of the abandoned buildings that littered the area. They were savagely beaten, and they didn't receive medical attention fast enough. You know how dauntless is, if you can't physically cut it in here, then you're out."

What could anyone say to that? Really, there was no way that anything could be said to remedy the situation. Dan and I shared a look of concern, and without really thinking it through, I held out my framed photo and handed it to her.

"That's my family," I said. "That's my mom who's carrying Mara, my sister who you might've seen in here just a few minutes ago. That's me and Dan, who you obviously know is my honorary bro, and that's my dad who's carrying us. He died in a car accident that very day, at night. This is the last time we were ever together. I can't pretend to know how you're feeling, but just know that I do know something about loss."

Iris nodded as she gazed at the picture, and a second later Dan slowly pulled out his own photo.

"That's my mom. She died when I was little, so I hardly remember anything about her," Dan said as he pointed at her. "My dad never talked about her, and there were never any pictures around the house, so for the longest time I only remembered her here-" he pointed at his head "-in memory. Even when I asked, he'd never tell me anything about her."

"Who's the other girl?" Iris asked as she pointed at the younger image of my mother.

"My mom," I answered.

"They came from amity?" Iris said, clearly surprised. "Both of them?"

"I guess so," Dan answered, looking just as shocked. "Like I said, dad never told me anything about her," he shook his head, then sighed. "Iris, I don't know about your kind of loss either, but I can empathize with the fact that for the longest time, I genuinely felt like an orphan. My mom passed away, my dad was never there for me, if it wasn't for the fact that the Strongholds took me in, I don't know that I would've been able to be strong enough to emotionally overcome many of the obstacles I've faced."

"So you see, we're all a little broken," I said with a sad smile.

Looking at Dan, then at me, Iris nodded as she repeated my words under her breath. "A little broken…"

" _But_ ," Dan added with a spark of hope. "All is not lost."

"Nope," I added, nudging Iris with my elbow as I scooted closer. "Broken things can be mended, and then they become something else."

"Beautifully imperfect wrecks," Dan grinned as he laid his head on top of her own.

And just as those words were said, I caught sight of Ally rushing out of the Pit, her face flushed as tears cascaded down her cheeks.


	34. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

"Ally, wait," I called out as soon as I was within earshot.

Before she'd managed to disappear into one of the many tunnels that led out of the Pit, I'd already leapt to my feet and had followed closely behind. She didn't stop, or even slow down, though I knew she'd heard me. Shifting from a long-legged stride into a run, I was by her side in seconds.

"Hey, stop, what's wrong?" I asked again when she tried to go around me.

"Nothing," she lied, sniffling as she dashed the tears away from her face. "It's not a big deal."

"Ally," I coaxed, murmuring her name quietly. "Please, tell me what happened. Are you going to be okay?"

Blinking up at me, I was again amazed at the fact that I could read her so easily. Though she'd already forced herself to stop crying, as I stared deeply into her eyes, I could practically see in real-time the way a vital wall within her broke and then rebuilt into something hard and unyielding.

"No, I'm not going to be okay. I'm broken inside. I'm broken almost all the way down to my soul, and I don't know if I can ever be unbroken, let alone whole again."

"Let me help you, just–"

"You can't, no one can. What just happened isn't something that can be fixed," she cut me off. "Sage, my mom died. She passed away and I wasn't there for her. That's all my dad came to say to me, and right now the guilt is eating me up inside. I should've been there for her, but I wasn't. I just left."

"I-I'm sorry," I said, dumfounded. What else could you say to something like that? "I'm so sorry."

She nodded, and I watched closely as she clenched her jaw and shoved her hands deep into her pockets. It was strange to see her this way; normally she was upbeat even in the worst of situations. I wanted to say more, to offer her sound advice, but that felt wrong. I myself hadn't dealt well with loss -instead choosing to dive into the arms of alcohol and physical brutality- so how could I deem to tell her how to act?

It was quiet, and though I knew it was probably the stupidest thing I could do, I found myself crossing over to her. Wrapping my arms around her small form, we stayed in somber silence as the seconds ticked by. Ally continued to wipe at the remaining tears, and after a few moments she seemed to compose herself.

"I'm tired of you seeing me this way," she said softly, and I could just barely hear an edge of frustration in her voice.

"What way?" I asked, pulling away so I'd be able to study her face.

"Like this," she frowned, raising her hands up as if to say, _look at me_ , and then let out an angry breath of air. " _Weak_."

I couldn't help myself then, I actually had to crack a smile, because that was the last word I would've ever associated with her. It was comical. True, though she was beautiful, that hadn't been the reason I'd been immediately drawn to her. It was something deeper; it had been her inner strength, shining like a beacon through blanket of fog, which had managed to wake me up from my state of emotional disarray.

No, not disarray, but a complete absences of it. I hadn't been mentally present for the longest time, and when she'd arrived -her soul radiating energy- I'd been drawn in like a moth to a flame. Unknowingly, she'd brought be back from the brink of darkness, and for that I'd be eternally grateful.

"Ally, I don't know what pretense you might be under, but I've never viewed you as weak."

"Liar," she accused. "I'm not dumb okay, I've been watching and learning about how things in dauntless work. People aren't just nice to each other because they feel like it, this isn't amity. From what I've seen, here you either help someone because you pity them, or because you want something from them. So which is it? Do you pity me, or do you want something?"

Palpable anger simmered from her body, but oddly enough, I could understand where her train of thoughts had gone and I had to agree with her. If the case had been reversed and I hadn't known any better, I'd have also hated the thought of someone protecting me merely because they considered me a sad sight, or because they planned to ask a favor from me.

"Maybe I do want something," I said after a long silence. I'd been about to say neither, but that had felt like a lie, and after some thought I'd realized why. "In helping someone, you usually earn a friend. That's what I want Ally, friendship. I want you to trust me, to know that whatever happens I'll always have your back."

She blinked, apparently taken off guard by my honesty, and then puckered her brow and she studied me. I stood still, willing her to believe me, and something in my expression must've done the trick because a few seconds later she seemed to relax. Releasing a sigh, she nodded and then crossed her arms over her chest.

"I believe you, I don't know why, but I do," she said softly. "But that doesn't change the fact that I am weak."

"You have to stop saying that," I said firmly. "Stop thinking it even, because a fear of weakness only _strengthens_ weakness."

"Fine, then I'll say this, I'm done."

"Done, with _what_?" I asked, unable to hide my shocked expression. What was she saying? Did she mean she was done with initiation? Was she going to leave dauntless to become factionless? What did she plan to do?

"Losing my mom was like losing a piece of myself, and I never want to feel that way again. I refuse to. I'm not going to ever let anyone get that emotionally close to me. Love is giving someone the power to hurt you… and I'm through hurting."

"What you're saying is impossible," I said grimly. "To hurt is as human as it is to breathe. You can't just cut that part of yourself off. Trust me, I'd know."

"Well, where there's a will there's a way," she said, "and I'm going to do it, I'm going to be truly fearless."

I could see that nothing I'd say would sway her; she was as stubborn, and even though I didn't like it, I had to let her figure things out for herself. When on a path of self-evaluation, sometimes you had to let those you cared for hit a few rough patches; had to let them experience life the way it was meant to be. In a sense, she'd have to hit rock bottom in order to be able to rise up from her own ashes, but I'd be there for her, every step of the way -whether she wanted me to or not.

Without another word, she turned from me and marched off, her stride never wavering, and I was left feeling like a blind man grasping at air. For the rest of the day, I didn't catch sight of her once.

The next morning, after I posted the final rankings for stage one, I'd informed my initiates that they'd have the entire day off; which ultimately meant I also had time free.

I'd immediately gone to Banks's office, knowing fully well the he wouldn't be there, and had managed to log onto his computer as I had before. Opening the correct file, I was both relieved and dismayed to see that the list of people he'd suspected of divergence had changed. Now, only three names were listed as possible subjects; Wayne, Iris, and Ally.

A deep coldness filled my bones, and I'd shuddered as I read and re-read their names. Suspects, they were still only suspects, he didn't have any definitive proof that they were indeed divergent. Leaving quickly, not wanting to risk being caught, I'd only just made it to the cafeteria when Dan, Grace, Finn, and the boys had found me. I'd been surprised, since I'd been late, technically the meal I was having was more of a lunch than a breakfast meal.

"What up Monster?" Marko said as he slid in beside me and pulled my tray of untouched food in front of him. He swallowed a spoonful of my soup, made a gagging face, and then pushed it back.

"Charming," I snorted as I jabbed his arm lightly.

"It was gross," he replied simply. "You're lucky I didn't spit it right back out."

"Dibs on the taters," Dan called out as he took his turn to snatch his loot off my plate. "Also, nuggets, dibs on the nuggets."

"Too late Gallows," Biff smirked as she shoved the pieces of chicken into his mouth.

"Those grapes have my name on them," Finn said as he raised a fork to fend off Marko's hand.

"My god, are you guys serious?" Grace laughed as she and I watched them clamber over what was left on my tray. "You're all a bunch of children stuck inside of adult bodies."

"You've just figured that out?" Jude remarked as he sipped his coffee.

"So, other than to ravage the remains of my lunch, what are you guys doing here?" I asked, unable to hide my amused grin.

"We were looking for you actually," Finn answered as he tossed a final grape into his mouth. "Today's the day we really get to test these initiates."

 _Ah, so he's finally worked out the final details on his stunt_ ; I mused as I saw a familiar flicker of eagerness cross his eyes.

"It's all set, I took care to work out the hitches myself," Jude added, his usual frown replaced by a look of enthusiasm. "What we're going to do has never been tried before."

"It's going to be freaking awesome!" Biff and Dan crowed as they shared a high-five and began to laugh with obvious delight. Some of the people seated in the neighboring tables paused to glance our way, but soon after turned back around; this was normal behavior after all.

"What we need now is to see who's brave enough to join us," Finn said when the two had calmed back down. "But we couldn't start this thing without you, so come on, let's get a move on. We have to do this while the sun's still out."

"We need the sun?" I repeated as I began to stand.

It was strange, usually all of our pranks and stunts were done during the night to prevent anyone from recognizing us. The fact that we needed light to do this trick could only mean one thing; that it was more dangerous than Finn and Jude were letting on.

"Yeah. Remember what I always say Stronghold, be brave, not crazy. Push the boundaries, but know when to hold back," Finn grinned. "Be a smart-ass, not a dumb-ass."

"Enough talk, let's go find us some victims _-err-_ volunteers!" Biff said.

Lost in the whirlwind of excitement and already-pumping adrenaline, I found myself laughing along with everyone. Even if it was for only a day, I'd let myself enjoy this; friendship, adventure, and excitement. I would act as I wanted; like any other dauntless member without a care in the world.

Without hesitation, we ran along the hallways and proceeded to gather up the initiates. The first group we found was made up of Wayne, Felix, Iris, Shiloh, and Tyler. Then, though grudgingly, we were also accompanied by Zane and David. Afterwards we stumbled upon another group of the initiates -all transfers- but the only ones who agreed to come were Jade, Vera and Mel. Ally had been nowhere to be found.

It had bothered me all throughout the night, what we'd talked about the previous day, and it didn't help that none of the girls had seen her since they'd woken up. If she was excessively depressed about her mother's death, I didn't want to leave her alone to wallow in her thoughts.

"Let's just go, if she misses out then so be it," Jade complained when I suggested we split up to search for her.

"I'll second that," Zane called out from the back of the group. "Let's move it."

"Sage, dude, you know I like Ally and all but-" Finn started as he ran a hand through his hair.

"You guys go ahead if you want to, but I'm not leaving without her," I cut him off.

"Leaving without who?"

I turned, struggling to hide a breath of relief, and came face to face with Ally. I don't know what I had expected, but it certainly hadn't been the sight before me. Other than the fact that she'd cut her hair shorter so that it just barely grazed her shoulders, she appeared completely nonchalant, almost detached actually. That worried me.

"You," I answered. "We were about to head off to do a little initiation ritual."

"Oh, that sounds like fun," Ally smiled. Internally, I frowned; the smile had been lacking something.

"So are you in or not?" Biff called out as he glanced at his watch. "Come on, we have to hurry."

"I'm in," Ally said firmly, forcing another of her false smiles onto her face. I don't know what hurt more, the fact that I knew she was sad, or that she was clearly trying hard not to look like she was, but was failing.

"Usually we only let initiates with older siblings in dauntless join us," Jude said as we all began to run after Finn.

"But we made the exception for you guys," Biff said with a wink at the girls beside him. "Just cause' were fucking sweet that way."

Laugher spread throughout the group, and even a bit of playful shoving began to take place as we all joined even closer. This trick would still be risky, whether it was done in broad daylight or not, but that didn't lessen our enthusiasm. Beside me, I saw that Ally was running next to Iris, grinning and talking in a tone that felt full of duplicity.

As we ran, suddenly we were joined by more dauntless members; so many that the pack began to take on the look of a manic mob rather than just eager thrill-seekers. This was tradition, and many of them already knew where we were headed. Little did they know that we had a twist in mind.

The group ran up the stairs and then out a door at the top of the staircase, there, we all spilled out so that we were only a few hundred yards away from the glass building above the Pit, close to the metal tracks. The horn sounded, and that was the only prompting we needed to sprint over and board the oncoming train.

"Where are we going?" I heard Vera ask over the sound of the oncoming wind.

"That's a surprise," Dan answered with an impish grin.

"What are we going to do?" Ally added.

"Also a surprise," Finn chuckled.

He and I shared a look then, because even though there were many initiates and members along for the ride, there would only be a select few who'd actually be offered the chance to join us in our ultimate stunt. About halfway to our destination, Grace and Marko leapt off of the car, followed closely by Red and Amar, who'd also been informed of our little change in plans and had wanted in on the action.

"Where are they going?" Ally asked.

 _Ever curious and attentive to every detail_ ; I noted. _Like the erudite._

"Sweets, from now on if you ever have a question, jut assume our answer will undoubtedly be-" Biff held his hands up in a jazzy sort of way, and Dan laughed and inevitably joined him. " _It's a surprise!_ "

Ally cracked a smile, and I was relieved to see that it was a genuine one. Of course, it made sense, it was hard to wallow in misery when you had people like Biff and Dan around.

"Okay, here we go!" Finn called out after a few more moments of waiting.

The train didn't slow, but nonetheless, none of the people in the car hesitated to throw themselves out. Once we landed, we didn't slow, but instead kept up our run as we turned a corner and then went down Michigan Avenue. Normally it was crowded and fairly busy here, but we were in luck to find that there were barely any people around; just a couple of abnegation that were occupied picking up scraps of litter.

When we crossed, they gave us only a single glance before they returned to their chores; too busy with their own work, they didn't waste time to indulge in their curiosity. However, I did see that one of the kids -a young girl- who'd still not fallen into their abnegate ways, kept sneaking peeks as we made our way farther into the city.

In no time, we'd made it to our destination; the tallest building north of the bridge, the one and only Hancock building. While we'd been merely running before, now we shifted into what could only be described as a dead sprint. Some of the initiates fell behind for a second, but they soon caught up. Ally wasn't one of those; she kept pace with all of us up at the front, as if she'd done this a million times before.

So close we jostled each other with our elbows, we pushed through the first set of doors at the building's base and then stopped at the elevator bank.

"Elevators are on?" Finn said aloud, though I knew he wasn't really asking, merely confirming something on his long mental list of tasks he had to do.

"Check," Jude answered. "Came and turned on the emergency geny this morning."

With that said, the elevators chimed as the doors slid open and we all piled in; the real members in one, and the remaining initiates, Finn, his boys, and Dan and I in the other.

"To the roof!" Dan crowed as he pushed the button to the one-hundredth floor.

Internally, I was grateful that the elevator ride would be a short one; already I was beginning to feel my hands grow slick with sweat. It was so confined, so incredibly small, there were so many people breathing in the same air…

As if she could sense my growing panic, Ally stepped closer and bumped me with her hip. Then when she noticed that I was still quietly clenching and unclenching my hands, she ribbed me with her elbow.

"Hey, at least it's moving by itself this time, right?" she said, smiling up at me when I could only muster a quick nod. "And you don't have to carry me."

"Maybe I didn't mind that bit," I said quietly, _honestly_. Internally, I was amazed that I could be joking when I was essentially in a metal can crammed full of people; human sardines.

" _Oh_ ," Ally said, her cheek growing pink as her lips made an O of surprise.

In a way, it was a good thing she'd met me this year instead of earlier. If she was so easily surprised by my honesty now, I'd have hated to see how she would've reacted to an earlier version of me; completely unfiltered and unabashed. Still, if we had met before, she'd have gotten to know the more positive and untainted Sage that would've been worthy of her, not this; not me.

The elevator came to a stop with yet another chime, and as the doors opened, we were all hit with a gust of strong wind; cool, clean, and refreshing. As we poured out, I craned my head to look at the gaping hole in the ceiling of the hundredth floor. Since last year, when we'd all thrown ourselves off of the roof in our base-jumping suits, I'd already been zip-lining multiple times and knew the area well.

Jogging over, Biff and I pulled out the aluminum ladder that was always left here for just this purpose, and propped it on the edge of the hole so the others could climb up. Giving little creaks and squelches of protest, the ladder held up as the dauntless members hurried -nearly clambering over each other- to climb up, while the initiates hesitated at the back.

One by one, up they went. Then when it came time for Ally's turn, she visibly steeled herself before holding her hands out to climb up. I remembered her final words from yesterday; _truly fearless_ , was that why she was forcing herself to appear unaffected? Though her face appeared bland, even bored, her white-knuckled grip on the ladder said otherwise.

She was only on the fourth rung, but I could see she was uneasy. The wind kept sweeping in, and with that amount of force -though light- it made the ladder sway slightly. In front of me, I could see that Biff was getting impatient, so before he could do anything stupid, I beckoned him so that he'd hold both edges of the ladder. When he complied, I stepped up so that I was on the second rung, and then leaned forward so that my lips were right at Ally's ear.

"You'll be okay," I said quietly. "Like I said before, I'll always catch you."

Sucking in a breath, she nodded and then proceeded to climb up the ladder and out onto the roof of the Hancock building.

A wide expanse murky-brown marsh took up a portion of the horizon; it appeared lifeless. Then in the other direction, the rest of the city was spread before us. Towering buildings punctuated the sky, reminding us of a time before the war.

"Ladies and gents' gather round for a quick lesson about the joys of zip-lining," Finn said from the front of the group. When it appeared that everyone was paying attention to him he continued and pointed at a wire above his head; one so thick it was nearly the width of my arm. "For you first timers, watch and learn as us older dauntless members demonstrate the proper way to have fun."

Behind me Biff had climbed up and was already attaching a black sling onto the cable. It was made of a tough fabric, and large enough to hold a human being; even one his size. When he finished, he stepped aside as Jude crossed over and double-checked the hooks.

"What you're going to do is relatively simple. Get in here," Finn pointed at the sling. "Let us strap you up. Then prepare for the ride of your life as we push you over the edge of this building, which if you didn't know, is about a thousand feet up in the air."

A hush fell over the initiates as they took in the information, while the other half of the group -the dauntless members- merely buzzed with eager anticipation. Then, as if he couldn't help himself, Wayne called out;

"So what are we waiting for?"


	35. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

The older dauntless members were the first people to crowd forward and demand to go first. In the end a girl named Lauren beat all as she pushed up to the front of the line and then got into one of the slings. Wriggling forward so that she was laying on her stomach with most of her body supported by black fabric, she held still while Finn and Jude pulled straps across her shoulders, lower back, and legs.

Once that was done, Finn pulled Lauren -using the sling- over to the edge of the building and began a countdown from three. Already there was a wide grin spread over her features, and by the time Finn let go, she was already laughing loudly as the wind swept her away. Somewhere, someone gasped loudly as Lauren's voice carried back to us, but it wasn't with horror that she cried out, merely with unabashed excitement.

As the initiates peered over the edge, they watched in awe as her body hurtled headfirst toward the ground at a steep incline. Lauren stayed snug in her sling for as long as we could see her, then she was past our sights as she became nothing more than a pinprick in the distance.

A series of whoops and shouts sounded out as the rest of the dauntless scrambled forward to go next. Eventually, they formed a somewhat organized line, all of them restless to take the dive. Before long, the only ones that were left in line were the initiates, and around them in a loosely-formed group were Finn, Dan, Jude, and me.

"Not Zane," I heard Finn mutter under his breath as he assessed the initiates.

"Also not that kid, he looks too squirrely," added Jude as he subtlety jerked his head at David.

"Agreed," I nodded. For this next trick, only those we actually wanted in our group would be offered the chance to take part in the twist we had in mind.

After Dylan, Thomas, and then Zane and David had been launched off of the roof, the only dauntless-initiates left were Wayne, Iris, Felix, Shiloh, and Tyler. The transfers left were Ally, Jade, Vera, and Mel. Iris had already been lined up to go next, but Dan quickly blocked her path and jerked his head towards where Finn stood.

"Guys and gals, I suppose you're wondering about the sudden wait to go zip-lining, right?"

The initiates nodded, sharing a look of bafflement amongst themselves.

"Here in dauntless, we like to push the limits, to see how far we can go to test our bravery. To really understand the true nature of our inner selves," Finn continued. "And because we like you guys, we've decided to give you the opportunity to partake in our little stunt. We've been watching, and all of you share something in common; without a doubt, you're all the most brave and daring initiates we've seen in your groups."

"The real question left now though, is just how much more can you handle?" Jude added as he reached behind him and pulled out a different set of slings.

Unlike the first ones we'd been using, which held your entire frame securely, the new slings merely went around the upper portion of your body; with only two straps that buckled over your chest. As Jude began to toss them to us, I couldn't help but note the horrified look on some of the initiate's faces.

"Uhh, those don't really seem safe," Vera mentioned as she watched me secure the clasps over my torso.

"Sure they are," Biff said uproariously. He gave his chest a thump, and grinned. "Super safe, see? There's a _second_ strap."

"What exactly do you plan to do?" Shiloh added, also looking rather alarmed.

"Nothing too complicated," Finn said when he'd finished clipping his harness on. "We're all just going to slide down the cable at once, single file. Then about three-fourths of the way, before we slow down and lose momentum, we'll unclip ourselves and drop down onto the truck that'll be racing along under us."

No one said a word as what Finn had just said sunk in. It all made sense; we needed the sunlight because it was crucial that our aim be perfect. If we were to unclip ourselves too soon, or even too late, we'd overshoot the truck and be sent flying towards the ground at dangerous speeds.

"What?" Jade finally said, breaking the silence.

"Are you mad?" Tyler added. "We're not all going to make it. This is suicide!"

"Relax," Jude sniffed as he rolled his eyes. "There'll actually be two trucks. One will be driven by Marko, with Red and Amar in the back of the flatbed, ready to catch the first person who unhooks from the cable. Then there'll be a backup truck, just in case you happen to mess up your landing, which will be driven by Grace. They'll be driving fairly close together so that hopefully you'll be able to make it onto one or the other."

" _Hopefully_?" Vera repeated, aghast.

"Also, you'll have a large area to land on. These aren't regular trucks, they're the heavy duty kind we use to bring back scrap metal from the factionless sector of the city. They have attachments on the back that are wide enough to hold two cars," Finn added.

"But the landing," Mel interjected, her face serious. "Calculating the velocity at which we'll be traveling, it could be enough to break our legs if we don't land correctly."

"Then I guess you better try _really_ hard to land properly," Jude replied, his patience gone.

Finn sighed, giving Jude a disapproving look, and then turned back to the initiates; none of them had taken a sling.

"Like I said before," Finn said in an overly calm tone. "This is an _opportunity_ , you don't have to take it if you don't want to." He held out some of the regular slings and gave each of the initiates a reassuring smile. "This is all up to each one of you."

The initiates began to murmur among themselves immediately. That is, all of them except Wayne, Iris, Felix, and Ally. It didn't surprise me to see the first three -dauntless born- already suited up and ready to go, but I actually did a small double-take when I noticed that Ally already had her harness on.

Seeming to sense my gaze on her, she looked up and met my eyes. Even with only that, a single look, I could tell that she was afraid. But even so, her jaw was set stubbornly, and I could tell that no matter what, she'd go through with it.

In the end, Tyler, Shiloh, and Vera opted to forego the stunt. Honestly, I couldn't really blame them. Zip-lining was already a dangerous act, but the added bonus of having to land atop a moving target was certainly chilling.

"All right, let's do this!" Dan said eagerly when Vera's form had drifted far from view. "Time to take the dive, and pray we stay alive!"

Nervous laughter sounded around the roof, but it was obvious that all of the initiates were on edge. However, to their credit, the initiates who'd stayed looked completely determined. Quickly, we all formed a line; Finn taking the front, followed by Jude, Wayne, Biff, Felix, Iris, Mel, Dan, Ally, and then me at the rear. I'd specifically taken my position so that if something were to happen to a person in front of me, hopefully I'd be able to at least attempt to do something.

"Everyone ready?" Finn called out as he took his place at the very edge of the building. "In Three!"

Already I could feel adrenaline surging through my body. This was going to be fun. Dangerous? Yeah, but wasn't everything?

"Two!"

In front of me, I noticed that Ally's posture was stiff, and that she had her hands locked in a white-knuckled grip around the straps that wrapped around her shoulders. Hesitantly, I found myself stepping forward so that I was closer to her.

"It'll be fine," I muttered so that only she'd hear.

"Right," she answered stiffly, nodding her head in jerky movements.

"One!" Finn said, bending his knees as he prepared to leap.

There was a moment of absolute silence as everyone in line held their breath, and then the spell was broken. Finn yelled go, leapt, and on cue he was closely followed by everyone else at two second intervals. One person, then another, they each leapt with reckless abandon; arms flailing, legs swinging, and jovial cries escaping their lips.

My own muscles were tense as I itched to be next, but just as it was Ally's turn to leap, she faltered. Though her expression seemed determined, her feet remained planted firmly on the edge of the building. After a pause, she seemed to psyche herself up again as she shifted from foot to foot.

"I'm going to jump, I'm going to jump," she mumbled, sounding like she was trying to convince herself. "I _am_ going to jump. I, Allison Perne, am going to jump off this building."

"You don't have to," I said softly. Though I wanted badly to jump and join in on the fun, all of my own desires were put on the backburner when I took in Ally's frightened tone.

Ally stopped muttering, and then to my surprise, she turned to me and held a shaky hand out.

"I want to jump Sage, I really do, but it's like I can't make myself move," she bit her lip. "Could you just, like, push me off? Please, I need to do this."

"No, I won't do that," I said as I took a step closer and took her hand. I didn't need to hear more, because in an instant I knew what she needed; support, even if it was only emotional. "I'll do something better, well jump together," I said reassuringly.

"Together?" Ally frowned. "How?"

Hopping up so that I was beside her on the ledge -though it was hard because my own harness was clipped behind hers- I gave her hand a squeeze and then nodded my head down.

"We'll go at the same time," I said, letting my body lean forward in anticipation. "No countdown."

She nodded, and then closed her eyes and released a breath she'd been holding. It was only then, as I watched her bend her legs and grit her teeth, that I realized how completely and irrevocably awed I was at the sight of her. She was scared, but still, she wanted to go through with it, wanted to face her fear; and she was doing it, not just with words, but with actions.

Not a single sound left her lips as she let her body tip over the edge, pulling me down with her.

For a painstakingly slow instant, we were both weightless. It all felt surreal, my mind and body serene; as if there were nothing else in the world that mattered but this moment. Then reality bled into my thoughts; crashing in like a shock of ice water. We were falling, then sliding down the cable at a neck-breaking speed.

The wind whipped at my clothes, howling past me; cold and frigid, like icy fingers that wanted to ensnare to my body. I tried to hold on, but somehow Ally's hand had managed to slip away from me. Would she panic? I wanted to call out her name, but the air stole my words, whisking them away as if they were a feather caught in a storm.

I heard her then, not screaming, but laughing. She had her arms out at either side of her, and she was waving her hands slowly, as if she were a fledgling trying to take flight. Graceful, that was the word that came to mind when I watched her. Even though the wind stung my face, and the straps felt like they were biting at my arms, all I felt in that instant was an immeasurable amount of peace.

I wanted to stay in this state of mind forever, to live in the moment as if it were a photograph. Then I felt it, a bubble in my throat that grew and grew until it just couldn't be contained. A swell of emotion overtook me, and I laughed. A _real_ laugh; full of joy, light, and hope for what the future held. It was something I hadn't done in nearly a year.

We picked up speed, and as the ground smeared beneath us, all grey, black, white, and patches of shiny glass and steel, I released another shout of elation. The sharp wind began to lessen slightly, and then I spotted the two trucks beneath us; zooming along at an equally, if not faster pace, than us.

As Finn and Jude had said, there were two long metal attachments being pulled behind the vehicles. They were large, and flat, and I recalled that Biff occasionally used them when he brought back wrecked cars from the factionless sector of the city. Already, I could see that there were people on them, waving at us from a distance. Everyone had already jumped, now it was just up to us to make it onto the flatbeds.

In another few seconds, the ground had continued to grow, and with it, the faces of our friends. I began to reach for the buckles around my chest, when suddenly I heard Ally shout something.

"What?" I shouted back.

"Don't want this to end!" Ally repeated, laughing as she also reached for her straps.

I chuckled, loving the fact that she'd not only conquered her fear, but had enjoyed it to the point that I if asked, she'd probably be game to go again.

"Okay, release your first strap," I called out, unbuckling my own as I spoke.

She nodded, but after a few moments, I realized she wasn't actually moving.

"Ally?" I called out, and when she didn't answer, I suddenly feared that she'd frozen up again.

"Can you go first?"

"What?"

"Can you jump first?" She repeated. Then, as if in answer to my silent question, she added. "The landing part is freaking me out a little. But if you're down there, well… you said you'd catch me, right?"

For some reason, those simple words had an immediate effect on me. My heart swelled, and I knew that if anyone were to look at my face, all they'd see would be a ridiculously happy grin.

"Always," I said, and then without pause, I unhooked my final strap.

Still high above the truck beds, the wind pushing back like an invisible wall, I let my body relax momentarily; savoring the feeling of my complete free-fall, amped up with the momentum my body still carried from the steep descent. I was airborne, and a thought filled my mind as I flew almost parallel to the ground for a few miniscule seconds; was this what it would feel like if it were possible to _really_ fly?

Then I snapped back, my senses on high alert. Adrenaline made my vision crystalline clear, and my muscles bunched in anticipation as I held my hands out and managed to lead my sharp fall straight into the center of one of wide metal beds that were being pulled behind the trucks.

The landing was easy, and any possible pain that I might've felt was extinguished by the fact that the people who'd leapt before me had raised their hands and arms to help with my descent. All around me, I could see huge smiles, and hear loud laughter. Above me, Ally was still zooming along the cable, her arms at her chest as she prepared to unbuckle the last strap.

Her eyes met mine, and perhaps I was merely seeing things, but I could've sworn she'd actually sighed in relief. No, I had to have perceived things wrong; it must've been my imagination getting away with me.

In a single movement, she unsnapped the buckle; her body flying through the air, hair fluttering around her. She appeared otherworldly; celestial as the sun glowed behind her descending silhouette. I gazed up, momentarily blinded, and couldn't help but wonder if I was dreaming.

 _No, can't be, sleep only ever brings me nightmares_ ; I mused as all around me, hands reached up to catch her. I raised my own arms, and wondered if this was an echo of mercy, a whisper of hope. _An angel descending from above._

She landed, and as our group of friends swallowed her in praise, laughter, and our overall manic happiness, I let myself simply be; let myself exist only in the moment as if nothing bad had ever happened. I wanted to drink from the stream of life that was rushing past me, to quench my thirst and use it to make myself stronger. I was certain I'd have more dark times ahead of me, but it didn't matter, because no matter what I wouldn't give up. I'd fix my broken dreams and get to the end of it all.

With that in mind, I turned, and leaned close to Dan so that only he'd hear me.

"Danny, how would you feel about going on a little adventure tonight?"


	36. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

"Super ninjas, _dun-da-dun_ ," came a quiet murmuring behind me. "Sneakin' through the city, _ba-doo-ba-doo_ –"

"Dan, I'm serious," I whispered, casting a look over my shoulder. Though the streets were dark, and there weren't any people in sight, I didn't want to add to the risk we were taking. "Stop singing, someone could hear you."

"But it adds to the ambiance," Dan protested. I paused in my tracks, then turned and gave him a pointed look. "Okay, okay, I'll stop. But when you realize just how much you miss my beautiful vocals, I'll expect a lavish apology before I utter another peep."

I couldn't help it, even with everything that loomed before me –this new challenge that could very well uncover the secret behind Banks– I had to stifle a laugh. Though what we were doing was risky, Dan had a way of making everything he did seem easy.

After we'd returned from our dare-devil stunt, our group had spent the rest of the day goofing off on the upper grounds of the dauntless compound; just getting to know each other better. Then when it had grown darker, we'd returned inside where we'd started a vigorous game of pool. It had been nice to relax and spend time with everyone, but at the back of my mind I'd been ever alert; ready to leave as soon as it was dark enough that most of the city's citizens would been asleep.

Dan and I had eventually split from the group and devised a plan of attack. Though I wasn't certain I'd obtain any answers from what I planned to do, it was a start. The idea had actually come from a memory that had flashed through my mind as we'd driven back to the compound.

I recalled, last year when I'd first ever laid eyes on Banks, that I'd asked Carla about him. Even then, knowing as little as I did, I'd had the feeling that he was a dangerous person who had to be watched closely.

Carla hadn't known anything, all she'd been able to say was; _Today at the Choosing Ceremony was the first time I ever saw him_. Then after some thought, she'd added; _It's mostly gossip, totally unfounded, but word around erudite was that there were special students who were so intellectually gifted that they were taught all their school subjects at erudite headquarters rather than have to go to public school._

Erudite headquarters, that had been my original target. What I'd wanted to do -as I'd told Dan in hushed tones while everyone was distracted with the pool game- was sneak into their building and look through their files to see if we could find any sort of information about Banks.

Dan had agreed, but then paused and come up with an even better plan.

"Sage, while I'd love to go storming into erudite headquarters, guns a blazin'–"

"Who said anything about guns? It's supposed to be a secret mission."

"Oh hush, can't you see I'm setting the scene? _Anywho_ – though I'm all up for breaking and entering, I feel that there might be an easier way to get information. Dude, think about it, how does the government keep track of all of its citizens and the factions they choose?"

"The Civil Registry," I'd answered; my brain immediately in sync with his own. "They keep all the records of vital events and occurrences there."

"Right!" Dan had exclaimed as he gave me a devious grin. "Less security to get through, and it'll give us a starting point."

With that plan made, all we'd had to do was wait. Once the night had grown pitch black, we'd snuck out of the dauntless compound, boarded the train, and then made our way to the erudite sector of the city.

Now, as we ran across an empty street, we had to complete our next goal, which was to find adequate disguises. Though it wasn't necessarily a crime for people to go through the city's registry records –they were available to faction leaders, educators, and lawyers if they put in a formal request– we didn't want to chance it. After all, how many dauntless citizens were ever _really_ interested in that kind of information?

"Hey, we could nab some clothes from there," Dan whispered as he nudged me with his elbow.

In front of us, there was a nearly empty laundromat, which had large windows that allowed us to see inside though we were far. From what I could tell, there was only a single man sitting on one of the benches. His head lolling to the side, it was obvious he'd fallen asleep waiting for his clothes to finish drying.

Careful not to let the door squeak, I pushed my way in and then proceeded to one of the many dryers that were running. Thankfully, the man didn't look like he'd heard anything; his loud snoring continued undisrupted.

"Grab me something flattering," Dan whispered as I opened one of the dryers and grabbed a couple of shirts. I tossed him one.

"Dan," I said in a chastising tone. "Be serious."

"You're right," he sighed. "What am I saying? _Anything_ I deign to wear will always look good on me."

I rolled my eyes, and then tossed him a blue blazer from a different dryer. Still, the man didn't stir. As I pulled on my own shirt, and then finished off with a jacket, I reached into my pocket and grabbed a wad of cash I'd decided to bring with me.

"What are you doing?" Dan muttered when he saw me quietly pad towards the erudite man.

I didn't answer; instead I folded up a decent-sized stack of bills and then gingerly slipped them into the pocket of his sweater. Hopefully, it would be enough to make up for the things we were stealing. Then, feeling like the guy would randomly wake up and yell; _Aha! I've caught you_! I turned and quickly strode out.

The Civil Registry building was only a few blocks away, and as I began to make my way towards it, I couldn't help but note the look Dan was giving me. Through the shadows, I could just make out the white of his ever growing smile.

"What?" I asked. "What's that look for?"

"Think you left enough money?" He said sarcastically. Then, giving his head a little shake of amusement, he snorted. "Stiff. You really can't help yourself can you?"

I grinned back, giving him a shrug. "It was only fair," I answered. He wasn't being cruel when he called me a stiff, he was merely pointing out what he saw.

In minutes we'd made it to our target. Through the wide glass doors of the Registry building, I was quickly able to see that there were only two people at the front desk; a stern looking woman with horn rimmed glasses, who sat typing away at her computer, and a younger looking man with slicked back hair, his nose deep in a book.

"Okay, just follow my lead when we're in there," I quickly said, adjusting my jacket a final time.

"Aye-aye Captain," Dan answered as he gave me a little salute. However, just as I turned to march into the building, I felt him yank me back. "Woah, woah, hold up," he said as he whipped me around.

"What's wrong?" I asked, then actually gaped when I saw him pull a pair of glasses out of his back pocket. "Where did you get those?"

"Lifted them off that guy at the laundromat, he never even felt it," Dan grinned mischievously. He made a jerky gesture with his hands, " _Shu-sha_! Ninja-Dan strikes again. What? _What_? You left more than enough money for him to buy more clothes, plus ten of these things. Don't give me that look."

"Why would we need those?" I demanded, frowning at the thought of the poor erudite man waking up without his glasses.

"Not _we_ , you," Dan said as he reached over and popped them onto my face. "I am totally pulling off the dapper-boy, cute-nerd look," he ran a hand dramatically along his chin and pretended to look deep in thought. "You, however, look like you're ready to pick someone up and toss them over your head if they don't give you the answers you want. The glasses are to soften your look."

"Right," I said, sounding unconvinced. Then, after a few blinks, I furrowed my brow. "Did you pop the lenses out of these?"

Rather than answer, Dan pulled a clear lens out of his pocket and pretended to use it as a monocle. "Indeed I did good chap, indeed I did."

"God, please tell me you're not using that in there as a prop," I begged.

He pretended to look hurt, but after a beat he chuckled and shook his head.

"Okay, enough talk, let's do this," I said, but again Dan yanked me back. "What _now_?"

"Last touch," he said, running a quick hand along his own hair and then my own; attempting to tame them I supposed.

"Gee, thanks _mom_ ," I said, unable to hide a smirk.

"No problem _-o_ ," Dan said, ignoring my sarcasm as he made his tone light and chipper. "There, now onward!"

It was with sweaty palms and a quickly beating heart that I pushed through the doors of the Registry building. To my surprise though, the surly-looking woman who'd been there before was gone. Now, the only person who was manning the desk was the young man.

With his nose still buried in his text book, he didn't look up, even when Dan and I had marched up to his station. I cleared my throat, then when I saw that he still wasn't paying attention, I rapped my knuckles on the wooden desktop.

" _Oh_ ," the man said, obviously startled. "My apologies, I didn't notice your arrival. How may I–"

He broke off then, raising a brow as he took in my appearance, and then Dan at my side. His eyes strayed back to me, and I felt them linger on the scarred and calloused skin along my knuckles. _Damn_ , I'd forgotten how quickly they noticed things; they were just like the candor in that way, always aware of the smallest details.

"How may I help you?" He finally asked, sounding more hesitant than he had seconds ago.

"We're here for a research project," I answered confidently. It wasn't a lie, we really were researching _something_. "We're conducting a sort of survey about how many people transferred during the past five years. You see, we are trying to figure out if we can spot a pattern and if there's any way to predict what next year's Choosing Ceremony will be like."

This last part I said with slightly less vigor. Though I'd practiced my lines time and time again, they still felt wrong coming from my mouth. To cover up my discomfort, I tried to smile, though I knew it was probably coming out as more of a grimace.

"Do you have an appointment?" The man asked, sounding slightly less suspicious.

"Why of course," Dan said, sounding far too cheery; like me, he was obviously having trouble with the aspect of deception. "My name is - _uhh_ \- Manny," he floundered, then his eyes landed on my glasses. "Manny Lens, and this is my good scientific-y pal, Gage–" His eyes darted around the room, then landed on a cup full of pens and pencils. "Gage Sharps. Yeah, so look us up pal."

 _Shoot me now_ ; I mentally groaned. Outwardly though, I tried to keep my face dignified and composed, nodding along with Dan as if to say; _Yeah, that's totally who I am and I agree with every single thing my buddy here says._

"Manny Lens," the man repeated as he typed into his computer. He pressed the enter key, and almost immediately there was an audible ding. "Hmm, maybe it's under your friend's name?" He mumbled to himself as he continued to type. "Gage Sharps–" Another ding sounded. "I'm sorry, but it seems that neither of your names are coming up on the database. Could it be that you're in the wrong building? Or, perhaps, that you didn't make the appointment for this day?"

"What? Well that's just absurd," Dan said, clicking his tongue. "Dude, I totally called ahead and made a rez. Either you or one of your buddies here must've fuc–"

"I think what Manny means to say," I cut in before Dan could completely break out of character. "Is that we're both sure that we called ahead and scheduled a time to look into the civil records. We're very short on time, as you can see since we've come at such a late time of the night, and can't afford the luxury of rescheduling. This information is of the utmost importance to our research, and I'm sure you can understand the position we're in, right? That being said, can't you just let us in this one time?"

"Of course I understand," the young man nodded. I almost let out a sigh of relief, but then to my dismay, he began to shake his head. "But I can't just let you in there. Especially without previous approval from Annette. She's my supervisor, and she'd be upset if she found out I let someone in without an appointment."

 _Well, at least I tried to be nice_ ; I said to myself as I mentally shifted gears. _I guess we're going to have to do things the hard way._

Though I'd previously leaned forward in an attempt to appear friendly and elicit the man's trust, I now straightened; pushing my broad shoulders back, I donned an air of arrogance, looking around the office as if I owned the place. My eyes narrowing, I zoned in on his name-tag and raised a brow with apparent dislike.

"Upset? You're afraid of upsetting _Annette_?" I repeated slowly, my voice laced with hidden danger. "If I were you, I'd be afraid of upsetting _me_. Don't you know who I am? Don't you know what it is that I do?"

The young man blinked in surprise. " _Uhh_ -err, you're Gage Sharps?" He said, sounding fearful and simultaneously confused. "I'm sorry, but I'm not sure–"

"Don't tell me you haven't heard of Mr. Sharps' mind-boggling research?" Dan interjected, thankfully catching my drift and playing along. "His studies and examinations have singlehandedly changed the way that a lot of people think about probability and relativity."

"But I–" The man tried again, his brow suddenly sweaty.

"This is an outrage," Dan continued. "We're prestigious researchers and won't stand to be treated this way."

I raised my hand, trying to appear as if I'd had enough. "That's it, you know what–" I glanced at his nametag again, "–Newton, I'm going to have to insist I talk to your leading supervisor. Not Annette, but the real deal. I'm certain I made an appointment, and this infraction won't go unnoticed."

"N-no, there's no need for that," the young man -Newton- stammered. He immediately turned to his computer and began to type wildly. "I'm sure someone on the morning shift must've made a mistake, one that I'll amend I assure you."

"That's what we like to hear," Dan sniffed, and out of the corner of my eye I saw his lip twitch.

"Okay, I'm going to make you two temporary visitor's badges. They'll help you get upstairs to the archives. There, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out the way all our directories are stored, it's fairly simple. There's two ways to go about getting the information you want about the Choosing Ceremonies, the easiest is the main computer. However, if there's something you can't find, all the hard records are also stored in the books that line the walls."

"Good," Dan nodded. "We won't take long."

"Do either of you have identification?" Newton asked as he finished typing something into his keyboard. "I just need to put something down on the record that says you visited the archives."

I inched forward, staring him down for long moments with an expression that was a mix of anger at the question, and embarrassment at him for asking.

" _No_ ," I said; my answer casually threatening, succinct, and subject ending.

Newton flinched at my singular response, acting as if he'd just heard the sound of a gun being fired right next to him. He swallowed, then hesitated no more. " _Uhh_ , okay, _umm_ … I'll figure it out somehow."

Guilt flooded though me, because _truly_ I hadn't wanted to intimidate the guy. However, if it was what I had to do to get the information I wanted, then so be it. Once Newton had handed us our badges, we clipped them onto our clothes and then hurried up the stairs. There, we used them to scan our way past the security door and then into the area that held the records of every past Choosing Ceremony the city had ever had.

"Dude, that was a close call," Dan said as he hurried towards the main computer. "You know, you were awfully good at spinning that story back there. Props!"

"I've had some practice," I said stiffly. Thanks to the past year I'd spent trying to hide my sorrows with alcohol, I'd come to learn a thing or two about deceit. Though not perfect, I'd grown to learn at least the basics about lying.

"Oh, _right_ ," he said, obviously catching what I'd meant. Dan's previously relieved smile faded a fraction, and I mentally kicked myself for reminding him of those dark times. Thankfully, he seemed to brighten as he read something on the screen in front of him.

"Find something?" I asked. I'd decided to look for the book that held our year, just in case the computer proved to be hard to use.

"I think so, hold on."

I nodded, and as I turned back to the shelves, I could hear Dan mumbling under his breath as he read to himself. Just as I found the book that contained our own information, I heard Dan exclaim excitedly. Tucking the hardcover under my arm, I jogged over to look over his shoulder.

"Alrighty, I found our Choosing Ceremony year," he said as he began to scroll down the list.

There, before our eyes, was row upon row of names. Though it didn't say what faction their aptitude test had given them -that was information that no one but high government officials could see- it did say where they'd originated from and if they'd transferred, where that certain person currently resided. Next to my name it read; Stronghold, Sage. Candor/Dauntless. Then next to all of that information, there was a little picture with my face on it.

"I don't see Banks," Dan said as he scrolled through the page.

"He did change his name," I said. "Look at the pictures instead."

We must've gone through the list at least ten times, but it was to no avail. The computer didn't have him listed; neither his name, nor his photo ever showed up. It was while Dan was making a last ditch effort that I remembered the book.

As I sat in the desk next to Dan, I began to skim the pages idly; not really expecting to find anything. It was probably because of this that I was thoroughly shocked when I came upon a partial photograph of his face. It was him; I'd have recognized his icy stare anywhere, even on paper.

Someone had tried to rip the page out -it was obvious due to the frayed edges that still clung to the spine of the book- but they'd missed a part. And not just any part, but the most blood-chilling piece of information I'd come across.

"Dan," I said in a voice that was barely above a whisper. " _Look_."

Dan scooted over in his wheel-chair, and as he read over my shoulder, his mouth literally dropped open. On the small fragment of paper, just above the remains of his photo, there was a red stamp that read;

 _Status: Deceased._


	37. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Stage two of initiation began as any other day would; I woke up, got dressed, had breakfast, and then awaited my initiates. However, while everything might've appeared to be the norm on the outside, internally I was still roiling with the new information I'd discovered the previous night.

 _Deceased, deceased, deceased_ ; the single word kept replaying in my head. How was it possible? Already my life had turned into a web of lies and deceit, and this had only helped to further tangle my thoughts. There was too much to think about, too many loops and hidden agendas that I was still completely in the dark about.

"Follow me," I said when all of the initiates had gathered around.

Though they were all silent, I could feel the nervous energy that they emitted as they shuffled behind me. I could remember being in their shoes; this stage had been where I'd really run across problems, where I'd involuntarily shown –not only Amar– but also Banks that I was divergent.

Once we arrived at the dark hallway that led to the simulation room, I left them to go ahead and prepare the machine. While I'd initially thought Banks would've wanted to do this portion of the initiation personally, I was relieved when he'd instead said that he'd leave me to it.

"I have things to do," he'd said absently as his eyes got a far-away look to them. "You'll be in charge of this stage. Mind yourself though, I will be reviewing the recordings of the initiate's fears."

If I'd thought his words were cryptic before, _well_ , it was nothing compared to what I thought now. All I could think was, who the hell was he? How I'd wanted to just stride over to him and shake him, demanding answers. But no, I'd held my composure and simply nodded.

Even now, as I sat prepping the syringes and fear simulation program, my thoughts kept flitting back to Banks. Dan and I had combed through various other folders, and even miscellaneous files in the computer, but other than that half-torn picture I'd found –there'd been no sign that Banks had ever existed.

With a sigh, I determinately pushed my confusion to the back of my mind. Right now, I had to concentrate; from what I'd read in Banks's computer, he still had high suspicions about Ally, Iris, and Wayne.

Once everything was set, I got up and made my way back to the room I'd left the initiates in. There was little chatter heard when I opened the door, and as soon as they saw my face, an immediate hush spread throughout their group.

"Zane," I said.

And so it began. To be honest, I hadn't the slightest clue how Amar had been able to stand it; how he'd been able to see other people's fears without feeling the need to stop the whole process.

Though he'd been cocky and arrogant - _as usual_ \- at the end of his simulation; Zane had left the room pale faced, with sweat trickling down his temples and his hands shaking. In his simulation, he'd been held above a pit of sweltering embers; left to slowly burn, his skin peeling away as he cried out for help.

Unwelcome empathy automatically filled my body as I watched uselessly from my own seat. Even though his personality rankled and irritated me, a voice inside my head kept telling me to do something. _My initiate, my responsibility._

Before he left, I couldn't help but speak; I had to say something, even if it was banal, to settle his nerves.

"It's not real Zane. None of it is," I stiffly reassured him.

With a jerk of his head, he shakily snapped. "I-I know that."

After Zane, I called in Wayne; making sure to keep a sharp eye out for signs of divergence. I saw none. Or at least, none that were blatantly obvious. Once he'd finished his own simulation, though he hadn't been nearly as shaken up as Zane, Wayne still looked slightly perturbed.

"Hey, it's okay," I assured him as he continued to wipe at his arms. In his simulation, he'd been attacked by a swarm of angry bees. "Gone, they're gone."

He nodded, but even as he made his way out of the room I could see him absently wiping at his ears and neck; still feeling the phantom lingering's of the bee's legs on his body.

Vera, Tyler, Thomas, Shiloh, Mel, and Jade followed suit. And as they each suffered through their fears, I suffered along with them. It felt so incredibly intrusive to see such personal things. Worse, it ignited a sort of ire within me to know that I couldn't physically help them in any way; I could only observe.

Something I quickly became aware of was the fact that the fears I saw, though they were presented in odd ways, told a lot more about the initiates than I could've ever known by simply speaking to them. A prime example of still waters that ran deep had to be Jade.

I wasn't blind to the way she acted around everyone. Flirty, overconfident, crass, and completely unafraid, Jade had been the complete opposite as she'd been immersed in her fear. As slap after slap had rained down from a distorted-looking version of her father –whom I still remembered from their Visiting Day– Jade had keened and begged for mercy, for compassion. He'd shown none.

As she had finally managed to come out of the simulation, she shuddered violently. Then, only moments later, she took a series of deep breaths and then –to my surprise– gave me a grim smile; as if what had just happened were akin to a simple blunder.

"Is that why you chose dauntless, to get away from him?" I asked quietly.

"Maybe," she said coyly.

"Why didn't you say anything, why didn't you tell anyone what he was doing?" I asked in both horror and confusion.

"He's an esteemed lawyer back in candor. One of the best. That self-righteous bastard would've said I was lying. Who would've believed me?" She said darkly, a hint of a sneer on her lips.

"But the truth serum, they could've–"

"You don't know him the way I do," Jade shook her head. "He would've talked his way out of things before anyone would've even had the chance to doubt his character." She swallowed, and then added in a whisper. "I used to love candor." Then, seeming to have had enough, she hopped out of her chair and left; fists balled though her face was still set in an odd smile.

 _More than meets the eye. Everyone has secrets that'll haunt them throughout their days and nights._

Iris was next, and like Wayne, I was especially careful to note each and every little thing she did during her simulation. Her name was on the list, and if she was truly divergent, it was as good as a sentencing.

Unlike Wayne though, I immediately picked up on the fact that Iris was a ball of nerves. And it wasn't your average bout of anxiety that came from initiation, but something deeper; I could intuitively sense that she was hiding something. Could it be that Banks's suspicions about her were right?

Stiffly, she sat in the reclined metal chair and stared straight ahead as I injected the orange colored serum into her neck. I hadn't even turned on the program and already her nails were digging into the arm rests of the chair.

"Iris," I said, momentarily hesitating with my hand over the computer keys. How could I phrase my worries? If she really was divergent, would she even trust me enough to tell me the truth?

"Yeah?" she said, her voice tight yet unwavering.

" _Careful_ in there," I said, lacing the slightest warning in my words. "I'm not the _only_ _one_ who's going to review your fear simulations."

She blinked, and in that second I saw something shift in her eyes. She seemed, not distrustful or suspicious, but there was a certain wariness that hadn't been there before. She nodded, and then opened her mouth as if to say more. I tensed, ready to see if she'd confide in me, but then just as abruptly she snapped it shut and gave me a quick nod.

As I pressed the keys on the computer, I was immediately thrust into Iris's fear. Already, I could feel that something was off, that something wasn't quite right.

When connected to another's fear simulation in this manner, it was possible to see all of their fears as if you were simply a spectator; one that they'd never be aware of. From having watched so many previous simulations, I'd come to expect the usual; which was that the initiate would awake, thinking that what was happening to them was a reality, and then they'd go on to try and get over their terror. All the while though, they'd be completely unaware of what was truly going on.

As Iris stood before a crowd of dauntless who had risen and began to shout obscene things, telling her that she wasn't good enough for their faction, she didn't appear as alarmed as I thought she might be. True, in the beginning she'd fled from the mob and told them to stop, but after some hesitation she paused and stared at each of the faces that surrounded her with an odd expression on her features; as if she were trying to piece something together.

"Get out! Go on and live with your kind, the factionless!" A man yelled as he suddenly picked up a stone and tossed it at her.

Iris dodged it, but still she continued to analyze the people around her.

"You don't deserve to be dauntless!" A different woman hissed. "You're not worthy enough to be in our faction!"

The insults kept coming, and as time passed, the horde of people grew angrier and angrier. Abruptly, it wasn't just one man that was throwing rocks, but the whole mass of dauntless citizens. Iris cried out in pain, but didn't run.

Gritting my teeth, I balled my fists as I watched the scene. Why wasn't she running, or fighting, or–

Unexpectedly, Iris did turn away from the crowd, but as she did so, I noticed that she was intently staring down at her feet. _No_ , not her feet, but the floor in front of her. Where there'd once been the usual rock surface of the dauntless tunnels, there'd appeared a sort of metal trap door. That hadn't been there before, _right_? No, I was almost certain that it had been littered with pebbles and debris.

With a grunt, Iris worked to lift the latch as the dauntless people around her continued to throw rocks. Their insults grew, as did their attack, but that only seemed to make her work more furiously to lift the door. Blood was running down her face, and her skin was already bruising, but she remained determined. With a metal screech, she managed to lift it, and then without hesitation she leapt into its dark embrace.

With a gasp, Iris jerked up from the seat and held her hands out as if to shield her face from more oncoming stones. Divergent, she had to be divergent. I hastily removed the cables that were attached to my head, and then quickly placed a hand on her shoulder.

She flinched, but when she saw it was me, she seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.

"Iris," _What if I'm wrong?_ What if that door had already been there and I just hadn't noticed it? The setting her fear had taken place in _had_ been dark. "You okay?"

"Umm, yeah, I just need to–" She took in a shaky inhalation, then tried to paste a look of tranquility onto her features. "Breathe."

"You got out of there pretty quick," I mentioned, noticing that she flinched ever so slightly when I said that.

"Did I?" She said, and I immediately caught the hint of pretense in her voice.

She was hiding something. I knew it. A cold feeling settled into my body, but I refused to believe it. This couldn't be, Iris could not be divergent.

"Yeah," I nodded as an idea struck. "So, it was kind of dark, huh? Everything happened pretty fast. Actually, I didn't really see just how you got out. Can you explain?"

"There was a trap door," she said quickly. "I opened it and climbed down."

"Huh, that's what I thought. Just wanted to be sure though," I said, narrowing my eyes as I studied her.

Why wasn't she confiding in me? Was it because she didn't trust me, considered me a danger to her life? Or… could it be that my paranoia had gotten to me? I sighed, and then led her to the door. Though I was now _almost_ certain that she was divergent, I knew I'd have a concrete answer tomorrow; if she did the same thing, somehow altered the simulation, then I'd confront her.

I'd make her understand that I was on her side; that I wanted to keep her safe and out of Banks's radar.

We walked down the hallway in silence, but as I was about to open the door to let her out and call out the next name, Iris hesitated.

"Sage, we're friends right?"

"Do you even have to ask?" I answered. "Of course we are. Why do you ask? What's wrong?"

"It's just… " she broke off, staring at the door and then back at me. Seconds ticked by, but as they did, I could see Iris seem to change her mind. " _Nothing_. Nothing's wrong. That simulation just freaked me out."

"You sure that's it?" I asked, cocking my head to the side. "You have nothing else to tell me?"

"That's it," she smiled hesitantly. _Deceit_ ; my inner lie-detector screeched. _She's hiding something. Don't be stupid. That door want' there, she made it. She's divergent._

"Yeah, they're pretty bad," I agreed after a silent pause; trying to hide the disappointment in my voice. I thought she'd been about to confess, to trust me. "But you'll be fine. You're strong and brave."

"Thanks," she said, and as she made her way out the door, I made a mental note to review her fear simulation more closely.

What if I _was_ wrong? My instilled candor roots made it near impossible for someone to get something past me, but what if I'd lost some of the potency of that skill –the ability to tell lie from truth– as the year had gone by.

Fresh from candor, I wouldn't have hesitated to trust my gut. However, things had changed. I didn't want to confront Iris unless I was one-hundred percent sure that she was divergent. Perhaps she'd been hiding something else? Tried to not show fear, as she usually did, because she didn't want to appear weak?

Subtly shaking my head, I called out the next names; Felix, Edmund, Dylan, and then David, until the only person left was Ally.

Another grip of fear filled my body and made my heart feel as if it had been given a sharp stab. Ally was the other name on Banks's list. But unlike Iris and Wayne, Banks didn't have mere suspicions, but an almost complete certainty.

 _And he's right_ ; I thought with horror. Because deep down, I'd known that Ally was different from the moment I'd laid eyes on her.

I couldn't lie to myself; I'd observed her far too closely to not see that signs. She was gentle and kind, inquisitive and smart, brave and daring. She was _everything_ , a perfect balance, and that made her prey in Banks's eyes. It made her a target. The wonderful, yet dangerous, balance of traits; it could only mean one thing.

Voice cold and hollow, feeling as if I were about to speak a death sentence, I called out the final name on my roster.

"Ally."


	38. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

I was keenly aware of every one of Ally's movements as we headed down to the testing room. It didn't escape my notice that she kept nervously wiping her hands against her pants, that she was walking in a stiff and formal manner, and that her breathing had hitched ever so slightly. I saw it all.

Down the hallway and into the room, she barely managed to stifle a small gasp of alarm when her eyes landed on the metal reclining chair inside. Then, as if to really solidify my suspicions, her face paled when she spotted the familiar beeping machine that had several wires connected to it; the computer that was similar to the one used for the aptitude tests.

"Take a seat," I said, motioning to the chair.

"That's what stage two is, a simulation?" Ally said, not moving even the slightest bit as she stared at the seat with poorly hidden dread. "How many of them will we have to do?"

Slowly, I turned from the computer and raised a brow at her. Her horror was unmistakable, but it surprised me nonetheless to actually see it; she normally tried so hard to conceal any and all weaknesses. Also, she was usually better at hiding her unending curiousity.

"That's an awful lot of _questions_ ," I noted quietly, adding a hint of warning to the last word. "You're pretty curious for someone with a dauntless aptitude."

" _I_ – " she faltered, swallowing loudly as her eyes darted from the chair to my face. Clearly she was searching for a lie, something, _anything_ , to say that would explain her abnormal reaction.

"It's okay, it's just nerves right?" I said, deciding to give her an out. "Sit."

" _Right_ , yes, nerves," she nodded. Cautiously, she made her way to the chair, and once she was on it she gripped the armrests with a white-knuckle grip. "Umm, so exactly what kind of test will it be this time?"

"You remember the exam they gave you to determine your aptitude?" I asked as I began to type away at the keyboard; setting up the correct program. She nodded, and I continued. "Well it's sort of like that. However, instead of finding out what faction you belong in, this one will draw up your worst fears and present them to you as a series of simulations."

"Oh wow, that sounds _great_ ," Ally said, attempting to be sarcastic, though mostly she just sounded all the more appalled. " _Seriously,_ I can't wait. You dauntless sure do know how to have fun."

"It's not without a purpose that we do these tests," I said reassuring. Pulling out another syringe, I began to draw up her dose. "The simulations are used to teach you to control your fears so that in a time of danger, you'll be able to think in a level-headed manner. We make you face your fears, so that you'll always be prepared for the worst."

"I guess that makes sense," she admitted after some thought. Shifting in her seat, Ally's eyes narrowed when she spotted the syringe in my hand. "What's that for?"

"There's a transmitter in the serum that'll stimulate a certain area of your brain. It will draw up your fears and then create a hallucination. Then, it'll transmit the images into this computer, from where I'll be able to observe. Now, if you could please turn your head."

Without further hesitation, Ally nodded and shifted so that her neck was exposed. Gingerly, I swept a few strands of hair away, and then with great care I injected her with the serum. I noticed her wince slightly, but that was all; she didn't complain.

"In a minute the serum will go into effect," I said as I went to my own seat and pressed a couple of electrodes onto my temples. "To get out of the simulation, you can either do so by lowering your heart rate, or by facing your fear. You can do this, just be brave."

"Okay," she said, her voice already low and hazy as the program began to kick in.

From the corner of my eye I caught a movement, and as I turned I realized that one of her hands seemed to be reaching towards me. On impulse, I rolled my chair closer to her and let my fingers gently weave into her own. She didn't pull away.

"You'll be fine. I believe in you," I said as I saw her eyes start to get a distant look to them. "And if you want, I'll stay here, right by your side."

Her grip tightened, and as the simulation took over, she barely managed to give a small nod. "Yes _… stay_."

The scenery Ally created was beautifully heart-stopping. Around us, the sky appeared as if it had been painted with a palette made up only of rosy pinks, smooth purples, and warm oranges. The sun's rays peeked around the billowy clouds, and wherever the light touched, everything seemed to change and emit a new sort of effervescent glow.

All around her, she appeared to be surrounded by a never-ending field of waist-high wheat and corn stalks. The only disruption in the meadow was a single tree that stood in the very center of the land. It was surreal. Though it was all a simulation, I could even smell the earthy sweet aroma that the plants emitted with the touch of the slightest breeze.

 _How can this be a fear?_ I wondered absently. _It's so peaceful._

I was so lost in her celestial creation, it took me a second to realize that she wasn't staring at her surroundings, rather up at the mountains that seemed to encase the field. Turning my head around to get a good view, I saw that the land seemed to resemble a bowl; shaped so that we were at the very bottom of concaved area. There was no easy way out.

Suddenly, a chill ran up my spine as the entire scene changed before my eyes. Looking to Ally, I saw that she was still craning her head up, all while slowly backing away.

In the distance, near the highlands, a thick streak of black rose up; twisting like a sinister ribbon through the air. Slowly, it went up in a line. Up until it reached cloud level and began to expand out in thin claw-like tendrils. It looked as if a bottle of ink had been spilled into the sky; polluting what had once been beautiful and pure.

" _No_ ," I heard Ally gasp as she continued to move away, at a faster pace than before as the air began to get a bitter taste to it.

The ink cloud was growing faster, seeming to take on a life of its own as it swallowed up all of the weak streams of light that fought to burst through the clouds. Behind it all, I could no longer make out the mountains; all the distance held was a shock of black nothingness. The acrid taste in the air grew stronger, and I saw that Ally was gagging as she tried to take in a breath.

For an instant, she froze and I worried that her fear had gotten the best of her. But then, just as she'd stopped, she'd spun around on her heel and made a bee-line towards the center of the field; towards the old tree that seemed to be the only thing that still held a touch of warmth. It's orange and gold leaves fluttered, and as Ally got closer, it seemed as if the branches were beckoning her to hurry.

" _Ahh_!" Ally suddenly cried out as she stumbled over an unseen root.

She fell forward, hands out, and only just managed to catch herself. With a grunt, she tried to get up, but as she took a deep breath of air, I saw her wince and suddenly start to cough. The air, it had grown so thick, and though she tried to get a good gulp, it was clearly not clean enough.

Stumbling, she managed to get to her feet and run a few more steps; only to fall again as another fit of coughs overtook her. The black-green air was all around; the tree invisible as the smog coated the field in its dark embrace.

"Get up," I heard her hiss to herself as she got to her knees, then up on her feet. " _Move_."

She pressed her hands to her mouth, trying to stop the choking sounds. Then, tapping into her reserved strength, she forced herself to keep going forward. The tree, she was still trying to get to the tree.

I don't know how, but after what felt like countless moments, Ally managed to spot her target; the oak, which had begun to lose its leaves as the acidic air swirled around it. One step, two, then three –she'd finally made it.

Slumping down, she slid down the side of the tree and fought to catch her breath as the air continued to invade the meadow. She gave a single cough, wet and ragged, and I shuddered when I saw that her hands had come away slick with blood.

 _What's going on? Why hasn't this ended?_ I wondered angrily as I saw that blisters were beginning to rise on her skin. _She got to the tree, the simulation should be over!_

" _Help_ ," Ally said weakly, shrieking as the blisters along her arms continued to grow and then burst. "Someone, _help me_!"

This was agony. How badly I wanted to abort the whole simulation; to take her out of her pain. My own skin stung as I imagined the blisters appearing upon my own body. The sky, the smoke, it was eating her alive. Her screams grew as the acrid wisps brought new injuries to her face, her neck, hands… _everywhere_.

And then I saw why it hadn't ended. Up above, hidden amongst the leaves, there was a small enclosure built into the thick branches. If she wanted to escape the venomous air, she needed to climb up. But could she? She was so weak now, bleeding and unable to get a good breath of air. She didn't even seem to notice the little enclosure as she began to sob in abandon.

Her cries, how they rang through to my very core; making me feel as if something essential had been fractured there. Her pleas, they were the worst sound in the world; desperate, filled with raw fear. It took all I had in me not to get up, tear the wires from by head, and shut off the computer. This wasn't real, Ally was actually safe right now; in the chair, her hand in my own.

Then, shockingly abrupt, Ally's screams were cut off. It was so dark, I could barely see her.

On the ground, she'd tightly curled herself into a ball; hiding herself away from the world. If she was still in pain, no one would've known. Quite possibly, the silence was worse than her previous cries. Another few seconds passed, and then I couldn't see her anymore.

"Not real," I heard her mutter. "Not. _Real_."

Then suddenly, I felt it; the same way the black smoke had carried a feeling of dread with it, spreading it through the entire valley in minutes, I'd suddenly caught a hint of something else. Something that felt a lot like… _hope_.

A blinding light erupted from the area Ally had previously been laying in, and before I knew it everything was over.

" _Help_!" Ally suddenly shrieked as she lurched forward in her seat.

Almost immediately, she began to cough, and with her free hand she frantically tried to wave away at the smoke she feared must've followed her. All throughout her simulation, she hadn't let go of my hand, and now she was digging her fingernails into my skin as her eyes darted around the room, looking for danger.

"Ally, Ally stop," I said as I tried reached forward to clasp her other hand. "It's over."

When I caught her wrist, she flinched but then seemed to finally realize that her surroundings had changed. It was quiet as I let her get her bearings, and after a few moments her erratic breathing slowly returned to normal. I released her wrist, but then moved my arm so that both of her cold hands were entirely encased in my own. It felt nice, as if it should always be that way.

"Please," she whispered in a small broken voice. "Please tell me that's the worst it'll ever get. Promise me, that I'll never have to go through something like that again."

"I can't make that promise," I answered. "I'm sorry, but this is only the beginning."

She squeezed her eyes shut, and it again felt as if I'd been stabbed in the heart; her pain felt like my own. Trying to get some warmth back into her fingers, I slowly began to rub her hands until her death-grip loosened.

" _God_ , I'm so sorry," Ally said when she finally pulled away and saw that she'd left little half-moon indents on my skin. "Sage, I-I didn't mean to, I'm sor–"

"It's fine, really," I said, chuckling a little. "I'll live. It's not the worst thing that's happened to me."

At that, she frowned deeply, but then seemed to bite her tongue when I shrugged nonchalantly. Now that she appeared to be fine, a voice in the back of my head quietly noted that I had bigger things to worry about.

 _How did she get out? What was that light?_ I peered at the timer on the screen. It read three minutes. _Too fast. Not normal… There's no doubt left._

As if picking up on my change of mood, Ally suddenly straightened in her seat and looked from the computer screen, then back to my face. Searching for something, we both stared at each other quietly. I knew her secret, and I suspected that she'd figured that out already.

It grew tense, and as the clock on the far off wall ticked away, I found myself comparing my own pulse to that of its beat. _Thump, thump, tick, tick._ How life went on.

"Sage," Ally whispered softly, as if she were afraid to break the silence.

"Ally," I answered, equally quiet. Our eyes were glued to each other, and it was as if we were already communicating though we hadn't even really exchanged words. _Tell me_ ; I mentally pleaded. _Trust me._ She hesitated, but then seemed to see something in my expression that made her face soften.

"Am I in danger?"

And that was all it took; what she'd said was not only a question, but an admission. A dangerous one.

" _Yes_."


	39. Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Ally's face was utterly stoic as what I'd said sunk in. I wasn't sure what I'd expected, but it certainly wasn't for her to just sit there looking unshakably still. As time continued to slip away, second by second, I kept expecting her to jump out of her seat in a fury. Or perhaps to cry, babble with fear; to show some sort of strong emotion.

In the silence, I heard as she pulled in a breath, then released it all in a gust.

"Will you be the one to kill me?" She asked in a whisper.

" _What?_ " I choked out as I took in the meaning of her words. "Ally, you're in danger, but not from me." She didn't seem convinced, and as she continued to stare at her clasped hands on her lap, I couldn't help but reach over to pull her chin up; we were eye to eye. " _Look at me_ , and know that what I'm saying is nothing but the truth. Your life is hanging on the line, but I'll do everything -and _anything_ \- I can to protect you."

"How can I even trust you?" She demanded. "You, or anyone else in this facility?"

"Because I would never lie to you," I said earnestly. "There are people here in dauntless that are going to be hunting you, and it's wise that you'd be cautious about trusting anyone, but I'm on your side. You don't have to be afraid of me. _Never_ me."

"If not you, then whom?" She insisted, jerking her chin away from my fingers. "When I took my aptitude test, I was told by the man who administered it that if I was ever found out, I'd be as good as dead. But he didn't explain to me just why. Tell me Sage, why is being divergent dangerous? Who the hell is after me? And just why do you know so much about all of this? Help me understand."

Dropping my hand, I let myself sag a little into my chair. So many questions, all the same I'd also once had. Yet still, after all this time, I'd figured out only so much. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I could already feel the beginnings of a headache starting.

"Being divergent, among other things, means that you're a person who's aware during your simulations. You know that what you're experiencing isn't real, and with this knowledge, you're able to manipulate the program at will. Some who are even stronger have the ability to completely shut it down."

"I still don't understand, how could that be dangerous? It's just a computer program–"

" _Because_ it makes you uncontrollable Ally," I said, snapping my head up to meet her gaze. "It makes you unpredictable. You don't conform to the way society feels you should act. You're not a mindless follower, and that's makes you a risk."

I could tell she wanted to argue, to say something, but my words were all the truth. After a pause, Ally sighed and nodded. "Who's after me?"

"I don't know _exactly_ ," I admitted. "But a major player in all of this is Banks. He's the one you should be most concerned about."

"Banks?" She repeated, swallowed loudly. "Our instructor?"

"The one and only," I nodded. "He's a killer, completely cold-blooded. Always very astute about the most minor of details. He… he's been watching you. Today, you were very lucky."

"Lucky? _Me_?" She gaped. "How on earth could you consider me lucky?"

"Because if he'd been the one to administer your fear simulation today, by now you'd be strapped down to a metal gurney while he performed all sorts of unspeakable experiments on you," I grated; my voice shaky with emotion.

There was a lull, and as I stared in angst at Ally's expression, I realized that I recognized the look in her eyes. It was the same kind of gaze the erudite had when they were trying to piece something together; to figure out a puzzle. Though not spine-chilling, it was also definitely the same look Banks always had when he was watching and analyzing his surroundings… his subjects.

 _She's studying me._

"How could you know anything about the things he does, _unless_ , I mean. Everything that you know– _You_?" she said in shock, her eyes widening. "You're divergent."

I nodded. "Yes."

"But he kept you alive. So that could only mean," she bit her lip, and before my eyes she seemed to pale until she was as white as a ghost. "Oh my god, _Sage_ , what has he done to you?" She asked, her voice cracking at the end.

"Right now, what has or hasn't happened to me doesn't matter. Only you do," I said as I turned in my chair to face the computer. "If we're smart about this, we could still get Banks off of your tracks. I'm going to have to delete the footage of your simulation, since you can obviously tell that you manipulated the environment with your mind."

"Won't that be suspicious?"

"Yeah, but that's why I'm going to hook you up so that you can go again," I said as I finished clearing out the computer's history. "You got out fast enough that we have time to go again. However, that's one of the things you'll have to work on. For your safety, you're going to actually have to try and take longer in there."

" _Longer_ ," she repeated with a frown. "Won't that lower my rank?"

"Normally it would, but the way things are going, even if you got out a little slower you'd still be the fastest initiate," I answered as I prepped another syringe. "Another thing to keep in mind– you have to remember that you're in dauntless and by this time people expect you to react as any other member of our faction would. Take this last simulation, rather than getting out by breaking free from the program, what you need to do is take time to look at your surroundings. Dauntless values preparedness, so you should always work to know the layout of the land."

"Right, got it," she nodded, settling back into the chair.

"Also you have to stay calm, even amidst all the horror you'll undoubtedly see. I know that sounds hard, but it's completely doable. You just have to study your fears and know what it really is that you're up against," I said as I stood to inject her again. "Because in reality, I doubt that you're afraid of a giant cloud of acidic smoke appearing from nowhere. Ask yourself, what does this scene represent to me?"

Ally nodded, but as I walked towards her, she shifted until she was sitting back up. Looking at me, she quietly said something that I couldn't quite make out.

"What?" I asked.

"I said," she cleared her throat. "I said, what do _you_ think my fear meant? Be honest."

I stared at her for a long moment, feeling hesitant about revealing just what it was that I thought. Would she be upset when she heard my assumptions? After a pause, I realized that it didn't matter, because I'd promised to always be honest with her.

"I think that in the first few minutes of the simulation, you were genuinely happy to be there, back home in the amity fields. You felt like you belonged," I said as I thought back to the scene. "However after a time, I got the impression that you felt stifled by the ways of your faction, even began to feel trapped –thus represented by the all-encompassing mountains and the acidic fog. Amity stopped being your haven, and instead turned into your own personal hell. When you ran, it was also a douse of dark irony; to save yourself, you had to return to your roots so-to-speak."

I paused, waiting to see if she had any input, but when she only waved me on to continued I added;

"By the time you made it to the tree, you were in a mindless panic. So much so, that you weren't able to see that there was a little enclosure up in the branches. From what I saw, it was built rather roughly, made from what I could only guess were scraps of refurbished metal. In a way, it reminded me of the way things here in dauntless are built," I paused, knowing this last bit might sound bad if I didn't phrase it just right. "I think that simulation represented you not being able to escape your amity roots, but also not being able to cut it in dauntless. You're afraid of not belonging anywhere."

She didn't answer. I frowned, feeling my face heat up with embarrassment. Had I totally guessed wrong? Been off the mark? Was she angry with me now?

"So, was I even remotely close?" I finally asked, clearing my throat awkwardly.

" _You_ …" She leaned back into her seat and turned her face away from me; exposing her neck while simultaneously hiding her expression from me. "You're very observant."

 _How cryptic_ ; I thought as I walked over to her. She didn't say I was wrong, but she certainly didn't say I was right. I was just about to inject her when I heard a knock on the door.

With a leap, Ally was on her feet and by my side in an instant. Looking down at her, I could see that she was on high alert. Her eyes darting as she looked for an exit.

"There's a backdoor," I whispered hurriedly as I took ahold of her arm. "Wait for me there while I figure this out. There shouldn't be anyone left outside, and even if there were, they shouldn't be knocking right now."

"Okay." With a jerky nod, Ally dashed out the exit and then hid in the shadows as I quietly shut the door; leaving it open just a crack so that she might hear. If whoever had knocked was dangerous, I wanted her to hear and make herself scarce with enough time at hand.

"Yeah?" I said, letting my irritation leech into the word. There came another knock, yet no answer. " _What?_ " I snapped as I got up and began to make my way towards the door.

A sudden thumping came, erratic and panicky, and I hastened to see who it could be. As I opened the door a crack, I was shocked to see a familiar face; Iris.

"I need to talk to you," Iris said as she shouldered into the room. She glanced around, seemed to deem it safe, and then flipped the lock on the door handle. She didn't notice the back exit.

"Iris, what's wrong?" I asked as I studied her closely.

Rather than answer, Iris began to pace back and forth across the room; like an animal that was trapped in a cage. Anxiously, she brushed her hair behind her ears, only to shake it out after another few steps. As I got closer, I could just make out the fact that she was mumbling to herself.

"–could've heard wrong, and it was dark, might not have been what I thought–" she said as she brushed past me. "–all wrong, it's all wrong–"

"Iris," I said slowly, trying to get her attention. When she ignored me though, I had to reach out and pull her back to face me. "Iris, what the hell is going on? What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"God, I hope I'm doing the right thing," I heard her say under her breath as she stared at me with a steely resolve. "I-I heard something."

"What?" I demanded. "What did you hear?"

"This is such a huge risk, I don't know that I should tell you," she said, furrowing her brow. "I want to trust you, but I also don't want to die."

 _Jesus, if anyone else accuses me of possible murder, I may just have to comply_ ; I thought with heavy sarcasm as I released her. _Breathe deeply Stronghold, breathe deeply._

"Talk," I said. "If you're here, then it must mean you already trust me enough to validate the risk. Iris, you never half-ass things, so don't start now. You came here to say something, so do it."

That seemed to pull her to the present, because without hesitation, she nodded and set her shoulders in a show of fortitude.

"Before I tell you what I heard, I have to come clean. You know how you said that you never saw that trap door I escaped through?" I nodded, and she continued. "Well, it's not because it was too dark or anything. You never saw it, because it wasn't there to begin with. I created it. Sage, I'm–"

"– Divergent," I said, already making my way towards the backdoor. "I thought so."

"What are you doing?" Iris began to ask in alarm when she saw me open the door.

Ally's shadow was just at the edge, and I waved her in. It was then though, that I realized that the whole scene might be misconstrued. Here Iris had just told me a life-threatening secret, and I'd just gone ahead and opened the door to let another shady figure in.

 _Nice move, genius!_ Right as I turned, I caught sight of Iris hightailing it back towards the first door.

"Wait, Iris!" I called as I barely managed to catch up to her. Shoving myself forward so that she'd be unable to open the door, I tried to explain. "Listen to me."

She didn't, instead her fist flew by in a blur; landing squarely on my chin. It was no surprised she'd left Zane in such bad shape, the girl had a right hook that was enviable. Still, I was used to much _-much-_ worse than that. Shaking it off indifferently, I rallied to appear as calm and nonthreatening as possible.

" _Shit_. They really are everywhere. Why did I ever say anything?" I heard her muttering angrily as she wheeled around towards the door where Ally stood. When they met eyes, Iris did a double take. "You?"

"Relax, you're not in danger," I said as I approached her slowly. "We're just like you."

"Like me?" Iris repeated suspiciously.

"Different," Ally said. " _Divergent_."

"Are you serious?" Iris said as she gawked at Ally, then at me. We both nodded solemnly. "But I thought… well, I thought being divergent was rare. Rare, and essentially a life sentence."

"Apparently not that rare," I said as I ran a hand through my hair and gazed at the pair. "And not a life sentence, not if we proceed with caution."

 _I won't let them make the same mistakes I did_ ; I vowed internally. _I'll keep them safe, no matter what._

"What were you going to say?" Ally asked Iris as she walked over to her. "Before things got kind of mixed up in here, you said you heard something?"

Iris nodded, but it was only after I'd locked the backdoor that she spoke up again.

"When I was finished with my fear simulation, I left feeling like I should've said something to you Sage, but I didn't know if it'd be safe. Didn't know who I could trust," Iris said quietly.

"I know how that feels," Ally said sympathetically as she gently patted Iris on the back.

Even now, when she was in the same position as Iris, Ally was unconsciously reverting back to her amity roots; caring only about how Iris felt, and concerned that her friend was obviously in a state of emotional anguish. As I watched, I noted that Iris's nerves seemed to ebb ever so slightly.

"Yeah, it was nerve wracking," Iris nodded. "I was trying to put everything out of my mind, but I was so lost in my thoughts that I actually made a wrong turn and went down a different set of tunnels. It was then that I heard it."

"Heard what?" I asked, already feeling a knot of nerves forming in my stomach.

"Two voices. At first I was just going to turn around and head back to the Pit, but right as I was about to leave I heard them say, _I'm certain there's signs of divergence –there's no doubt. We'll act as soon as I have confirmation._ " Iris answered as her eyes grew wide. "I freaked out! I assumed they were talking about me. So then, without really thinking about it, I ran back here. All I was thinking at that precise moment was that I had to get somewhere that I'd be safe. Find someone that I could rely on enough to tell my secret." She paused, and then gave me a mortified look. "Sorry about that hit by the way, I just–"

"S'okay," I said, waving away her apology. "That was my bad. I didn't really think it through when I let Ally in. As your teacher, I even feel obligated to commend you on that hook. It was impressive."

Iris's embarrassed look slowly shifted into one of pride, and I gave her a grin. Ally, meanwhile, looked taken aback.

"Must be a dauntless thing," I heard her mutter.

"Wait," I suddenly said as my brain picked up on something vital. "You said you heard two voices?"

"Yeah," Iris nodded. "One male, and though I'm not one-hundred percent sure, I'd have to say it was–"

" _Banks_ ," Ally and I said in unison.

Iris nodded. "It sounded like him, but the other voice I couldn't really place."

"Wait, so he wasn't on the phone when you heard him talking to someone?" I asked.

The only times I'd ever managed to catch a bit of Banks' conversations, I'd noticed that he'd always spoken to someone over his earpiece or a high-tech looking cell.

"No," Iris shook her head. "It was dark, but I'm sure I saw two silhouettes."

 _The spy is here._ I shuddered, and felt my mouth go dry. What could it mean that Banks was now meeting with his people here, in dauntless, right under our very noses. Nothing good, that I could be certain of.

"What about the other voice?" Ally added. "Wasn't there even the slightest hint or clue that could help us discover who he was talking to?"

"Anything, Iris," I insisted. "Anything at all, the smallest thing could make the difference."

Screwing her face up as she thought, Ally and I waited as Iris visibly tried to grasp at any kind of information that could help us. After long moments though, she shook her head in dismay.

"Sorry, I just can't recognize the voice. I mean, there wasn't even anything distinct about it," Iris said with clear frustration. "Besides, she was talking really quietly, so I barely even caught the first half of what she said."

"She?" I repeated warily. "It was a female?"

Iris blinked in surprise. "Didn't I mention that?"

I shook my head slowly. "No."

The room seemed to grow thick with the heavy silence that followed. Ally nervously chewed on her lip, and Iris seemed to be contemplating something before she finally spoke.

"I guess that's the only clue we have then… The other person was a girl."


	40. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

"Remember what I said. Be alert, stay calm, and tell no one of what just happened," I said as Ally and Iris began to make their way out the door. "As far as anyone knows, nothing is out of order with either of your simulations."

They nodded, both looking determined and confident in what I'd just said. After deleting their previous fear simulations and having them go through another –with them reacting as a dauntless member would, instead of someone divergent– I'd told them that I'd do all in my power to help them make it through the rest of initiation.

"Thanks for the help," Ally said; a grateful smile on her lips.

"It's nothing," I answered.

"No, it's not _nothing_ ," she insisted. "Don't belittle what you're doing."

"You're taking a lot of risks yourself," Iris added. "I mean, if Banks found out–"

"He won't," I said with a shrug; unable to muster up the right amount of fear for myself as I probably should. "Besides, risks are kind of my thing."

Iris chuckled, and then slowly walked out. Ally was following behind her, but at the doorway she lingered; her expression telling me she wanted to say more. In the end, she must've mentally talked herself out of it, because after giving me a shy smile, she also left.

 _It's all going to be okay, they're going to live, it's all going to be okay_ ; I assured myself as I fiddled with the computer.

After uploading and sending all of the initiates' fear simulations to Banks and the rest of the dauntless leaders, I went about picking up the rest of the room so that it'd be tidy for the following day. I was just about done when I heard the door give the slightest creak.

"Hey! Look at you, cleaning and putting stuff away like a good kid," Dan chuckled as he swaggered in and plopped himself down onto the testing chair. "Your mom would be so proud. She never could get you to clean up your room quite this well."

"It was organized chaos," I defended myself with a grin. "I knew where everything was. Anyway, as I recall, we shared that room more often than not, so technically that was also half of your mess."

"Mess? I'll have you know that pile of dirty clothes were actually part of a complex work of art. I called it, Le' Heap of the Unknown," he said with a flourish of his hand.

"Nice cover," I laughed. "So, what brings you here?"

"You were taking forever to come to the dining hall, so I figured I'd come find you."

"Yeah, I meant to hurry, but things got a little complicated," I said as I turned to finish shutting down the computer. "I'll be done in a sec."

"No problem," he said as he adjusted the chair so that it was reclined as far back as possible. "I figured you'd be a while, so I brought a _healthy_ snack." From his pocket, he pulled out a package of gummy bears and popped a few in his mouth, then held the bag towards me.

"Healthy?" I repeated with a chuckle as I took a couple.

"Of course, I mean they have," he paused to glance at the package, " _umm_ , traces of fruit juice? And xeno-something-or-other… anyway, they're colorful, and I remember once that an amity nurse told me that a balanced diet has all the colors of the rainbow." He shook the bag at me. "Mission accomplished, yeah?"

"Oh, _for sure_. I'm sure that's totally what the nurse meant," I chuckled as I finished putting away the wires.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched in quiet amusement as Dan shrugged, then took two gummy bears out of the bag and casually began playing with them; making them have little conversations before tossing them in his mouth and dramatically saying, _I am your gummy god!_

Out of nowhere, a pang seemed to shoot through my chest as a memory from long ago resurfaced. He'd used to do that when he was little too; play with his food as Mara exasperatedly told him to cut it out. Even now, I could fondly recall just how that little habit had been formed.

After his mother had died, young Danny hadn't been quite able to cope with the loss, especially with his father being absent all the time. Completely out of character, he'd grown quiet, distant, and wouldn't eat unless he was coaxed into it. Even I'd had a hard time getting him to utter a few words.

When he'd actually begun to lose weight, my own parents had grown so worried they'd actually had a confrontation with Mr. Gallows. I'd heard the whole thing by accident; at night, I'd been thirsty and gone to get a drink from the kitchen, but as I'd approached, I'd heard their tense voices.

"Norm, you know I don't like to interfere, but this has gone _too_ far," my father had said through clenched teeth. "The boy needs you in his life. Can't you see that?"

"Of course I can, but it's not that simple. I have a job to do, an important one that can't just be put aside," Mr. Gallows had said in a steady voice. "It's a horrible loss, but he'll get over it."

"Get over it?" My mother had hissed, her face coloring as she clenched her thin hands. "How can you talk about your son and Daniela that way? _How?_ Don't you feel anything?"

"Lea, don't start with me. You have no idea what I feel, so don't judge me," Mr. Gallows had suddenly snapped. "Just because you knew her longer, do you think that means you're sense of loss is greater than mine? She was your friend, but she was also my wife."

"Then why are you being this way?" My mother had growled back, her temper rising.

"What do you want me to do? Cry, wallow, break down? I can't afford that. I lost her, but I won't lose my career."

"No? But you can afford to let Danny just waste away?... You're okay with losing him?"

At that, Mr. Gallows had taken a threatening step towards my mother. I remember feeling my hands get clammy, my little body shaking as my heart fluttering like a panicked bird. But my father had stepped forward, protectively shielding my mother.

"Stop, both of you," he'd said firmly. "This is not the way to resolve things."

After a few moments, both my mother and Mr. Gallows had seemed to snap back; stepping away from each other as they composed themselves.

"Sorrel's right, this isn't about you. It's about Danny," my mother had eventually muttered. "If you can't be bothered to take time out of your business life to help him get through this, then…" she'd glanced at my father, and he'd nodded; apparently, they must've discussed the topic beforehand. "Then let him stay here."

"He already does," Mr. Gallows had answered in a tired tone. He'd rubbed at his eyes, looking weathered and suddenly a million years old.

"No, not just after he gets out of his lower-levels class," my dad had interjected. He'd paused, seeming to try to work out how to say something, then said in a rush; "Please Norman, let us keep Danny here. It does him good to be around our kids."

"You want to take the boy?" Mr. Gallows had asked; not sounding as bothered as I'd expected.

"Obviously not permanently," my father had quickly added.

"Just until we can get him over this rough patch and back to his normal self," my mom had added, her tone not angry anymore, just pleading. "You can visit him at any time you please. Our door will always be open to you. Please Norman."

"Fine. I have to return to the office tonight anyway. Can you take him now?" Mr. Gallows had said with a sigh.

My mother had nodded and followed him out the door, but as my father had been about to follow, he'd spotted me; just standing there in my pajamas. Mr. Gallows had already left our home.

"Lea, I'll handle this," my father had assured my mom.

Then, without a word, he'd picked me up and taken me to my room.

"Dad," I'd whispered as he tucked me into bed. "Is Mr. Gallows a bad man?"

He hadn't answered right away, but eventually he'd shaken his head. "No. He's just suffering in his own way."

I must've fallen asleep right after, because I never actually recalled when Danny had been tucked into the bunk bed above me. Never even heard when they'd moved his clothes into my own closet.

As they'd suspected, by living with us Danny had eventually gotten better. It had been a slow process, but my parents had been patient and kind. To get him to eat, my father had been the one who'd bribed him with candy. And when he'd wanted him to laugh, he'd make little animal crackers talk to each other. The habit had stuck. Even when he'd gone back home after a few months, I'd recall seeing him fooling around.

Now, as I watched Danny continue to toss candy into his mouth. I couldn't help but wonder if he remembered any of that. I sure did.

"What?" Dan asked when he saw me staring. "Is there something on my face?" He wiped at his mouth. "Dude, seriously, if there's candy on my face you've got to tell me. What'll the ladies think if they see me with crap on my mouth?"

"There's nothing on you," I chuckled. "But I'd be more afraid of the _ladies_ seeing you play with candy than I'd be of having food on your face."

He blinked. "That information does not leave this room."

I grinned, but nodded."Let's go then," I said. "I have a lot to tell you."


	41. Chapter 39

Chapter 39

She was losing it, falling apart right before my very eyes.

 _Come on Ally, you can do this._ I thought as I watched her fear continue to unfold before me. _Concentrate. Don't let it get to you._

Though most people might think that the fear landscapes brought pain only to the initiate whose mind had created them, this wasn't the case. It was in times like these that I truly understood what Amar had gone through, and why he'd been distraught as he'd witnessed my own simulations. It was a wretched feeling to have; to observe someone go through their worst fears, and much more so when there was absolutely nothing you could do about it.

I was nothing more than a silent spectator.

This fear, it was one I hadn't seen yet. In it, Ally had opened her eyes to see that she was in a large plane of nothing but white. The floors had been tiled, and the ceiling smooth but incandescent; as if it were a thin sheet of plastic that only let in a certain amount of light. The area had just stretched on as far as the eye could see without a wall in sight.

As she'd surveyed the area, a noise had suddenly sounded behind her, causing her to whirl around in a rush. There, she'd come face to face with what appeared to be a clone of herself; another Ally that had stared at her with a frown.

"Who are you?" the clone had demanded.

"Me?" Ally had repeated shakily.

"Yeah, who are you?" Another voice had sounded to her left; yet another clone.

"I'm me," Ally had said, trying to sound firm and composed. "I'm Ally."

"No, you're not," the first clone snapped, shaking her head in irritation. "Don't lie."

"I-I'm not," Ally had said as she tried to step backwards, only to stumble into the even larger crowd of clones. "I'm Ally, I'm me, _I'm real_."

But the clones had merely shaken their heads at her; some looking suspicious, others angry, a couple amused and smirking, and some even with a look of pity. As the seconds ticked by, the crowd only seemed to grow and grow, until the real Ally was drowned out amongst all the others and I'd lost sight of her.

I'd felt panic then, but that wasn't even the worst part; because after the sea of clones had grown to an insurmountable quantity, they'd all begun to panic. Shrieks and screams of panic arose, and physical violence was quick to follow. Eventually all the Allison clones had turned on each other, clawing and ripping at each other's hair; each fighting to be the last and true Ally.

I'd watched in complete agony as I read what this fear really meant to her. It was so much deeper than what the passing glance could ever tell. But I couldn't do anything to help. In fact, it wasn't until only a few seconds ago that I'd even found the real Ally.

Huddled in a ball, rocking back and forth, I knew it was her without even the slightest bit of doubt. It wasn't her appearance that clued me into the truth –since all the clones were replicas of her and had the exact same mannerisms– but something within me recognized the true essence I'd come to really familiarize myself with over these past five days.

"I'm real, but this isn't real, _I'm real, but this isn't real_ –" I heard Ally continually chant under her breath. "Just a simulation."

As she continued to rock, I suddenly felt a shift in the atmosphere. The scene began to change, until all the clones around her slowly started to disintegrate; leaving nothing but a pile of ashes where they'd once stood. The surrounding clones that realized what was happening cried out in terror, and then futilely attempted to flee towards the unending horizon of whiteness. It didn't help.

After what seemed like ages, only the real Ally remained.

She was still quaking and had her knees pulled up close to her chest when I peeled off the electrodes that were attached to my forehead. I waited, but when I saw that her state of emotions hadn't changed, I slowly got up and crossed over to her.

Gingerly placing a hand on her shoulder, I frowned when I saw that tears were quietly slipping down her cheeks. I brushed one away, but that seemed to only make them come faster. In a rush, she suddenly pushed my hand away and turned her face so that her hair curtained and hid her expression.

"I hate this," she said thickly. "All of it. _And_ … and especially that you always have to see me like this. Broken, and at my worst."

"That's not what I see at all," I said, and when she scoffed, I explained. "Ally, in a lot of ways, you're so much braver than I am."

"That's not funny," Ally sniffled. "I bet this never happens to you. Does it?" When I didn't answer, she looked up and studied me intently. "How much time do you spend in a simulation, what's your average?"

"I, _umm_ ," I paused, running a hand through my hair as I tried to figure out how to word what I wanted to say. "I don't spend _any_ time in them actually." At her gaping expression, I quickly clarified. "Don't look impressed, it's not what you think."

"Then what is it?"

How to explain? What had happened to me had come as a shock. On the last night I'd gone up to the fear simulation room, the night I'd seen Randi and kept her illusion with me; that had been the last time my mind had accepted the serum in its entirety. Afterwards, and for many days, I'd tried to make her come back to me, but it had been to no avail.

As if it were some kind of autoimmune defense, my brain had created a series of blocks that hadn't let the serum interfere with my awareness. What I suspected was that though outwardly I wanted to see and experience my fears, inwardly, my subconscious refused to budge; wouldn't risk losing the last good memory I had of Randi.

"Ally, the person you're seeing right now, _me_ , I'm sort of a mess," I finally said with a sigh. "I don't spend time in my fears, because for some reason, my own body has found a way to completely counteract out the simulations. My mind, it's fucked up, and what you think is bravery is actually cowardice."

"Cowardice?" she frowned, already shaking her head in disagreement.

"Yes, don't you think that if I were a stronger person, I'd be able to face my fears instead of blocking them out?" I said, suddenly feeling ashamed and angry with myself. "You Ally, you face things even when they're dark and harrowing. You are the real embodiment of courage."

"Sage, I think you have a distorted view of the way things are. Not just with me, but with yourself." She stood and her expression became one I'd quickly grown to recognize as her I'm-about-to-lay-down-the-facts look. "You're a good person, strong, brave, selfless, and you work so hard to protect everyone around you. Honestly, it upsets me when I realize that you think so little of yourself."

"Then we're in the same boat, no?" I mused, shaking my head. "I feel that way about you, that you keep thinking of yourself as some weak amity girl when you've accomplished so many great things. Anyway, you think I'm good because you don't know any better," I smiled sadly.

She stared long moments at me, but I could see that she was unconvinced.

"What happened to you, really?" She asked, and when I cocked my head in confusion, she stepped closer. "I've heard rumors about you, mostly from a girl named Ava, but none of them seem like they were based on the truth. I worry, Sage. I want to know everything, I want to understand you."

"Ally," I groaned, feeling frustrated as I stepped away from her. "My problems shouldn't be on your mind. You should only be concerned about yourself."

These past days, she'd been persistently peppering me with questions, trying to fish out more information. However, I would've readily answered anything if the things she'd asked hadn't been specifically about me. I didn't understand her interest. It made no sense.

"God, you confuse me so much," Ally huffed when she saw I wasn't going to say more.

"I confuse you?" I repeated, slightly dumbstruck.

"Yes, you do," she nodded. "Every time I think I have you figured out, I turn around and find out something new."

"Like what?"

"Like- _like_ ," she threw her hands up, clearly aggravated. "Just, everything. I mean, I don't even know what factions you have an aptitude for. You're so secretive all the time."

Since I'd discovered the secret of Iris and Ally's divergence, I had focused all of my energy on only their well-being. To further help with that, I'd made sure to limit what they knew about my personal struggles so they'd only think of themselves. I hadn't hidden things out of malice, but because I wanted them to only have to concern themselves with their own situation. I hadn't figured it would be viewed as purposeful deception.

"Ally, I have a lot on my plate right now," I said, trying to hedge around her previous questions.

It wasn't a lie; besides having to worry about Ally and Iris, I also had the rest of my own and even Banks' initiates to worry about. Some of their minds weren't handling the simulations well. I didn't want any of them to have nervous breakdowns, and so I made it a point to go to each and every one to see for myself that they were bouncing back.

"Is that code for, get out and stop asking me questions?" Ally asked, sounding hurt as she stared down at her shoes.

I didn't answer, and at that she seemed to further deflate. As she turned to leave though, I couldn't help but add. "Wait, I'm sorry. I swear, I'm not purposefully trying to be a jerk."

"S'fine," she shrugged, but as she looked up I could read her expression clearly; _Confusing, Sage, you are so damned confusing._

"It's almost over, this whole nightmare," I said, and to that she merely sighed in answer.

When the door to the room shut behind her, I found myself staring at it for long moments. I felt torn. It was taking everything in me not to run after her to spill all that I knew. I wanted to answer her every question, but I couldn't. Not yet.

Currently, all I could think of was finding a way for both Ally and Iris to survive this last stage of initiation. They'd been doing exceptionally good, and thankfully, their experience in the simulations had varied vastly from my own.

With some coaching, Ally and Iris had managed to get a better handle on their fears so that they rarely ever had to redo any of their simulations; unlike me, where the minimum amount of times I'd had to redo a scene had been three. I wasn't sure why this was the case, but I suspected it had something to do with the level of divergence we each had.

Iris, who'd told me this information the second day of the fear simulations, was divergent with an aptitude for dauntless, and erudite. While Ally, who'd told me that very same day, had an aptitude for dauntless, erudite, _and_ amity. I'd discussed my idea with Dan, but he'd frowned and shaken his head.

"Doesn't make sense man," he'd said as he sipped his coffee thoughtfully. "During our initiation, the longest you could stay in a sim was two minutes and thirty seconds. Right? And, I mean, that was with you actually putting in a real effort for it not to end." When I'd raised my brows in surprise, Dan explained. "That's right, I remember everything you told me that night you tried to pull your little stunt on the train. I remember you even told me there were times you'd just shut the whole program down before it even started."

"Yeah," I'd nodded, not completely understanding where he'd been going with his thoughts. "So? How does that disprove my theory?"

"Think about it. Iris, who has an aptitude for two factions, can get out of them after six minutes. Ally, who has an aptitude for three, can get out in three," he'd raised his brows at me, waiting for me to catch on. When I didn't answer, he continued. "If it were based on the amount of factions someone had an aptitude for, wouldn't that mean that Ally's getting out too slow? Or…" he'd trailed off, giving me an odd look.

"Or what?"

"Sage, are you sure you just had an aptitude for three factions?" He'd finally asked after some thought.

"That's what the woman who administered my test said," I'd answered with a shrug. Then I'd paused to think about the whole ordeal myself. "But I guess you're right. It can't be time based."

"Why are you agreeing with me now?" He'd asked. "I mean, I'm _never_ wrong, but I'd like to hear the reasons why nonetheless."

"If it were time based…" I'd faltered, trying to explain it as best as I could. "Well, it just can't be. Dan, don't you remember? Banks got out of his own simulations after four minutes and ten seconds."

" _Dude_." Dan's eyes had widened until they'd almost seemed child-like. "That's faster than even Iris."

"I know," I'd nodded. "And then there's you."

"Me?" he'd frowned. "What about me?"

"You're not divergent, yet you were able to get out of your simulations in–"

"Seven minutes," he'd supplied with a frown.

"Which is only a minute off of what Iris ranks."

"Huh, I hadn't really considered that before."

I'd nodded, and then we'd both just sort of sat there; staring at each other in a stumped silence.

"Dan, you're not _\- I mean_ , do you think?" I'd started to say hesitantly.

"Divergent? No," He'd answered, shaking his head in an almost disappointed manner. "My results were locked in at dauntless. The dude who administered my test said there was no doubt. Anyway, if I was, I'd have told you."

Though he hadn't said his words reproachfully, I'd flinched as if he'd struck me. Flooded with guilt, I knew Dan was telling the truth. He'd have told me if he was divergent, not ever hesitating or doubting that I'd have kept his secret safe. As far as I was concerned, Dan was the better man, and it shamed me to think that I'd waited so long to entrust him with what was going on.

As I now sighed and then made my way out of the simulation room, walking through various dark hallways, I suddenly had the sense that I was being followed. It wasn't paranoia; because as I concentrated, I distinctly heard the feather light steps of someone speeding up when I'd picked up my own pace.

 _Could it be the spy?_

As I turned a sharp corner, I suddenly broke into a sprint and managed to duck into a cross-sectioned tunnel before my follower caught up. Hiding in the darkness, I narrowed my eyes and squinted; trying to recognize the person. No luck.

The shape was small, thin, and distinctly female. However, it was too dark to make out anything else. I tensed, ready to spring when I saw that she was getting closer. A switch in my brain had been flicked on, and suddenly I was ready to attack; all instinct as I felt my hands curl in anticipation.

The girl was still edging forward, so close to where I hid. My pulse was racing, a hectic pace that felt almost deafening in my ears. She was within arm's reach. Without any warning on my part, I lunged out, wrapping one arm around her neck as my free hand quickly silenced her scream.

She struggled, clawing at my forearm, but I didn't feel a thing.

"Stop," I breathed raggedly into her ear. "Stop struggling."

She bit me, but still I held tight. Muffled, I could hear that she was trying to say something. To call out for help perhaps? Warm blood was running down my arm, and as it dripped onto her own skin, she seemed to grow even more frenzied. No, she wasn't calling for help, she was– growling?

I felt a sudden prick on the back of my neck, and it was then that I made the horrible mistake of letting the girl go to smack at the dart wedged into my skin. It was only an instant, but it was enough for her to turn around and rake her long ragged nails along my neck. I stepped back, stumbled on an unseen object, and then she was on me; her strength astounding, and her eyes glazed as a little light from a far off lamp shone onto them. In a raw, broken, and animalistic voice, she rasped.

"I will kill you…"


	42. Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Just as the attacking girl raised a bloodied hand to swipe along my face, I threw my hands out and shoved her. _Hard_. She flew backwards, but in an almost inhuman manner, she seemed to twist in mid-air so that when she landed she was on all fours. I frowned; she was dressed in tattered, grey abnegation pants, and a threadbare, blue erudite shirt.

I didn't have time to get to my feet before she'd lunged back towards me. I was ready this time though. The moment her flying body was close enough, I thrust my feet out; connecting solidly with her abdomen. I heard the air whoosh out of her lungs in a rush, and as I managed to stand, I saw that I'd succeeded in tossing her farther away and momentarily stunning her. At my feet, the dart I'd been shot with had been crushed from the scuffle.

 _Who shot? Who else is here with–_ The figure, the girl, my attacker; she rose and turned in a lurching manner that was both stiff, yet somehow predatorily fluid.

"Carla?" I gaped when the gentle light of a nearby lamp helped illuminate her features.

So much time had passed since we'd last been initiates together. Since she'd last been cast out to live with the factionless. Yet still, I recognized her; even with her face contorted into a strange mix of rage, terror, and blood lust. Her glassy eyes seemed to be focused solely on me, and in them I read murder.

" _You_ ," she snarled, pointing a grisly finger at me. " _K-kill you_."

"Carla, what are you doing here?" I demanded, dodging out of the way when she shot towards my face again, her hands reaching. "Why are you doing this? Stop!"

" _Must_ – _end you_ ," she rasped as she quickly swiveled and latched her hands around my shirt collar. " _The pain, all y-your doing. Kill you!_ "

I seized her wrists, managing to pull her away from me. She bared her teeth, and when it became apparent that she wouldn't be able to claw me, she actually attempted to rip into my hands with her teeth. Her strength, it was shocking. It didn't feel like I was fending off a girl that barely cleared five feet in height, but that I was up against a man of my own build.

Just as I managed to toss her to the side, having to use more force than I really wanted to, I saw the shadow of someone watching us. The shooter, the one who'd nailed me with the dart. I turned, about to stride forward, when out of nowhere yet another body plowed into me.

This one was a male; with red, dingy amity pants, and a shabby candor sweatshirt. I grappled with him, but he'd managed to land on top of me so that both of his knees were digging into my shoulders; successfully pinning me to the ground. Practically foaming at the mouth, the boy mercilessly began to pummel his calloused fists into my face. I strained against him, managing to evade some of his blows.

" _Take your life!_ " the boy hissed through his teeth as he wrapped his hands around my throat. He began to squeeze, his body shaking with exertion. I couldn't budge him; Carla's unnatural strength was nothing next to his. " _In my head. Kill you, make you pay!"_ The shaft of light caught him at just the right angle.

"Billy?" I gasped thickly through a mouthful of blood. How was it possible that he was here too? "Stop!"

I heard skittering, quick footsteps, and suddenly Carla had joined Billy. Her ghastly hands, soaked with blood, reached for me. I didn't want to hurt them, because clearly they weren't in their right minds, but I couldn't let this go on. With a spurt of adrenaline, I shot an arm out and wrapped my fist around Carla's hair. Without letting go, I used her own head to slam into Billy's.

They never saw it coming. I heard the crack of bone as their skulls collided, and I managed to squirm away on my hands and knees in that lapse. Momentarily dazed, I knew what I'd done would only serve to stop them for a few measly seconds. I'd bought a sliver of time to work with. I had to make a plan, had to–

I heard a chuckle… one I knew too well.

Getting to my feet, I only managed to take a single step before my head began to pound. My vision, it was blurring; with each passing second it was getting harder and harder to see clearly. I rubbed futilely at my face, but that only seemed to worsen things.

Panic filled my body, and as I pulled in a ragged gasp, it felt as if the air I was trying to breath had grown bitter. It stung my lungs with each pull I took, making my throat feel like it was simultaneously swelling and pulling taught like a bow string. What was happening?

"Banks!" I managed to grate as I stumbled blindly, knowing fully well that it had to be him who'd done this to me, to Carla, to Billy. I heard his chuckle turn into outright laughter. "You _bastard_!" Where had that come from? I hadn't actually meant to say that. "You miserable _fuck_!"

It was like the words were slipping out by their own accord. Did I think them constantly? Yes, of course I did. However, did I want them voiced aloud? Hell no, Banks still had me under the heel of his boot. These were all private thoughts that should have never left my mouth.

I tried to get a grip, but as I managed another wobbly step, I found myself doubling over in agony. My heart was jackhammering in my chest, uncontrollably beating to a wild rhythm. I raised my hands to my head, feeling as if I were about to shatter. Something was stirring inside me. I felt changed… _sick_.

Sick not only in my body, but also my mind. My blood, it was on fire. I could practically visualize green acid spreading through my veins with each thud of my pulse. I wanted to claw at my chest, to rip my heart out to stop the agonizing pain.

 _The dart_ … I thought hazily before my mind went blank, all logic completely absent.

I straightened, suddenly filled with a blinding white-hot ire. My whole body, it hurt, who had done this to me? I couldn't think. I only knew that I wanted _–no–_ that I needed to kill someone. I really did, I needed to slaughter; to feel blood running down my hands and spraying warmly over my face. I wanted to clutch the still beating heart of whoever had done this to me, needed to watch as they writhed in agony.

 _Blood… my blood is on fire. Head pounding… pain, only feel pain._ I lurched around when the sound of footsteps and snarling caught my attention. I saw two figures.

Though the smallest voice in the back of my mind said I knew these two people, that I shouldn't harm them, that was all drowned out by my sudden savagery. My thoughts came in fragments, pieces. _That girl, that boy, do I know them? If I do… doesn't matter. They've done this to me. Have to kill them. Have to make them pay. End them. Finish them._

In a heartbeat, the two figures charged at me; both angrily saying words that I couldn't seem to register or understand. Nonsense, it was all nonsense. Things were different this time though; before, I'd fought them for survival, now I fought to appease my own wrath. Though my eyesight was still hazy –I was barely able to see more than a few feet in front of me– and my thoughts scattered, I didn't hesitate to retaliate.

The male reached me first, swinging a fist at my face. I ducked though, and when I saw my chance, I tackled him to the ground. So _furious_. I was so incredibly, and unimaginably irate; I saw nothing but red. I began to beat him, relishing _everything_ ; the feel, the sound, the tempo of my fists connecting with his flesh.

Someone jumped onto my back, nails raking along my arms. The girl, she'd caught me off guard. She was gaining the upper hand. The hell I'd let that continue. With a bellow, I got to my feet and threw myself backwards so that she was slammed into the ground. The sharp sound of bone on rock echoed in the tunnel, but I'd already turned back to the boy.

Not fast enough though. Before I could move out of the way, the boy had thrown the heel of his boot into my face. I staggered back, and as I wiped at my face, my hands came away crimson. I seethed, my anger flaring to unimaginable levels. Getting to my feet, I tried to charge him.

Instead, I found myself again on the ground. I swiveled my head and saw that the girl had reached over and tripped me by yanking my feet out from under me. She'd regret that; I'd rip her fucking head off. Reaching down to where she still lay, I wrapped my fist around a handful of her hair and began to viciously drag her behind me. She didn't scream, merely snarled louder.

Just before the boy reached me, I'd picked up the girl and tossed her into the rock wall of the tunnel. She hit with a thud, and then ricocheted backwards and onto the ground. There, she lay in an unmoving heap. One down.

Blood continued to pour down my face, and as it did, a dim part of me realized that I could think slightly clearer. The boy reached me just as I latched onto that thought. He swung, but I ducked. Before he could do anything, I was on him. Unthinking, I hit him over and over. I pounded him bloody, and when he tried to escape, I dragged him back and started to smash his face onto the cement ground.

I was lost. It could've been mere seconds, or various minutes; my sense of time and space was gone. All I knew _–all I was_ – had been reduced to the here and now. Laugher? From my thick haze, I heard laugher behind me. I concentrated on that, and slowly, more sounds began to register.

Someone was crying. Gathering up all the self-control I had left within me, I forced myself to stay completely still, then to shakily crawl away. The boy who'd been under me, though injured and unable to stand, continued to limply try and attack me from where he lay.

 _Not just a boy. I know him… I know him._ My mind; it fought desperately, trying to regain control. _Billy. That's Billy._

As the thought hit me, everything else seemed to snap back into place. What had I done? In horror, I stared down at my grisly hands, and then began to shudder violently as I took in the gore. Billy was still feebly baring his teeth at me, the ones he had left, and to the side, Carla was sobbing as she writhed and clutched her head.

"God, _no_ ," I choked out. "No, no, no."

A sound, clapping. I shakily turned, seeing Banks slowly emerge from the shadows with a sadistic smile on his face.

"My, my, Sage," he chuckled as he raised a brow. "You never fail to surprise me. With the amount of drugs I pumped into your system, you should've been in a rage for at least–" He glanced at his watch, "–Five hours or so, not fifteen minutes."

" _Why_?" I demanded. "Why would you do this? I've been cooperating, why the hell would you do this to me? And _them_ , why drag them into this? They were innocent!"

"Ah, but have you _really_ been cooperating?" He tsked, giving me a shake of his head as if he were disappointed. "You've been purposefully resisting all the serums I've ever tested on you."

"I can't help that," I grated, fisting my hands. "You know I can't. Also, if I'm your favorite guinea pig to test your serums on, why would you have risked my life?"

"I think you _can_ help it, actually. That's why I decided to try this serum out on you in this manner." He canted his head; thoughtful. "I wanted to test out my theory, which was this; would you be able to resist a drug's influences if you were caught off guard? _And_ , if your mind was preoccupied with something else, such as being attacked my various sources? Apparently, you can, but it did take you longer than normal, which leads me to believe that I'm on the right track." He glanced at Carla and Billy, then proceeded to roll his eyes. "Even outnumbered, while under the effects of my serum you were never in danger of dying."

"Why _them_?" I demanded again. "What did they ever do?"

"Do?" Banks blinked slowly, looking like he was fighting off a new smile. "They merely existed. They're factionless, and thus worthless to society. They're leeches that drain our economy and should be put down." He smirked. "They do come in handy from time to time though, like now. Besides, they won't be missed."

Carla's sobs were growing more agonized, and as I gaped, she began to rip at he own hair. Billy was moaning as well, his eyes wide as he continued to mutter profanities. Unlike me, they were still largely under the effects of the serum.

"Banks, _please_ , stop this," I begged. "They're in pain." He shrugged, but after a beat he reached behind him and pulled a gun from the waistband of his jeans; it had a silencer on the end. He switched the safety off, then took aim. "Stop! What are you doing?" I cried out as I futilely tried to get on my feet.

"Appeasing you," he said in a bored tone. "You're welcome."

" _No_ , not like that," I hissed. "Don't you have an antidote or something?"

"I do," he nodded, "but why would I waste it on them? They've fulfilled their purpose, and now I'm done with them."

"Don't!" I tried to say, but before the word was even completely free from my lips, Banks had shot twice.

The writhing bodies stilled, and suddenly the tunnel was quiet, all but for the sound of my ragged breathing. Dead, they were dead, just like that. I hadn't been able to stand, to move, to do _anything_. Because of how close I was to their bodies, the scent of blood reached my nose quickly and nearly made me retch.

"You'd think you would be used to death by now," Banks mused as he slipped his gun back into his waistband, saying the words as if he were merely commenting about the weather. "Don't pout, it's unbecoming."

I didn't answer, I could only continue to stare at the lifeless bodies before me. Their eyes, like Randi's had been that night so long ago, were vacant; looking as if they'd never held life in their depths. I was quaking, a new surge of anger streaming though me. Whether it was the drug's lingering effects, or my own fury, I couldn't be sure; all I did know was that I was losing control again.

Shaking off the dizziness and lingering fog in my mind, I snapped to my feet and charged at Banks. One hand gripped the collar of his shirt, while the other snatched his gun. Removing the safety, I held the gun to his temple.

"I could kill you right now," I hissed, my voice dripping with venom. "It'd be so easy. One little move, just a squeeze of this trigger, and you'd be gone, your brains splattered all over the wall."

"Indeed, you could," he nodded, sounding unbothered as he struggled to hide a smirk from his lips. "But you won't. You wouldn't risk putting your family in harm's way." Slowly, he reached a hand into his pocket and pulled out a phone, wiggling it coyly as he took in my expression. "Without me, who'd be left to call off the assassin that's assigned to watch their every move?"

I swallowed, my throat dry, but I didn't want to give in. "You're bluffing."

"Am I?" He chuckled as he raised a hand and casually swatted the gun away from his face. He didn't attempt to take it, by all means, he acted as if he'd merely shooed a fly. "Tell me Sage, is that what your candor instincts tell you?"

No, that's not what they told me. If anything, they were screaming at me to give up on my silly attempt at rebellion, because from what I'd heard, Banks was saying nothing by the truth. Gritting my teeth, and struggling not to look at the bodies, I handed the weapon to him.

"That's a good dog," he said.

Just as I was about to respond to his insult, I winced as my head began to pound again. My hands flew to my head, and I groaned. But it was over, I'd fought the drug, why was this happening again?

"Did I forget to mention that this drug works in an interesting manner?" He added. "It attacks your mind in waves, one after the other, until eventually it's all excreted from your body via perspiration," he paused and glanced at the dribbling blood that was still streaming from my nose and various other wounds. "Or blood loss."

My hands were shaking, and the haze of red had returned to my vision.

"Not that you've asked, but in short, the serum warps the mind; creating bouts of rampant anger, and over-sensitizes the body to create a general explosiveness," he chuckled darkly. "I call it RAGE, ironic no?"

" _Huh?_ " Why wasn't he alarmed? Why wasn't he running away, or hiding in the shadows like before?

"You see, once injected, the RAGE serum acutely attacks your hypothalamus. Where upon it drastically raises the levels of oxytocin, vasopressin, and corticotropin _-ahem-_ in short, the hormones that are in charge of anger." He continued, casually sidestepped me when I lost my balanced and nearly went sprawling.

"In addition, as you now know from personal experience, the drug completely removes rational thought, reasoning, and empathy. A person with rage may also experience tunnel vision, muffled hearing, increased heart rate, and hyperventilation. The large amounts of adrenaline and oxygen in the bloodstream will also cause your extremities to shake. Your vision could become rose-tinted, hence the term seeing red, and you'll only be able to focus on the source of your anger. You attack without prejudice, as long as you can see your target."

His words, they were beginning to sound muffled, as if he were talking to me from a distance that was far away. I wanted to attack, but I was in control enough this time around to know that I could; hurting Banks was essentially the same as hurting my family. Get away, I had to get away from him.

"Leaving so soon?" I heard him ask as he leisurely followed behind my staggering steps. He was so sickly amused. "That's a shame, I had so much more to tell you. The RAGE cocktail was something I'd been working on for years, trying to perfect. It wasn't until I actually got my hands on some of the candor's truth serum though, that I was really able to work out the kinks."

"Get the _fuck_ away from me," I hissed, fighting the urge to turn and sink my fingers into his eyes. As I glanced at his face, I could see that he knew exactly what I'd figured out; he knew I wouldn't hurt him, and he was playing with me.

"But don't you want to know more?" He said, pretending to sound hurt. "You see, the truth serum helped me because I noticed that the reason it works so well was that it completely removed a person's inhibitions, or in laymen's terms, took all their self-control away from them. With a little tweaking, it worked like a charm in my own studies."

"Why?" I asked. "Why… make this?"

"I have my reasons," he said cryptically. "Besides, I do get bored from time to time, and this is my hobby. It fascinates me; the way a simple concoction of chemicals has the ability to alter people." He smiled then, obviously proud of himself. "Did you notice how strong those two were? Well, that's because the serum increases the adrenal output, which controls physical strength and endurance levels."

I managed to lumber a few more steps, then round a corner. Why the _hell_ was he following me? _For shits and giggles;_ my mind echoed darkly as I tried to keep my thoughts in order. _For his demented sense of amusement._

"Gonna'… _kill you_ ," I warned, feeling my lungs begin to spasm. "G-go away!"

"We've been through this Stronghold," Banks gave a little breath of exasperation, as if he were annoyed that I'd interrupted his lecture. "You won't kill me. You already got through the first wave, which is by far the hardest to break free from, so these remaining ones should be a walk in the park." He paused though, looking behind him with a world-weary expression. "Ah, but I suppose I should get rid of those."

With a shake of his head, he gave me a parting smirk and then turned to collect the bodies. I nearly chased after him; one hand outstretched to rip into his throat. However, with all my will at play, I managed to sprint in the opposite direction; towards the only place I knew I'd be alone and away from any other people.

Corner after corner passed in a blur, and I ran with only instinct to guide me. Perhaps people saw me, perhaps they didn't; none of that registered. If someone called to me, I either didn't hear it, or managed to purposefully ignore it. As Banks had said, it was easier to think through this wave of rage, but that didn't mean I was any less dangerous to be around. When I reached the familiar tunnels that led to my apartment, I slowed.

The wave of anger had ebbed slightly a few minutes ago, but already I could feel it bubbling back up, just underneath the surface of my limited self-control. Reaching a blood-crusted hand into my pocket, I yanked out my keys and reached forward to unlock the door. _No_ , but I couldn't.

My hands were shaking again, and I couldn't seem to get the key into the slot no matter how hard I tried. It was close, I could feel the oncoming lash of Bank's serum already spiking through my blood. Everything would be fine though, there was no one around for me to hurt, all I had to do was lock myself away–

I heard the sound of glass crunching; probably one of the many old beer bottles I'd left littered around my hallway. _Shit._ Why was this happening? Who had followed me? Maybe it was Dan? If it was, I was at least somewhat reassured in knowing that –though he wasn't stronger– he was indeed faster than me.

"Sage?"

 _Not Dan…_


	43. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

 _Ally._ _Why her?_

Without turning, I gripped my key harder and tried again to slip it into the lock. It was to no avail though; growling a curse under my breath, I visibly shuddered as the muscles in my body began to pull taught with aggression. Already, I could feel my heart picking up the tempo, my vision growing hazy at the edges, and my hands instinctively curling into fists. Control, I had to stay in control.

"Sage, wait!" She was getting closer, her footsteps echoing behind me. In a matter of seconds she'd be within arm's reach.

 _My will is not my own. Need to save her… need to kill her._

"S-stay back," I warned through my teeth.

Head throbbing, blood rising; I could feel myself being pulled back into the state of mindless rage. What was Ally even doing here? This hallway, it was part of _my_ home, and no one was allowed here. I'd run her out, teach her what happened to those who trespassed into my territory. Like those other two victims in the hallway, I'd slaughter her. Maybe then the pain in my head would also go away, maybe then–

She hesitated, pausing to say something, but the words, they were muddled. Then moments later her footsteps resumed. Why was she getting closer? Did she not feel the danger in the air? Sense that her life was on the line?

"Damn it Ally," I snarled. " _Leave_."

She must've answered, since I'd distinctly heard the cadence of her voice, but there was no understanding on my part. I wasn't completely unaware of sound though; my senses were sharpening even as I fought to stay rational. I was so predatorily aware of her position in my hallway even though I hadn't even turned around. I knew, if I were to swivel now, I'd catch her off guard and she'd have no chance of escape. My mind simultaneously willed her to flee, while also darkly hoped she'd draw nearer.

 _Body burning, aching to kill._ I could feel a droplet of sweat run down the side of my face and along my neck as I forced myself to stay put, locking my muscles in place. I knew if I was to make any sort of move, it'd be to attack. I couldn't run away from her now; I didn't dare release the position I held, all I could do was wait for the wave of fury to ebb.

With effort, I focused solely on the beating of my heart, willing it to go back to normal. But something was shifting, the new wave of anger taking hold… Kind and considerate, those were a fool's emotions. I was in my body now, and I felt a strength flow through my limbs, beckoning me to lash out. Sage, the whole personality, was being pushed out of my mind.

 _Acid in my veins… Living in my heart. The bloodlust, I have to–_

The breaking point, I'd reached it. I had to turn, to wrap my hands around that girl's neck and squeeze until the life left her eyes. The madness in my head, it said that to erase my own pain, I'd have to completely eradicate her existence. Logic, there was none, just a drive to act.

Practically foaming at the mouth, I was about to twist and ensnare my prey when I felt something warm graze along my back. I stiffened and prepared to retaliate, expecting the touch to be an attack.

"–angry at me?" A voice questioned.

It was a hand; small, warm, and surprisingly steady. More murmuring came from behind my back, and I clung to those sounds as if they were a lifeline. I recognized the tone, knew who the voice belonged to. Dizziness was sweeping over me, but surprisingly, I found it easy to ignore when the hand that had been on my back gingerly moved to tug at my wrist; willing me to turn around.

"Hey, look at me."

Sanity was slowly filtering back in, but still I feared what would happen if I moved. My heart was stabilizing, but the tunnel vision hadn't cleared. Not safe, I had to wait at least a few more seconds.

"Please, just turn around," Ally's voice beckoned; a sound so sweet I was unable to resist. Stiffly, and with great caution, I faced her.

And just like that, large doe-eyes, that said more than a thousand words with one look, entranced me. She sucked in a sharp gasp as she took in the extent of my wounds, but all I could think was that I couldn't be more content to have her here, with me. Just as I'd felt the first time I had laid eyes on her, I found that I was completely captivated. Singlehandedly, she'd pulled me back from my mindless trance.

"You're _hurt_. What happened?" she asked in horror. She reached a hand out, seeming to want to skim her fingers along my bruised cheek, but almost immediately stopped herself; dropping her arm and flushing slightly.

"I'm fine," I said; which wasn't a lie. With her near me, and the reins back in my hands, I genuinely felt – _not great_ – but decent. As to the, _what happened_ , part of her question; I merely answered that with a shrug.

She scowled deeply, shaking her head. "You have to go to the clinic," she began to tug at my arm. " _Now_ , and I won't take no for an answer."

"Will you take a nay then?" I mused, hoping my light tone would help defuse the situation. "Or perhaps a nah?"

"This isn't a joke," she snapped when I didn't budge.

"Ally, relax," I said with an offhanded shrug. "This is nothing. I'll live."

She narrowed her eyes at me, and in that second, I read her expression and knew she was not going to drop the subject.

"What happened?" She demanded again, then in a softer tone added. "Why did you tell me to leave before? And why were you frozen in front of your door like that? You looked like you were in pain."

"Some old acquaintances decided to fist bump my face," I answered, earning a glare. "And… honestly I'm sorry about snapping at you like that. I have a–" I fished around for the appropriate word, "– headache. A pretty bad one, actually. I was just taking a breather."

"A headache?" She repeated with obvious doubt. It wasn't a lie; the serum did in fact produce a head splitting pain, akin to the worst headache from hell.

"Uh-huh," I nodded emphatically.

"And these scratches?" She pressed, dread filling her eyes as she looked at my forearms. She blinked, then cocked her head. "I-Is that a bite?"

I didn't have an appropriate answer to that, or at least not one that wasn't a complete lie. Though I wasn't as blatantly honest and unfiltered as I used to be, that didn't mean I didn't still have the same candor instincts to say speak the truth. Now, with all that was going on, I'd managed to get to a point where I was able to think through things before blurting anything that came to mind.

I didn't lie, I withheld, and right now that's what I was doing. Ally was already going through a lot, having to worry about her own divergence and facing her fear simulations, and I didn't want to add my own problems to hers. Why burden her?

"My acquaintances weren't in the best of moods," I said slowly, wiping at the blood that continued to drip from my face. "They were sort of, _uhh_ , upset I guess you could say. Not a good reunion by any means."

"You're downplaying whatever happened to you, huh?" Ally looked at me, her eyes searching my own in a way that made me feel bare. "Who were these–" she made big air quotations with her fingers, "– _acquaintances_."

"No one you'd know," I answered quietly. _And no one you'll ever meet… Banks made sure of that._

Biting her bottom lip, I knew Ally was studying me; adding the clues she had available to her to come up with possible explanation for the way I was acting. So curious all the time, so inquisitive and hungry for answers; she was truly erudite.

"If you won't go to the clinic, can you at least let me treat your wounds?" She asked after the slightest hesitation. "I promise I know what I'm doing."

"Thanks, but I can do it myself," I shrugged, trying to hide my unease. I wasn't sure if the remains of the RAGE serum were completely out of my system, and I didn't want to risk it. "I've had some practice with that."

Ally frowned, then before my very eyes, her entire demeanor changed. Lifting her chin, and crossing her arms tightly over her chest, she shook her head once.

"I'm drawing the line," she said firmly. "Either you let me fix all that," she gestured at my arms, where there was a crisscross of angry red scratches. "And that little _love_ bite," she added sarcastically. "Or I swear, I won't move an inch from this spot."

For some reason, the sight of Ally attempting to be stern with me, combined with her general delicate appearance, had me chuckling. It was endearing really; she was like an angry kitten that thought it was a lion. My laugh only seemed to make her bristle more, but I could see she would be unbending. With a sigh, I eventually nodded.

"Hey Ally, why did you follow me anyway?" I asked when I finally managed to unlock the door. I gestured to the kitchen, and made my way to the bathroom to gather my bandaging supplies. "I mean, I know you were saying things in the hallway but," I gestured to my head when I returned. "You know, headache and all, I really wasn't able to catch much."

"Huh?" When I crossed over to where Ally sat, I saw that her expression was one of complete surprise. "I saw you run past, and I had to tell you something important so I followed," she trailed off.

She was looking around at my sparsely furnished surroundings, again studying and analyzing things around her. Putting myself in her shoes, it didn't take long for me to realize why she seemed stunned. Other than the one picture frame of my family that was nailed to a far off wall, there weren't any other signs that said this place had ever been occupied.

"Remodeling?" She asked.

"No," I sat down and began to quickly clean off my arms with a cloth and then an antibiotic wipe. I had to finish this quick, and get her out of my home. Not safe, not safe at all.

"Hey, I said I'd do that," Ally said when she'd turned her head back to me. "Jeez, and you're doing it all wrong. You're just trying to clean off the cuts, not roughly buff away the rest of your skin."

Taking the supplies from my hands, she scooted her chair over to where I sat and began to gently wipe away at the blood. It was quiet for a few moments as she worked, deep in concentration, and though I feared the serum would kick in at any moment, I was pleasantly surprised when I didn't feel even the slightest stirring.

" _So_ ," she drawled out slowly as she finished one arm and began on the other. "Is it the claustrophobia?"

"What?"

"Your lack of, _well_ , stuff in general," Ally nodded her head around the surrounding areas. "Does the clutter make you uneasy?"

"Oh," I parted my lips in surprise; somehow, I hadn't thought that Ally's thoughts had actually been busy trying to decipher my home. That, and that she'd remembered how I felt about confinement. "No, it's not that." I paused, then raised a brow playfully. "Wait, what are you saying? You thinkin' my place looks bad or something?"

"What? _Oh_ , no, no of course not," she said in a flustered voice. "I mean, I just didn't expect it to be so…" She trailed off, her cheeks blushing as she dropped her eyes and studiously stared only at my hand; dabbing at the bite. "It's nice. _Umm_ , very feng-shui."

"Feng- _what_?" I grinned, unable to stop a small laugh from spilling from my lips.

"Feng-shui, it's a system of laws considered to govern spatial arrangement and orientation in relation to the flow of energy in a room," she recited immediately. Almost just as quickly, she clamped her mouth shut and swallowed loudly.

"What's wrong?" I asked, frowning at her sudden look of fear.

"Nothing," she answered after a few seconds. Smiling shyly, she shook her head at herself. "It's just that for the longest time I'd always been careful not to go around spurting random facts like that. Even before I knew I was divergent, I always had a sense that I shouldn't show just how curious I really was about things. I wanted to fit in, you know?" She finished with my arms, then took a clean cloth and began to wipe along my face.

"But you couldn't help yourself," I stated; knowing how she felt. "You wanted to learn and couldn't bury that drive, right?" She nodded beside me, her eyes holding my own as she absently ran an antiseptic wipe along my chin. Had she lingered around my cheek? _No_ , couldn't be. "How did you do it, how did you learn so much? Not just about feng-whatever-you-call-it, but about everything."

Having spent these past few days conversing after her simulations, not just about her fears but about many a topic, I'd come to admire Ally all the more. Not only was she brave and beautiful, but she was also the most ingenious and clever girl I knew. Her quick wit and problem-solving skills were impressive.

"I was always sneaking books back home, hiding them from everyone. I loved to learn, it didn't matter the subject, whether it was about science, history, or even fairy tales," she answered, then paused as she dabbed ointment onto a cut. Huh, funny, it almost felt as if she'd also run a finger along my eyebrow. Perhaps I had a gash there? "I liked reading the newer things, you know, because they were updated and current, but admittedly my favorites had to be the ones that were saved from the time before the War."

"Not many of those left," I noted; the erudite had tried to get those taken out of the education system, claiming they were inept. They'd been outvoted though, thanks to the abnegation who'd said that to learn from one's mistakes, we had to always have the examples of the past too look upon.

"Yeah," she gave a little sigh. "I miss it. I don't really get a chance to read anything here."

I frowned, discomfited to hear the sad tone in her voice. Ally was happiness embodied, a light, she should never be without a smile. Making a mental note, I decided that the next time I snuck out to visit my mom in candor, I'd make sure to bring Ally something back. I'd left a few books there, and though they might not be what she usually read, I figured it was better than nothing.

"Okay, done," Ally said as she slowly stepped back.

"Thanks," I grinned. "Careful, I might just get used to having my own personal nurse. I might not want to let you go."

 _Shit_. That had slipped out on its own. Feeling my face heat, I was surprised when I looked up and saw Ally blushing as well.

"Well, with patients like you, maybe the nurse wouldn't want to leave," she said softly. Before I could really register her words, she'd already plowed ahead, leaving me flummoxed. "Umm, like I said though, I did have something important to tell you. It's about Wayne."

"Wayne?" I frowned, immediately stiffening with anxiety. "What's wrong? Where is he? Did something happen?" _If someone hurt him…_

There it was, the rage. It _was_ still in my system. All this time, Ally's presence had been tempering it down; keeping it at bay. Now that I was worried though, I could feel my blood begin to simmer. My fists clenched reflexively.

"Sage, no, nothing happened to him," Ally immediately said, looking worried herself at my expression. "He's fine, for now, it's just that I noticed something and I needed to tell you."

I felt my body ease, but not completely. What did she mean he was fine, _for now_? Again, Ally seemed to notice my tension, because without hesitation, she crossed back to me and laid her hand lightly over my own; s _oothing_.

"What is it?" I asked again when I felt more stable and composed. "What did you want to say?" There was a moment of hesitation, and I could see that she was worried about how I'd react. How was it that she was already so in tune with my emotions? "I'm fine, calm, just tell me."

"Sage, I… I think Banks may be taking an interest in Wayne."


	44. Chapter 42

Chapter 42

Maybe it was the lingering effects of the serum, or maybe it was just the sudden flood of panic I felt, but before Ally had even finished speaking I'd already leapt to my feet and began to storm out the door.

"Sage wait, where are you going?" She called out as she ran behind me to catch up.

"To find Wayne," I said as I reached the door. "I can't let him be caught off guard. He's not just my responsibility, he's also my friend." I strode out, not bothering to lock up when Ally followed.

"Hey, hold up, just listen to me," she said between breaths as she kept up, turn after turn, through the dark tunnels and passageways. "I said _may_ , as in, _maybe_ , not for sure. Honestly, I don't think Wayne's in any kind of direct danger, especially since Banks clearly isn't sure about him. I just told you so you'd keep an eye out."

"This doesn't make sense," I fumed as I took the stairs two at a time. "Banks shouldn't be targeting Wayne. He's not divergent. He got dauntless results, and he's been going through the simulations as any other dauntless member would."

"Actually, Banks might be on to something," she huffed, nearly colliding into my back when I stopped abruptly.

"And just what do you mean by that?"

"That's what I've been trying to explain, if you'd just stop and listen."

We'd reached the heart of the compound; the Pit, and there were dozens of other members milling around, each busy with their own task at hand. Though it was loud, and we probably weren't being specifically watched, Ally gestured at me to follow her.

I frowned, instead craning my head at the nearby bar; where I knew Wayne would probably be playing a game of Pool with Felix, Iris, and some of his other friends. When Ally walked over and latched onto my hand, my decision to find him was taken from me as I followed her obediently. I stiffened when I saw where we were headed though; the Chasm.

"We should go somewhere else," I bit out as I stubbornly dug in my heels and pulled back.

"Why?" She asked. "It seems safe in there. The water is loud, so it'll drown out our voices, and it's also really dark, so we wouldn't be seen." As she took in my expression, she quietly added, "and it's spacious, you know, in case that's what's getting to you."

I didn't answer, instead I just kept shaking my head slowly. I wasn't afraid to go in there; I just dreaded the memories that came with that place. There were so many, the Chasm haunted me in my dreams and in reality. All I could see when I closed my eyes was Randi; her face, cold, pale, completely lifeless, her body, limp, hair wet and bedraggled. I shuddered, imagining her ghostly fingers beckoning me to follow.

"It's not about space, it's just that–" I hesitated, how could I even explain?

Truthfully, Ally was right about the chasm. Other than my room, it was a relatively safe place. No one would be able to listen in. I didn't even have to worry about Banks; in the afternoons, he'd been stuck by Max's side as he completed the necessary training to become a dauntless leader. In fact, other than the serum he'd just tested on me, he'd barely had time to continue on with his own studies the way he'd used to.

Without answering, I gave a sigh and nodded as I followed her into the darkness. The roar of water, once soothing, now had me wound up tightly with nerves. There was another reason I'd avoided this place…

"Okay, talk," I said gruffly; wanting to get out as quickly as possible. "What do you mean Banks may be on to something?"

"I have a theory," she said seriously. "Ever since you mentioned that Wayne was once on the list of Banks' divergent suspects, I couldn't help but try to analyze why he came to that conclusion. Thanks to Iris, I've sort of been hanging out a lot with Wayne and the other dauntless born, and it's because of this that I was really able to study him." Biting her lip nervously, Ally let out a shallow breath as she continued. "Sage, I think Wayne might be divergent, but he just doesn't know it."

I blinked, waiting for there to be some sort of punchline or hook, but Ally seemed completely serious.

"I don't follow," I said slowly. "How can he be something but not know it?"

"Think about it this way, if no one had ever told you that you were divergent, would you have ever changed the way you acted around others? No, you wouldn't have, you'd still have behaved the same way; brave, honest, and selfless. Your personality would be the exact same, but without the added dread of being found out." She held a finger out in a very professorial-like manner, and continued with more animation in her voice. "Same story with me, and even Iris. So what is it that makes us different from Wayne?"

"Other than our shit luck?" I asked. Ally rolled her eyes, but appeared to be waiting for a different answer. "I'm taller," I answered dryly.

"Come on, be serious."

"Also older."

" _Sage_ ," she said warningly.

"I'm definitely sexier."

" _Ugh_ , you're not making this easier," she said, sounding mildly exasperated, but also amused.

"Then enlighten me."

"Fine, the difference is that Wayne has always _wanted_ to stay in dauntless, and so when it came time to take his aptitude test, he subconsciously reacted in a way that would surely get the results he wanted. Unlike us, who took those tests without really having a certain faction in mind." She began to pace a little as her words came faster. "It's all in the clues. He gets out of his simulations fast, like in seven minutes or so, and I suspect he's aware because I heard him mention to Felix that though the fear sims are hard on him, in the end it's almost like he's playing a game. Except, it's like he's going through a game he already read the cheat manual on because he knows what moves he should make."

I felt an odd prickling go through my spine at Ally's words, and for some reason, the image of a youthful Danny flashed through my mind. Hadn't he said something akin to that during our own initiation? He'd always been vocal about the fact that he knew he was meant to be in dauntless. Could it be that his desires, like Wayne, had unconsciously guided him into reacting the way a dauntless member would?

"So if he never showed any outer signs of divergence, and simply kept reacting as he subconsciously knew someone dauntless would, he'd have sailed by undetected. And he'd also never know that about himself because no one ever warned him about what he was," I said, suddenly catching on.

"Exactly," Ally nodded quickly. "Which is also the reason why he could be in danger. Since no one warned Wayne not to show certain traits that weren't dauntless, he's hasn't changed the way he acts at all. If you watch him, you'll notice that he's–"

"Honest to a fault," I cut in, remembering that I'd already thought that long before he'd ever been on Banks' list. "You think he's candor," I stated without any note of questioning in my voice.

"Yes, but because the dauntless and candor share a certain brashness in personality, his unfiltered honesty is probably often mistaken for regular behavior around here. However, I have noticed a difference between the two," she paused to give me a studying look, and it was then that I realized she must've pieced together that I was also somehow connected to candor.

"Go on," I said, curious to see how she'd describe my old faction's honesty.

"For people that are naturally candor, the truth comes without much thought, as if it were some kind of compulsion that they had no control over. Dauntless honesty is more purposeful, and they're able to easily rein it in if need be."

 _Hit the nail on the head_ ; I thought, somewhat awed that she had so much foresight into a faction that she didn't even have an aptitude for. I supposed it was the erudite portion of her mind that made her this observant.

"You've put some thought into this," I noted quietly.

"I've just been connecting the dots," she answered as she continued to study my expression. "Wayne, blurts things out without thought… sort of the way you do sometimes. Or, or am I wrong to think this?"

I raised a brow at that; though she wasn't pointedly asking me what factions I'd gotten in my aptitude test, it was clear that it was what she was curious about. Though I'd discovered a way to circumvent my natural candor instincts, with the help of redirecting questions and withholding certain information, it apparently hadn't been enough to throw Ally off my trail.

Her gaze seemed to sear into my own, demanding answers, and it felt as if we were on the precipice of something much more harrowing than a simple question. I'd kept so much from her, from Iris, even from Dan. I'd told them only as much as they needed to know, but not so much that they'd have to carry my own burdens; always I kept the worst to myself.

I'd told Dan that Banks occasionally conducted tests on me, but I'd never divulged the actual details of the experiments; I hadn't wanted him to know those horrors. I'd told the girls about my own divergence, but I hadn't said what I'd lost because of my actions; hadn't told them who had died as a result of my rebellious actions.

 _But this can't go on._ I knew Ally had a certain idea of me in her head, and I had to set her straight; had to let her know that I wasn't someone to be looked up to. Though I'd wished to never have to divulge my dark secrets to her, something inside of me said it was time to speak.

"Just ask," I said in a near whisper.

"Huh?" Ally swallowed and appeared flustered. "What do you mean?"

I turned and strode over to the farthest recesses of the Chasm, then when I reached the rail, I sat down and let my legs dangle off of the edge. The water roared as it passed by, and a few droplets sprayed over my boots. When Ally didn't follow, I turned and cocked my head at her.

"I can see it in those curious eyes of yours," I said as I nodded at the space beside me. "You have questions, so just ask them."

There was a split-second pause as she obviously debated with herself, but ultimately Ally strode over and sat beside me; closer than I'd expected, but I figured that might change after I told her what had happened to Randi.

"You said you were divergent, but you never said what factions you'd received on your aptitude test," she said as she picked up a nearby pebble and trained her gaze on it.

"I'd tell you, but I think you already know," I answered.

"I have my suspicions," she admitted, and then when I gave her a nudge with my shoulder, she continued. "You're brave, noble, protective, selfless, kind, and when you're not on guard, irrevocably honest. So, dauntless, abnegation, and candor," she peeked me. "Was I close?"

"Got them all," I nodded. There was a tense pause, and I sighed and nudged her again. "Go on, I know you have more to ask than that."

"I do," she admitted, but as I waited for her to continued, she could only open her mouth, close it, and then shake her head at herself.

"I'll answer anything," I offered, wondering if that was what was causing her to hesitate.

"Would you? I mean, I know you're honest, but you're also very cautious about what you reveal about your personal life," she stammered as she continued to play with her pebble.

"I have my reasons," I sighed. "But yes, I will be completely honest with you."

Ally nodded, and I could see that she was clearly trying to organize her thoughts.

"When I first met you, the first thing I thought was that you were a natural dauntless born who didn't have any kind of uncertainties or fears about life. That you had a life plan, that you had everything together, and that you were tough and unafraid because of the faction you lived in, but the more I studied you, the more I realized you'd become that way because you'd suffered a loss in your own life," she turned to look me dead in the eyes. "I realized, though it was hard to tell at first, that you were mourning."

 _So perceptive;_ I mused. Instead of answering, I mirrored her and also studied her expressions, looking for clues as to how she was feeling.

"Even now, when I look into your eyes, I see immense kindness, but I also see sorrow," she whispered. "I see bravery, but I also see dread. I see a passionate desire to act and fight, but also a tormented look of regret." She seemed to lean closer, but as she raised a hand towards my face, I couldn't help but look away with shame. "Who did you lose?"

My heart was hammering in my chest, though outwardly I sat still; probably appearing detached. I stood slowly, and then gestured for her to follow me as I step towards the farthest wall at the back of the Chasm.

As my hand slowly rose and began to graze the sides of the cavern, I felt my eyes close by their own accord. _Searching, searching_. My fingers eventually found the indents I'd been looking for; this was the other reason I didn't like to visit the Chasm. This wall, it wasn't just any wall, but what the dauntless like to call a tribute to Those Not Forgotten.

No one really knew when the tradition had been started, but at some point, someone had painstakingly carved out the names of the various people who'd lost their lives at the hands of the Chasm; whether it was by accident, or by their own decision. Years passed, and soon enough it had just become second nature; a ritual the dauntless kept to honor the dead.

Ava had already carved out Randi's name on a different portion of the wall, but I'd later come by myself and made my own monument to her memory. Hands blistered and raw, I hadn't stopped carving into the stone until her name had been so deeply engrained, it would've taken an earthquake to warp a single letter of her name.

"Miranda Redfield," I heard Ally read quietly. Then she ran her own fingers along the carving below that. "Randi."

"It was my fault," I breathed, feeling my chest constrict with the flood of memories that were suddenly rushing back. "Too young, with so much to live for. She shouldn't have died."

Then, as if possessed by some unearthly spirit, the whole story of how I'd inadvertently been the cause of Randi's death came spilling out. I told Ally everything, without skimping on a single detail.

I told her about how I'd attempted to hide my divergence, about how I'd tried to keep those around me safe, how I'd begun to get mysterious messages from a spy in dauntless, and how I'd later found out they'd come from Banks. I even told her about how, _somehow_ , the death of my father was also in some way connected to what was happening right now; that Banks had connections in not only erudite, but also candor.

I told her about the ultimatum Banks had given me, how he'd warned me to acquiesce to what he wanted, or that my loved ones would pay a price.

"I never should have said anything to Randi," I said through gritted teeth. I clenched my fists, and as my emotions continued to rise, I couldn't help but shudder. "I should've just done what Banks had ordered. By telling her what I was, it was as if sentenced her myself."

"No, that's not true," Ally said vehemently. "You had to tell her, because it was the right thing to do. You couldn't just keep her in the dark about what was going on. Besides, you couldn't just deny your candor instincts like that, it's not like there's an on and off switch."

I just kept shaking my head, still running a hand over her name. "I killed her."

"Stop saying that!" Out of nowhere, Ally's hand shot forward and pulled my shirt so that I was forced to face her. "Stop that. You can't blame yourself for a crime that Banks committed."

"Don't you get it? I was warned, I knew what would happen if I revealed anything," my voice trembled. "I'm the only one to blame. She died, and it was pointless. No battle, no noble sacrifice, just death. It was stupid and could've been avoided if I'd just done the right thing."

"But you did, you did!" she insisted.

"No, I should've protected her, should've followed her when she stormed off, should've never let her out of my sight," I slammed a fist against the wall, the pulled away from Ally's hold. "You were right, I was grieving when you first met me, and I still am. I've despised myself for what I did for all these months, self-hatred like you couldn't believe. I didn't take her passing well. I became a shell of who I used to be. I didn't feel like there was anything left to fight for, so I just bided my time. I started drinking, fighting relentlessly, anything to forget what had happened and to numb the pain."

Determination shone in Ally's eyes, and though I'd moved away from her, she merely stepped closer; unthwarted by my rising tone or uneasy behavior. "You couldn't have known that was going to happen. Couldn't have ever guessed he'd heard you two talking. You were only sixteen, and you had so much on your plate already, no one expected you to know what the future held."

"Ally, _you're_ only sixteen," I threw back. "And you're handling things a hundred times better than I ever did."

"Because I've had _you_ to guide me," she replied immediately. "And our positions are vastly different. None of my family is being watched by some mysterious assassin. Banks might have suspicions about me, but thanks to your training with the simulations, they've amounted to nothing else."

There was a lull as both of us stood off against each other; neither willing to back down. Again, I felt as if we were balanced on a dangerous slope, one that would be life altering if it went badly. I breathed deeply, then exhaled as I pinched my eyes closed and ran a hand through my hair. Through the roar of water, I heard Ally whisper something, but I didn't quite catch it.

"What?"

"I said you can't keep living in the past, you have to look forward to what life has to offer," Ally repeated more firmly. "Dwelling on your mistakes won't help, and neither will blocking out the people love you and want to help."

" _Hah_! That's rich coming from you," I snapped, suddenly bristling; though I knew I was only reacting with anger because she was hitting too close to home.

I didn't like that her logic was slowly seeping into my mind, at once soothing my woes, while also making me feel as if I were cheating on Randi's memory. I could see and understand the soundness of her words, but that didn't mean I wanted to accept it. I'd lived so long with this guilt, it was as if it had become a new organ in my body; something quintessential that I couldn't survive without.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded, putting up her own guard as she studied my face.

"When you lost your mom, you told me you were done," I reminded her. "You said you never wanted to feel that way again, and that you'd never let anyone get that emotionally close to you. You essentially equated love to pain." I felt my lips pull into a grim line. "That seems an awful lot like _you're_ living in the past, dwelling on _your_ mistakes, and blocking out people that want to love and help you."

"I-I, well that's _-err-_ different," she stammered as she tried to recover her side of the argument.

"Is it then?" I replied offhandedly. _She doesn't deny it_ ; I thought with a pant of disappointment. I watched as her eyes darted, and then eventually squeezed shut with exasperation.

" _Ugh_. Why is this so hard between us? Why does it feel like you're trying to make me hate you?"

 _Maybe because I am._

"Just tell me this Ally, do you think you'll ever change your mind? Do you think you'll ever let someone," – _me_ – "into your life, even though by doing so you'd be giving them the power to hurt you?"

She didn't answer, and as the seconds passed by, I could tell she wasn't going to. In that instant, something vital became blatantly clear to me. Even though I cared for Ally, and she for me –even if it was only as a friend– it wasn't enough. We were both closed off; she with the loss of her mother, and the fear of getting her heart hurt again, and me with the loss of Randi, and the dread of having more of my loved ones at risk.

Ally had barriers, and so did I. Though for different reasons, we were essentially on the same page. I didn't see the use in fighting what had to happen. I had to resist the pull I felt towards her, and get on with what I had to do. Shoulders back, face set into a mask of nonchalance, I shrugged.

"Allison, thank you for telling me about Wayne, but I don't think we should talk outside of class anymore," I said as I turned and began to make my way out of the Chasm.

"Wait, what?" she called out as she followed. "What are you saying?" She ran then, and placed herself directly in front of my path.

"All I'm saying is that it would be better for both of us if we kept things," I gestured at her, then at myself, "on a need to know basis. Strictly professional. You don't have to worry though, I'll still help with your fear simulations, training, and hiding your divergence."

Taking a step back, Ally's expression looked simultaneously shocked and hurt. She gazed at me, not with her usual look of curiosity, but with obvious pain. I didn't understand entirely; wasn't this what she desired? If she wanted to keep people away, specifically someone like me –a person who was already too enchanted by her– then this was what she needed. Distance.

I needed the space as well, because the truth of it was that whoever said that loss got easier with time was a liar. What really happened was that the spaces between the times you missed that person simply grew longer. Especially when you had someone else to entertain your thoughts. Someone clean and pure, someone who could make you feel almost whole again… someone like Ally.

But you could never stay in this state of mind, not while the ghost of your past offenses lived in your mind. Eventually, you'd remember to miss them again, and when you did, the agony would return with the force of a scorching fire; searing your heart with guilt, and branding your newfound happiness with an X of betrayal. You'd drown in remorse, because you would eventually realize that it'd been too long since you missed them last.

By being near Ally, I was slowly but surely erasing my guilt, but also the traces I had left of Randi. I couldn't let that happen. I had to remember. This was even a lesson that the abnegation had; to do better, you had to remember your past mistakes.

"What about Banks?" Ally asked when she saw me start to leave. "I can't let you take on him by yourself."

"I'll handle it," I answered easily. "I said I'd keep you safe."

"And who'll do the same for you?"

I paused, then cocked my head at her in confusion. Why did she sound so concerned? She didn't care for me the same way I did for her. Was it merely an amity characteristic? A compulsion?

"For your own good, don't concern yourself with me," I said as I sidestepped her. "Don't get caught up."

Though Ally didn't follow, as I exited the Chasm, I could've sworn I heard her reply;

"I think I already am."


	45. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

"Initiates, today you're all going to be going through a different kind of simulation known as a fear landscape," I told the group that stood before me.

After breakfast this morning, Banks and I had gathered up the initiates and led them along the paths that surrounded the Pit, then up the winding stairs to the tower that stood above the dauntless compound, and onward until we'd reached the glass room where the fear landscapes took place.

"With all the simulations you've already gone through, we've been storing data about your worst fears and keeping them on file. The fear landscapes will evaluate that information and then present you with a series of virtual obstacles," Banks recited as he looked from face to face. "Most of your fears will be ones that you've already faced, however, there is an off chance that new ones may arise."

Hesitantly, Mel raised a hand in question.

"Mel?" I said quickly before Banks could go off on a rampage about being interrupted.

"Sorry, but this sort of sounds like what we're already doing," she said fretfully; avoiding Banks' steely gaze at all cost. "What's the difference?"

"The difference between the simulations you've already gone through and this one will be the fact that you'll be aware," I explained, careful to avoid looking over at the corner where Ally and Iris stood side by side.

"So basically, in these sims we'll all know that it's not real the entire time?" Ally asked; as if on cue calling attention to herself.

Though days had passed since we'd had our heated conversation in the Chasm, an air of confrontation still lingered whenever she and I were around each other. As I'd promised, whenever she'd come in to go through a simulation, I'd been unemotionally professional; helping out with tips, but pointedly avoiding any other topic.

As for Ally, she'd seemed to be at war, not only with me, but with herself; on occasion I'd see her frown, open her mouth to argue with me, but then immediately shut it as she stormed away. She had things to say to me, it was obvious, but her amity roots made her wary to bring up any sort of conflict. Keep the peace at all costs, that was their reasoning.

"Yes," I answered, looking at the surrounding crowd rather than her.

These simulations were just the ones I'd been waiting for; with everyone aware of what was happening around them, it would be as if they were _all_ divergent. Playing on a level field with Ally, Iris, and possibly Wayne, it would be easier to hide their differences.

"Sweet!" Wayne crowed as he pumped his fist in the air. "I'm gonna' kill it!"

 _So carelessly direct_ ; I thought with worry. _And you're probably right, you will do well in these tests._

Some chuckles and snorts sounded at his words, but I clearly saw Banks' brow rise with confusion. Like him, I'd been keeping an eye on Wayne. More and more, I came to see that Ally's theory might be just right. However, like she'd mentioned, most of the time Wayne's candidness came off as merely a dauntless characteristic; effectively keeping suspicions at bay. Even Banks didn't seem completely sure about Wayne's odd quirks.

After much thought, I'd decided not to approach Wayne with the topic of his possible divergence. My reasoning was this; if he truly had the infallible honesty of someone candor, telling him about the danger he was in would only serve to make him paranoid. Then if he attempted to change his ways of acting, it would only cement Banks' suspicions.

"Confident are you?" Banks noted; his eyes gleaming with interest.

"I'm a dauntless born," Wayne grinned, raising his chin. "It's part of the package."

"If you want brains though, you're going to have to pay extra," Felix snorted as he rapped his knuckles over Wayne's head.

At the crowd's laughter, Wayne scowled. " _Dude_!"

When he made a swipe at him, Felix merely skirted out of the way and shoved Iris in front of him in a shield-like fashion, simultaneously hollering, "Iris powers activate!"

With a roll of her eyes, Iris wriggled out of his grasp, and then gave him a resolute punch on the arm. "No way, _not_ my circus, _not_ my monkeys."

More laughter sounded, and I was relieved to see that Banks again seemed confounded. I could practically hear his thoughts; was this all just dauntless cockiness, or could it be more?

"Settle down," Banks snapped after a moment. When they did, he continued. "The number of fears you'll end up having in your landscape will vary according to how many you actually have. Remember, this third stage is based on mental preparation, _and_ physical."

"You're all going to have to combine everything you've learned from stage one and two to be able to pass this," I added. "Then next week, you'll all go through your fear landscapes as fast as you can in front of a panel of our dauntless leaders. That'll be the final test."

"To get past each obstacle is pretty much the same as the previous fear simulations you've gone through," Banks said as he turned and began to type away at one of the nearby computers. "You can either calm down enough so that your heartbeat returns to its normal pace, or you can find a way to face your fear and make the simulation move on."

"Will we find out our exact number of fears today?" Ally asked.

When Banks narrowed his eyes studiously, I quickly threw her a warning look.

"No," he said slowly. "The program is set to run a previous dauntless instructor's fears. His name is Red, you may or may not have seen him around the compound."

Without a doubt, both Banks and my own files had been off limits. When we'd tried to upload my own recent fears into the computer, something had happened whereupon the whole system had flashed red with some kind of interference; as if it couldn't get a read on what was going on in my head.

 _Simulation error. Files encrypted. Simulation error. Files encrypted_. The monitor had read over and over. Banks had given me a dark look, demanding to know what I'd done, but I'd only been able to shrug. Consciously, I hadn't purposefully done anything to hide my fears.

 _Subconsciously though…_

When I'd nonchalantly asked Banks if we'd be using his, he'd merely given me an unnerving smile, then shaken his head, saying; _I like to break people in slowly, if they saw even the smallest portion of what goes on in my mind, all the sport would be gone._

Of course there were countess other files we could've used, since they were all saved on the dauntless computer's main hard drive, but I figured since Red's were familiar, they'd probably be the safest. After getting his consent, Banks had programmed them into the fear landscape room.

 _Randi_.

A sudden pang seemed to slice into my chest at her memory, and without meaning to, my hands clenched into fists. Yesterday, as Banks had scrolled through the list of dauntless member's fears, I'd caught the name of her own file. Though she was long dead, her information was still in the system. A part of me had desperately wanted to open up the file and see what her fears had been firsthand, to explore her mind if only for an instant; to be connected again. It had felt wrong though, like a violation of her privacy, and so I'd forced myself to push the thoughts from my head.

Feeling someone's gaze on me, I looked up and saw Ally's concerned eyes trained on my hands. How she noticed everything. When I forced myself to relax again, making my face go slack with indifference, Ally's frown only deepened.

"This is supposed to help you get a sense of how the simulations will go," I said after clearing my throat. "We're going to number you off so that you'll each get a different fear of his."

"How many did he have?" Wayne called out.

"Ten," I answered. "Drowning, being struck by lightning, asphyxiating, not making it into dauntless, falling from the chasm, being attacked by a pack of rabid wolves," I couldn't help but stiffen at that one; it had been my own assigned fear, "getting shot by his family, being humiliated in front of friends, being blind, and getting pinned between two boulders. Most of you will have anywhere from ten to fifteen fears in your simulations, that's the average number."

After having the initiates line up, they were each assigned a fear. Wayne was the one to receive the wolf simulation, Felix the lightning, Jade got drowning, Vera the asphyxiating, Mel the humiliation, Zane got the two boulders, and so forth. To my quiet horror, Iris got the fear of not making it into dauntless; it worried me, because it was an actual fear of hers already. Hopefully, she wouldn't suffer the same fate as me, and have the simulation morph into something from her own mind.

Worse than that, Ally was assigned the fear of falling off of the chasm.

 _Oh, the fucking irony_ ; I mentally simmered.

Thankfully, she didn't seem that anxious at having been given that simulation. But what did I know? Maybe she was merely trying to put on a brave face.

One by one, each initiate went in and completed their simulation. As I'd suspected, it wasn't any easier to watch them than it had been last year; to have to sit by idly as my friends went through unseen horrors. As then, there was nothing I could do but be a witness their reactions to the fear.

Wayne went first, and comically enough, just as he'd promised; he really did _kill_ it, or rather, _them_. Waving an invisible stick around, his fear never transformed the way mine had. Things were going rather we'll, all things considered. When it came time for Iris to go, I was even more gladdened to see that she handled things effortlessly, her actual fear never melding with Red's.

"And last, but certainly not least, Ally," Banks said when Jade had finished her simulation. "You're up."

Chin up, shoulders squared, Ally stood and confidently walked over to where Banks and I stood. As I carefully moved her hair to the side to expose her neck, syringe ready, I inadvertently caught her eye. Then I could see the truth; though she seemed calm on the outside, her eyes gleamed with fear, dread –with a raw horror.

 _Damn it._ Just like that, all the previous days' efforts crumbled as I felt myself soften. Why was it so impossible to keep myself indifferent? As I led her to the room, I shot her a look, one that I could only hope read as; _everything will be okay._

She swallowed audibly, then subtly nodded as the door slid shut with a click; taking the light, and bringing the simulation to life.

On the monitors, a close up of Ally's face popped up as the program kicked in. Her eyes seemed simultaneously lost, while also focused; seeing things that no one else could. All at once, she darted to the side then stood stark still, as if she were pressing herself against a wall. Her heart rate shot up, on the screens, and her breathing visibly grew erratic. Something must've happened, because it was only moments later that she was sprinting towards a far end of the room, her face paper white.

Was she being chased? That had to be it, because she never slowed her speed. With the program corralling her to stay within the actual confines of the fear landscape room, she ended up winding around in circles on occasion.

"No!" She suddenly screamed as she flew forward, barely managing to brace her fall with her hands. "Let me go!"

The amount of self-control it took for me to not just stand, shove Banks out of the way, and shut the program down, was implausible. My whole body was wound up like a coil, wanting desperately to rush to her aid. Clawing at invisible attackers, Ally began to cry out for help. She flailed her arms, kicked her legs out, but still it seemed to do her no good.

 _Not right, this is not right_ ; I mentally snarled. _Want to save her, but I can't. Not now._

"Please, someone! _Anyone_!" She shrieked, digging her fingers into the ground, as if she were being dragged. "Iris! Felix! Help me!"

She seemed to get her footing momentarily as she kicked an invisible attacker. She rose, lurched forward a couple of steps, but then again crashed to the ground. Her face was red, and to my horror, I could see she was close to tears. No, no, she couldn't be losing it like this, not with everyone watching. Especially not with Banks right here, in person.

"Wayne! Mel!" She was being shoved over the railing, somehow I could tell by the way she'd risen, and then suddenly pitched over her own feet over an unseen barrier. She curled her hands around the invisible rails that surrounded the Chasm, her eyes wide as she scrambled for a better hold.

" _Jeez_ , she's losing her shit," I heard Jade tell Vera, who could only nod with obvious disdain on her face.

"Some dauntless she'll make," Zane snorted, ribbing David as he sneered. "Guess I win that bet, huh?"

"Shut it," Wayne warned, though I could see both he and Felix were having trouble accepting what they were seeing on the screen.

"It must be a really bad one," Mel said defensively, sidling closer to Iris. "Right?"

Iris nodded. "Yeah, of course," but as she and I shared a fleeting look, I could see she was equally shocked to see this was happening.

She gazed at me with obvious confusion, clearly asking, _what the hell is going on?_ I could only shrug helplessly. The tears came then, coursing over Ally's cheeks. Her breaths were ragged, and with a final hoarse wail, she uttered a heart wrenching blow.

" _Sage!_ " I froze. Okay, that was only logical; she'd have called out for anyone. Also, her weeping had made the sound come out distorted, perhaps she'd really called out for– " _Sage_!" she cried again.

I felt all eyes on me, and not just the initiates, but Banks as well. However, that was the last thing that had my complete attention. I felt as if I had no air in my lungs. It was as if I were suspended in a vast pool of nothingness. All I could think, all I could reason, was that I had to get her out.

"Sage?" Jade repeated with a frown. "Why would she–"

"She's probably desperate," Iris interrupted, lying smoothly. "She's obviously calling out for anyone."

"Yeah?" Zane sneered, clearly unconvinced, "That, or maybe she has a little school-girl crush on–"

" _Silence_ ," I said frostily. Barely able to keep up my indifferent facade, I forced myself to wrinkle my nose in apparent disgust. Then, without hesitation, I moved around Banks and shut off the simulation.

"Were those your abnegation compulsions at work?" Banks whispered, so low it was sure no one else had heard him. "Or… something else?" At his raised eyebrow, I summoned up all the disgust I felt for him, and somehow managed to infuse it into my next words so they'd sound believable.

"You've said it before, I can't help but be drawn to charity cases," I said with revulsion; it wasn't a lie, I was merely stating that he _had_ indeed once said those very words. "Can you blame me? That little show was disgusting." Again, not a lie; I _did_ feel disgusted, but with the fact that he'd obviously gotten a kick out of watching her suffer. "Made me genuinely sick to see that, I couldn't let it go on."

The fervor with which I spoke, and the quietly simmering anger in my eyes must've really done the trick, because Banks merely studied me for a second before nodding.

"You're not wrong," he agreed. "Weak and terrified people are nauseating."

As the door to the fear landscape room slid open, I again forced myself to stay in place, to not rush forward and embrace Ally in my arms. Face red with mortification, and cheeks still damp with tears, she could only stare down at her feet as she walked out and faced the group.

"And that," Banks said with a sort of sick glee in his voice, "is exactly what _not_ to do when faced with a fear." He glanced at Ally once, shook his head with obvious repugnance, then faced me. "Wouldn't you agree, Sage, that what we just witnessed was a deplorable showcase of cowardice?"

"It was hard to watch," I muttered with disdain; knowing fully well that it sounded as if I'd just agreed with him. Snickers came from somewhere in the group, but I couldn't allow myself to react to that; couldn't show how I truly felt. "Class dismissed."

Slowly the initiates dispersed. Jade came up to me beforehand though, and playfully bumped me with her hip, simultaneously winding a finger around a loop on the waistband of my jeans.

"Hey big guy," she grinned mischievously up at me. I noticed that when she met Banks' eyes, she didn't flinch or look away in fear. "Sup' boss man, are you going to be needing this one?" she asked as she jerked her head towards me.

"Actually, I am," he answered, and again, I was surprised to see that he didn't at Jade with the same revulsion he did the others. "But it won't be long."

"Alright," she said with a pout. Looking back at me, she winked and gave me a sly smile. "Find me once your free, okay?"

Before I could answer, she'd already sauntered away, a mortified-looking Vera close to her heels. As the rest initiates slowly dispersed through the hallways and into the rest of the compound, I trailed behind Banks when he motioned for me to follow. Before we were far though, I did catch the look of betrayal Ally shot me. With that one look, it would've actually been really hard to tell that she'd ever come from amity.

Rather than look apologetic, I scowled right back. Why was she upset with me? Was it because of what I'd said? Didn't she see that I'd had to act as if I were ashamed of her actions, not only for Banks, but for the other initiate's sakes; if they saw that I treated her differently, that'd only serve to turn them against her.

Instead of looking away, dropping her gaze to her shoes or hands as she usually did when affronted, Ally jutted her chin and suddenly made as if she were about to come chew me out. Luckily, Iris seemed to have noticed our silent clash, and she quickly hooked her arm around Ally's to drag her away.

 _Odd, how odd._ As I trekked into an off shooting tunnel with Banks, I saw that he kept furtively glancing at his watch. He'd been doing that a lot lately. Also, I'd noticed that when he wasn't training the initiates, or shadowing Max to complete his dauntless leadership preparation, he was nowhere to be found in the compound. Was it possible that he wasn't even on dauntless grounds during that time of absence?

"Did you plan on testing something today?" I asked Banks when he stopped and turned to face me.

"No, not _this_ day," he said, closing his eyes momentarily. As he pinched the bridge of his nose, I was suddenly keenly aware of the darker circles under his eyes. Casually, I shifted a single step back.

Taking an overall look at him, I was stunned to discover that he was as I'd never seen him before; his blonde hair, though usually kept clean and cropped short, had recently been growing out and appeared disheveled, as if he'd just gotten up and ran a hand through it. His clothes were creased with use, and as I narrowed my eyes, I saw that his boots were caked with dried up mud.

Where had he gone to? It had been raining these past few days, but none of the dauntless compound had areas that could've gotten muddy enough to splatter his shoes. Even if he had gone outside, most of the ground was paved over with concrete. Quickly shifting my gaze, Banks didn't even seem to notice that I'd been studying him.

"I wanted to inform you that since the period of initiation is almost over, I have finally come to a decision as to what will happen with your future in the long run," he said, reaching a hand to rub at the base of his neck.

It was as he did this that I noticed even more. His hands, though nearly undetectable, were shaking. Tiny tremors seemed to extend from the tips of his fingers, through his wrists, and up to his arms which were… _What the hell?_

"Have you then?" I said, trying to sound blasé, though I was far from it. "How very _kind_ of you. Really, Banks, I'm overcome with your compassion."

"Stronghold, please," he said in a bored tone, ignoring my raging cynicism as he again reached towards his neck. Had he just winced? "I'm in no mood for your sarcasm."

"What is it then?" I asked more seriously. I had to be smart, to keep watching him for clues. Yes, _yes_ , I'd seen it clearly that time. Though quickly, I'd spotted the flash of a grimace cross his features. "What did you decide?"

"I'm going to be taking over this last part of initiation entirely. I want you to transfer back to your previous occupation."

"You want me to go back to the Cage?" I repeated with disbelief. "I'm done?"

"Yes, however, you'll only be a fighter for a limited time," he nodded. "Afterwards, I'm going to be pulling some strings to get you into training to become a dauntless leader like myself."

"What?" I gaped. "That's crazy. Banks, there isn't even a position available."

"Oh, trust me, I'd find a means to eliminate those in my way. As you well know, accidents happen all the time," he said as he gave me a cruel smile. "Besides, Max always liked you, ever since you stepped foot in this compound he wanted you for the position."

"Why would you want this?" I demanded. "Why put me on a level of equal power to you? Wouldn't it be better if I stayed beneath your rule?"

"I have my reasons," he said as he began to wave me away. What was on his arm? Was that smudge? "For now, that's all you need to know."

Just as he was about to take a step, I instinctively reached over and gripped his shirt to yank him back around. There, just along the inside of his elbow, in the center of one of his odd circular scars, there was the smallest smear of dried blood.

He wrenched out of my grasp, but not before my astute candor eyes had caught the smallest details. It wasn't a cut that had made him bleed, but a series of miniscule puncture wounds. So many surrounded the inner flesh of his elbow, it looked as if he'd repeatedly run a cheese grater over that part of his arm. It had scabbed over, but probably after moving around so much, it had separated enough to leak out the tiniest dab of crimson.

Without a doubt, I knew where those perforations had come from. I'd seen them before, had even had some just the same. In the beginning when Banks had experimented on me, serum after serum, day to day, never giving it a rest, my own skin had looked just like that. I'd been a pincushion, and apparently, so was he.

 _An addict?_ I speculated in shock. _It would explain the withdrawal shakes he's getting._

"So," I said slowly, raising a brow in mock curiosity. "What's your cocktail of choice?"

"Careful, Sage," he warned in a voice as silky as it was dangerous. Suddenly, all his previous exhaustion seemed to vanish. Once again, I was facing the old Banks I knew; icy, deceptive, corrupt and eerily insightful. "You'd do best to tread lightly, especially with matters that are far above your line of reasoning."

Biting back a retort, I forced myself to nod and drop my gaze to the ground. Once his footsteps had faded, and I was sure he was long gone, I released a breath and clasped my hands behind my neck. I glared up at the ceiling, quietly muttering curses. How easily I seemed to forget that he held my family and friend's futures in the palm of his hand. Why couldn't I learn to keep a lid on it better? Of all the people to taunt, why Banks?

It was then that an idea hit me, perhaps not a good one, but it was something to stew over nonetheless. I had to talk to Dan about my plan; he'd be able to help me with the intricate portions of it. As I turned and began jogging towards the Pit, I couldn't help but feel somewhat appeased. If what I was planning turned out well, I might just be able to–

"Stop running," Ally said as she crossed her arms and planted herself directly in my path. "We need to talk." I _didn't_ slow.

"This isn't the time," I called out as I picked up my pace. "Get out of the way." _She_ didn't.

It was clear neither of us was willing to bend; I kept approaching, and she remained fixed firmly to her spot. I was seconds away from her, closer, _closer_. At the last instant, I dug in my heels and skidded to a stop before her. Our bodies were nearly touching, and I was able to discern the heat emanated from her. We were both breathing hard, me from the exertion, and her from– well, I actually didn't know why. Anger perhaps?

Looking into her eyes, burning sharply with some unknown emotion, I could see that our confrontation had always been unavoidable. I couldn't keep up the indifference, and apparently, neither could she.


	46. Chapter 44

Chapter 44

 _Too much tension. We've reached a breaking point. Can't lose control now…_ A faint voice at the back of my mind warned. Electricity seemed to course through my veins, and it felt as if every cell in my body were vibrating with the need to touch her. Grinding my teeth, I mustered up all the self-control I could find.

"What?" I demanded when all Ally did was look up at me. Though my tone was harsh, in reality all I wanted to do was pull her close.

"You," she cleared her throat, and then gave me a narrowed look. "You didn't have to do that before, agree with Banks and humiliate me in front of everyone. I mean, I know we're not friends anymore, but to be purposefully cruel? I didn't think you'd stoop so low."

"I didn't have to do anything to humiliate you," I shot back defensively. "You did that yourself by completely losing it in front of everyone." _Smooth Stronghold, smooth._ "What happened in there?"

"As if you care. I saw you, your face was disgusted when I came out of the room." She glared. "And then you were shamelessly flirting with Jade. What happened to keeping it professional _?_ Or did that only apply to me?"

"Flirting with Jade?" I repeated, completely dumbfounded. "What are you talking about?"

"How did she put it? Oh yeah. 'Hey _big guy_ , like, come find me and stuff,'" Ally said sarcastically as she attempted to mimic Jade's cadence. She gave the end of her hair an ostentatious twirl, and then batted her eyes dramatically. "The only thing left for her to say was _rawr_!"

"So she's a little extroverted, it's not a big deal. Candor girls are always outgoing like that," I protested. "Besides, what you've just described are all Jade's actions, I don't see how I'm involved."

"Your eyes were all over her," she insisted. She glanced at my belt. "And you didn't seem to mind at all when she tried to tow you around with her finger."

"She wasn't towing me anywhere," I said as I crossed my arms, though admittedly, that _had_ felt a little like a breach of my personal bubble. "And my eyes were definitely not on her." _Because they were on you._

"Not on her? _Hah!_ " She said dryly. "Liar, so much for those candor results of yours."

"Liar?" I hissed. Leaning down, I suddenly had the maddening urge to grab her face and make her look me in the eye. I wanted to embrace her and extinguish the mere inches between us. Her lips, I wanted to graze them with my own. "Ally, my entire focus was on _you_."

The passion in my voice seemed to throw her off, and before my eyes, her cheeks began to turn a lush pink.

"W-well," she stammered as she cleared her throat and tried to appear aggressive again. "You didn't have to embarrass me."

"That was for your own good," I said quickly. "I was looking out for your benefits."

"My own good?" She interrupted with a snort, craning her head and moving an inch forward so that there was even less space between us. "It seems like you're always using that as an excuse."

"Ally, I couldn't treat you differently in front of the other initiates and you know it." I said with frustration. "Now tell me, what truly happened to you in the fear landscape? Never before had I seen you that unhinged."

"Don't concern yourself with me," she said icily, repeating the words I'd once said to her. "Don't get caught up."

"Damn it, Ally," I grated, frustration boiling over. I took a step to finally close the distance between us, but she quickly backed away. " _You_ came looking for _me_. You wanted to talk? Fine, let's talk then," I said as I continued to advance.

Before I knew it, her back was against one of the tunnel walls, and I had both of my arms stretched out; palms resting to either side of her face as I trapped her there. Leaning close, I struggled not to do more as I caught her eyes.

"Are you purposely trying to intimidate me?" she demanded in a breathy voice.

"No." I frowned at that, but didn't budge. "Do you honestly think I'd ever hurt you?"

There was a pause, but slowly, she shook her head; not once breaking our gaze. "No."

"Tell me then," I said in a slightly softer tone. "Why were you looking for me? Was it really just because you thought I was appalled by your reactions in the fear landscape?"

"Yes," she lied poorly. "That was the _only_ reason."

"Nice try," I shook my head at her, raising a brow. "Candor don't only tell the truth, we can also act as walking lie detectors." When a blush crept over her cheeks, she tried to drop her head, but I merely raised a hand and pulled her chin back up. "What else bothered you enough to come face me?"

 _Why did you bring up Jade?_ I mused internally.

"Nothing," she insisted. "It was just that."

"You say, _nothing_ , but all I hear is, _something_ ," I cocked my head and studied her ever-growing chagrin. "You say, just that, and I hear, it was so much more."

"You have to let me go," she said shakily. _Huh_ , but had her hand been reaching toward my face just then? "I want to leave."

"Ally," I sighed. "You say, I want to leave, but I hear–"

"I don't care what you," she made stiff air quotes, " _hear_. Sage, I want you to let me go."

Though I could still plainly hear the lie in her voice, I acquiesced and stepped away without hesitation. That move apparently surprised her, because her mouth dropped open, and I could've sworn she looked… disappointed?

"At least tell me what happened in the fear landscape room," I insisted. "I've been a witness to what goes on in your mind, and so far, you hadn't had any fears involving the Chasm. Was it…" I hesitated, feeling guilty. "Was it because of what I told you before? About Randi?"

"No," she replied quickly, and I could hear the truth ring clear. "It wasn't that. When I was in there, at first I thought I'd be fine, but when people started chasing me in the direction of the Chasm, I suddenly remembered," she paused to swallow loudly. "I remembered what happened in there before, with Zane."

At his name, I bristled and felt my hands reflexively clench into fists. Already, I understood what had happened to her. Like myself before, her own fear had transformed and melded with Red's until it had become too much for her to handle.

"Suddenly, the faceless people that were chasing me weren't strangers, but Zane. All of them had his face. I ran and ran, but they caught me. I tried to fight them off, but like before, I wasn't strong enough to do anything," she shuddered. "I tried to call for help from my friends, anyone around, but it was only him in that place. Then when I was only hanging onto the railing, with the water below me, and I was sure I was going to die, I…"

"You called for me," I said softly.

"What?" She said haltingly. "No I didn't."

"A room full of witnesses says you did."

"Well, _uhh_ , that was an accident," she said indignantly. "I would've cried out for anyone's help."

Not wanting to argue, I settled with rolling my eyes and shaking my head at her. This couldn't go on, if she didn't make it past this final stage of initiation, she'd be factionless. Not only that, now that Banks was going to be solely in charge, he'd be keeping a hawk-like eye on her every move.

I wouldn't be there to hide her mistakes, to keep her safe. What if she lost it again? With a shudder, I suddenly knew what I had to do to prevent that. Holding a hand out, I beckoned her to come closer.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"You'll see." At her hesitation, I gave her a reassuring smile. That seemed to be all she needed, because in seconds she was by my side.

And so, I led her back to the fear landscape room. Pulling out two syringes, I drew up the doses with sure fingers, then I programmed the room to go through her own fears rather than Red's. I saw the exact moment panic spiked within her, overriding her normally logical mind. Her body shot still, even as a vein near her temple started to beat hectically.

"No," she said as she stared at the sharp point of the needle. "Not again, not twice in one day."

"Easy," I murmured, putting the syringes down momentarily. Her eyes had shifted so that she was now looking at the entrance to the fear landscape room, her breaths hitching. "It has to be done. Listen, no one else knows this, but today is essentially my last day as an instructor."

"What?" She gasped as a look of horror took over her features. "You can't be serious."

"I am. Banks is going to be the watching and grading you from now on, so this will be the only time I'll be able to coach you through the simulations," I said grimly. "Look at me Ally, look at me," I said when it appeared that she was getting lightheaded. Cupping her now pale cheeks, I coaxed her to face me. "Breathe. Inhale, exhale."

She squeezed her eyes shut, gripping my own shoulders, her nails digging into the muscle as if she couldn't bear to have space between us. My wavering aloofness completely crumbled, and I raised my own palms over her back and drew her in tightly. It felt right, and the odd knot of strain I'd felt after we'd fought seemed to completely vanish.

Though I knew she'd gotten physically stronger during her time here, she still seemed frail as she clung to me, gasping for air. Even through her shirt, her shoulder blades felt delicate underneath my calloused hands. My whole being felt too large, rough, and dangerous to be this close to her. But as I rubbed her back, it seemed to soothe her.

"I don't want to do this," she whispered, finally opening her eyes. "Not alone."

"You won't be, I planned to go with you," after a pause, I backtracked. "Unless of course, you'd rather I stay out here."

" _No_ ," she cried out immediately. "Please, just shut down the program."

"I don't think that's what you want me to do," I said as I studied her. Already, she appeared to be temping down the worst of her panic.

"Why the hell not?" She demanded; her voice sharp, though her breaths were already evening out. There it was, that fiery look of determination I knew so well.

"Even now, you're already reining your fear back in," I said proudly. "You're beating it."

"I can beat it tomorrow," she insisted. "Or the next day."

"Ally, if you can't face these fears they will ultimately destroy you. They'll rob you of all your enjoyment in life. Trust me, you have confront them. Reclaim your courage right now."

"Is this some kind of test on your part?" She demanded as her eyes grew wide again. "Some kind of purification? Well thanks, but no thanks. I don't have to do this now. _One_ day I'll get over it, maybe not tomorrow, or the next day, but eventually."

"Oh yeah? And how exactly do you plan on completing the final stage of initiation?" I asked. "You only have a week."

"Fake it till' I make it," she responded unconvincingly. "I'll use my divergence carefully to get out of the simulations."

"But you're more than that, more than simply being divergent," I insisted.

"Says the guy who's able to completely shut down entire programs at will," she snapped heatedly. After a second though, she backtracked and gave me an apologetic look. "Listen, I appreciate what you're trying to do. I don't want to be like this. Cowards don't willingly choose to be cowards." She glanced at our hands; which had somehow found themselves intertwined again. "And won't if defeat the purpose if I need you around to feel strong?"

"You don't really need me in order to be brave, that's already inside of you. You just need me here for the first step." I pulled her away from me, and then turned her around to face the door again. "Which starts in there."

"What makes you think things will go differently this time?" She asked in a whisper. "Why do you have so much faith in me?"

"I believe the real question here is why do you have so little?" I gave her a gentle nudge towards the door. "Ally, I've never told you this, but know that you helped bring me back from the depths of a dark time in my life. You reminded me what it was like to be determined and to not lose faith. I want to repay the favor. Through many of your fear simulations, I've been able to delve deep into your mind. I know who you are."

"Do you then?" she asked as she took a halting step on her own.

"Yes, you're remarkably intelligent, kind, funny, brave," I watched her take another two steps forward. "And the most disarmingly captivating person I've met. Were you divergent or not, I'd still believe greatness lived within you."

"Greatness?" She repeated doubtfully as she stood right at the entrance. "What if I fail again? What if I'm overrun with even more fears? New ones that I haven't even experienced yet or know how to deal with?"

"Nothing can ever touch you while you're with me," I stated. "Come on Ally, if we were attacked, you know what would happen."

"You'd fight."

"With my every breath." I nodded gravely, fixing her with a heated gaze. _You'd see why they call me a monster._

Ally released a breath, looked at the room, and then gave a firm nod. Shifting so that her neck was exposed, I injected her first, then myself with the serum. When the door slid shut, the simulation took both of us.

Below me, the ground I stood on was no longer made of cement. Instead, I was surrounded by the first fear Ally ever faced. The one that took place in the old amity field she'd used to play in. Around us, the mountains caged us in as if they were sentient beings. Soon, the plume of acrid smoke would spread through the air, and with it there'd be pain.

"Ally, you know what to do. This fear, it's about being stifled in amity," I said, "but also about feeling like you won't make it into dauntless. Do you really believe that?"

"No," she said hesitantly, but as she looked behind me -probably at the black cloud that was gaining on us- then back, she repeated it more firmly. "No. I belong in this new faction."

And with that, we ran towards the great oak that stood in the very center of the meadow. Once we reached it, we scrambled to get up. Blisters were rising along my arms, and every time I breathed in a lungful of air, it felt as if I were inhaling live embers. Ally wasn't faring much better.

We were close. I craned my head up and pointed at the industrial-looking tree house that represented dauntless. Blood began to seep from my palms where the blisters had popped, but I ignored it. The tree house's entrance was just in sight. After some grappling, Ally was in, and then shortly after, I climbed in behind her as well.

The creak of the metal floor beneath us suddenly began to waiver, and in the blink of an eye, we were in a new simulation.

We were only able to stand for an instant before the ground began to sway, and then eventually disintegrate to reveal water. We were surrounded by a roaring sea; Ally's fear of drowning. Normally in her simulations, she would just let herself die. _Not this time;_ I thought with determination, though already she'd stopped kicking her legs and arms.

"Hey!" I growled, yanking her back up. "We'll get out, but not like that!"

"How then?" She asked through sputtering coughs. Her fingernails were digging into my arms as another wave crashed over us. "The water's too strong, we can't swim against it!"

"Then swim with it," I said.

As she shakily nodded her head, I pulled her down with me. Swimming down, down, and even further until all around us there was nothing but darkness. Above us, the watery storm still raged, but here things had been lulled into a state of serenity. As I blinked, the scene changed again.

"We're in the compound," Ally said as she stood and dusted her knees off. "Run! They'll be coming soon!"

As if on cue, a mob of angry dauntless members began to surge towards us. This fear, it represented her anxiety of others finding out about her divergence and wanting to end her life for it. Normally when she went through this scenario, rather than do as Iris had done and create a trap door with her mind, Ally would simply lose them amongst the tunnels.

Legs burning, we did just that. Winding around stairs, dashing through various passageways, we didn't stop until the sound of our pursuers had disappeared.

"We did it," she said through gasps. "We–"

But just as she said that, I felt a coil of rope suddenly tighten around my wrists, upper-chest, legs, and feet. Because of my momentum and the new bindings, I pitched forward and landed on my side. I'd seen this fear as well; it was the inability to act in dangerous circumstances.

Around us, it no longer appeared as if we were in the dauntless compound, but rather a cozy looking home. Outside, the people who had finally caught up with us had transformed into amity citizens. They looked worried, their faces pulled into masks of horror. Craning my head, I finally spotted where Ally had landed. She was also tied up, but had somehow managed to wiggle into a sitting position.

I strained, and then managed to sit up as well. The flames that had started on the outer walls and curtains were creeping closer, moving with unnatural speed. Outside, the amity crowd kept weeping with fright. However, none of them made a move to help.

"Stay there," I ordered, seeing that her area wasn't yet surrounded by the raging inferno. The flames were close to me now, and one of my boots had caught fire. It kept climbing up my leg, using my jeans as if they were a wick.

"Sage, I'm so sorry!" Ally cried out, "You shouldn't have come! You should've made me do this alone!" Rather than answer, I shifted so that the fire was now directly under my hands. "Oh god, what are you _thinking_?"

"That I'm not into bondage," I answered, trying to hide the pain I felt with humor. Apparently, I did a piss poor job.

"Not funny!" Ally hissed, her eyes widening when she saw the flames continuing up my leg, onto my knee, heading towards– _shit!_

"No kidding," I grated when the rope finally frayed and I pulled my hands free. "If this hadn't worked, my manhood would've literally paid for it." After hastily putting out the fire on my leg, I rushed over to untie Ally.

"There aren't any doors," she said through a ragged cough. "But we can follow the smoke, it's leaking out through that window."

I pulled her behind me, and then began to punch out the remains of the frame so the opening would be wider. After she'd scrambled out, I followed; collapsing onto the grass outside. As we stood, we both heard a scream from inside the house; a woman's scream.

"Mom?" I heard her say breathlessly. "Mom! I'm coming for you!" Before Ally could leap back into the awaiting arms of that literal hellhole, I snatched her waist and pulled her close to me. "Let go!" She wailed as she began to beat my arms with her fists. "She's in there!"

"No she's not," I said as I moved a hand to force her face up. "Look at that place, it's totally engulfed." And it was. The frame of the house was wobbling, and it was clear that the voice we heard was actually part of a different simulation; one I recognized.

This was the guilt she felt about leaving her mom in amity, and then for not being there for her when she died. Normally, the scene took place in the amity clinic, which I'd come to know from Ally's memories. However, somehow that simulation, along with her fear of fire, had melded seamlessly into one. As she began to weep for her mother, I knew she'd finally understood and accepted my words. Only my words though, she'd never be able to accept the loss.

As the fire raged on, Ally's body slowly relaxed. She turned to face me, then slowly put her head on my chest. Tears continued to spill from her eyes until they seeped through my shirt, so I cupped one hand on the back of her head and pulled her closer with my other arm. Comfort, that was what I was here for.

When I blinked, the fire, the fields, it was all gone. Instead, we were now in a huge room. The walls were metallic, and there was a single table in the center of the area with a gun on it. Beside it, sitting on a chair, there was a young boy with blank eyes. This fear was her aversion to hurting the innocent.

"It's not real, it's not real," I heard her quietly muttering to herself as she walked over and took the gun.

She held it with a white knuckled grip, and then unsteadily aimed it at the boy. Seconds passed, then minutes, but still she couldn't seem to shoot. This simulation always left her shaken afterwards. With a cry, she jerked her face away just as she pulled the trigger. This scenario was over, but I knew what would come next; the fear of losing herself, of not knowing who she truly was.

As Ally dropped the gun, she began to wipe her hands along her arms and legs; as if she were trying to get the boy's non-existent blood off of her.

"I killed him. I killed him in cold blood," she began to chant.

"How could you?" Ally's own voice came from behind me.

"I would've done the same," another clone that appeared said with a sneer. "That's what the real Ally would've done."

"That's sick," another chimed in. "And what do you mean? I'm obviously the real Ally."

All too quickly, I was surrounded by a sea of both familiar, yet unfamiliar faces. I frowned; they were multiplying at a phenomenal rate. Where was the real Ally? Watching this simulation from afar was vastly different from actually living it in person.

As I scanned the crowd, I found my gaze inadvertently drawn to an Ally that had her back to me. Her, it was her. Though she looked exactly the same as the others around her, something within me recognized her as mine. She had her hands over her ears, as if to drown out the sounds, and she seemed to be swaying. I pushed past everyone until I was but a foot away.

"No!" she suddenly screamed. " _I'm_ real! _Me_!"

In awe, I watched as all the clones began to disintegrate into dust until it was only her and I standing in the white room. But she was still swaying. Why? I reached a hand out and placed it on her shoulder, turning her around.

"I'm breaking," she said hollowly as she stared at her hands. There were fine cracks along her skin, and as I watched, they only continued to spread. "Losing it. The pressure, it's getting to me."

I remembered how before, when I'd first laid eyes on her, I'd compared Ally to a porcelain doll. Now, as I watched her skin literally take on the appearance of delicate ivory, I found myself shaking my head in disagreement. Cupping her face, which was starting to splinter before my very eyes, I made her meet my eyes.

"A person's true character is best revealed when they're placed under great pressure. The weak shatter, and the strong survive," as I spoke, I could see the faint cracks begin to vanish, leaving behind smooth skin. I'm not sure when, but somehow her hands had also ended up laced behind my neck. "You, Ally, you're not just surviving. You've transcended that."

The familiar flicker of determination suddenly blazed back to life in her eyes, but though the simulation moved along to the next, we stayed that way; our attention firmly planted on one another. Maybe we both should've been on guard, wary about what was to come, but at that very moment, dread and anxiety were the last things that hung in the air between us.

All I felt was a deep sense of connection; overpowering, constantly growing, it didn't leave room for emptiness or fear.

It was only when a simulation of Zane appeared that the spell seemed to waiver. Seeming irritated rather than afraid, Ally grumbled something under her breath, and then turned to face him. He had a leering look in his eye, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that this fear was a direct result of what he'd tried to do to her in the Chasm that night of the party.

As I remembered how she'd lain in her hospital bed, bruised and beaten, a raw savagery filled me; oddly enough, the intensity of the anger I felt was akin to what I'd experienced while under Banks' RAGE serum. Fists clenched, I was about to lunge at him when Ally raised a hand, gently resting it on my chest.

"It's okay," she assured me with utter confidence. "I'm about to abolish this fear."

Unable to stop a wide grin from spreading over my face, I watched on proudly as Ally strode over to Zane. His eyes were heavy lidded, and he made no attempt to disguise the fact that he was ogling her.

"I knew you wanted me," he smirked as she approached him. "Even when you fought, your whole body was still asking for it."

When he began to lurch towards her, hands curled to tear at her clothes, she immediately sidestepped him. Then using the very moves I'd showed her, she grabbed his wrist and wrenched it behind him, simultaneously putting her foot out to trip him. When he came crashing to his knees, his arm still uselessly held behind him, Ally only hesitated to say;

"No, means no." Then, with a heave, she slammed her knee into his face. When his body crumpled to the ground, she didn't even spare him a second glance.

Utterly captivated, I was about to move towards her, when out of the corner of my eye I spotted yet another figure. When I crossly turned to investigate who it was, frustrated at all the interruptions, I felt my mouth drop open in horror. Blood running cold, stomach twisted into knots, I felt as if I'd just been sucker punched.

There, wearing my own lopsided smile, was a simulation of… me.


	47. Chapter 45

Chapter 45

Me, she was afraid of _me_.

This was a fear I'd never seen throughout her various simulations; it was completely new and alarming. The knowledge that I appeared as a threat in her mind brought on a pain worse than anything I'd ever experienced. Maybe at one point I'd wished she'd have been more wary of me, but not if the direct reason was because she actually feared for her life. Swallowing loudly, I suddenly wished more than anything that I could simply disappear, that I could switch places with someone else, that I could not be _me_.

It was with great surprise, however, that I noticed that the other Sage hadn't made a move towards Ally. Instead, he gazed at her with spellbound eyes, completely captivated; as if nothing else in the world mattered or even existed. Even standing still, his posture, demeanor, his every little move, was filled with undiluted longing. When I turned to look at her reaction, I didn't see a look of horror, but one of…

 _What is that expression?_

When it apparently became too much to handle, I watched as the other Sage slowly began to advance towards her; not predatorily, but with caution, as if he were afraid she'd bolt at any minute. Then as he raised a hand _–to touch her, strike her? –_ I bristled, ironically enough, with jealously.

Not two seconds had passed when I'd already rushed over and planted myself in his path. If need be, I'd protect Ally from myself.

Confusion and frustration flickered over his features, but then almost immediately were replaced by ire and… protectiveness? Odd, as I stood with my hands clenched, I felt just those same emotions. I braced myself, ready to do anything to prevent him from further frightening her, when I suddenly felt something warm graze along my arm.

Fingers interlaced with my own; Ally was slowly trying to tug me so that I'd turn around and face her. I resisted. It was only when the image of the other Sage waivered that I allowed myself a quick glance. What I saw though, made me do a double take. If I'd thought simulation-Sage had appeared mesmerized, that was nothing compared to what Ally's eyes were screaming; she was transfixed, not with him, but with me.

No fear, just anticipation.

Absently, I realized that the other Sage had completely faded away, though the simulation was still clearly running. To get out, she had to either lower her heart rate, or face her fear; me, or whatever it was that I represented.

A spark of hope sprang to life in my chest as I tried to wrap my head around what was going on. Was I kidding myself to think that this simulation had nothing to do with a danger I embodied, rather what her heart wanted but simultaneously refused to accept? Could it be that I wasn't the only one who'd been fighting their feelings this entire time? Come to think of it, she hadn't run from either of us.

 _You're grasping._ I mentally scolded myself. _Trying to see what's not really there._

"You're afraid of me," I stated with shame. "That's only logical I suppose. I'm sure you've heard a lot, seen even more. I'm not about to deny any–"

"I'm not scared of you," Ally said firmly, shaking her head as she spoke, not an ounce of deception in her words.

"Then?" I asked softly, tilting my head as I awaited her response. "I mean, the simulation hasn't ended."

"Then," she repeated cryptically. "I better calm down, or just get over this fear."

"Which is?" I began to ask before I realized that she had purposefully drawn herself closer, standing on her tiptoes.

Her small hands had left her side and were gingerly grazing my abdomen. When a low and embarrassingly desperate breath escaped me, I only just managed to stay in place. Snatching both of her wrists in one hand, I cupped the back of her neck and warningly looked her in the eye. I was not, in any kind of way, ready to be teased; not if I was expected to maintain some resemblance of composure.

"Your fear is intimacy? Kissing, touching?" I choked out. "If so, I'm telling you now, I'm not the person to help you get over this hurtle. Don't tease the bull, Ally."

"No, it is most definitely not the physical," she whispered. I could've sworn I could feel the hope in her voice, hear the demands her eyes made; _kiss me damn it, kiss me!_ "It's something much deeper than that."

"So tell me, what else is there?" Normally I was good at taking myself out of any situation, but with Ally, I was clouded by the emotions that just wanted me to act without thinking. I released her, but didn't move away. Instead, I crossed my arms in a semi-challenging manner.

 _Why am I spurring her on?_

She didn't reply, not because she didn't have an answer, but clearly because she was trying to reason through some kind of inner mayhem. I could feel the heat coming off her body, and as I edged closer, I had to crane my head down. When I realized her eyes were unmistakably trained on my lips, I wondered if it was possible for her to hear just how much my heart had sped up.

"What are you thinking?" I demanded heatedly. "Tell me."

"I'm thinking that," she paused to bite her bottom lip, blushing as she met my gaze. "You should kiss me."

"What?" I was agog. Clearly, I hadn't heard that right. "Ally, don't play with me."

"I'm not," she swore. "I just want to test- _no_ , I want to prove something to myself."

 _Prove what?_

"Don't tempt me," I grated, though already, I felt myself gravitating towards her. "I'm trying to be decent. I'm your instructor," I hedged. "It would be unprofessional."

"As I remember, today was your last day in that position." When I still hadn't budged, Ally seemed to change tactics. "Of course, if you're too scared–"

Before she'd finished, I'd already dipped my head to hers. I kissed her, just the barest brush of our lips, controlled. When I pulled away, Ally smiled at me, her words taunting though her voice was gentle.

"That all you got?" she grinned.

" _Ally_ ," I rasped just before our lips met again. Restraint? My brain had no concept of that word.

This time, it was a very different kind of kiss. Her lips came to life under mine, tasting of longing and desire. She reached up, tunneling her fingers into my hair. I was wild, feeling as if I were being pulled into shreds and crushed into existence all at once. Closer, I needed to get closer. This wasn't just about lust, but about our deeply engrained sense of connection.

I wrapped one of my arms around her waist, fisting a handful of her hair with the other as I squeezed her to my body. We kissed as if it were our last day together, until we were breathing for each other. I loved to hear her abandoned gasps, adored that I could literally feel them because we were pressed so tightly together. I don't know exactly when the simulation ended, but some dim part of my mind realized that the lights in the room had returned to normal.

"I think," I said through gulps of air. "That you're over this fear, yeah?"

"Well, I'm certainly not calm," she replied, equally breathless.

"Please," I pushed my face against her neck and groaned again. "Tell me what it was that you were afraid of."

"I think you know," she said as she grazed her lips along my ear. " _This_. You make me feel so vulnerable. I tried to build all these defenses against you, like a suit of armor, but it was no use. You not only wandered into my life, you made a permanent residence in it."

"What's wrong?" I asked when I heard her voice catch in her throat.

"What's _wrong_?" she repeated with a grim laugh. "What's wrong is that I'm supposed to be smarter than this. I'm not supposed to fall for someone like you."

"Me? Someone who's no good? Broken and beaten, is that what you mean?" I demanded. Still, though our tones were rising to that of an all-out argument, neither of us could seem to bear parting from each other.

"Someone who's still mourning their old girlfriend," she said through gritted teeth. "Being in love is horrible, and you know it. It's an emotion that opens your chest and allows people to crawl into your soul, giving them the opportunity to mess you up." She suddenly stiffened. "I don't want this. I don't want to feel my heart thundering when you simply grin at me. Already, it unsettles me how much you're always on my mind."

"Ally?" When I tried to meet her eyes, she turned away.

"It's not too late," I heard her muttering to herself as she untangled her hands and began to shove away from me. "You're not a sure thing."

"Why are you doing this?" I asked as I let her go. She began to stride towards the door. "I thought–"

"Can you honestly tell me that you're over her?" She demanded as she whirled around, tears shining in her eyes. "How could I ever love someone whose heart still belonged to a dead girl? You'd be constantly comparing me to someone you'd idealized in your mind."

"I wouldn't do that," I protested, though a part of me realized I hadn't denied her _first_ question.

"Not outwardly, but you'd be thinking it," she said sadly. "Sage, the truth of the matter is that with Randi's death, you were left utterly broken. Like a bone, with time you healed, but you didn't set right, and now you'll be forever twisted. Even now, do you think I haven't noticed that haven't denied anything I said that involved Randi?"

"I…" Trailing off, I couldn't bring myself to prove her wrong. "Ally, I don't _want_ to be like this." I said in frustration as I gripped the sides of my head. "I want to be right for you, but you have to be patient with me. I can't just turn off this guilt as if it were a switch."

"I can understand that, but it doesn't mean I have to accept being a part of it," she said, though I could hear her voice wavering. I pounced on that opportunity.

" _Please_ ," my breath was shallow as it came out. "Could you not give this thing between us a chance? Me, could you not bear to give _me_ an opportunity? God damn it, I care so much about you. I'm trying to move forward, to stop living in the past as you once said."

"I can't. You don't care about me the same way I do you." She said in a wobbly voice. "I'm just a remedy for what Randi left damaged. If we'd met under normal circumstances, you'd have never noticed or felt the need to have me around."

"Don't say that," I grated as I lurched forward and held her to me. "I know I'm wrong for you, but I swear I'm trying. Please, help me forget."

"Sage, this would never work," she said, suddenly sounding frosty. "You'll always love Randi, even when all you have is a memory of her. Let me go."

Anxiety shot through me; a physically crippling pain. However, I would and could _never_ bring myself to force Ally to do anything against her will. Dropping my arms, I looked at her and had to fight the urge to fall to my knees. When she began to slowly make her way to the door, she paused and turned to look at me; indecision clearly painted onto her features. Was she changing her mind?

"Just… Just give me time to think," she finally said. "Give me space while I sort things out."

"I can do that," I nodded grimly.

When she left, I stood for long moments absently gazing at the spot where she'd been standing. It was only when I heard the sound of shuffling footsteps approaching that I really seemed to snap out of my trance. It was an odd pairing; Dan and Marko.

"From the look we saw on Ally's face, I take it things didn't go well, huh?" Marko smirked. "Your kissing skills were probably sub-par. Ya' know, that's what happens with lack of practice."

"You saw her?" I asked, easily ignoring Marko's ribbing. "How? When?"

"We were coming to find you, we heard a rumor around the compound that you were going back to the Cage as of tomorrow," Dan said, sounding obviously displeased. "When we were climbing up here to check, Ally was rushing down the stairs looking slightly…" he trailed off.

"Slightly what?"

"Imagine the look on Dan's face if he were told he'd never eat cake again," Marko said with a theatrical sob. "Tragic, she looked tragic." He suddenly gave me a wry grin. "What'd you do? Nail and bail? Come on, you can tell me."

"For your sake, I'm going to ignore what you just said," I growled, instead turning to Dan for a better update of the situation. "She looked bad then?" I felt completely wracked with guilt at how I'd failed to assure her of how I felt.

"Whoa, whoa, hens stop your clucking," Marko interrupted just as Dan had been about to speak. "I'm only here to find out if the Cage gossip is true. So, Monster, are you back in the game?" When I nodded gravely, he gave a crow of delight and pumped his fist once in the air. "Finally, some serious action's about to go down! You're lucky Stronghold, I was just about to cut all associations with you. I mean, how could I be expected to hang out with you if you suddenly became a talentless nobody?"

Comically enough, this was actually a real compliment coming from Marko. One disguised in many layers of irony, cynicism and purposeful rudeness, but a nice sentiment nonetheless. When he clapped my back and ran off, eagerly muttering something about _making bank_ during the next fights, I sighed and couldn't help but lift a corner of my lip in amusement.

"I wonder if he realizes he complimented you," Dan noted with a laugh. "What did he say? If you _suddenly_ became a talentless nobody?" he repeated. "Which is to say, what he actually means is that he thinks you're a talented somebody."

"I'm definitely feeling the love," I nodded with mock seriousness. "It's gonna' suck when I have to break his heart and tell him I'm essentially taken."

"Ouch, that's cold," he snickered. After a pause though, his face grew serious. "Now that he's gone though, seriously, what happened?"

"I fucked everything up," I said simply, kicking my shoe at the gravely stones around me. And then, after heavily editing out exactly what kind of kiss we'd shared, I told Dan what had happened.

Though few would believe it, Dan was one of the few guys I knew who didn't shy away from the awkward subject of relationships. He took love as seriously as he took his art; and seeing how even the slightest doodle that came from his fingertips was always akin to a masterpiece, that spoke volumes of how he viewed the topic.

"So? What do I do?" I asked. "How do I change the way I feel about someone who's not even alive?"

Dan thoughtfully tapped his chin. We'd both just slid down the wall behind us, and were sitting in the empty hallway with our feet extended. Seeming to get his thoughts together, Dan popped his knuckles and rolled his head.

"M'kay, time for _thee_ Dr. Dan, love guru extraordinaire, to strike yet again," he grinned, then cleared his throat. "Prepare to be wowed by my eerie insight."

"Go on then," I said. "Dazzle me."

"Okay, you asked for it," he said as he pulled in a breath. "I hate to break it to you this way, but I feel like after all this time, with you having to deal with so much guilt, you've begun to confuse love with remorse."

"Explain," I said, making a gesture for him to go on.

"You've spent a lot of time mourning Randi's death, thinking only about her, but that's the normal grief that comes with the death of a close friend. It's been especially worse for you since you feel directly responsible." He scratched his head. "But real love isn't based on guilt; it's based on something deeper. It's cataclysmic and changes your life, the very way you view things is altered."

"Randi did change me though," I protested. "Not a day goes by when–"

"And again I'm telling you, you're talking about guilt," he insisted. "When Randi's memory pops up in your mind, your first thought isn't; Oh, how I fucking _loved_ her, woe is me. Nah, you think; _Shit_ , I'm a horrible person, it's my fault she died, she was too young, she had so much to live for. Sage, if you did share a love for each other, I'd say it was based more on comradery and friendship. Perhaps it could've bloomed into something greater, but–" He paused, and then studied me curiously. "I mean, you never told her you loved her did you? Realistically, did you ever even have the urge?"

I didn't answer, couldn't; I was reeling with the volley of new information Dan had thrown at me. There was a lot to consider. It did, however, strike a nerve when I considered his final question. With Ally, I'd just barely managed not to say those three very important words, but with Randi…

"Continue," I said eventually.

"Real love, it's a permanent commitment that has the ability to stay with you throughout your entire life, regardless of the good times or bad. Look at the clues man, even when everything turns to shit, you always go to Ally. You can't stay away." He grinned triumphantly, as if he knew there was nothing I could say to deny his words. "You once told me Randi made you feel reckless, like you'd just had a shot of adrenaline, but with Ally, you said she made you feel grounded, present, _whole_. You want to be with her, and not just in a lusty _hey-there-babe_ kind of way."

He chuckled when he saw me nodding. I froze, then tried to maintain my look of nonchalance.

"Not that I'm saying Ally isn't attractive, I mean, she's quite the catch." At my glare, Dan smacked his knee and laughed. "Just telling it like it is. Think about it though, more than the looks, what fascinates you most about Ally?" When I didn't reply, he supplied his own answer. "Her freaking _mind_. More than anything, you never shut up about how smart and clever and oh-so-better-than-the-rest Ally is." He mimicked my voice. "She's so intellectual. I've never met anyone this gifted before. Just the other day, she told me–"

"I get it, I get it," I chuffed indignantly. "I talked about Randi too though, back when we were sort of together."

"Never said you didn't, but those times you were more like," he again tried to copy my voice. "Randi is so brave and daring, _dude_ , and she's so beautiful. Also, she's a great fighter, did you know she knocked me on my ass once? Oh, and she's like, thee best shooter ever." Dan gave me a pointed look. "You just described a bro."

"You have a point," I said after a long moment of thought. "Though, I don't recall ever calling you, Finn, or any of the guys beautiful."

"Well you should," Dan said in a comically indignant voice. He whipped his head. "I'm fucking gorgeous."

I laughed, but then sighed wearily as I rubbed my forehead. "I don't know man, this is a lot to process."

"Yeah, I definitely don't envy you," he nodded. "Just riddle me this though; say Randi had never died, that you'd never been shackled with that guilt, that you were completely and utterly free of any kind of problems, even the ones including Banks–"

"This is all _very_ hypothetical," I noted wryly.

"How do you think you'd have reacted upon meeting Ally?" Dan finished, unbothered by my interruption. "Be honest, if not with me, then with yourself. Would you have been indifferent? Or…" He let his question trail off, but I knew what he'd meant to say with that silence. "Just some food for thought."

I nodded, knowing that this very question would keep me awake for various nights to come.

"Ah, Danny boy, where would I be without you?" I chuckled after a lapse of stillness between us. "On a different note, I did have something I wanted to ask of you."

"Shoot."

"Do you remember back when we pulled that prank on Finn?" I asked, suddenly filled with a renewed energy. "When we dropped the tiniest amount of truth serum into the flask he always has in his jacket, and then he kept blurting out every single thing he was thinking?"

"Oh! Hell yeah, that was hilarious." Dan immediately began to grin.

Before I'd really begun to have drinking problems, I'd occupied my free time in a very professional manner; i.e. trying to out-prank the king of mischief himself, Finn. After he'd successfully managed to sneak hair dye into a shampoo bottle of mine, I'd figured vengeance was in order.

Sneaking back into the candor sector of the city one night, Dan and I had gone to his dad's apartment –knowing he wouldn't be there due to his usual work schedule– and had taken one of the various bottles of truth serum from his medicine cabinet; it was something candor officials normally had at hand. The tiny bottle had been sealed shut, never before used, and we figured he wouldn't miss it.

"We didn't use all of the serum, right?" I asked hopefully. "You still have the bottle?"

"Yeah, I have it." Dan frowned a little. "This doesn't seem like the time to be pranking anyone though."

"It's not for a game or trick, I need it for serious matters," I said firmly. "This is all going to be over soon. I finally have a plan."

As Dan cocked his head and studied my words, expressions, and body language, I could see that though he was still slightly dubious, he wasn't about to deny me.

"You'll have it by the end of the day."

And that I did. With that bottle in hand, I could finally visualize myself free, completely liberated from Banks' many threats. Maybe it was the fact that I'd stopped spending all of my time wallowing over Randi's death, or that Ally had influenced me into thinking as she did, perhaps both; nonetheless, I found myself clearheaded and with a goal.

As Ally had once said; to fix a problem, you had to find the source, though it might not be obvious at first sight. Then, once you had that down, you simply had to take it step by step. At first glance, my problem and the general root of all evil was Banks.

Though I wanted nothing more than to beat him senseless, killing him was not the answer. He was threatening my family and friends with assassins I didn't know and might never find. If he didn't have that leverage though, there would be nothing to get in my way.

 _The real problem isn't always obvious_ ; Ally's voice seemed to remind me, and she was right. I'd been going about things all wrong. Because the more I'd thought about it, the more I'd come to realize Banks' wasn't the main looming threat. If it came to a fight between us, tooth and nail, no holding back, I had no doubt I'd walk away as the winner. _The problem is his spies_ ; and that's where the truth serum would come into play.

As I let the final days of initiation pass by, I watched and carefully made a note of Banks' every move; learning much from even the tiniest glimpses. While my overall conditioning grew as I won fight after fight back at the Cage, Banks' whole frigid presence seemed to slowly diminish; as if he were a druggie that were going through horrible withdrawal symptoms. That couldn't be the case though, because as I looked on, I saw that the crook of his arm continued to sport the fresh signs of repeated injections; he wasn't cutting back, if anything, he seemed to be upping the dose.

As Ally had asked of me, I'd also kept my distance from her; not because I wanted to, but because I knew it was what she needed. Whenever our gazes met, be it hallway or through a crowd of people, my eyes would ask; _are you done thinking? Can you give me a chance?_ While hers would reply; _no,_ _not yet. Stay away._

Her world was ruled by logic and facts, by common knowledge, by unwritten decrees; however, love didn't abide by any of those guidelines. _Love_ ; I'd finally come to know what her final fear represented, what she thought when she saw me. Truthfully, I also knew that if somehow my own simulations were to actually work, she'd probably also show up as a fear of my own. Still raw and unpolished, our shared feelings couldn't grow into more than would-be potential, not until I'd accomplished my goals and she'd sorted her inner thoughts.

With Initiation Day around the corner, the dauntless compound was currently in a state of complete havoc. As I continued towards the Cage, I caught hints of conversation; most of it having to do with either the betting on the initiate's final ranks, or the opponent I'd be facing this night during the Lockdown. It was someone completely new that had been sponsored into the fight rather than voted; their sponsor, oddly enough, was also a mystery, as they hadn't done it publicly. The fighter's name had simply been added to the ballot.

"Heard this Lockdown is going to be legendary. A real show! Prepare for utter carnage–"

"–paid big bucks to get him in at the last moment. Some say the secret sponsor is one of the dauntless leaders. All rumors though."

"The Monster will be up against a mystery contender, a deadly one. They call him–"

"–say his opponent has a trick up his sleeve. One even The Monster won't be able to defend against."

I sighed, unable to muster up any kind of excitement or nervousness. How many times had I already heard such gossip? I'd honestly lost count. So many Lockdowns, yet here I stood, yet to lose a single battle. This wouldn't be any different. As the stands filled with viewers, I sat on the bench with the rest of the fighters and passively tossed off my shirt, then began to wrap up my knuckles with tape.

In the stands, I could just make out a few familiar faces. Marko was running up and down stairs, and winding his way around the Cage ring, collecting bets and taking tickets. A worried looking Grace sat beside Dan, who also seemed less than amused to see me back here, though he tried to give me an encouraging smile when he spotted me. On the next row, just under them, were Finn, Biff, Jude, and –was that Wayne? Yes, it was him, along with Iris and some of the other initiates. Strange, while anyone was allowed into regular Cage fights, usually Lockdowns were for members only. They'd have needed someone important to vouch for them to be let in.

"Guys and gals, welcome to the Lockdown!" Jax thundered at the audience when the time came to start the fights. "Tonight you're all in for a real treat! After counting up your votes, it has been unanimously decided that the first fight of the night will be between Sage the Monster Stronghold–"

The crowd roared at the mention of my name, but I simply stood and unhurriedly made my way towards the Cage. Once I was on the matt, I bounced a little on my toes and stretched my arms. Wait, who was that person on the opposite side of the Cage? They were outside the actual ring, but pressed close to the chain links, as if they were trying to get in. I squinted, turning away from Jax to try and see who it was.

"–and our mystery fighter, simply registered into the ballot as _Ira_!" Jax paused, but then seemed to judge that the title was too simple, because a second later he added on a whim. "Ira the _Deathly_!"

It was Banks. I frowned, a shiver going up and down my spine as I took in his appearance. As if pulled by invisible strings, I began to make my way to where he stood. His brow was beaded with sweat, and his hands were curled around the chain-links, as if he were trying to… what? Prevent himself from moving? Closer I drew, and I could see that his muscles were sporadically twitching, then relaxing, then straining once again. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Banks, what are you doing here?" I asked under my breath when I was close enough to him.

" _N-no_ ," he tried to say before his mouth snapped shut. I could see the muscles along his neck tense. It was taking him a great effort to speak again. "Know… _know all_." His pupils were sporadically dilating and constricting, and to my surprise, I realized that his face was contorted with obvious pain.

Before I could ask more, I heard the crowd suddenly gasp, then immediately break out in a chorus of cheers. The other fighter was coming into the ring. I spared a glance behind my shoulder quickly, and noted with a frown that though they wore an oddly hooded trench coat to disguise their appearance, it was clear my opponent was small, thin, and… female? Though there weren't any actual rules when it came to a Lockdown, usually such unbalanced pairings like this weren't endorsed.

I turned to look back at Banks, but saw that he was gone. I ran my eyes along the outside of the ring, and eventually thought I saw him heading towards the seats that were located close to the Cage entrance. With a frown, I turned to inspect my opponent once more. The figure was swaying drunkenly, and seemed to be clutching at her head. Cautiously, I took a step forward, trying to see her face past the shadow created by her hood.

 _No, it can't be... Ally?_

As the door to the Cage was chained shut with lock and key, by the notorious Banks himself, a legion of things seemed to click into place. The mystery fighter was none other than the girl I loved. Her anonymous sponsor had been the man whom I hated most in this world. And the title he'd used to register her into this fight, Ira, was Latin for the word _rage_.

Through the crowd, I watched Banks give me a manic grin, his body still shaking with odd muscle spasms. Before he left, he raised his hand to show me that he'd taken the keys to the locks; no one, not even the strongest in the crowd, would be able to open the door or stop what was about to happen.

"And the weapons for this fight will be," Jax continued, though his voice sounded far off in the distance. "Metal pipes!"

I didn't hear the noise of the crowd, didn't even notice when Jax's helpers pushed the two pipes we'd be using through the small gaps of the chain linked walls, all I could concentrate on was the girl before me.

Jax hit the large metal bell next to him, and as the sound reverberated across the arena, I watched as Ally seemed to snap; succumbing to the RAGE serum that was surely pumping through her veins. As if in slow motion, I witness her face contort into the raw visage of fury. The remnants of her humanity slipping away; her infinite kindness was annihilated as the horrible need to kill took complete control of her body. The last thing she said before she launched herself at me was but a single strangled promise.

"I will _kill_ you…"


	48. Epilogue

Epilogue: Iris' P.O.V.

 _I sit in my seat, mouth agape, heart thundering, as I see who Sage's mystery opponent –Ira the Deathly– truly is. Ally, there's no mistaking it; though her face is twisted into a rabid snarl, and her eyes appear wild with bloodlust, it's her._

 _How can it be? Less than an hour ago, we'd been talking about how after we finished initiation, she and I would be bunking together in a shared room. Before even that, we'd been discussing how fortunate we were that Sage had managed to train us before Banks had witnessed us going through a simulation; so far, we'd both managed to slide by undetected._

 _I can't help but wonder now, just where did things go wrong?_

 _For days Ally had been acting strange, more thoughtful and meditative than she normally was. I had worried. Since we both shared not only dauntless, but also erudite as a faction, I knew that overthinking things was a problem I commonly had, and so I figured it might to be something similar for her. After some prodding from me, she'd told me the reason why she was so out of sorts; it was love troubles, more specifically, Sage troubles that had her mind reeling._

 _Though it really didn't come as much of a surprise to me –I'd known for a while that Sage wasn't the only one battling what he felt– I had nodded and tried to appear surprised. Thank god Ally didn't come from candor, because I knew if it had been Sage who'd been telling me this, he would've seen past my facade of astonishment. He was irritatingly good at that; not a secret was safe from him if he truly set about finding answers._

" _So you see, I can never be with him."_

" _Hmm." I'd said with a raised brow. "Hey Ally, do you know why I liked you and wanted to be friends with you back when we first met?" She didn't answer, but I continued on. "Because even when I'd only known you for a few minutes, I could tell you were a fighter, someone who didn't give up on what they wanted. You used to be so fearless, even when the odds were stacked against you."_

" _Iris, why are you saying all this in past tense?" She'd asked with a frown. "I'm still that same girl inside."_

" _Could've fooled me," I'd lied, hoping my plan to get her to react would work. "I mean, it seems to me you must not really love Sage, not if you're willing to give him up because you're afraid of a little hard work. Think about it, nothing good ever came easy."_

" _Okay, I'll give you that," she'd eventually said with a huff. "But what if he doesn't feel the same way? All that stuff he said before could've just been said in the heat of the moment, or to spare my feelings."_

" _Jesus, Ally are you serious?" I'd said with a sharp laugh. "I've known him longer than you, so let me just tell you this, even at his complete and utter worst, Sage has never been able to lie convincingly to those he cares about." I'd grabbed her shoulder and given her a playful shake. "Come on, rev up that erudite brain of yours. He said he wanted to get over her, to be right for you, that he cared! What else do you want, a written contract?"_

" _But what if–"_

" _Can you magically turn off your amity, erudite, or dauntless traits?"_

" _Obviously I can't."_

" _Then what makes you think he'd be able to turn off his honesty? If you want to know something, ask him point blank, I guarantee you he'd answer with only the truth."_

 _As we'd sat, quietly sort of challenging each other, Jade and Vera had waltzed into the transfer-initiate dorm and given us their usual catty smirks. Shortly after, Mel and Shiloh had walked in, followed by a loud Wayne and Felix._

 _"I have a surprise!" Wayne had said in a singsong voice. "Bet you'll never guess what it is."_

 _"Talk," I'd said when I saw that he was waiting for an answer._

 _"Before I do, you must all swear a lifetime of servitude to me," he'd grinned mischievously._

 _"Hmm, yeah, or how about I decide not to tell your brother Jude how you and Felix snuck into the armory and swiped his tactical-vest so you'd be able to shoot each other with pellet guns?" I'd countered. "Or better yet, how about I decide not to tell Biff that you and Felix were the ones who accidentally scratched up that motorcycle he was repairing? Maybe I might even forget to tell Finn that–"_

 _"Damn Iris, what happened?" Felix had interjected with a playful frowned. "You used to be cool."_

 _"Fine, fine," Wayne had said, still grinning. He'd known I wouldn't really turn him in. Reaching into his back pocket, he'd fished out a wad of tickets. "Someone, I don't know who, left an envelope of these in the dauntless-born dormitory!"_

 _"We counted, and there's just enough for all of us initiates to be able to get into the Cage stadium," Felix had added. "Sweet, huh? Someone important must've bought them, since normally only members are allowed into Lockdown fights."_

 _After they'd handed out the little slips, they'd rushed out to get ready. Before leaving though, Ally had frowned with worry when they mentioned that Sage would be fighting._

 _"You know what, you're right Iris," she'd suddenly whispered fiercely. "I'm going to fight for what I want, for the future I could have, for what makes me happy."_

 _"Knew you'd see the light eventually," I'd whispered back conspiratorially. "What are you going to do?"_

 _"First of all, I'm going to stop Sage from fighting. I can't let him get hurt. His pain is my pain. Second, I'll tell him I want to give this thing between us a shot," her eyes had shined with determination. "Even when I lived in amity, I never really felt at peace, never thought of it as a true home. When I'm with him though…"_

 _She'd trailed off, but as she'd run out of the room, I'd known what she meant. Sage was not only her peace, he'd become much more. Because in reality, a home was more than four walls, it was the place where you undoubtedly knew you belonged._

 _When Ally hadn't shown up minutes later, I'd figured it was because she and Sage were having a heart to heart conversation. I hadn't worried, and deciding not to waste a perfectly good ticket, I'd made my way to the Cage. I'd known something was wrong though, when lo and behold; Sage had been nonchalantly waiting for his battle to begin._

 _Now, as I watch in horror, I can't even begin to wrap my head around what's going on._

 _As Ally rips off her coat and lunges for the pipe near her foot, I see Sage blink in utter bewilderment. His own weapon, though close, remains untouched. His expression seems more than lost; it's vulnerable, like a little boy who's just seen his family slaughtered before his very eyes._

 _"What the hell?" I barely hear Dan's voice above the crowd. "Is that Ally?"_

 _"Oh god, it is," Grace responds. She looks at us initiates, as if waiting for us to explain Ally's actions, but when we remain silent, she turns back to Dan. "Why is she attacking him?"_

 _In the ring, Ally takes her pipe and swings it at Sage with all the force she has. He doesn't move away, or even try to block her, instead taking the hit right in the ribs. She lets out a chilling snarl, and the crowd goes wild. They've never seen Sage, a fighter justly titled as Monster, stand idly by as his opponent continues to strike him._

 _While a growing sense of foreboding fills my chest, everyone else seems to only relish the gore. To them, this is all just a fantastic show._

 _"We have to stop the fight," I hear Dan tell Grace, and in a flash they're both up and out of their seats. The place is too crowded though, and they have to shove past various hordes of people to get to Jax's podium._

 _Rather than follow them, I start down the steps, towards the actual Cage. When I reach for the door though, I realize that the chains have multiple padlocks._

 _"Ally, stop!" I scream, though my voice is swallowed by the crowd. "Sage, damn it, don't just stand there!"_

 _When Ally raises her pipe, aiming it at Sage's head rather than his torso, he finally seems to snap out of his stupor. With a deft move, he knocks the weapon out of her grasp and then takes both of her wrists in one of his hands. He takes his other free hand and gently seems to be cupping her cheek. The crowd is confused now, cheers and muttering mixing at the odd scene before them._

 _"Stop– believe that– fight it-" I can only hear bits and pieces of what Sage is saying, but none of it makes much sense either. "Serum– not real– rage-" What is he talking about?_

 _Suddenly, Ally manages to free herself as she shoots her head forward and smacks it into Sage's nose. He lets go, and she lunges at him, her fingernails tearing at his exposed chest, his arms, his face. Even from where I stand, I can see welts begin to show up where she has raked her fingers._

 _Still, though completely exposed and paying for every strike, Sage refuses to touch her with any kind of anger or violence. When she punches his jaw, he doesn't even seem to feel it as he rebounds back; trying instead to raise his hands to her face, wanting her to look him in the eyes. He's mouthing something, but I can't make it out._

 _She slaps his hands away, and in a tricky move, manages to entangle his feet so that when he tries to step back, he ultimately falls to the ground. Like a vicious animal whose about to finish off her prey, she pounces, trying to wrap her hands around his neck to choke the life out of him._

 _"Something's wrong!" I suddenly hear Jade's voice next to me. She must've come up behind me when I wasn't looking. "Someone stop the fight!"_

 _But she isn't heard, and as I look to where Dan and Grace have finally made it to Jax's podium, I can tell they aren't having any luck either. A gasp sounds throughout the crowd, and all at once, no one is cheering. There is only the sound of alarmed and confounded prattling._

 _When I turn back, Sage is sitting on the ground, holding Ally tightly to his chest; somehow he must've been able to pry her off. He rocks her, mumbling more soothing words into her ear. His face looks determined. Even when she manages to turn and bite his arm, he still doesn't let go. It's only when she screams bloody murder, startling him, that she manages to squirm out. Picking up her pipe again, she strikes him across the back._

 _The chatter around me is turning into indignance on Sage's behalf, and also outrage in some cases. The dauntless love a good bloodbath, so long as it's a real show of skill versus skill; this, a fight where only one person does all the attacking, well, this is far from that._

 _Sage stands then, looking bloody and bruised, and when Ally is close enough, he again pulls her into a tight embrace; a gesture which seems inappropriately kind and gentle for what we've just been witnessing._

" _Come back to me." I can just barely hear him say; his voice, though low, burns with raw emotion. "Fight it, Ally. Come back!"_

 _For an instant, Ally seems to relax, her breaths coming at a regular tempo. Sage lets go, delving his fingers into her hair as he tries again to make her look at him. His face, it's full of unabashed hope; though physically beaten, he still remains strong within. But just as her relative peace comes, it also leaves._

" _She has a knife!"_

 _Before anyone is able to even register those words, Ally has reached behind her back and pulled out a wicked looking switch blade. With a flick, the whole place seems to go stark silent as the knife glints; winking at the crowd as the light from the stadium rafters hits its metallic surface. One moment it's there, a wicked curve that resembles a sinister smile, the next, it disappears as Ally impales it deep into Sage's chest… just where his heart resides._

 _The remains of innocent optimism drain from Sage's face, just as his blood begins to spurt from the wound, in time to the beating of his hectic pulse. He collapses to his knees, but not before Ally pulls the knife out a little, twists it, then shoves it back in with greater force. Her eyes gleam with a look of frenzied ecstasy. Reaching a feeble hand out, Sage tries to take Ally's hand in his just as he falls backwards. His head cracks sharply as it hits the ground, and somehow, the sound seems to fill the whole arena._

 _The only rule of a Lockdown? No guns or knives, because though violence isn't frowned upon here, the purposeful execution of a fellow dauntless member isn't acceptable either. Suddenly, the whole place erupts into chaos; dauntless officials will be swarming into this place soon._

 _Most are running out of the stadium, because as is the rule, if someone does die in a Lockdown –which is illegal in and of its self, due to all the high stakes bets– the rule is to make yourself scarce. You didn't hear anything, you didn't see anything, and you don't know anything._

 _Out of the mass of harried bodies, I see Dan and Grace charging towards the Cage; their faces white with shock and horror. To my left, I hear a couple of people cry out, and when I turn I see that Biff is literally tossing bodies through the air._

" _Out of the way!" He bellows, and as he charges forward, I see Finn and Jude behind him, also throwing punches to get people to move._

" _The door is locked!" I tell all of them when they're close enough to hear me. "The chains have locks, and only Jax has the key!"_

" _He gave us the slip when everything burst into chaos," Grace says, her voice sounding wobbly._

" _We have to find him," Dan snarls just as Marko rushes up, a fist around Jax's collar._

" _I have him," Marko says as he shoves him forward. "Open the door!"_

" _I don't have the key," Jax stutters. "I swear!"_

 _Suddenly, a piercing shriek comes from the Cage, and as we all turn, I see that Ally is scrambling away from Sage's body. She looks at her hands, slick with blood, then at the knife that is still poking up from Sage's shuddering chest._

" _No, no, no!" She cries. Then, as if suddenly realizing where that blood came from, she lurches up and rushes back to him. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean–"_

" _Get away from him!" Dan roars, and in his voice, I hear something I never thought I would; bone-chilling menace._

" _Who has the key?" Grace demands, suddenly turning on Jax. When he can only shake his head, she whips up a hand and slaps him. "Who?"_

" _I don't know! My assistants are the ones who always lock up the chains," he raises his hands helplessly. "And the spares aren't in my pocket! Someone stole them!"_

" _He's not lying," Jade says when Marko gives Jax a cruel shake, then motions for Grace to smack him again. "Stop, let him go."_

" _How will we get in then?" Dan demands. Momentarily, he eyes Biff._

" _Can't bend those bars, man," Biff says somberly when he realizes Dan is staring at him. "I used to fight in there, and trust me, if it was possible to break those down, I'd have done it already. They're heavily reinforced and cemented into the ground."_

 _Suddenly, I have an idea._

 _"Wayne, Felix!" I call out when I see that they're standing just behind Jude. Their eyes are wide, and I know that they, like me, can't believe what they've just seen; Ally made friends easily, not just with me, but with everyone. When they rush over, I reach a hand into my hair and pull out two bobby pins. "Just like the tactical-vests."_

 _They immediately understand, and in the blink of an eye, they're working hard to pick the lock open. Inside the arena though, I suddenly see that Ally's body is beginning to spasm again. Her eyes, which had begun to look sane once more, are getting that bloodlust look about them. No, she couldn't be preparing to attack him again, not–_

 _"Let me out!" Ally suddenly screams as she wheels around to face us. "Open this door! I-I'm –" But her words cut off as her fingers start to curl._

 _Wayne's fingers slip as he tries to jimmy the lock, and Felix doesn't do any better when he tries to take over. We can't get in. Out of the corner of my eye, I see that Marko has suddenly turned tail and run out of the arena._

 _"Marko!" Grace gasps. "I thought you'd changed! You coward, come back!"_

 _Before I'm able to reflect on the fact that apparently, Marko has already been known to ditch when signs of danger are evident, when I see Dan, Finn, Biff, and Jude nod at each other. With a bellow, they all try to ram their bodies into the door. When they merely bounce off, I and the other initiates who are still around join them. Though the gesture is futile, none of us relent._

 _Inside the Cage, Ally is lifting her lip into a snarl, eyeing Sage's body with a voracious look of assassination._

 _"Move aside fuckwits," a voice suddenly calls out behind us. It's Marko; he's running back, a pistol gripped tightly in his hand._

 _Just as we all part out of the way, Marko raises his gun, takes aim, and pulls the trigger twice. The lock blows off, and before the ringing of the shot has even faded, we've all poured into the Cage arena. Perfect timing, because before our very eyes, Ally had already been preparing to lunge at Sage's body once more._

 _Dan, his face twisted into a mask of fury, looks like he's actually considering making a jab at Ally. No, not considering. I realize too late that his fists are balled and he's eyeing her the way seasoned fighters do; finding each and every weakness to exploit. Before he can act on his impulses though, Grace skirts past him and manages to tackle Ally to the ground; not in a cruel way, but clearly just so she won't continue her assault. I join her, holding onto Ally's legs when she tries to kick and squirm._

 _Sage's body, once convulsing, has suddenly gone limp. It's this that immediately takes all attention away from Ally._

 _"We've got to get him to the hospital!" Dan says, and then in a voice filled with authority, he gestures for the other to help._

" _Don't lift him completely," Grace warns as she tries to keep Ally still. "Keep the wound above the level of his heart, and don't take the knife out, it'll only increase the bleeding."_

 _Taking Sage's right shoulder, Dan quickly arranges the others so that Finn is holding onto Sage's left shoulder, Biff his right leg, and Jude his left leg; tilting his body so that his head is slightly lower than his feet. Once they're gone, Marko switches with Grace so that he's holding onto Ally._

 _Pausing for only an instant to whisper something into Marko's ear, Grace swivels and then sprints after the group. All the while, Ally continues to snarl and spit, not just at Marko and me, but at everyone._

" _The authorities will be here soon," Marko warns as he begins to stand and drag Ally behind him. "If you're smart, you'll all make yourself scarce. If you're caught though, remember, you know nothing about these supposed Lockdown fights."_

 _With a nod, most of initiates follow his orders and hightail it out of the room. That is, except for Jade, Vera, Wayne, and Felix. I hear them when they say they're heading to the hospital. I want to follow, to see how Sage is doing for myself, but I can't leave Ally. Instead, Marko and I manage to drag her out of the Cage stadium, and into a different hallway. She's still wild with some kind of inexplicable anger, but as we pass by the chasm, something within her seems to shift._

" _Sage," she says in a slurred voice. "S-Sage. Where?"_

" _Shut it," Marko snaps, and it's then that I realize that he –like Dan– is only just restraining himself from doing anything to her. "You're lucky Grace used to be an amity tree-hugger, and somehow feels like she has to stick up for you."_

" _Sage, wh-where is he?" Ally tries to demand again._

" _The hospital," I tell her, and as soon as those words sink in, I can see the haze in her eyes clear._

" _Let me go, I have to see him!"_

" _Why? To make sure you finished him off?" Marko sneers. "Trust me sweets, I saw the wound. He's not going to make it."_

 _Trying to fight is useless, because for every maneuver Ally attempts, Marko simply counters it. Unlike Sage, unlike even a livid Dan, Marko seems to have no qualms about roughing up a girl. I suspect it's only Grace's previous plea that keeps him in check. After witnessing Ally's previous rage, I almost hesitate to stop him myself. There's so much going on, I can't understand any of it._

" _Fine don't let me go," Ally eventually spits out. She turns to me, eyes pleading. "Iris, please, go to the clinic and tell me how he is! I need to know!"_

 _With a quick nod, I begin to leave, but not before giving Marko a warning of my own. "No beating up my friend, got it?"_

 _When he nods somberly, I'm almost surprised to realize that I truly believe him. While at a glance, he'd always come off as sly and underhanded to me, I realize now that it was probably all an act. Sage, always so frustratingly patient with him, must've seen that, must've known his true character._

 _Lungs burning, heart thundering, I nearly collide face-first into the crowd of initiates and other dauntless that are clustered outside of the emergency room Sage is in. The only two people who are absent are Dan and Grace; probably they're right there, in the operating room._

 _At first, I think they're all waiting for some kind of update, but as I look from face to face, a cold feeling begins to knot up in my stomach. They all look defeated, no, more than that. They all look completely and utterly grief-stricken. Seconds turn to minutes, and still no one says anything. It's not until Banks comes around a corner that the stillness is broken._

 _A bellow, dripping with loss and an almost primitive agony, echoes from the ER. It's Dan, I know it. Shortly after, I hear a clattering of metallic instruments hitting the floor, the walls. Glass is shattering inside the room, and in seconds, the medical staff exits in a rush; they're unwilling to stay in there with Dan rampaging through the suite. The doctor, Sam, gives us a defeated shake of his head, and then we all know._

 _Sage is dead._

" _Don't you fucking do this to me! You bastard, you said you'd live!" I hear Dan half sobbing-half snarling. "You promised! Get up, get up now!"_

 _Even through the doors, his tortured and anguished pain seems to leach out of the room; infusing all of us with its potent reach. When Banks makes his way into the room, causing Dan to savagely cuss him out, we all seem to disperse into the farther recesses of the hallway. This is too much to handle._

 _My curiosity burns though, and before I know it, my feet are taking me back. To my surprise, there isn't any more shouting coming from the room. Instead, I hear harshly uttered whispers._

"– _I'd do anything," I hear Dan say, though it's mostly muffled._

" _Not an easy thing, you'd have to–" Banks responds in an equally hurried tone._

 _I try to press my ear to the door, but I can't decipher enough. It's quiet, but as time slips by, I finally hear something. An odd thump, Dan gasping, the sound of the electric paddles coming to life, Banks telling Dan to clear the table. Zap, zap, the sound of a monitor that announces that Sage's heart is still unmoving._

" _Again, damn you, try again!" Dan snarls._

 _Again, the sound of the electric paddles charging up. Zap, Zap, no heart-beat, zap, zap, no heart-beat; only the steady whine of the electro-cardio machine._

 _Just when I begin to lose count of how many times Banks has attempted to restart Sage's heart, just when I'm about to burst in and tell them to respect his dead body and give it a rest, I hear it._

 _Blip… pause… Blip._

 _Another pause, and after a few seconds, the blips begin to come more frequently, weak, but undoubtedly there._

 _Instinct and shock cause me to lumber back into a hallway, hiding just as Banks exits the room. He looks haggard, wearily exhausted, but also glowing with unabashed pride. Narrowing my eyes, I just barely manage to keep myself still. I let him go, not following, because I have to see with my own eyes that Sage is truly alive._

 _I've only just begun to nudge the door open, when Dan is right in front of me. His fist immediately wraps around the neck of my shirt, and for an instant, I think he's about to punch me. With a blink though, he seems to realize I'm not who he thought I was and drops his hand._

" _Dan?" Is all I manage to say, but he doesn't answer._

 _Craning my head, I can't see Sage's actual body, but I do see the monitor he's connected to. The green line of his heart is low, but beating steadily. Then, I see something else. There's a strange syringe in Dan's hand. It's empty, but as I squint my eyes, I can just make out the silver residue that remains inside._

" _What?" I utter as I again try to piece together what has happened. "What did you do?"_

 _It's deathly silent as Dan seems to look, not at me, but through me. Though his body is here, his mind is far from reach. As if in another realm that only his thoughts have a passage to._

" _Danny, what did you do?" I repeat, panic filling me as I search his face but find none of his familiar expressions. He opens his mouth, shuts it, then after a beat utters a single chilling phrase._

" _I just made a deal with the devil."_


	49. End

End of _**Rampant: A Divergent FanFiction (Book Two)**_

To be continued in _**Inextricable: A Divergent FanFiction (Book Three)**_


End file.
